I am really not happy with the section about Dagwood. If
anyone thinks they have a better way of writing his point of view I would
appreciate it. I have the next section
about half written but I'm not sure how soon I will be able to get any written
after that. Thanks to Pseudo for her advice.
Dagwood has a very important job. Dagwood cleans seaQuest. SeaQuest is Dagwood's home. Dagwood is happy to help Dagwood's friends by keeping seaQuest clean. Dagwood was mopping the hallway when Dagwood saw Lonnie. Lonnie was crying. Dagwood does not like it when Dagwood's friends are sad but Lonnie cries a lot. Maybe this is a good crying.
"Hey, Dagwood," said Lonnie trying to smile at the big man through her tears.
"Hello, Lonnie. Why are you cry-ing?" Dagwood was worried for his friend. Lonnie was Dagwood's special friend. Dagwood and Lonnie danced.
"All of Lucas's friends are gathering in the wardroom. Will you join us?" She did not want to be the one who informed him about Lucas so she did not tell them whey they were gathering.
"Mmm…Lucas is having a party?" he asked.
"Kind of. We will explain it to you later. OK?"
"Mmm…OK." He docilely followed her down the hall to the wardroom. People in the wardroom were crying. Dagwood did not understand. Parties are fun. People do not cry at parties. Maybe this is more good crying like Lonnie. Dagwood stood and watched the people. Dagwood could see Lonnie talking to people but Dagwood did not see anymore of Dagwood's friends. Dagwood wished Lucas would come and explain things. Lucas was very smart. Lucas explained things to Dagwood so that Dagwood can be smart too. He saw Tim and Tony through the doorway. Good friends! He made his way over to them.
"Tony! Tim!" greeted Dagwood happily as they entered the wardroom. "We are having a party for Lucas."
"No, Dagwood, this isn't a party," answered Tim as Tony began to cry again.
"Tony is cry-ing. Why are you sad?" Dagwood was upset that his friends were unhappy. Dagwood did not understand this party/not party.
"I'm sad because Lucas is hurt, Dagwood," answered Tony through his tears.
"Who hurt Lucas?!" demanded Dagwood looking at his friends who were both crying now. No one should hurt Lucas. Lucas is good.
"Lucas hurt himself," replied Tony softly.
"But why Lucas want to do that?" asked Dagwood confused. Lucas should not hurt Lucas. That is bad. The other two simply shook their heads indicating that they did not know why Lucas had done it. Puzzled Dagwood returned to watching the other people while he tried to figure out what would make a person want to hurt himself. The concept of suicide was not one Dagwood have ever experienced.
The Captain came in the room. Dagwood stood up straight like he had been taught to do whenever around Hudson. He watched the Captain walk through the room and stand at the front of the table. Dagwood listened to the Captain read the note. Dagwood understood that it was from Lucas. The words made Dagwood sad because Lucas was sad. Lucas had thought he didn't have any friends. Lucas was wrong. Dagwood was Lucas's friend. Darwin was Lucas's friend. Lonnie was Lucas's friend. Tony was Lucas's friend. Tim was Lucas's friend. Lucas had lots of friends. The Doctor lady began to speak but she used big words that Dagwood did not know. When everyone left Dagwood went back to mopping the floors.
Slowly working his way around the ship cleaning as he went Dagwood found himself standing outside of the Medbay. He knew that Lucas was inside but did not know if he should go see him. Lucas had decided to hurt himself for some unknown reason and Dagwood might make it worse by saying something stupid. The need to see his friend was greater than his worry and fear so Dagwood gently propped his mop up against the hull and went inside.
"Hi, Dagwood," smiled one of the nurses. "Did you come to see Lucas?"
"Mmmmmm, yes," he answered nodding his head emphatically. "Dagwood is here to see Lucas."
"He's in here," she said leading the way. Dagwood stood in the door way very still holding his breath while he looked at Lucas. Lucas is very hurt. The thought that Lucas might not get better crossed Dagwood's mind and he felt a wave of sorrow. The nurse took Dagwood by the hand and led him over to the bed. "You can hold his hand if you want. Just be gentle with him. Do you have any questions?"
"How did Lucas hurt him?" he asked softly not taking his eyes off his friend.
"He had a gun in his room and he used it to shoot himself in his head. We are doing everything we can for him but your friend was hurt very badly."
"Will Lucas die?" asked Dagwood the anguish clear in his voice.
"Probably. We still do not know."
"Why did Lucas do this? Didn't Lucas know gun are not to play with?"
"He did it on purpose. He thought that he would be sent away from the SeaQuest and he decided that he would rather die than let that happen. I have to go look after some of our other patients so I'm going to leave you two alone for a while. Just sit with him and talk with him."
Dagwood watched the nurse leave the room. He watched Lucas for a moment longer. Slowly he sat down in the chair beside the bed and gently reached his hand out to brush Lucas's face. He pulled it back and touched his own surprised to find it wet.
"Why? Why did this happen? Lucas is Dagwood's friend. Dagwood would not let them take Lucas away. Dagwood will protect Lucas. Do not die." Dagwood did not know how to deal with his emotions. He was hurt that Lucas would do this thing. He was angry with Lucas and felt guilty because he should not be angry with his friend. Dagwood was also sad because he would miss Lucas if he did not get better and he did not want to lose his friend. Not knowing what else to do he simply got up and went back to cleaning the boat. That was where Tony found him the next day. Tony looked awful. His eyes were blood shot and his face was haunted. Dagwood almost did not recognize him.
"Hey, Dag, do you have a minute?" Tony's attempt at a smile failed and his voice began to quiver.
"Mmmmmm, how can Dagwood have a minute?" Dagwood was confused and saddened by his friend's appearance.
"Nevermind. Just come with me. I have a message for you." Tony led Dagwood into a spare room and placed a disk into the vidscreen. Dagwood watched intently as Lucas's image appeared on the screen and began to speak.
"Hey, Dagwood. Thank Tony for helping me get this to you. I thought this would be easier than a letter. This way you don't need any help if you want to watch it again. I don't really know how to explain why I did what I did. I just wanted you to know how much I cared for you. You are one of my best friends. There is no one kinder and gentler than you. I know you would have helped me if you could but there was nothing you could do. Captain Hudson was going to send me away from SeaQuest and I couldn't let that happen. Don't be mad at Hudson though because he's a good Captain. I deserved to be kicked off for what I did to him. I just couldn't leave and this way I don't have to. This is my home just like it is your home. Do you understand? Please don't be angry at me for killing myself. I didn't do it because I wanted to hurt you or anyone else. I had to do it. It was the only way. Please forgive me for any pain I've caused you. You're going to have to feed Darwin now that I can't do it. He needs somebody to play with him to. Will you play with Darwin, Dagwood? Thank you so much for being my friend. Goodbye, Dagwood." Dagwood watched as Lucas closed his eyes and reached out to turn off the screen. As the screen blacked blocking the image of Lucas's tear streaked face Dagwood heard a final whisper. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye, Lucas," Dagwood told the blank screen. He turned around to face Tony who stood with tears flowing down his face. Pulling him into a giant hug, Dagwood realized that he could not be sad for Lucas anymore. Lucas wanted him to be happy. "Mmmm. Do not cry Tony. Things will be better."
Darwin knew right away that something was wrong. The mood on his home suddenly resembled the mood in a pod when one of the young had wandered away and was in danger. He felt flashes of pain from several members of his pod and an echoing image from Tony. Something was wrong with Lucas he realized. Surfacing in the moonpool he called out in hopes that someone might be there but as was often the case since Bridger had left the pod the room was vacant. Snorting in frustration, he began patrolling the boat in search of Lucas or a friend who would explain what was going on.
Deciding that finding Tony would be the best way to sort everything out, Darwin headed for the tunnel that ran beside Lucas's quarters. Darwin was not sure where Tony was but he felt that he would be somewhere in that vicinity. Darwin finally spotted Tony standing in the hall with the man who had taken over the pod. Darwin did not like this Hudson-man. He was mean and rude to Darwin calling him a fish and threatening him. Besides, he made Lucas and Tim unhappy and he did not like any one who hurt his friends. Darwin did not waste his time thinking about Hudson. His attention was focused solely on Tony. He could feel the waves of fear and pain that rolled off of Tony. He longed to comfort his friend but without Lucas's device he was sentenced to silence. The only thing he could do; he sent thoughts of friendship and hope towards his friend in hopes that Tony might somehow sense his support.
Tony started down the hall and Darwin was fixing to follow when the medics moved Lucas out into the corridor. The reason for the change on the ship was immediately apparent. Lucas was hurt. Darwin did not need a doctor or a friend to explain to him that this was bad. He could sense the damage within his friend. He felt the not-rightness in Lucas. He had seen enough injured humans to recognize the vacancy that signified unconsciousness and this went beyond that. Something was missing in Lucas. He realized that Lucas might die. The thought filled him with an infinite sadness. Never had he met anyone like Lucas. Lucas was often sad especially now after Bridger had left. Darwin did not approve of Bridger leaving his calf here for the Hudson-man to protect.
Lucas was so amazing that the world would be a much darker place with him gone. Of all the humans Darwin had met Lucas would have made the best dolphin. He was kind and gentle. His loyalty to his pod was unrivaled by anyone in either species. Lucas had this joy to him that was like a sun. He was curious, playful, and mischievous all of which were good qualities to have in a dolphin. Lucas also had a darkness within him that was uniquely human. He tried to keep everything inside instead of letting the pod help him. In a flash of insight, Darwin realized that this darkness was the reason that Lucas had been hurt. He wished he could push the darkness away so that the joy was never hidden but he did not have that ability. The pain of not being able to help his friend made him wish he could cry like humans could.
Keeping close to medbay, he waited for the doctors to finish trying to fix Lucas and place him in a bed where Darwin could see him. He kept an eye on Tony, Tim, and Ford who were also waiting. He did not try to make contact with them because there was nothing he could say. As long as they were together they would be able to get some comfort from each other and anything he did could only make things worse. He did not like it when the Hudson-man came to join them. In his opinion, he was responsible for way too much of Lucas's pain. He felt the pain coming from the man just as strongly as from the other three though and he was forced to soften his judgment. He really did care about Lucas and it was not his fault that he was not very good at protecting his calf. He should not have had to protect Lucas. That should have been Bridger's responsibility.
When Lucas was brought into a room, Darwin stationed himself outside of the window. He closely monitored the boy dishearten by the fact that the not-rightness had only gotten worse. He wanted to change places with the youth. It was wrong that he should be lying there dying. He could not remember ever being so scared not even when it had been just Dagwood, Lucas, and him all alone in that ocean of strange water. He had thought that he had lost all of his friends and was going to lose those two but somehow deep inside he knew that things were going to be OK. Things did turn out OK to a point. The people who were not human had rescued them and returned them to their ocean but some of the pod had not been able to return. Other pod members left when they got back here and new people joined the pod. Things were not the same and Darwin missed the old times. He wondered if this would have happened if they had not gone to that strange place. He was very scared that he was going to lose Lucas this time.
"Do not leave," he squealed hoping that somehow Lucas could understand him. "All of your friends are worried. We love you and do not want you to go. Do not die, Lucas. This is not your time to die. You have to fight and come back to us. We need you. The pod needs you, Lucas, do not leave us."
Floating there he kept watch over Lucas and the constant flow of visitors. He noted every minute change in Lucas's condition, which was slowly deteriorating. He wanted to believe that Lucas was going to get better but he just did not have a good feeling this time. He did not know which was harder, watching Lucas or watching his visitors. Tim was first then Ford and Lonnie. He was surprised that Tony was not one of the first but later he thought he understood. The others had been upset enough but when Tony had finally come see Lucas he had broken down. It hurt having to watch his friends go through such pain. The Hudson man came by often in no less pain than any of Lucas's friends. Even the new one came. She was a strange one. She was not part of the pod and yet she was. In another dolphin-like quality, only Lucas saw beyond her walls. Only on rare occasions was Lucas alone and then just for a few minutes before the next person came to see him. All through the night and into the next day this went on with Darwin keeping watch.
Some time during the next day, Darwin was not sure when because he did not have the best sense of time inside the boat, someone started calling for him from the moonpool and he went to investigate. He did not want to leave Lucas but he figured that it might be one of his friends needing to talk and he wanted to be there for them, too. At this point there was nothing he could do to help Lucas but he might be able to help someone else. He was not surprised to see Tony standing there when he surfaced. Other than Lucas, him and Tim were the most likely to seek Darwin out to talk. He had a special connection with Tony maybe because Tony was part fish.
"Hello, Tony," he greeted somberly.
"Hi, Dar," he responded sadly. "Any body tell you about Lucas?"
"Lucas hurt. Darwin know. Not know why."
"He, uh, he tried to kill himself," answered Tony quietly, unevenly. "He thought that Hudson would send him away and he decided he would rather die first."
"SeaQuest Lucas home. Lucas scared. Lucas hurt." Darwin tried to get his message across through the device's limited abilities.
"But Hudson wasn't going to send him away! He should have come to one of us!" began Tony becoming agitated.
"Lucas not know. Hudson hurt Lucas. Father hurt Lucas. Mother hurt Lucas. Bridger hurt Lucas. Lots of hurt." Darwin wished he could have done more to take away Lucas's hurt. He knew that as long as Lucas had kept them out none of them had had a chance.
"But why didn't he come to us?" asked Tony beginning to cry. "We're his friends. He should have come to us."
"Lucas always help pod. Forget pod help Lucas." Darwin did not understand how someone could do so much for everyone else but never consider that they might do the same about him but that was Lucas.
"The doctor says," Tony began sobbing. "He'll probably die. What am I going to do without him?"
"Pod help Tony same pod want help Lucas." As horrible as the thought of losing Lucas was, Darwin knew that the group would be able to get through it together should the need arise. This pod was strong. They had already been through so much together. After a moment, Tony had collected himself and spoke again.
"He gave me a recording for you. Do you want me to play it now?" he asked hesitantly.
"Darwin listen." He bobbed in the water patiently as Tony set it up and hit play. An image of Lucas appeared on the screen and began to speak. As Darwin listened intently, he was reminded why he hated pictures. Someone should have figured out by now that vision was only a fraction of seeing.
"Hey, Darwin, sorry I can't be there to play," said the image. "I told Dagwood to make sure to feed you. I'm sure him and Tony won't mind playing with you. I am sorry that I won't be around any more to do it myself. I just don't know what else to do. Hudson's sure to send me away and I can't have that. I hope you understand. It's OK though. I don't want to hurt anyone but it's time. I am ready to die…"
"NO! Light and dark NOT one!" The exclamation burst forth from Darwin before he could stop it. He knew that Lucas could not hear him but he had been unable to stop himself from responding to the image.
"I don't know when it all went wrong. I know I have all my friends but I still feel alone. I'm so lost and nothing makes sense. The only thing that's clear to me is that I am making the right choice. I wanted to thank you. You are one of my best friends. I can tell you things that I can't tell anyone else and you understand things about me without me having to tell you. I wouldn't have made it this far without you. I love you, Darwin. Goodbye." There was silence after the recording ended. Darwin wished once again that he could cry the way humans could. Tony was struggling to stop his tears, angry with himself for his inability to stop crying at every little reminder.
"Tony," stated Darwin causing the man to jump. "Tell Lucas Darwin love him."
"Yeah, I'll tell him," he said getting up to leave. "Thanks for listening to me."
"Tony," stated Darwin again before he could get out of the room. "Darwin love Tony, too."
He watched his friend leave then turned and swam back to the medbay. He hoped he had been able to help Tony some. Darwin returned to his position by the window outside Lucas's room. He may not be able to do anything for Lucas but for better or worse he was going to be there.