Repent
[He kneels and slowly clasps his hands together, intertwining his fingers.]
"Kais, up there in Heaven, please listen to me. I know I am not a religious person, and that I deserve not one second of your time, but I plead to you today as a broken man. I get down on my knees and beg, because I have killed an innocent. It was my fault he perished, and the bitter truth of the matter drives my madness further. I know that it is probably too late for me, that too much innocent blood has stained my hands for them to ever become clean - but I ask of you to please hear me. For an instant understand that even by me saying these words I am destroying part of myself that I hold dearest. Something more precious than my life. My pride. You must understand that without my pride, I am nothing. I have had everything torn from me...my family, my friends, my home, even my species. And many times I have felt the pleasant numbness of insanity creep up upon me. But each time it threatened to take over, it could not. Because my pride was there, forever holding it at bay. No matter what the circumstance, my pride has caused me to prevail, has ensured my survival. But now I have realized that it is not without a price. My pride has taken away the last of my people - the last of my kind. And with it, I have lost something I can never regain. I hate to admit but I feel..lonely. It's stupid of me, really. To do this now, as if it makes any difference. I have sealed my fate undoubtingly, but yet I still...must do this. This degrading act of pitiful begging, hoping my pleas will be answered. I know it is customary to write all of the good things one has done in life, as well as the bad. But I wonder why it is not noted what good and bad has been done to a person. So that the actions that are taken might be justified and pardoned. Lords, I have lived almost my entire life serving another. Unwillingly I have done the bidding of one I hated with such vengeance that if my hatred had a power of it's own it would consume the universe to ensure his annihilation. I have not been raised to be a "good" person. I have not been taught that killing is "wrong". Even in my soul, I feel that taking another one's life in certain circumstances is not only necessary, but appropriate. And in those times, enforced by my rage for all the humiliation I've lived through, I feel that these creatures - who are no longer people - deserve to perish by my own two hands. It is wrong, perverse to feel such pleasure in another's pain. It is not the fact of the matter, dear Kais. No. By doing so, I am showing them all of which I've endured at the fraction of the expense. I do not whip them to my will. I do not force them to live their lives in perpetual rage. I do not make them suffer. I do not torture them; so in that sense, I am merciful. In my own eyes, your graces, I am doomed. Even though I wish to make it right, it appears that no matter what I do now, it cannot fix the past. What is done, is done. And I have made too many irreparable mistakes. Homicide, mass murder, genocide..all performed by yours truly. And the worst of all: the entire reason that pure-hearted bastard died. I killed Kakkarot. It's all my fault. And no matter what words I say, I cannot bring him back. I cannot set things right. All I can think of is an eternity of Hell. Of pain and suffering. And it provokes so many emotions within me to think that for my entire existence I will not know happiness. That forever I will be damned. So for once, I dream, and I dream unselfishly. I wish to..be able to love. I wish to be a good father. I wish I could be someone. I wish I could make something out of myself. But gods, I know...I know that tomorrow when I wake up, I'll act as if I've never said these words. It's just the way I am. It's too late for me now, I have had too many bad habits for too long. And I will forever be arrogant. I will forever look out for myself..."
[He pauses.]
"But lords, know this...I wish to see him in Heaven, even if I must sacrifice my pride for my life."
[He kneels and slowly clasps his hands together, intertwining his fingers.]
"Kais, up there in Heaven, please listen to me. I know I am not a religious person, and that I deserve not one second of your time, but I plead to you today as a broken man. I get down on my knees and beg, because I have killed an innocent. It was my fault he perished, and the bitter truth of the matter drives my madness further. I know that it is probably too late for me, that too much innocent blood has stained my hands for them to ever become clean - but I ask of you to please hear me. For an instant understand that even by me saying these words I am destroying part of myself that I hold dearest. Something more precious than my life. My pride. You must understand that without my pride, I am nothing. I have had everything torn from me...my family, my friends, my home, even my species. And many times I have felt the pleasant numbness of insanity creep up upon me. But each time it threatened to take over, it could not. Because my pride was there, forever holding it at bay. No matter what the circumstance, my pride has caused me to prevail, has ensured my survival. But now I have realized that it is not without a price. My pride has taken away the last of my people - the last of my kind. And with it, I have lost something I can never regain. I hate to admit but I feel..lonely. It's stupid of me, really. To do this now, as if it makes any difference. I have sealed my fate undoubtingly, but yet I still...must do this. This degrading act of pitiful begging, hoping my pleas will be answered. I know it is customary to write all of the good things one has done in life, as well as the bad. But I wonder why it is not noted what good and bad has been done to a person. So that the actions that are taken might be justified and pardoned. Lords, I have lived almost my entire life serving another. Unwillingly I have done the bidding of one I hated with such vengeance that if my hatred had a power of it's own it would consume the universe to ensure his annihilation. I have not been raised to be a "good" person. I have not been taught that killing is "wrong". Even in my soul, I feel that taking another one's life in certain circumstances is not only necessary, but appropriate. And in those times, enforced by my rage for all the humiliation I've lived through, I feel that these creatures - who are no longer people - deserve to perish by my own two hands. It is wrong, perverse to feel such pleasure in another's pain. It is not the fact of the matter, dear Kais. No. By doing so, I am showing them all of which I've endured at the fraction of the expense. I do not whip them to my will. I do not force them to live their lives in perpetual rage. I do not make them suffer. I do not torture them; so in that sense, I am merciful. In my own eyes, your graces, I am doomed. Even though I wish to make it right, it appears that no matter what I do now, it cannot fix the past. What is done, is done. And I have made too many irreparable mistakes. Homicide, mass murder, genocide..all performed by yours truly. And the worst of all: the entire reason that pure-hearted bastard died. I killed Kakkarot. It's all my fault. And no matter what words I say, I cannot bring him back. I cannot set things right. All I can think of is an eternity of Hell. Of pain and suffering. And it provokes so many emotions within me to think that for my entire existence I will not know happiness. That forever I will be damned. So for once, I dream, and I dream unselfishly. I wish to..be able to love. I wish to be a good father. I wish I could be someone. I wish I could make something out of myself. But gods, I know...I know that tomorrow when I wake up, I'll act as if I've never said these words. It's just the way I am. It's too late for me now, I have had too many bad habits for too long. And I will forever be arrogant. I will forever look out for myself..."
[He pauses.]
"But lords, know this...I wish to see him in Heaven, even if I must sacrifice my pride for my life."