This piece took longer than I expected. Thank you for all of the reviews and I will try to get the next part up as soon as possible.

Everyone sat frozen, stunned. No one could move or think. Captain Hudson was the first to recover.

"O'Neill! Where is Wolenczak?" he practically shouted to the Lieutenant.

"I'm tracing his PAL signal now," replied O'Neill after a moment's hesitation to gather himself together. Soon the trace was complete and the answer appeared on the screen in front of him. "Storage Room 85,sir."

"Get a medteam there now. Piccolo, come with me. Commander, you have the bridge." With that Hudson turned and ran from the bridge. He was oblivious to the strange looks that the rest of the crew was giving him as he hurried through the boat or whether Tony had followed him or not. All Hudson could focus on was the hope that when he reached Lucas there would be something left to save. The storage room was just down the hall from Tony and Lucas's quarters. He reached it before the medteam did. He pushed the hatch open and froze at the sight before him. Behind him Tony's breath caught in his throat in a half sob.

Lucas lay crumpled in the middle of the small room. The gun lay innocently where it had fallen beyond Lucas's out-stretched hand. There was a small pool of blood encircling his head like a halo. There were no gaping holes like Hudson had been expecting, instead Lucas looked peaceful. He knelt beside the boy and felt for a pulse. A faint hint of a beat touched his fingertips. Leaning closer he felt the slight breeze of Lucas's breaths against his cheek. Looking up to meet Tony's eyes a small smile of hope crossed his face.

"He's not gone yet."

Just then the medteam arrived and the Captain was forced to back off and get out of their way. He watched them from the doorway for a moment then placing a hand on Tony's shoulder drew him out into the corridor. The kid was shaking and standing there watching was not doing him any good. He needed to get him away from this. He did not know what he had been thinking when he had ordered Tony to follow him. He also needed to check out their quarters before Tony got a chance. In the meanwhile, the medteam had Lucas ready for transport.

"Tony, I need you to go back to the bridge. Tell everyone there that Lucas is still alive. Have Commander Ford call up the secondary crew to replace everyone. I will be down at medbay. Have all of his friends gather in the wardroom and I will bring any updates as soon as possible." Tony nodded at the Captains orders and turned to leave. Hudson watched him walk woodenly down the hallway before turning back to the medteam. They were beginning to move now. He wanted to follow them but he knew that there was something he had to do first.

Captain Hudson slowly opened the hatch to Lucas and Tony's quarters. It was the first time he had ever been inside and he was not sure what to expect. The room was neater than he would have imagined it to be. They must have cleaned up recently. Standing in the room brought the crushing truth down on him. His ensign had tried to kill himself. He closed his eyes for a moment against the pain that thought brought then refocused on the task at hand. He inspected the room slowly for any signs Lucas may have left behind. Spotting a stray bullet on the floor, he picked it up and slipped it into his pocket. That was exactly the type of thing he did not want Piccolo finding. Not seeing a note anywhere, Hudson flipped on the monitor of Lucas's computer. He read the first line and closed the program. He put the disk it was stored on in his other pocket. He did not feel right reading it here. He would rather wait until he could share it with everyone in the wardroom. Giving the room a final inspection, Hudson exited the room closing the hatch behind him and made his way down to medbay.

He was not surprised to find several members of the senior staff already waiting even though he had hoped that they would have remained in the wardroom. O'Neill and Piccolo sat in hard plastic chairs in the small waiting area while Ford paced in front of them. All three had been crying. They turned and stared at him when he walked into the room. Piccolo wore a slightly accusing look as if wanting to know where Hudson had been. O'Neill's stare was decidedly hostile. He did not like the Lieutenant and his feelings were reciprocated. The communications man was too much of a pacifist for his liking. He was also partly responsible for Fredericks's death. The Lieutenant seemed to blame him for everything bad that had happened to seaQuest since she was airlifted from that cornfield. He probably blamed Hudson for Lucas too. And he was probably right. Hudson pushed the thought away struggling to stay focused. This was not the time for him to deal with this. He could deal with this later, in private, when his crew was not depending on him to be strong.

He sat in the third chair and turned his gaze to the floor. Realizing that he was not going to say anything, Ford resumed his pacing. Some time later, he did not know how long, Hudson looked up from his mindless inspection of the floor and returned his attention to his men. They seemed to be holding up well all things considering. O'Neill was muttering to himself. It sounded like a prayer but since it was not in English Hudson could not be sure. Piccolo was staring at the floor clenching and unclenching his fists. Ford was wearing a hole in the floor. Perhaps it would help if he found them something to do.

"Commander, would you go check on the bridge crew?" ordered Hudson. Ford gave him a quizzical look but nodded and left the room.

"Lieutenant, Warrant Officer, would the two of you go arrange for some food and coffee to be delivered to the ward room? I will be up there shortly." O'Neill looked like he was going to protest but he looked over at Tony first. When Tony nodded they stood up and left. He was alone now. It was both a relief and a burden. It was easier to maintain his composure but harder to find a reason to do so. He absently fingered the disk in his pocket and continued to wait. A few minutes later one of the nurses came into the room. Hudson anxiously rose to his feet.

"Well?" he said impatiently.

"Wolenczak survived the surgery. Dr. Perry will be out as soon as she has finished cleaning up."

"Have her come up to the ward room when she is finished. She can inform everyone there." Just like he had not wanted the read Lucas's note, he felt that the doctor's news was something that needed to be shared in front of everyone. He stood shaking his feet where they had fallen asleep. It was time for him to make his way to the wardroom. He picked up his PAL and called Commander Ford. "Commander, make sure everyone is gathered in the ward room who should be there. I have a note from Lucas that needs to be read and the doctor will be coming up in a few minutes to update us on his condition."

When Hudson reached the wardroom a crowd of silent grief-stricken people greeted him. Piccolo and O'Neill were still standing together drawing strength from each other. Ford had his arms around Henderson who was crying. There were several computer technicians standing together in a group and an assortment of other crewmembers standing around the room. The dagger, Dagwood, was standing near the Commander looking lost and confused. He probably did not understand what was going on. Hudson was surprised to see Kimura standing in the corner. She was the last person he would have expected to be here. He maneuvered his way to the head of the table and cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"Ensign Wolenczak is still alive. Dr. Perry will be up later to give us an update on his condition. Lucas left a suicide note on his computer that I discovered when I inspected his quarters earlier. I have not read it because I felt it would be better to wait until now when it could be read with everyone present." In the silence that greeted his statement he inserted the disk into the computer in front of him and pulled up the file. Putting on his glasses, he began to read aloud, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt everyone…. I can be here forever."

Hudson paused to wipe the tears that had begun to fall, from his face. It was his fault. It was all his fault. Oh, god. Refusing to look at the others, he pushed the sounds of their sobs from his attention and forced himself to carry on. Once more he began reading but this time his voice shook with emotion that he could not hide. "I'll never have to leave…

"Please forgive me. Goodbye," finished Hudson once again wiping away tears struggling to maintain his composure. Consumed with guilt he could barely manage to meet anyone's eyes. No one blamed him though. Not even O'Neill. The Captain and his crew were united for the first time since he had taken command of this boat. Lucas had united the ship in sorrow in a way that not even Brody or Fredericks's deaths had been able to accomplish. The only two pairs of dry eyes in the room belonged to Kimura and to Dr. Perry who had arrived just as Hudson was finishing and was still maintaining a professional distance from the whole affair. Dr. Perry made her way to Hudson's position and waited until he found a seat before addressing the room.

"Lucas is very lucky to still be alive right now," she began considering just how to express the diagnosis. "By all rights he should be dead but either the gun misfired somehow or the bullet was faulty. The bullet entered the right temporal lobe of his brain and became lodged there just before the corpus callosum. The damage to the area was extensive but localized. Right now our greatest concern is swelling and infection. The prognosis is uncertain. Our best estimates at this time are that he has a 50% chance of surviving. That may change in the next few hours. If he lives there is a very good chance that he will be a vegetable. The chances of him waking up and walking away from this with no side effects are slim. If he wakes up we could be looking at severe mental retardation, extreme personality changes, paralysis or anything in between. I'm not telling you to write him off as dead. I'm just telling you not to expect miracles. If he's going to have any chance of surviving though, he's going to need every single one of you fighting on his side. I'm going to allow people in to see him one at a time starting as soon as we are finished here. Force him to fight. Don't let him let go and don't give up hope."

"Everyone should sign up for times to visit Lucas," started Hudson standing up to speak again. " Unless you would like to continue working, you may all have the next two days off. We have a lot to come to terms with and I want everyone to remember that you are not alone in this. Lucas mentioned good-byes in his note so I would assume that many if not all of you will find e-mails from him when you next check your mail. Be prepared. I will leave the wardroom open for anyone who wants to still gather here. Now if you'll excuse me I will be in my cabin."

Hudson stood and walked out of the room. Lost in thought he soon found himself staring at the hatch to his cabin. He opened the hatch and walked inside. He stared absently at his diploma from the academy. There had been a boy at the academy with him who had committed suicide. He had called the boy a coward. He'd said that the navy did not need anyone who would opt for the easy way out anyway so it was just as good that he was dead. But Lucas was not a coward and seaQuest needed Lucas almost as much as Lucas had needed seaQuest. Where had things gone so wrong? Where had HE gone so wrong? Losing a crewman was a failure. Losing a crewman, an officer, this way… It was about as big of a failure a Captain could make. He was supposed to protect his crew. He had not protected Lucas. He had failed Lucas and now Lucas was gone. No, he was not dead yet but after hearing Dr. Perry Hudson knew that even if he woke up, their Lucas was gone forever. And it was his fault. He had failed in his duties as Captain.

Damn him! How could he do this to everyone?! Why did he lock everything up inside? If he had confided to someone just a little maybe he would not have felt so alone. Maybe none of this would have happened. Why did he think this was the answer? Why this? Why now? How dare he!!! Before he knew what he was doing Hudson had punched the wall. Shaking his hand, Hudson leaned against the wall exhausted. The rage and anger that had filled him moments before had vanished just as suddenly as it had appeared. Remembering Lucas's note, Hudson sat down in front of his e-mail and checked his mail. He did not know if Lucas would have written a goodbye to him. He probably did not deserve one but he hoped there would be one. There was. Opening it he slipped on his glasses and began to read:

Dear Sir,

I am sorry for this burden that I have put on you. I know that as much as I wish it to be otherwise what I have done will hurt my friends. They will need you to help them through this. I know it is unfair for you. I'm sure that you are having trouble dealing with this yourself. It's not your fault, sir. You didn't cause these things that have happened in my life. You couldn't have made things easier. Not even Captain Bridger would have been able to help and he was like a father to me.

Even before we disappeared, we had already been through so much. We were a very close-knit group and Captain Bridger was our adored leader. Logically we knew that he wasn't perfect but we felt that he was. Then we went away and everything changed. I don't remember much about what happened. I get flashes of images sometimes or feelings and dreams. Horrible violent dreams that leaving me shaking in fright even as they are fading from my memory. It was hell. We lost some very close friends there. Then we came home. Can you imagine what a shock that was? Everything had changed. There was nothing left of the world we once knew. We looked to our beloved leader to guide us and make everything better but he couldn't. Instead he left us. I can kind of understand why he did it but it still felt like a betrayal. He was the father that my father never had time to be and he left me. Things between us were never the same after that. I was so angry with him. Better to be angry than hurt I suppose. And he was so self-righteous. What gave him the right to judge us when he wasn't here? We weren't his crew any more after that. We haven't been his for a long time. I don't know if you know that but it's true.

We hated you from the moment we first saw you. You embodied everything we hated about this new world. You were military to the bone and ready to fight. We had had enough fighting for a lifetime. We needed a leader. We were desperate for guidance but you hadn't been where we had been and you hadn't seen the things we'd seen. We were forced to fight in a war that made no sense to us. You had a reason to hate these people but all we had was what you were telling us. There was no time for us to adjust before we were sent out into battle. We weren't ready but you forced us to be.

I was so scared that you would kick me off the boat right then. I didn't have anywhere to go. The few friends that I had had were all ten years older than me now. They had passed me by. My whole life had passed me by. You wanted me to be an adult. You wanted me to act my chronological age. I was lost and trying to hide it. I wanted so bad to impress you. I wish I had been able to win your approval. I know you cared about me though. You cared about all of us even though you tried not to show it. Before I joined seaQuest I had never had much interactions with people. I learned a lot about people on those first two tours but not as much as I did under you. You taught me how to be a leader. I'm just sorry I let you down.

Pulling that gun on you was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I didn't have much of a choice though. My father had told me that he loved me and for the first time in my life he had meant what he said. I couldn't give up on him when there was a chance that he might still be alive. I was crushed when I found out that he was dead. It had all been for nothing. I had betrayed my Captain for nothing. I don't know why you didn't kick me off right then. I would have. Whenever I look at you I feel ashamed. I've let you down time and time again but you've still kept me on. Why? I don't deserve it. What you have done for Tony is great. He's really making something of himself and it's because of you. You challenged Brody too. Forced him to excel. I envy Tony because he's gotten a grip on his life and I can't. Everyday is a battle for me and I keep hanging on by smaller and smaller margins. The only crewmembers you aren't fair with are Darwin, Dagwood, and O'Neill. Funny how it's easier to say things when you don't have to face the consequences. I know you don't think that the seaQuest is any place for a dolphin but this is his home. He's also much smarter than you give him credit for and he could be of use if you would let him be. I'm not sure what your problem with Dagwood is. I hope it isn't simply his skin. He may not be the brightest of people but he's loyal and honest. I owe him my life such that it is. This is his home too.

I know what your problem with Tim is but you are wrong. So what if he's not like you or Ford. Tim is loyal and courageous. He would give his life for any member of this crew. Even yours, sir. He is very very good at his job. I know you couldn't find a better communications officer back then and I doubt you can now. He's also a very intelligent and sensitive man who's been through a hell of a lot lately. You've never made the allowances for him that you've made for all of the rest of us but you should have. Fredericks wasn't his fault anymore than it was yours or mine. Neither was Brody. Give him a chance. You won't regret it.

This is your crew, sir. There are no ghosts watching over your shoulder. We're ready to follow you. The seaQuest is depending on you. You aren't her Captain. Not really. She wasn't meant for war. Bridger was her Captain once but his time is over. Someday in the future she will have another. In the meantime she's yours. Accept the fact that you will never truly be her Captain because the very reasons that prevent you from being so are the reasons that make you the only man who will be able to bring her out of this war in one piece. Any other man would have failed by now but you won't. You will succeed and one day there will be peace again. The dream that seaQuest personifies will live on. The dream that you believe in even if you can't live it. I am proud to have been a member of your crew. Thank you for the honor of serving under you.

Ensign Lucas Wolenczak

Hudson clicked of his monitor and stared at the blank screen for a moment trying to absorb everything he had read. Some of the things in there explained quite a bit. Lucas was right about O'Neill but Hudson wasn't sure if that could be repaired. He hoped so. He had had no idea that Lucas felt like he did towards Bridger. He was angry at the man now for the way he had treated his crew. Why they had respected him so much he did not know. Maybe he had been different back then. He could see why the crew would have hated him. He had been so eager to assume command of his boat that he had never stopped to consider what they must have been going through. He had failed them then but it would not happen again.

The last paragraph of that letter meant more to him than Lucas could ever have guessed. He had been having doubts lately especially after losing Fredericks. He had been thinking that maybe someone else would have been more qualified to captain seaQuest. Lucas was right though. It was his duty to see seaQuest through this time of war until there was peace again. He wished he could tell the youth thank you. With that last thought Hudson bowed his head into his hands and began to sob. He cried for his crew who was suffering right now when they had suffered enough in their lives. He cried for the boy lying in medbay right now because he could not face living anymore. He cried because he had not been able to help the precious young genius. He cried because sometimes being the Captain hurt and this was one of those times.

Just as his tears slowed and stopped, his PAL beeped for his attention. Answering it he was informed that he was needed on the bridge. Washing his face he readied himself to face his crew. Soon he would have to go down and visit Wolenczak but now his crew needed him. Adjusting his uniform the Captain marched out of his cabin to the bridge.