CHAPTER 11 - The Visit
Kero was encouraged by the day's training. He thought Sakura and Syaoran both were making great strides in improving their magic power, but kept to himself the thought that it wouldn't be enough to stop Clow. Even if he was a reincarnation of the original Clow, one whose power was not quite what the original Clow had. For although Fujitaka had died, Kero knew that only half of his power had gone to the false Clow. The other half went to his own descendant, Sakura. And Sakura was combining that magic with her own internal magic and Mizuki's magic. Kero wasn't sure how the mixture of the three would play out, but he figured it had to eventually become very strong. However, they didn't have time to wait for it to blossom. Clow was expected any day.
He himself would be very little help against Clow. Stuck in the stuffed animal form, he could not do anything except provide oral support. If Clow happened to show Earthy, there might be a chance to steal it from him, although Kero wasn't sure how to steal it right from Clow's grasp.
With Syaoran hunting the area for rabbits, claiming he wanted to eat some fresh meat, and Tomoyo engrossed in sewing a new dress for Sakura, noting correctly that Sakura's wardrobe was pitifully small, Sakura approached Kero as he was thinking. "Kero, can you tell me what you remembered?"
Kero winced inwardly. As painful as the memory of Sakura's family was for him, it would be much worse for her. Still, she might as well know. "I remembered...the day Clow gave your family the disease." Seeing Sakura's eyes gloss over, he said, "I'm sorry, Sakura. I tried to stop him, but he was too strong even then."
"You did?" said Sakura.
"Yes, but I did nothing to help. Hopeless. I thought you were a goner."
"I've wondered, especially now that I learn more of the disease, how I managed to survive it. I mean, it could be because of my magic, but that doesn't make sense! Father was much stronger than me! I didn't even know I had magic, and he was one of the top sorcerers in the world. Even Touya had some magic..." Sakura looked like she might start crying.
"I don't know. What I do know is that Kaho took care of you while you were sick."
"I thought...she'd always said by the time she found me I was practically recovered."
"No. Although you showed some sort of resistance to it, I think that without Kaho's help..." Kero didn't finish the thought.
"I see. So I owe my life to her even more than before. And you."
Kero shook his head. "No again. She wouldn't want you to think that, and I don't either."
"But it's true!"
"What's true is that you are descended from the original Clow Reed. And that means you may be able to do what Kaho wanted you to do."
"What she wanted me to do?"
"Cure Clow. Make him better. Which means giving him the kind disposition of the original Clow."
"I can't do that!" Sakura sputtered. "I don't even know what that means, or what's wrong with him! And...he killed my family, and Syaoran's adopted family! I..." Sakura's voice began to rise, and her look became wild.
"Stop," he said calmly. "Something happened to him. Clow wouldn't have wanted his reincarnation to wreak havoc on people's lives like this. I don't remember him, but somehow that seems right to me!"
"Wait...reincarnation...descendant...I'm getting dizzy finding all this stuff out at once. If Clow is only one half of his reincarnation, as you seem to suggest, then does that mean that Father was the other?" Kero nodded. "But Father was the exact opposite of that evil man! He was nice, and kind, and never wanted to hurt anyone!"
"Yes, they are completely different people, but my memory isn't wrong on this, I can feel it. There must be a way. Kaho was never wrong when she made a prophecy, and I have no reason to suspect she is now."
"Are we just supposed to assume something good will happen? Because I've waited for good things to happen, and they don't!" blurted Sakura, and gasped when she said it. "Oh, no, do I really think that? Have I really lost so much hope? Even with everything that's happened, I don't actually believe that, or do I?"
"You sound confused." Kero himself was taken aback by the sudden outpouring he had received from her.
"I am confused, Kero! I never thought I'd become so pathetic! To think good things can't happen! But, there it is, nothing but bad things ever happen."
"Sakura..." Kero tried to think of something comforting, but came up blank. He noticed her eyes were moist, but then she wiped them dry and stood up.
"I'll leave you to your thinking, Kero."
"No, wait..."
All of a sudden, she seemed normal. "I'm just going to make some tea." She wasn't normal, Kero could tell that easily. Yet, if she didn't want to talk to him about it, then he could not force her. He nodded, and watched her leave to start a fire. He wished there was something he could do, but there was nothing.
Sakura's sleep that night was fitful. She had no way to stop the feelings of depression inside of her. When she finally did fall asleep, she was destined to wake soon afterward.
The sun rose, and Syaoran and Tomoyo busily prepared the morning meal while Kero tried to persuade a groggy and listless Sakura into her training. She did do it eventually, but she lacked the drive of other training sessions, so Kero cut it short. When he announced they were done, Sakura returned to the ground where they all slept the night before, curled into her blanket, and fell instantly asleep.
"Why is Sakura so lifeless?" said Tomoyo worriedly. "She's usually so cheerful in spite of everything that happens."
"She found out that she is not as cheerful about things as she or anyone else believed," said Kero sorrowfully.
*********************
The moon was full and provided much light when Sakura woke up. The sky was clear, and the stars were bright. Even the stars failed to pick up her spirits, something they used to do in Maghin.
Since the others were asleep, she took a walk to a small pond nearby. She saw her reflection in the water. It looked young, and possibly cute, but carried a hidden hardness she never knew was there. Then the reflection changed, and she became old, stern, bitter, a future self she did not want to become. She pulled away from the pond before her mind could play anymore tricks on her.
When she turned around, the forest was gone. It was all black. The moon and stars stopped shining their light on the Earth, and she could only see herself. She considered the sky, expecting clouds, but seeing nothing. Dark. Nothing. She shivered, and began to worry.
She broke into a trot, trying to find anything, which turned into a run and then a dead sprint before she stopped, breathing heavily from the effort. Still she couldn't tell if she'd even moved.
A man walked materialized through the blackness in front of her. He was far away, but Sakura recognized him. He was Clow Reed. Sakura turned and ran, her heart pumping and he voice gone. She couldn't even yell for help. When she turned around, Clow was closer, still walking slowly. It occurred to her that she really wasn't going anywhere. Finally, she gave up, and turned to face Clow, who was now only five yards away.
"Sakura," he said, his voice calm and soothing. "Do not be afraid." His face was gentle, kind. Nothing at all like what she had seen of Clow in the prison, his unsmiling face rough with anger and cruelty. "I am someone you hate, and someone you love."
"You can't be both." Sakura just said it, she did not think it. It sounded like a lie right off her tongue, but it seemed almost insanely logical.
"I am both and neither. A paradox. You don't know me, but I have caused so much emotion inside of you that you can no longer understand any of it." Sakura remembered what Kero had said. Clow had died, and left two reincarnations. Her father and the other Clow.
"You gave way to Father, whom I loved, and the man who is now Clow Reed, whom I hate," she said. "But you are Clow Reed yourself." He beamed with a smile.
"I'm glad you understand. You must understand, I did not mean for these things to happen."
"You killed...yourself, in a way."
Clow's smile was gone, replaced by a forlorn look. "If I had known what I was doing, neither reincarnation would have realized what they were. Instead, I let Eriol know, but managed to hide it from Fujitaka."
"Eriol?"
"The man who calls himself Clow Reed," said the original Clow. "Foolish of me. I meant for my personality to be split equally as well. Instead, I basically created a good and bad part. The good part was your Father. Well known for his humanitarianism. Never took a servant, gave most of his money to agencies that helped the poor, most of which folded after his death. Had a wonderful wife and two beautiful children, things I never got to have but always wanted.
"But I was not all good. There was bad in me, like there is in all of us. And it became Eriol. My bad personality traits were reflected and expanded greatly inside of him. Once he found out he was me, he hungered for the power I once wielded. He made himself to look like me, to take over my existence. He thinks he is the true Clow Reed, now. To get the power, well, you know the story all too well."
"Kero was right, you really are a good man!" said Sakura. "But if Eriol thinks he's you, then how do I stop him?"
"I can't tell you everything. I am dead now, only existing in spiritual form. I can watch you from a distance." He smiled at her key that dangled from her neck. "I am glad you finally got that. I meant for you to find it when you were ten, but circumstances were out of my control." He knelt down to face her.
"I think, right now, there is a larger problem than that of my embodiment running amok," he said, staring deeply into her. "And for that larger problem I feel at fault as well. I wish to help rectify it." Sakura wanted to say something, but drew a blank. "You haven't been well, lately. Why?"
"I found out I lost my hope," said Sakura apprehensively. "And without it I have nothing. But I can't bring myself to believe that good things will come!" As she went on, her voice picked up power. "And I don't want to drag Syaoran or Tomoyo down with me! Or Kero!"
"Things happen for a reason, although not always a good one," said Clow. "Perhaps bad things have happened to you, but you must never lose hope."
"I lost my family, then lived like a peasant for seven years. As soon as I found Syaoran, he lost his family, because of me, because he wanted me to feel clean and feel better. Mistress Mizuki saves me and gives up her magic and her life for me. I appeared in Rufley, and Tomoyo suddenly decides to leave her family. It all seems so suspicious. The terrible things that happen do so around me." Sakura let the tears fall freely, instead of trying to hide them like she had in front of Kero. "Why? I don't know why? It's selfish, but I don't want to be responsible for all this!"
Clow patted her on the head. Instead of bristling like when Tomoyo did it in Turento, she felt comforted. "You're not responsible for any of that," he said. "Those things happened because of what other people decided to do, all of it. Your presence didn't make them happen. You have been most unfortunate to be around when they happen, but it is not much more than fate. Destiny led you to those places. And you have gained from some of them as well as suffered. You've acquired friends in Syaoran and Tomoyo. Your magic was made possible by Mizuki. She wanted you to have it. She knew it did her no good to keep it."
"It's still on me," said Sakura. "Destiny or whatever doesn't seem to smile upon those whom I love."
Clow stood up. "When I was a boy, hundreds of years ago, I once lost a pet to death. Not quite on the same scale as your family, I admit, but it devastated me, because my cat was a part of the family at the time. I wondered why the bad things happened to me, just like you. So I'll tell you what my parents told me. They had a theory that for every bad thing that happens to you, something even more wonderful will happen." Clow smiled at Sakura's skeptical look through the tears. "I didn't believe it either, not at the time. But, it's true, I do believe now. I found a stray, starving and near-death. I took him in, and he became one of my greatest friends. I based the design for Keroberos off of this cat. So even though he didn't replace the first pet, he became a new friend for me. I think that you will find a family for yourself, not to replace the one you had, but to be a new family for you to be a part of."
"I don't..." Sakura started, but Clow stopped her.
"Think about what I've said. Remember, it's easy to blame yourself for everything, but there are so many factors outside of your control that it isn't worth the effort. You can't make everything good, but you can do your best to keep the hope, because without hope, we have nothing." Clow turned and walked away.
"Wait!" said Sakura. "Don't leave!"
"I must," he said. "I'm sorry." And with that, he disappeared from view.
"Clow!" she shouted. "Clow! Where did you go?" She stepped backwards, and was surprised to lose her balance. She pinwheeled her arms to try to retain her footing, but failed, and fell back into the pond. The freezing water rushed over her as she splashed around and dragged herself out. Choking on water, she realized she had truly not run anywhere, that Clow had brought her to him on a level that was not tangible.
Her wet dress clinging to her and causing the night chill to feel that much colder, she headed back to the camp to dry and warm up, forgetting for a moment all that Clow had told her.
***************
"A fire, already?" said Syaoran, the first to awake. He saw Sakura had changed into one of Tomoyo's plain wool dresses, and then the still-damp one she had been wearing. "What did you do last night?" he asked.
"A lot," she said. "The very least of which was falling into the pond."
"What?" he said. "I hope you don't catch a cold! It's unseasonably chilly out here."
"I'm fine." She got up from the fire, and handed him a cup of warm tea, which he accepted thankfully. "Syaoran, I'm sorry for the way I've been lately."
"It's okay," he said. "Sometimes we all go through things like that."
"Things like what?"
"Needing to be alone to think things through."
"Oh. Well, I thought things through enough now."
"And?"
She sighed. "I've accepted what has happened as part of life. I don't like it, but I shouldn't. I got some help, and I discovered that I really never did lose hope, that I'd only tricked myself into thinking so."
"That's good," he said, taking a sip of tea. "I don't like to see you so down like that. Doesn't suit your personality well. I like to see you happy. It makes me happy as well." He swallowed a big swig of tea when he realized he had just come out and said it like that.
Sakura looked abashed. "And being around you makes me happy."
Both of them fidgeted uncomfortably. "I...good tea," said Syaoran.
"It's nothing special."
Kero regarded them from afar. "Geez, why don't they just give up and admit to themselves they're in love?" he said, shaking his head.
"It's going to be tough for them to do that," said Tomoyo. "Both are naturally shy about such things, and afraid, because those they loved are out of their lives, and thus naturally think that if they allow themselves to love each other then they will lose one another. So it will take time."
"You barely know them, yet you seem so sure."
"I am sure," said Tomoyo, a smile on her lips. "I can just tell these things."
"Aren't we special." Kero got the feeling again that she would be involved in something that would be extremely helpful to their cause, and this time stronger than ever. "Perhaps that moment will come soon," he said to himself, but Tomoyo overheard.
"What moment?"
"Nothing," said Kero. No need to worry the girl.
The embers of the fire Sakura and Syaoran sat around were beginning to die down. "I'll go get some more wood," he said, but Sakura did not want him to.
"Let's just wait a little bit longer," she said, resting her head on his shoulders. "I want you to wait."
Syaoran was acutely aware of her head, and he stammered, "O...oka...y." They remained that way until the last of the flames had died.
************************************************
Continued in Chapter 12
Kero was encouraged by the day's training. He thought Sakura and Syaoran both were making great strides in improving their magic power, but kept to himself the thought that it wouldn't be enough to stop Clow. Even if he was a reincarnation of the original Clow, one whose power was not quite what the original Clow had. For although Fujitaka had died, Kero knew that only half of his power had gone to the false Clow. The other half went to his own descendant, Sakura. And Sakura was combining that magic with her own internal magic and Mizuki's magic. Kero wasn't sure how the mixture of the three would play out, but he figured it had to eventually become very strong. However, they didn't have time to wait for it to blossom. Clow was expected any day.
He himself would be very little help against Clow. Stuck in the stuffed animal form, he could not do anything except provide oral support. If Clow happened to show Earthy, there might be a chance to steal it from him, although Kero wasn't sure how to steal it right from Clow's grasp.
With Syaoran hunting the area for rabbits, claiming he wanted to eat some fresh meat, and Tomoyo engrossed in sewing a new dress for Sakura, noting correctly that Sakura's wardrobe was pitifully small, Sakura approached Kero as he was thinking. "Kero, can you tell me what you remembered?"
Kero winced inwardly. As painful as the memory of Sakura's family was for him, it would be much worse for her. Still, she might as well know. "I remembered...the day Clow gave your family the disease." Seeing Sakura's eyes gloss over, he said, "I'm sorry, Sakura. I tried to stop him, but he was too strong even then."
"You did?" said Sakura.
"Yes, but I did nothing to help. Hopeless. I thought you were a goner."
"I've wondered, especially now that I learn more of the disease, how I managed to survive it. I mean, it could be because of my magic, but that doesn't make sense! Father was much stronger than me! I didn't even know I had magic, and he was one of the top sorcerers in the world. Even Touya had some magic..." Sakura looked like she might start crying.
"I don't know. What I do know is that Kaho took care of you while you were sick."
"I thought...she'd always said by the time she found me I was practically recovered."
"No. Although you showed some sort of resistance to it, I think that without Kaho's help..." Kero didn't finish the thought.
"I see. So I owe my life to her even more than before. And you."
Kero shook his head. "No again. She wouldn't want you to think that, and I don't either."
"But it's true!"
"What's true is that you are descended from the original Clow Reed. And that means you may be able to do what Kaho wanted you to do."
"What she wanted me to do?"
"Cure Clow. Make him better. Which means giving him the kind disposition of the original Clow."
"I can't do that!" Sakura sputtered. "I don't even know what that means, or what's wrong with him! And...he killed my family, and Syaoran's adopted family! I..." Sakura's voice began to rise, and her look became wild.
"Stop," he said calmly. "Something happened to him. Clow wouldn't have wanted his reincarnation to wreak havoc on people's lives like this. I don't remember him, but somehow that seems right to me!"
"Wait...reincarnation...descendant...I'm getting dizzy finding all this stuff out at once. If Clow is only one half of his reincarnation, as you seem to suggest, then does that mean that Father was the other?" Kero nodded. "But Father was the exact opposite of that evil man! He was nice, and kind, and never wanted to hurt anyone!"
"Yes, they are completely different people, but my memory isn't wrong on this, I can feel it. There must be a way. Kaho was never wrong when she made a prophecy, and I have no reason to suspect she is now."
"Are we just supposed to assume something good will happen? Because I've waited for good things to happen, and they don't!" blurted Sakura, and gasped when she said it. "Oh, no, do I really think that? Have I really lost so much hope? Even with everything that's happened, I don't actually believe that, or do I?"
"You sound confused." Kero himself was taken aback by the sudden outpouring he had received from her.
"I am confused, Kero! I never thought I'd become so pathetic! To think good things can't happen! But, there it is, nothing but bad things ever happen."
"Sakura..." Kero tried to think of something comforting, but came up blank. He noticed her eyes were moist, but then she wiped them dry and stood up.
"I'll leave you to your thinking, Kero."
"No, wait..."
All of a sudden, she seemed normal. "I'm just going to make some tea." She wasn't normal, Kero could tell that easily. Yet, if she didn't want to talk to him about it, then he could not force her. He nodded, and watched her leave to start a fire. He wished there was something he could do, but there was nothing.
Sakura's sleep that night was fitful. She had no way to stop the feelings of depression inside of her. When she finally did fall asleep, she was destined to wake soon afterward.
The sun rose, and Syaoran and Tomoyo busily prepared the morning meal while Kero tried to persuade a groggy and listless Sakura into her training. She did do it eventually, but she lacked the drive of other training sessions, so Kero cut it short. When he announced they were done, Sakura returned to the ground where they all slept the night before, curled into her blanket, and fell instantly asleep.
"Why is Sakura so lifeless?" said Tomoyo worriedly. "She's usually so cheerful in spite of everything that happens."
"She found out that she is not as cheerful about things as she or anyone else believed," said Kero sorrowfully.
*********************
The moon was full and provided much light when Sakura woke up. The sky was clear, and the stars were bright. Even the stars failed to pick up her spirits, something they used to do in Maghin.
Since the others were asleep, she took a walk to a small pond nearby. She saw her reflection in the water. It looked young, and possibly cute, but carried a hidden hardness she never knew was there. Then the reflection changed, and she became old, stern, bitter, a future self she did not want to become. She pulled away from the pond before her mind could play anymore tricks on her.
When she turned around, the forest was gone. It was all black. The moon and stars stopped shining their light on the Earth, and she could only see herself. She considered the sky, expecting clouds, but seeing nothing. Dark. Nothing. She shivered, and began to worry.
She broke into a trot, trying to find anything, which turned into a run and then a dead sprint before she stopped, breathing heavily from the effort. Still she couldn't tell if she'd even moved.
A man walked materialized through the blackness in front of her. He was far away, but Sakura recognized him. He was Clow Reed. Sakura turned and ran, her heart pumping and he voice gone. She couldn't even yell for help. When she turned around, Clow was closer, still walking slowly. It occurred to her that she really wasn't going anywhere. Finally, she gave up, and turned to face Clow, who was now only five yards away.
"Sakura," he said, his voice calm and soothing. "Do not be afraid." His face was gentle, kind. Nothing at all like what she had seen of Clow in the prison, his unsmiling face rough with anger and cruelty. "I am someone you hate, and someone you love."
"You can't be both." Sakura just said it, she did not think it. It sounded like a lie right off her tongue, but it seemed almost insanely logical.
"I am both and neither. A paradox. You don't know me, but I have caused so much emotion inside of you that you can no longer understand any of it." Sakura remembered what Kero had said. Clow had died, and left two reincarnations. Her father and the other Clow.
"You gave way to Father, whom I loved, and the man who is now Clow Reed, whom I hate," she said. "But you are Clow Reed yourself." He beamed with a smile.
"I'm glad you understand. You must understand, I did not mean for these things to happen."
"You killed...yourself, in a way."
Clow's smile was gone, replaced by a forlorn look. "If I had known what I was doing, neither reincarnation would have realized what they were. Instead, I let Eriol know, but managed to hide it from Fujitaka."
"Eriol?"
"The man who calls himself Clow Reed," said the original Clow. "Foolish of me. I meant for my personality to be split equally as well. Instead, I basically created a good and bad part. The good part was your Father. Well known for his humanitarianism. Never took a servant, gave most of his money to agencies that helped the poor, most of which folded after his death. Had a wonderful wife and two beautiful children, things I never got to have but always wanted.
"But I was not all good. There was bad in me, like there is in all of us. And it became Eriol. My bad personality traits were reflected and expanded greatly inside of him. Once he found out he was me, he hungered for the power I once wielded. He made himself to look like me, to take over my existence. He thinks he is the true Clow Reed, now. To get the power, well, you know the story all too well."
"Kero was right, you really are a good man!" said Sakura. "But if Eriol thinks he's you, then how do I stop him?"
"I can't tell you everything. I am dead now, only existing in spiritual form. I can watch you from a distance." He smiled at her key that dangled from her neck. "I am glad you finally got that. I meant for you to find it when you were ten, but circumstances were out of my control." He knelt down to face her.
"I think, right now, there is a larger problem than that of my embodiment running amok," he said, staring deeply into her. "And for that larger problem I feel at fault as well. I wish to help rectify it." Sakura wanted to say something, but drew a blank. "You haven't been well, lately. Why?"
"I found out I lost my hope," said Sakura apprehensively. "And without it I have nothing. But I can't bring myself to believe that good things will come!" As she went on, her voice picked up power. "And I don't want to drag Syaoran or Tomoyo down with me! Or Kero!"
"Things happen for a reason, although not always a good one," said Clow. "Perhaps bad things have happened to you, but you must never lose hope."
"I lost my family, then lived like a peasant for seven years. As soon as I found Syaoran, he lost his family, because of me, because he wanted me to feel clean and feel better. Mistress Mizuki saves me and gives up her magic and her life for me. I appeared in Rufley, and Tomoyo suddenly decides to leave her family. It all seems so suspicious. The terrible things that happen do so around me." Sakura let the tears fall freely, instead of trying to hide them like she had in front of Kero. "Why? I don't know why? It's selfish, but I don't want to be responsible for all this!"
Clow patted her on the head. Instead of bristling like when Tomoyo did it in Turento, she felt comforted. "You're not responsible for any of that," he said. "Those things happened because of what other people decided to do, all of it. Your presence didn't make them happen. You have been most unfortunate to be around when they happen, but it is not much more than fate. Destiny led you to those places. And you have gained from some of them as well as suffered. You've acquired friends in Syaoran and Tomoyo. Your magic was made possible by Mizuki. She wanted you to have it. She knew it did her no good to keep it."
"It's still on me," said Sakura. "Destiny or whatever doesn't seem to smile upon those whom I love."
Clow stood up. "When I was a boy, hundreds of years ago, I once lost a pet to death. Not quite on the same scale as your family, I admit, but it devastated me, because my cat was a part of the family at the time. I wondered why the bad things happened to me, just like you. So I'll tell you what my parents told me. They had a theory that for every bad thing that happens to you, something even more wonderful will happen." Clow smiled at Sakura's skeptical look through the tears. "I didn't believe it either, not at the time. But, it's true, I do believe now. I found a stray, starving and near-death. I took him in, and he became one of my greatest friends. I based the design for Keroberos off of this cat. So even though he didn't replace the first pet, he became a new friend for me. I think that you will find a family for yourself, not to replace the one you had, but to be a new family for you to be a part of."
"I don't..." Sakura started, but Clow stopped her.
"Think about what I've said. Remember, it's easy to blame yourself for everything, but there are so many factors outside of your control that it isn't worth the effort. You can't make everything good, but you can do your best to keep the hope, because without hope, we have nothing." Clow turned and walked away.
"Wait!" said Sakura. "Don't leave!"
"I must," he said. "I'm sorry." And with that, he disappeared from view.
"Clow!" she shouted. "Clow! Where did you go?" She stepped backwards, and was surprised to lose her balance. She pinwheeled her arms to try to retain her footing, but failed, and fell back into the pond. The freezing water rushed over her as she splashed around and dragged herself out. Choking on water, she realized she had truly not run anywhere, that Clow had brought her to him on a level that was not tangible.
Her wet dress clinging to her and causing the night chill to feel that much colder, she headed back to the camp to dry and warm up, forgetting for a moment all that Clow had told her.
***************
"A fire, already?" said Syaoran, the first to awake. He saw Sakura had changed into one of Tomoyo's plain wool dresses, and then the still-damp one she had been wearing. "What did you do last night?" he asked.
"A lot," she said. "The very least of which was falling into the pond."
"What?" he said. "I hope you don't catch a cold! It's unseasonably chilly out here."
"I'm fine." She got up from the fire, and handed him a cup of warm tea, which he accepted thankfully. "Syaoran, I'm sorry for the way I've been lately."
"It's okay," he said. "Sometimes we all go through things like that."
"Things like what?"
"Needing to be alone to think things through."
"Oh. Well, I thought things through enough now."
"And?"
She sighed. "I've accepted what has happened as part of life. I don't like it, but I shouldn't. I got some help, and I discovered that I really never did lose hope, that I'd only tricked myself into thinking so."
"That's good," he said, taking a sip of tea. "I don't like to see you so down like that. Doesn't suit your personality well. I like to see you happy. It makes me happy as well." He swallowed a big swig of tea when he realized he had just come out and said it like that.
Sakura looked abashed. "And being around you makes me happy."
Both of them fidgeted uncomfortably. "I...good tea," said Syaoran.
"It's nothing special."
Kero regarded them from afar. "Geez, why don't they just give up and admit to themselves they're in love?" he said, shaking his head.
"It's going to be tough for them to do that," said Tomoyo. "Both are naturally shy about such things, and afraid, because those they loved are out of their lives, and thus naturally think that if they allow themselves to love each other then they will lose one another. So it will take time."
"You barely know them, yet you seem so sure."
"I am sure," said Tomoyo, a smile on her lips. "I can just tell these things."
"Aren't we special." Kero got the feeling again that she would be involved in something that would be extremely helpful to their cause, and this time stronger than ever. "Perhaps that moment will come soon," he said to himself, but Tomoyo overheard.
"What moment?"
"Nothing," said Kero. No need to worry the girl.
The embers of the fire Sakura and Syaoran sat around were beginning to die down. "I'll go get some more wood," he said, but Sakura did not want him to.
"Let's just wait a little bit longer," she said, resting her head on his shoulders. "I want you to wait."
Syaoran was acutely aware of her head, and he stammered, "O...oka...y." They remained that way until the last of the flames had died.
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Continued in Chapter 12