Hey thanx for all of you guys reviews I like to know how I'm doing so please, please, please keep reviewing for me! Thanx so much! lol I hope you guys like this chapter.
Robbie and Eric sat in the front of the car and Amanda and Simon sat in the back. Simon looked helplessly at Amanda, things were really screwed up for her. Amanda watched the houses pass her by listlessly.
"We're here." Eric breaks the silence as they pulled into the driveway.
"I got it." Amanda mutters as Robbie attempted to help her.
"How'd it go?" Annie asks after everyone is in the house.
"There's a lot going on with Amanda, between her family deserting them basically, her being raped, I don't know how she manages to put a smile on her face everyday and put people in front of her." Eric admits
******************
"Want to sleep in my bed?" Ruthie offers as Amanda hobbles into the room
"Thanks but no." Amanda replies sitting down.
"You sure it's comfortable." Ruthie adds
"Ruthie."
"Ok I was just trying to do something for you, things haven't seemed to be easy for you since you got here."
"My life has never been easy."
"My life gets really complicated too, I mean sometimes Lucy has to cook dinner cause mom's too busy with school or the twins or even worse Dad had to cook and believe me that's not a pretty picture and Matt moving out and Mary leaving, that wasn't fun." Ruthie says laying on her bed facing Amanda.
Amanda looks away studying the floor lost in her thoughts.
"Does anyone call you Mandy?"
"My father used too."
"Not anymore though?"
"I haven't seen in a long time."
"That must make you sad, it would make me sad."
Amanda smiles at Ruthie's childish innocence and nods "Yes it does make me sad."
"I thought it would and the fact that Robbie and Rick left that has to be sad too….. does you knee hurt?"
"A little bit, I took painkillers though."
"I'm going to go downstairs do you want anything?"
"No I'm all right, thanks."
"Night…..in case you fall asleep." Ruthie calls from the doorway.
"Night Ruthie." Amanda sighs
"Hey. I thought you might need these….a peace offering you know?" Robbie jokes holding out some aspirin and a glass of water.
"Thanks." Amanda accepts them. "But why are you apologizing to me?"
"Cause I feel responsible, I'm your older brother."
"I know you've told me that, but I make my own choices, I choose to drink, no one forced me."
"Someone did force you to have sex with them though."
Amanda grimaces
"I wish you had told me Amanda." Robbie says
"I know, but I couldn't, I was embarrassed and I was scared and he told me no one would believe it, I mean who would, a perfect church boy, "A" student, honor roll….no one would believe me. And besides he was drunk."
"Who do you think slipped something into your drink?"
"I want to leave the past in the past. I was doing just that."
"Until you were with Simon, don't you think it's going to come up every time you even consider having sex…..and I DON'T want you to consider it for a long time."
"Why not? I've already had it what does it even matter?"
"It screws up your life when your not ready for it. I know from experience."
"I know from experience too, after that happened and you and Rick were both gone, mom started working a lot. I didn't want to be home alone, so I started going to parties and I would drink. I didn't care I had no family, I had an empty home, I only had my friends. I got into trouble in school all the time but I always managed to keep mom from finding out, then one day I got suspended for fighting and the school wanted to see what was going on with me, I had always been the "perfect" student. They managed to contact mom and she found out everything. But she never told them I had forged all her signatures or anything like that. She didn't want me to be in more trouble then I was and that I was going to be in." Amanda takes a deep breath
"What happened?"
Amanda shrugs "Mom gave it to me good, I got lectured for hours I got so mad at her thinking she had some nerve to desert me and then yell at me for something that was her own fault. I left the house and I went out with some friends. I got so drunk my friends were scared I was going to die that they brought me home. I didn't know but while I was gone mom packed up our entire apartment, called the movers and everything. I woke up in the car. She told me we were driving to California, we were going to start over." Amanda smiles "Then she told I had better not throw up in the car."
"That is so not like mom" Robbie says surprised "And so not like you."
"I knew that was coming."
"Don't you have any regrets?"
"Of course I do, but I stopped caring a long time ago. I gave up hope so long ago I just went through the motions of things." Amanda looks at Robbie. "Listen I know you had your reasons to leave and I know you keep thinking that's why I screwed up, don't blame yourself, I make my own choices and I live with the consequences."
"Your life it sounds like the life of a kid who grew up on the streets with druggies for parents, we're above that."
"Sometimes their life seems to make more sense, they know their story and what's going on. Not me, I so screwed up."
"You seem so fine though, so ok. You know you walk in with a smile, give people advice, listen to them, talk to them. Simon loves you, and everyone else likes you. You look like you live the perfect life. When you walked in here you didn't look any different then you did the day I left you."
"Mom says my eyes look sad. She says they always used to look happy, but now even if I can convince everyone I'm fine, my eyes look sad." Amanda shrugs. "I can barely remember a time I was truly happy….until a few days ago."
"When you met Simon."
"Yea, he's not like guys I know, he seems like he truly cares and he's real. Guys I've been with aren't like that."
"I wish I hadn't left." Robbie tells her
"You can't change the past."
"Only the future can be determined." Another voice added "I think you two finally worked this out." Eric walks into the room "I apologize for listening but I couldn't help it-"
"Don't worry about it, maybe it was for the best." Amanda assures him
"I think, I know that if you keep looking at yourself inwardly you'll see you have never changed at all, you are still the same girl you were when your family was together, that whole thing maybe it was your way or dealing or rebelling against the situation, or how you expressed your need for help." Eric sits down on the bed.
"I know I haven't changed I just got lost along the way." Amanda tells him "I've been going to counseling for 4 months now I just switched into this school district because we just moved to a new apartment. That move from Florida to here was 4 months ago, mom knew where Rick was but not you when we thought I was better we moved closer to where you last lived, I never knew you lived with the Camdens though. That was all by chance." Amanda says
"I can help you too, if you want me to, all of your family. You all have to stay honest with each other."
"I think that will be good." Robbie says
"I just screwed up with the drinking tonight cause my past was flooding into my head and I've talked about the drinking and fighting and parties before but never about being –raped. And to be completely honest I am ok, It was good for me to get that off my chest but the reason I've been acting weird lately even though I honestly have worked through this is- well mom had been planning to move out here for a while, the fight was just the last straw. It made her move sooner then planned."
"Why were you planning to move anyway?" Robbie asks
"To be closer to out family. You see when dad left and you guys left and mom had to start working and I was always gone at different hours she started to get really stressed and she started to smoke again, but really heavily." Amanda takes a deep breath "Mom's sick."
Robbie takes what she just said in and sits back his eyes wide and full of concern. "So you're really ok?" He asks
"I'm fine, I'm going to be going to counseling, and maybe next week if I have the courage I'll talk about Jake and getting raped. I'm not going to drink, I know it doesn't get you anywhere and I don't want mom to worry about me more then she does, she doesn't want me to screw up or anything. I don't want her to feel like she always has to be watching me."
"I'm glad your ok, and for some reason I know you're not lying to me." Robbie says struggling to get the words out "What's wrong with her?" Robbie asks
"Cancer." Amanda responds softly
To be continued…..ok I know this was all dramatically but I kind of like doing drama, I don't know lol…..so tell me what you guys want to see in later chapters more drama? Or lighter scenarios? Thanx again for all the reviews.
Robbie and Eric sat in the front of the car and Amanda and Simon sat in the back. Simon looked helplessly at Amanda, things were really screwed up for her. Amanda watched the houses pass her by listlessly.
"We're here." Eric breaks the silence as they pulled into the driveway.
"I got it." Amanda mutters as Robbie attempted to help her.
"How'd it go?" Annie asks after everyone is in the house.
"There's a lot going on with Amanda, between her family deserting them basically, her being raped, I don't know how she manages to put a smile on her face everyday and put people in front of her." Eric admits
******************
"Want to sleep in my bed?" Ruthie offers as Amanda hobbles into the room
"Thanks but no." Amanda replies sitting down.
"You sure it's comfortable." Ruthie adds
"Ruthie."
"Ok I was just trying to do something for you, things haven't seemed to be easy for you since you got here."
"My life has never been easy."
"My life gets really complicated too, I mean sometimes Lucy has to cook dinner cause mom's too busy with school or the twins or even worse Dad had to cook and believe me that's not a pretty picture and Matt moving out and Mary leaving, that wasn't fun." Ruthie says laying on her bed facing Amanda.
Amanda looks away studying the floor lost in her thoughts.
"Does anyone call you Mandy?"
"My father used too."
"Not anymore though?"
"I haven't seen in a long time."
"That must make you sad, it would make me sad."
Amanda smiles at Ruthie's childish innocence and nods "Yes it does make me sad."
"I thought it would and the fact that Robbie and Rick left that has to be sad too….. does you knee hurt?"
"A little bit, I took painkillers though."
"I'm going to go downstairs do you want anything?"
"No I'm all right, thanks."
"Night…..in case you fall asleep." Ruthie calls from the doorway.
"Night Ruthie." Amanda sighs
"Hey. I thought you might need these….a peace offering you know?" Robbie jokes holding out some aspirin and a glass of water.
"Thanks." Amanda accepts them. "But why are you apologizing to me?"
"Cause I feel responsible, I'm your older brother."
"I know you've told me that, but I make my own choices, I choose to drink, no one forced me."
"Someone did force you to have sex with them though."
Amanda grimaces
"I wish you had told me Amanda." Robbie says
"I know, but I couldn't, I was embarrassed and I was scared and he told me no one would believe it, I mean who would, a perfect church boy, "A" student, honor roll….no one would believe me. And besides he was drunk."
"Who do you think slipped something into your drink?"
"I want to leave the past in the past. I was doing just that."
"Until you were with Simon, don't you think it's going to come up every time you even consider having sex…..and I DON'T want you to consider it for a long time."
"Why not? I've already had it what does it even matter?"
"It screws up your life when your not ready for it. I know from experience."
"I know from experience too, after that happened and you and Rick were both gone, mom started working a lot. I didn't want to be home alone, so I started going to parties and I would drink. I didn't care I had no family, I had an empty home, I only had my friends. I got into trouble in school all the time but I always managed to keep mom from finding out, then one day I got suspended for fighting and the school wanted to see what was going on with me, I had always been the "perfect" student. They managed to contact mom and she found out everything. But she never told them I had forged all her signatures or anything like that. She didn't want me to be in more trouble then I was and that I was going to be in." Amanda takes a deep breath
"What happened?"
Amanda shrugs "Mom gave it to me good, I got lectured for hours I got so mad at her thinking she had some nerve to desert me and then yell at me for something that was her own fault. I left the house and I went out with some friends. I got so drunk my friends were scared I was going to die that they brought me home. I didn't know but while I was gone mom packed up our entire apartment, called the movers and everything. I woke up in the car. She told me we were driving to California, we were going to start over." Amanda smiles "Then she told I had better not throw up in the car."
"That is so not like mom" Robbie says surprised "And so not like you."
"I knew that was coming."
"Don't you have any regrets?"
"Of course I do, but I stopped caring a long time ago. I gave up hope so long ago I just went through the motions of things." Amanda looks at Robbie. "Listen I know you had your reasons to leave and I know you keep thinking that's why I screwed up, don't blame yourself, I make my own choices and I live with the consequences."
"Your life it sounds like the life of a kid who grew up on the streets with druggies for parents, we're above that."
"Sometimes their life seems to make more sense, they know their story and what's going on. Not me, I so screwed up."
"You seem so fine though, so ok. You know you walk in with a smile, give people advice, listen to them, talk to them. Simon loves you, and everyone else likes you. You look like you live the perfect life. When you walked in here you didn't look any different then you did the day I left you."
"Mom says my eyes look sad. She says they always used to look happy, but now even if I can convince everyone I'm fine, my eyes look sad." Amanda shrugs. "I can barely remember a time I was truly happy….until a few days ago."
"When you met Simon."
"Yea, he's not like guys I know, he seems like he truly cares and he's real. Guys I've been with aren't like that."
"I wish I hadn't left." Robbie tells her
"You can't change the past."
"Only the future can be determined." Another voice added "I think you two finally worked this out." Eric walks into the room "I apologize for listening but I couldn't help it-"
"Don't worry about it, maybe it was for the best." Amanda assures him
"I think, I know that if you keep looking at yourself inwardly you'll see you have never changed at all, you are still the same girl you were when your family was together, that whole thing maybe it was your way or dealing or rebelling against the situation, or how you expressed your need for help." Eric sits down on the bed.
"I know I haven't changed I just got lost along the way." Amanda tells him "I've been going to counseling for 4 months now I just switched into this school district because we just moved to a new apartment. That move from Florida to here was 4 months ago, mom knew where Rick was but not you when we thought I was better we moved closer to where you last lived, I never knew you lived with the Camdens though. That was all by chance." Amanda says
"I can help you too, if you want me to, all of your family. You all have to stay honest with each other."
"I think that will be good." Robbie says
"I just screwed up with the drinking tonight cause my past was flooding into my head and I've talked about the drinking and fighting and parties before but never about being –raped. And to be completely honest I am ok, It was good for me to get that off my chest but the reason I've been acting weird lately even though I honestly have worked through this is- well mom had been planning to move out here for a while, the fight was just the last straw. It made her move sooner then planned."
"Why were you planning to move anyway?" Robbie asks
"To be closer to out family. You see when dad left and you guys left and mom had to start working and I was always gone at different hours she started to get really stressed and she started to smoke again, but really heavily." Amanda takes a deep breath "Mom's sick."
Robbie takes what she just said in and sits back his eyes wide and full of concern. "So you're really ok?" He asks
"I'm fine, I'm going to be going to counseling, and maybe next week if I have the courage I'll talk about Jake and getting raped. I'm not going to drink, I know it doesn't get you anywhere and I don't want mom to worry about me more then she does, she doesn't want me to screw up or anything. I don't want her to feel like she always has to be watching me."
"I'm glad your ok, and for some reason I know you're not lying to me." Robbie says struggling to get the words out "What's wrong with her?" Robbie asks
"Cancer." Amanda responds softly
To be continued…..ok I know this was all dramatically but I kind of like doing drama, I don't know lol…..so tell me what you guys want to see in later chapters more drama? Or lighter scenarios? Thanx again for all the reviews.