Author: Nicole
E-mail: AshniPerpetua@go.com
Author's Note: My first fic outside of my "Familiar Face" series....so be kind please!
Disclaimer: I don't own "Alias" or any of the characters in it, which, although it makes me sad, is a good thing because I would completely screw it up.
Classification / Genre: Danny POV/Angst
Summary: No one (to my knowledge) has done a Danny POV before, so I figured I'd try. Hope I didn't screw it up too much. :-)
Rating: PG
******AS THE SHOT WENT OFF******
I thought I loved her.
Hell, I did love her. I do love her. But when she told me...I felt like my world had just shattered. I felt betrayed. For a whole day I didn't even know if the Sydney I'd adored still existed. I mean, how could the sweet graduate student I'd known be a *spy*? I didn't ask if she's ever killed someone. I don't she has. I don't think she could.
I'm learning very quickly that I don't know the first thing about what Sydney can or cannot do.
I feel so betrayed. And lost, at the same time. Because I saw the agony in her eyes and I knew, I *knew* she was breaking every rule to tell me this. I knew that she hated lying, hated living a double life, hated being alone.
How can a man describe the fear he feels when he discovers that his fiancé's puts her life on the line every fucking day? What if she hadn't told me? What if one day she got shot, murdered, on one of her innocent business trips? Would I have played the fool forever?
It does scare me. It scares me that my whole perspective has just been twisted into a million knots I can never untie. It scares me to think of what my beloved endures for our country.
The thought dawns on me like a blessing: it doesn't matter. There are truths we've discovered that nothing can change. I mean, now that I know, I obviously have to watch out for some things. And I so dearly want kids. But no matter what happens, she's still Sydney and I'm still Danny. I will still love her to the day that I die, probably years after her own death. If being with her means that one day I must tell our children that their mother died on a business trip, I'm willing to pay the price.
She told me not to tell anyone. But I do. I tell five bottles of beer and the phone receiver. I want so badly to tell her that I'd always be there for her. So I tell.
I go straight home to take a shower. I need that coldness flowing over me to bring me back to reality. Out of a world where spies masquerade as graduate students, where fiancés masquerade as fools. I know I said it doesn't matter. It does, though, and it hurts. Just knowing that she's out there risking her life is a knife in my heart.
God, I don't even know what I mean anymore.
I look in the mirror and see a man standing there, all dressed in black, pointing a gun at me. God oh God, I hope Sydney is never the one holding the gun. I hope she never....I whirl around. For a moment I don't understand.
Then I realize. I told. And all I can think is *I wish I could tell her* as the shot goes off.
E-mail: AshniPerpetua@go.com
Author's Note: My first fic outside of my "Familiar Face" series....so be kind please!
Disclaimer: I don't own "Alias" or any of the characters in it, which, although it makes me sad, is a good thing because I would completely screw it up.
Classification / Genre: Danny POV/Angst
Summary: No one (to my knowledge) has done a Danny POV before, so I figured I'd try. Hope I didn't screw it up too much. :-)
Rating: PG
******AS THE SHOT WENT OFF******
I thought I loved her.
Hell, I did love her. I do love her. But when she told me...I felt like my world had just shattered. I felt betrayed. For a whole day I didn't even know if the Sydney I'd adored still existed. I mean, how could the sweet graduate student I'd known be a *spy*? I didn't ask if she's ever killed someone. I don't she has. I don't think she could.
I'm learning very quickly that I don't know the first thing about what Sydney can or cannot do.
I feel so betrayed. And lost, at the same time. Because I saw the agony in her eyes and I knew, I *knew* she was breaking every rule to tell me this. I knew that she hated lying, hated living a double life, hated being alone.
How can a man describe the fear he feels when he discovers that his fiancé's puts her life on the line every fucking day? What if she hadn't told me? What if one day she got shot, murdered, on one of her innocent business trips? Would I have played the fool forever?
It does scare me. It scares me that my whole perspective has just been twisted into a million knots I can never untie. It scares me to think of what my beloved endures for our country.
The thought dawns on me like a blessing: it doesn't matter. There are truths we've discovered that nothing can change. I mean, now that I know, I obviously have to watch out for some things. And I so dearly want kids. But no matter what happens, she's still Sydney and I'm still Danny. I will still love her to the day that I die, probably years after her own death. If being with her means that one day I must tell our children that their mother died on a business trip, I'm willing to pay the price.
She told me not to tell anyone. But I do. I tell five bottles of beer and the phone receiver. I want so badly to tell her that I'd always be there for her. So I tell.
I go straight home to take a shower. I need that coldness flowing over me to bring me back to reality. Out of a world where spies masquerade as graduate students, where fiancés masquerade as fools. I know I said it doesn't matter. It does, though, and it hurts. Just knowing that she's out there risking her life is a knife in my heart.
God, I don't even know what I mean anymore.
I look in the mirror and see a man standing there, all dressed in black, pointing a gun at me. God oh God, I hope Sydney is never the one holding the gun. I hope she never....I whirl around. For a moment I don't understand.
Then I realize. I told. And all I can think is *I wish I could tell her* as the shot goes off.