Chapter Three: Breaking the Harmony
The next day greeted Hiko as a half-cloudy, humid promise of the soon-coming storm. He was feeling a bit tired but very relieved, for he had been finally able to come in terms with his feelings, and now he felt that he'd like to share them with his love interest. So he had thrown on his cape, taken his katana and some money with him to go to Kyoto. Though it had felt like a good idea in the morning, right now he thought about turning around and returning to his cottage. The weather was just too damn pressuring and only the gentlest of breezes barely nudged the trees and branches that sheltered the forest road towards the town.
Time passed and Hiko was nearing the town. He was pretty much walking in his own world when he suddenly heard a familiar voice angrily saying something. He stopped and looked carefully around.
Kamatari?
Behind the trees on his left Hiko could see a glimpse of an elegant, vaguely feminine figure and something that resembled a broom. Curiousity and a nudging seed of worry made him walk nearer. He stopped in the shade of trees, looking at the clearing which they sheltered with their long branches. In the clearing was standing Kamatari dressed in a light blue gi and a black hakama, holding a bokken in her slender hand, and with her was a tall, thin man whose blond hair was pointing straight up. He had several swords with him as well as few knives.
A broom head… Hiko thought to himself with slight amusement. His amusement, however, changed swiftly into worry as he registered the angry blush on Kamatari's face and the sharp, rough tone she was using while speaking.
"Chou, I'm saying this only once", Kamatari said with silent threat in her voice. "My relationship with Hiko is my business, not yours. So don't you dare to interfere with this."
Chou smiled mirthlessly and shook his head.
"Ya know, Kama-chan, ya gotta tell'im soon. Ot'rwise yer gonna suffer", he commented seriously.
"Like you would care", Kamatari snickered. "I've already lost Shishio-sama to Yumi-san and death. I don't want to lose Hiko. So stay out of this."
Chou spat, closing his eyes for a moment and opening then only his left one.
"Suit yersel', Kama-chan. But ya hafta tell'im. Or ot'rwise…"
"Bugger off, Chou. Sometimes your a real pain in the ass, and this is definitely one of them", Kamatari growled, looking angry and hurt. "I'll tell him if and when I see it fitting. Understood?"
For a moment Chou looked at Kamatari with a puzzled, maybe a bit pitying look in his open eye and then he spat again.
"Yeah, whateva. I'm only sayin' dat yer in helluva trouble if ya won't tell'im. See ya, Kama-chan."
With that Chou turned around, waved his hand at Kamatari and walked away.
Hiko watched as Kamatari heaved a heavy sigh and her shoulders slumped slightly. He saw how she loosened her hold on the bokken's hilt and rubbed her forehead. He felt slightly puzzled and a tad suspicious about what had just been said. But he didn't move away from the shade as he waited what would happen next.
"Chikusho!" Kamatari shouted suddenly, throwing her bokken away and walking away from the clearing and away from Hiko. Her shoulders were shaking only slightly, but Hiko could guess she was upset and maybe… crying.
When Kamatari was gone, Hiko walked to the clearing and picked up the bokken. He looked around, finding his eyes gazing almost automatically to the direction where Kamatari had walked. He frowned, shifting the light weapon in his hands out of habit. What could have possibly upset her?
Hiko walked through the streets of Kyoto with a pondering, yet determined look in his eyes. He felt a little puzzled about the conversation he had eavesdropped on and he couldn't stop thinking about it. In the same time he had decided nearly instinctively to find out the reason for Kamatari's angered reaction and the secret she was hiding, for it apparently made his beloved feel anguished. And his koibito's anguish made him feel oddly depressed, especially since he didn't know its cause.
Oh, angel… What is it that broomhead said to hurt you? What are you hiding?
Hiko sighed mentally. He wanted to know so that he could wipe Kamatari's anger away. He knew this wasn't normal to him, harbouring such feelings, but now it didn't bother him that much as it had before. The thing that was bothering was Kamatari and that broomhead.
He looked from his table at the politely smiling lady in her light red kimono and the white apron – the usual working costume of the waitresses of the Uguisu no Bara. She had drawn her hair on a ponytail kept up by a bright red bow. Even though she looked at ease and calm, Hiko could see clearly that she was only pretending. The strained line of her shoulders, the forced friendliness in her eyes and the skillfully feigned polite voice she was using told more than clearly of her current state of mind. Angry and fearful. Hiko shook his head slightly.
Only in few days he was in love and able to tell exactly what was wrong with his love interest. It was scary as hell. Hiko shrugged mentally at that and looked again at the beautiful waitress that was his Kamatari.
An older waitress walked to him and bowed slightly.
"Konnichi wa, Hiko-sama", she said softly. Hiko recognised her after a moment. She was Toyotomi's wife, Sumiyo, who had so many times served him with grace and politeness.
"Konnichi wa, Sumiyo-san", he nodded as a greeting. The woman smiled slightly.
"What may I bring for you, sir?"
For a short time Hiko wanted sake, but then decided against it. Though it tasted good to him, he didn't wish to drink even that little bit that he usually did. He knew that he was able to keep his head sober in every situation – even when under the affection of alcohol – but now he wanted to be sure that he was absolutely sober. Otherwise he felt he might say something wrong to Kamatari.
"I'll take some ocha", he answered after a while. Sumiyo nodded slightly.
"I shall bring it to you in a moment, sir", she bowed and walked calmly away.
Hiko sank into his thoughts after the older woman left. He took the bokken in his hands and looked at it for a moment with empty eyes.
He registered that Sumiyo brought him his ocha and he payed her silently, so deep in his thoughts he was. He tasted the slightly bitter warm liquid carefully while looking around. He didn't see Kamatari around and was surprised. So he lifted his head a little higher and looked around more carefully, but still he couldn't see her. Then he heard a familiar, melodic voice near him, the voice he had learned to love. But there was no sweetness in it this time.
"How much did you hear?" it asked bluntly.
When Hiko turned his eyes to Kamatari he was greeted with an icy expression on her narrow, heart-shaped face and a demanding, yet uncertain glare in her cerulean eyes.
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Drunk and depressed, Hiko felt like laughing when he thought of the first words she said to him that day. She had sounded angry and cold, so unlike the cheerful angel she usually was. No, not angel. Devil. A she-devil. A cheerful she-devil, that's what she was. And is. What right she had to sound so cold. She wasn't the insulted part, now was she?
Damn her for her angelic expressions. Even when angry… Oh, kami-sama.
Hiko lifted the nearly full cup to his lips and drank with one gulp the liquid in it. This time the sake tasted bitter, almost venomously so. He felt a twinge of guilt because of it.
There's nothing wrong in me, he thought stubbornly, there's absolutely nothing wrong in me.
However, he knew better than that. Like he had once said to his baka deshi, if sake didn't taste good, there was something wrong with the drinker.
Iya. I'm perfectly fine.
With that in his mind Hiko poured more sake in the cup.
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"Well? How much did you hear?" Kamatari asked again when they got out of the restaurant.
Hiko sighed before looking at Kamatari.
"Not much", he said with a shrug. Kamatari's eyebrows shot up with a quickly covered surprise. Hiko noticed that she recovered from that with an impressive speed.
"Oh really?" she asked with a slightly sarcastic tone. "And what do you mean with that?"
"That I didn't hear that much. Only the end of your and that broomhead's slightly… heated conversation", he answered truthfully. It was no use to lie at his sharp koibito.
"Here's your bokken", Hiko said then, giving the bamboo sword to Kamatari. "You left it behind."
Kamatari glared at him angrily before sighing and taking the bokken in her left hand. The anger in her eyes disappeared, leaving the scarcely hidden uncertainty shining as the only emotion. Hiko watched intently as she lifted her free hand to her temple and massaged slightly before smiling warily at Hiko.
"I… I can't be angry at you, Hiko-sama, since you happened to pass by only accidentally. But I strongly suggest that you forget what you heard there", she said softly, trying to look as assuring as she could. But Hiko could see that her acting skills weren't enough for that. She was just too honest in her dealings with other people.
"Really?" he asked with a calm tone. Though she seemed to be a tad worn by the situation and the earlier incident in the forest clearing, he couldn't let her hide the truth from him. Yes, he knew more that she was hiding something – even a child could have told it in this point – if from none other than from the discussion he had heard.
"Really. It's irrelevant right now. So please, let it be for my sake, Seijuro", she pleaded without sounding begging. Her eyes were endearingly serious and scared, like she was afraid of… losing him.
Hiko was taken aback by her using of his first name. He stood there, in the street full of people coming and going, looking at the delicate young woman standing in front of him with a wary impression on her face. Almost unconsciously he lifted his calloused hand to caress her soft cheek lightly and sighed.
"If you wish so, koibito", he said aloud. "But you must tell me some day what you're hiding from me. I don't approve of your secrecy, but I'll let it slide this time."
Kamatari's eyes lit up as well as her face. She nodded slowly and turned her head so that she could plant a small kiss in Hiko's palm. Hiko's eyes grew wider at this gesture and he fought the telltale blush from rising to his cheeks.
"I'll go now", he stated shortly before turning to leave. He felt a slight tug on his cape and he turned his head to look behind. Kamatari was standing there with a small blush on her face. The look in her bright blue eyes was slightly resentful and strangely decisive in the same time. He raised his brow in a questioning manner.
"Seijuro… I'll tell you some day, if you can promise me it doesn't change our relationship", she said slowly. Hiko turned around fully, thinking deeply before answering.
"I think… Whatever it is it won't change our relationship – at least not much."
Kamatari nodded at that. There was relief in her voice when she spoke.
"Yokatta. Then I bid you goodbye for now. I'll see you around, ne?"
"Aa. We'll see each other", Hiko answered before walking away.
I hoped you could trust me, koibito. But it seems I have to find out what is bothering you so much in some other way.
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"You goddamn ahou", Hiko muttered to himself as he lowered the empty sake bottle to the floor.
"You goddamn naïve ahou. Why didn't you see she was fooling you all the time?"
Even through his slightly muddy mind he could find a way to blame Kamatari about everything. His drunken state of mind, his powerless anger, his bad mood, the weather outside… Everything seemed to be wrong because of her. But somewhere deep inside Hiko knew that he was as guilty to it all as well as she was. He just couldn't bring himself to admit it. Not then, not in the future and definitely not now.
Did you have fun, Kamatari? Fooling me, making me believe in love and in you? Letting me to fall in love with you? I bet you did. You double-crossing, no good make-believer. Kami-sama, your not even a full man or a full woman. Just a cursed cross-dresser.
Hiko felt like laughing. He wanted laugh loudly and bitterly at Kamatari, at himself, at the world and most of all, at love. All had been a charade. She had never cared for him, she had only told lies to make a fool of him. If there was something he hated it was definitely being a fool. And he had been a magnificent fool, completely tricked by an innocent looking she-devil. By an angelic, so very beautiful she-devil.
You said that you loved me. That you cared for me. Well, onna, you have one goddamn twisted way of showing it. Chikusho, Kamatari.
"Burn in hell, you freak."