DISCLAIMER: Invader Zim, the show the merchandise or the charactors, do NOT belong to me. I may wish that I had the brain power to come up with such awesome charactors, but I don't. So yeah.... They all belong to someone else.... Don't know who, but I assure you it's not me. So yeah.... Enjoy the fic!
I'm drowning . . . . There's water all around me.
But I'm not afraid.
In fact, I welcome the water. Suddenly I don't feel like I'm drowning . . . . I feel . . . I feel . . . .
I feel at home.
I can see a girl in the distance . . . . She seems to be struggling . . . .
If only she'd let go of all her worries . . . . She could be at home as well.
Slowly I float towards her
As I get close, her short but flowing hair surounds my face. I turn her around to see her face, but all the hair is in the way.
I start to swipe at it. Then she screams. It rings in my ears, a loud peircing scream that sounds like . . . It sounds like . . .
An alarm.
I woke slowly from this dream. I'd been having it on and off for almost a month and a half. I turned to my side.
Zara was already up. She always is. I don't know how, she doesn't use the alarm clock, but she always manages to get up before me.
I hit the alarm.
I got out of bed slowly. I can't remember how long Zara has been living with us . . . . And I can barely remember why she started sleeping with me . . . . . I think it started because we wanted to talk one night and she fell asleep there in my bed . . . I guess it just became a habit. But I do know that after we got a pull out for her, I just couldn't fall asleep without her beside me . . . . I like to talk to her at night . . . And to feel her beside me . . .
Not that I had any real romantic feelings for her . . . I didn't. I just liked the company. The fold out doesn't fit in my room . . . .
Yeah . . . Thats the reason she still sleeps with me . . . .
Having confirmed this, I headed for the bathroom to wash up. I took a quick shower, dressed in my usual garb, and headed down the stairs.
As soon as I entered the kitchen, Zara turned around with a plate in her hand. She smiled.
"Good-morning Dib." was all she said before setting breakfast on the table.
I never knew how she could have breakfast ready for me when I walk in . . . . But somehow she always did.
We ate quickly then headed out the door and off to skool.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The first half of the day went fairly well and before I knew it, lunch was starting.
I sat at the table I always do. The only people on it were me, Gaz, Zim, and Zara. Gaz pounded away at her gameslave with one hand while shoving food into her mouth with the other. Zim picked slowly at his food, and Zara and I ate at a fairly normal pace while I jabbered away about my next investigation.
I had been planning to take a little camping trip into the woods where I thought I'd seen bigfoot. Zara offered to go with, and so we were in the final stages of planning.
When she finished eating, Zara excused herself saying she needed to use the bathroom. I finished eating just a few moments later, and decided to wait for Zara out on the grounds. Thats what we called the area where people hung out after lunch, but before the bell sounded.
I wandered about the grounds for a bit. No one really looked at me. I knew I was an outcast, and frankly didn't care too much. I mean . . . who needed friends like those I'd seen around? Zara had said it often enough. Most people are shallow.
But still I sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a lot of friends . . . . Even if they weren't all too sincere.
Consumed in my own thoughts, I'd barely noticed Jeremy and his little gang of friends aproach me. His friends consisted of Chris, Jake, and Steve. I didn't like them that much. They were the kind of guys that would insult and beat up guys like me.
I didn't really want to know what they wanted, so I started in the other direction, hoping that they would pass me by.
But they didn't.
"Hey Dib!" I heard Jeremy call out. I turned to face him. Might as well take this like a man . . . to some degree anyways.
"What do you want Jeremy?"
"I wanna know why you still haven't found a girlfriend! Whats wrong? Are you really aware of how much of a loser you are?" he snickered.
"Or maybe he's really gay!" Chris shouted.
They all laughed. I didn't say a word.
Jeremy stopped laughing and looked at me again. "So which is it?" he asked.
"I'm not gay." If nothing else, I might as well state the truth.
"So you have a crush then?" Jeremy asked.
"Well no . . ." I admited.
"So he is gay" Chris said.
"I'm not gay!" I insisted.
"Then why no crush?" Chris asked.
"Yeah," Jake put in. "All straight guys have crushes!" The others nodded in agreement. I wasn't sure what to say.
"I-I just don't want to tell . . ." was all I could muster.
They laughed. God I hated them.
Jeremy put his arm on my shoulder. He was at least a good foot taller than me. "Look Dib," he started, "you gotta be a man. I want to see you walk up to your crush, whether it be male or female," The others snickered "and kiss her."
I just stared at him.
"Aww come on. Be a sport. How will you ever ask a girl out if you don't try? I always say that the best way to get a girl is to sweep her off her feet! Go for it man!"
"I umm . . . I don't really feel like it." I said quickly and tried to make my escape. But Jeremy cut me off.
"Well I guess what Chris said really is true. You're gay aren't you?"
"I'm not gay!"
"Then go kiss that girl of yours!"
I sighed. Somehow I knew that they wouldn't leave me alone until I had kissed someone.
"Will you leave me alone if I do?"
"Of course!" The others were snickering again.
What could I do?
"Fine . . ." I finally said.
"Great!" Jeremy shouted. He jabed my shoulder slightly, "Go get 'em!" Goodness he sounded like a coach or something. All his cronies just laughed.
I walked away from them. They didn't follow me, but I could feel their eyes on me. I surveyed the grounds.
Truth was, I really didn't have a crush. Most of the girls I was in contact with were not all too pleasing. Besides, if I tried to kiss one of them, they would no doubtedly send their boyfriend after me. Or worse, they'd beat me up themselves. I could admit it, I was a wuss. Even Zara had the upper hand on me. Although . . . Zara didn't always fight fair . . .
I tried to pick someone that I could kiss without atracting too much unwanted attention, but it elluded me. I just didn't want to kiss any of those girls. I thought about telling Jeremy that I couldn't find her . . . But I knew that wouldn't work for long. I just needed to find someone . . . .
Just then, I heard my name.
"Hey Dib!" It was Zara. I turned to the direction of her voice. She was running in my direction. 'Of course!' I thought. 'I could kiss Zara, and if she got upset, I'd just explain it to her later. Surely she wouldn't mind . . . .'
As she aproched me she said, "Hey why didn't you wait for me?"
I didn't hesitate any longer. Without a word I grabbed her in my arms and kissed her full on the mouth. I saw a look of surprise right before I closed my eyes. She was warm and after a bit leaned into me a little.
I flashed a glace at Jeremy and his gang. They just smirked. I wanted to prove to them I knew how to kiss a girl . . . . But more than that, I was curious.
I slipped my tounge into Zara's mouth. She didn't resist, but I could feel her body stiffen in my arms. I explored her mouth gently for a bit, then I backed away. I opened my eyes and looked at her.
She didn't look mad. Her eyes were closed and her lips were slightly parted. Her breath was shallow and quickened, her face slightly flushed. She looked taken away, but not mad.
She opened her eyes and looked at me. I couldn't tell what her lavender eyes were trying to say to me, but I felt it was important. I glanced at Jeremy again. The entire gang stood stone still with their mouths open.
In fact, as I looked around, I realized a lot of people were staring at me . I didn't know what to say.
Just then, the bell sounded.
The crowd was slow to break up, but eventually everyone did head back to class. I looked at Zara. I was still holding her, so I let go. She stared at me for a moment, seemed to start to say something, then ran off, as though the words had been stuck in her throught and she was embarrased by it.
I watched her go. For a first kiss, I guess it wasn't bad . . . .
What was I saying?!? I just kissed my best friend! How am I going to explain this to her later? The second bell sounded. Lost in thought, I had been late for class. I ran back as quickly as I could.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Despite the ocasional snicker or whisper in my direction, the rest of the school day went without event. Although Zara did keep to herself during final period instead of talking to me as she usually did.
When the final bell rang, releasing us all from the grip of the skool, the entire class made a mad rush for the doors. Zara was slow to get her things together, but I waited for her. After all, we usually walked together.
"So what were you reading final period?" I asked. Final period was our prep period, when you could do whatever you want, almost. You could study, or you could join a club, which would meet during that time. Most people just sat in the room and chatted.
"Just a book." was all that she said to me. I wasn't sure why, but her voice sounded odd to me.
She was silent the entire walk home, and for once, I couldn't come up with anything to say either.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
That evening was odd. While at skool, I didn't think much of Zara's silence. She was always real quiet at skool. But usually after we reached the confines of the house, she would chatter away at me, and sometimes Gaz too.
But this evening she was unusually quiet.
When we got home, she headed straight for our room and started on her homework. There was nothing wrong with that, parsay, it was just that she hadn't said anything to me. I followed her up and did mine as well. We sat in that room for almost two hours without a word passing between us.
How could one little kiss do that?
When she finished her homework, she finally said something.
"What do you want for dinner?"
I was just a question, the same thing she asked me every night. But at least it was something.
"Whatever you want. I'm not that picky tonight."
She nodded and left the room. After I finished my own homework, I went down to the kitchen to see if she wanted any help.
I never knew fully why she always made dinner. She said it was because she liked to cook. Not that me or Gaz could cook, and Dad wasn't home enough to cook. But before we just always ordered pizza or something. A homecooked meal just wasn't part of our lives.
"So what are you making?" I finally asked her after watching her for a few minutes.
"Pork and rice."
"Do you need any help?"
"Whatever."
I aproched her. "What with?"
"You could cut the meat up if you'd like."
I grabbed a knife and the cutting board and started chopping at the meat like she had once shown me how to do. I liked to help her in the kitchen. It was interesting.
I suppose that dinner went normally. But without the usual chatter, it felt odd to me. It wasn't something that I could quite explain. It was just a feeling that I got.
After dinner, we played a few games. Gaz beat us horribly, but it was still kind of fun. For a few minutes, it seemed normal. Us three sitting there playing.
But after about an hour Zara left the living room. She said that she was tired and was going to get ready for sleep.
I played a few more games with Gaz, then headed to the bedroom myself. When I got there, Zara had already finished with her shower and was now sitting on the bed in a pair of boxers and a tank top, slowly brushing her wet hair.
She didn't look at me as I walked into the room. Her mind seemed proccupied. I was unsure if she even noticed me. So I spoke up.
"Hey," was all I could manage.
"Hey."
"You were pretty quiet tonight."
"Was I? I guess I was just thinking."
"Can I ask what about?" She set the brush down and looked at me.
"Lunch."
"Oh . . . ."
So she had been thinking about that kiss. I wasn't sure what to say next.
She rose from the bed and walked to the dresser, placing her brush on it. She stood there for a moment, lost in thought.
"Zara?" I wanted to know what she had been thinking about.
"Why did you kiss me Dib?"
She asked so suddenly, I was caught off guard. I still wasn't sure how I was going to explain it to her.
"Uh . . . ummm . . . Well Jeremy and his gang started to say stuff and umm . . . . They dared me to kiss someone and uh . . ." I glanced at her. I couldn't tell what the look she was giving me said, but I knew it wasn't good.
"You kissed me because someone dared you to?" Her voice was tight and controlled. It scared me.
She turned back to the dresser then. She stood like that for a while.
I wasn't sure what to say, so instead I quickly stripped my own clothes off and climbed into bed in my boxers. I set my glasses on the window sill as I usually did, then watched Zara through my blurred vision.
After a while she turned the lights off and climbed into the bed as well. As she lay there on her back, I stole a glance at her. Her eyes were still open and she was staring at the ceiling. We layed like that for a while, then I thought I saw a tear in her eye. That was when she turned over onto her side, facing away from me.
"Good-night Dib." she mumbled.
I stared at the back of her head for a while after that. It felt odd for her to be turned away from me. Usually she turned towords me, or sometimes slept on her back. But rarely did she sleep faced away from me.
I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come. Eventually it did, although it was a long time in coming. But when it did, I fell into a dreamless unconciousness, and didn't wake once that entire night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I awoke to the sound of the alarm clock. It took me a little bit to comprehend what was making that sound. I rose slowly and thought about the day. It was Friday and tonight Zara and I would be getting the things we needed for our little camping trip this weekend.
I showered quickly, dressed in my usual garb, then headed down to the kitchen. When I walked in, Zara was just setting breakfast on the table. It amazed me how she managed to do that every day.
We sat down to eat. I looked at her. She seemed to be avoiding my look. I had almost forgotten about the events from the day before.
While we ate in silence, Gaz wandered in to clean her bowl. She always ate cereal in the living room for breakfast. Zara had offered to cook for her before, and she always declined.
Just then Zara excused herself, mumbling something about forgeting her bag in the room. I watched her go. There was something about the way she moved this morning . . . .
"Does Zara seem sluggish to you this morning Gaz?" I asked my sister. I knew she was better at telling these kind of things than I was.
"She woke up a few times last night,"
"She did? How do you know? Did she tell you why?"
"No . . . I heard her fall off the bed a few times. I'm surprised you didn't hear it."
"Oh . . . . I guess that means she didn't sleep well, huh?"
"My you're swift."
I hated it when Gaz mocked me like that. I was going to say more to her, but Zara returned then and Gaz ran out the door.
"Ready?" Zara asked me. I nodded, and we headed out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The entire skool day seemed to pass by unusually quickly. No one really said anything to me all day. None of the teachers, not Zara, not even Jeremy or his cronies. All of lunch was spent standing next to Zara near the building, an uncomfortable silence between us.
I was begining to wish that I had never taken Jeremy up on that dare . . . .
After skool, we headed home. Once there, Zara again went straight to the bedroom. I knew she didn't have homework, so I followed her to see what she was going to do. After all, we were supposed to go shopping for the supplies we needed.
When I got to the room, I called out to her.
"Zara?"
No answer.
The door was shut, so I pushed it open.
"Zara? What are you doing?"
Still no answer.
As I stood in the doorway, I realized the reason for the lack of response. She was laying on the bed, listening to her headphones. I walked up beside her and stared down at her.
Her eyes were closed and she was mouthing the words to the music. She looked so upset. I couldn't tell why. Was it still that kiss that was bothering her?
I ran my hand through her hair. Just gently, almost unconciously.
Her eyes jolted open and she just stared at me.
I couldn't help but stare at her. I had been thinking about her in the back of my mind all day. I knew she didn't like herself all that much, but when I really thought about it, I thought she was kind of pretty.
I'd never tell her that though. She'd just laugh like I'd made a joke or something.
Slowly I bent down and kissed her on the cheek. I wasn't sure why, but I wanted to. I heard her wimper. I hadn't expected that.
I stood up again and she pulled the headphones off her head.
"Dib . . . ." she said, her voice hoarse and breathy.
"Yes?" I was whispering too, although I wasn't sure why.
"How do you really feel about me? You say it was just a dare, but was it?"
I shrugged. "I guess I never gave it much thought before . . . . But I think I really like you. How do you feel about me?"
"I don't know . . . . ."
I could tell this conversation wasn't going anywhere too fast. It was true, I never really did think of Zara as anything more than a friend before this. But now that it happened, I wanted her like that. I wasn't sure why, but I did.
I leaned in towards her again and kissed her gently on her neck. I could feel her body stiffen once more, but like before, she made no move to stop me.
"Would you ever go out with me Zara?" I whispered into her neck. I knew she could hear me.
"I don't know . . . . ." was all she said.
"Why not?" I asked, still nuzzling her neck.
"I'm not sure . . . ." She sounded close to tears. I backed away a little and looked into her eyes. They looked distant and were filled with tears. She wasn't the kind of person to cry that much. Why was this so upsetting to her?
"Mai-chan . . . ."
Her gaze fixed on me. Mai-chan was a name that I only called her ocasionally, and only when we were alone. Mai was her second name or something like that . . . Her mother used to call her by that name she once told me.
"Why don't you like me?" I asked her.
"I didn't say that . . . ."
"Then why won't you go out with me?"
"I didn't say that . . . ."
"Then whats wrong?"
"I . . . . I . . . . ."
She paused.
"Some people have more than one side . . . . They act different when you're intimate with them . . . . ." She finally said.
"Are you afraid that I'll change?"
"I didn't say that . . . ."
"Are you afraid that you'll change?"
She was silent. I knew I must have hit the nail on the head.
"There are things I feel inside me that I don't think you really want to see . . . . And if we started dating, I know you'd see them . . . ."
"But thats what dating is all about Zara."
"But they're not nice things . . . . ." her voice was fading.
"They can't be that bad . . ."
"I'm clingy"
"But I love you . . . ."
"What if you don't a year from now?"
"I'm not like that."
"I'll never leave you, you won't be able to get rid of me . . . ."
Did she really think I was that shallow?
"I don't want to get rid of you."
"But you will . . ."
Why did she always think so low of herself?
"No I won't."
I kissed her again. I wasn't sure why I wanted her so bad, but I decided to stop asking. Someone had once told me that love wasn't worth questioning. Now that I think of it, I think it was Zara who had said that . . . .
As usual, she didn't respond, but it didn't really matter to me. I didn't stop with that one kiss. I kept kissing her. After a bit, I realized that my hand was still running through her hair. I brought it down lower, tracing her jaw and neckline, down to her shirt. I followed the collor of her shirt, which was fairly low cut, until I felt the zipper that held it closed. I fingered that zipper for a little bit.
By this time she was starting to respond. Her body was no longer stiff and she had started to kiss back. Slowly she ran her hand along my hip then under my shirt and across my stomach. She continued the upward rising of her hand over my chest until she reached my shoulder.
I then tugged at her zipper, forcing her shirt open. I ran my hand down her chest, over her bra, and rested it on her hip.
I backed from her long enough to catch my breath and look at her face.
She gazed into my eyes. I truely loved the color of her eyes. I pulled my shirt over my head and let it drop onto the floor. I rose quickly to climb onto the bed (I was still standing next to it) and straddle her. I looked down at her. God was she pretty.
"Dib . . . ." she barely whisperd.
Before she could say what she wanted to, I kissed her again. This time I started to work my way down her jawline with my kisses. Soon I was at her neck, kissing gently. I brought my hands up and started to lower her shirt to bare her shoulders. I kept pushing it down until I had reached her wrists.
Continueing my kissing pattern down her arm, I fumbled a bit to get her arms out of her shirt compleatly. I had just about reached her elbow when I felt her arms reach up towards my face. I looked up at her.
"Dib . . . ." she whispered, her liquid eyes fixed upon me. "Are you sure you really want me like this?"
Oh boy was I sure. "Yes ." I told her then leaned in to kiss her again.
I pressed my body against hers. She was so warm . . . . I then reached behind her and started to fumble with the closure of her bra. She giggled a bit. I was having a bit of difficulties with that closure. I giggled too.
"Dib!" I heard my name shouted and the sound of a door slamming.
I shot a glance at the doorway.
There stood Gaz, wide eyed and open mouthed, simply staring at us. I could only imagine how we looked, me stradlling Zara, my lips only inches away from hers, both of us topless and frozen, staring back at her.
Gaz blinked slowly, turned on her heals and said "I'll ask you later . . . ." quickly before rushing out the door.
Zara and I sat frozen for a few more minutes before either of us could manage to say something.
She was the first to speak.
"I uh . . . I think maybe we're going too fast . . . ."
I looked at her.
"Do you really think?"
"Yeah . . . I love you Dib . . . . Really I do . . . . . I have for a long time. I just . . . I'm just unsure of myself . . . . ."
I didn't know exactly how to respond.
"Lets go get those supplies." she said. I got off of her slowly, only moving to the side so she could rise.
She jumped off the bed and onto the floor. She stood there a moment looking at me and smiled.
I smiled back.
Then she picked my shirt up, pulled it on, and walked out the door. I watched her go.
I wasn't until she had already disapeared down the stairs that I realized what had just happened. I looked at her shirt laying on the bed. No way was I gonna put that on. I got up and pulled a new shirt out of the dresser to wear, then headed downstairs.
Zara was waiting near the door, ready to go and wearing my jacket as well.
I smiled at her.
"Hey what do you think you're doing?" I chided her.
"I'm cold. Just thought you wouldn't mind me wearing your jacket."
I gave her a big hug.
"Let's go," I said, and we headed out the door, together.
Authors note: So! What did you think of it? I know it's kind of long, but it's not that bad, yes? Please give me feedback, cause I like that kind of stuff you know. And oh yeah, I did a little piccy to go with it too. http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=87846 weeee!!