Author: Dannette
Rating: R
Summary: Keller's going to make sure him and Beecher reunite, no matter what.
Time: Season 5
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, this is all fiction, thank you very much.
Warning: This story is not for someone who doesn't like slash, or violence. In which this story has. This story has been stemmed from the show "Oz", which is rated TV-MA, mature audiences only, as most of the fiction about Oz. There is cussing, violence, relations between two men, murder, etc. The list really does go on. Now after reading this, do you still want to read the story? If so, go ahead, but remember ... I warned you.

Note - In this story, I have changed some things. Like Catherine and Beecher never went their seperate ways. Beecher is still working for the Sister (until this chapter), Guenzel's handing over to Shillenger has yet to happen.

***

A Plan Of Action

***

Unconditional love.

As Chris laid in the stiff bed, which shouldn't even be called a bed, he recalled a conversation with Sister Pete. How he first wanted unconditional surrender, then unconditional love. Sure, Chris had started talking to Sister Pete to manlipuate her to convince Toby to forgive him, but that one particular statement had a huge kernal of truth to it. Chris wanted unconditional love. He wanted someone to love him even though he broke his spirit and heart, and mostly Chris wanted to give that unconditional love back. Unconditional love. Chris could never give that to anyone, he came close to giving it to Bonnie, but in some way he had failed in doing that. And as he killed all those men he had slept with, his eyes had held a cold look to them ... it was sex, pure and animalistic sex, but there was no love. He wanted to kill them because in doing that, he was killing himself, the part of him he despised. He always hated himself, but unlike some people who hurt themselves, he hurt other people. That had been the way he had grown up. With two brothers, a mother who never seemed to be around, and a father who didn't give a crap, Chris had learned to hate himself, hate others, hurt others ... kill all those that stood in his way or threatened to make him fall. And where did love fit in this all? It didn't. Love was a technicality, it hadn't visited him before, so just fuck it. Sex was good enough. He liked sex. It felt great. It filled the spots in him that were so dank and empty, but of course afterwards he couldn't feel anything, until he looked down at their dead, prone, bodies. Fuck 'em. He wasn't like them, he was no faggot. At least that was what he told himself, he just did what he had to do to survive in this world. That was what he told himself everyday, he got a little pleasure, but nothing earth shattering and among those lines ... but of course no one was quite like Tobias Beecher, now were they? There was unconditional surrender. And long lasting, Toby had proved the unconditional love. And Chris loved Toby back, the whole god damn world should know, that Chris had fallen.

He had fallen into a hole, a symbolical hole, and Toby had brought a bit light in there. Sappy? Fuck yeah. That was the oddest thing about this whole situation, he had changed. Sure he was no puppy dog in love, but there was a different side to him, whenever he felt Toby's touch on him, or even a small smile, or a glance. Toby was something different alright. Was he gay? That thought had flown through his head so many damn times. Was he gay? Was he like all those men he killed? He wasn't, was he? He didn't believe he was. He knew a part of him was, and he wanted to kill that part of him. But damn it, Toby made it alright. So, maybe, yeah, he was gay. He liked sex. He LOVED sex. But it wasn't sex with Toby. Because sex was fast, unfeeling at times ... but with Toby, it was slow, full of emotion, they fit together so perfectly. It was something that left him breathless, heart pounding, blood rushing to his head after every single time they did it. It was love. It was sad, it was true, it was real, it was going to change everything he knew ... and he had accepted it. Accepted it so easily. Tender. Rough. Whatever Toby wanted to give him, he took.

While he was in Masachuetts he wondered at times how he lost it, lost the control, lost the direction he had. As he waited to be trailed on a murder he hadn't even done, he really did wonder when Tobias Beecher had become the most important thing in his life. Was it the laundry room where they shared their first kiss? No, Chris could actually think it was before that, but hell ... his mind was so confused, about "Operation Toby" and Shilleger and the Aryan Brotherhood, that he couldn't figure out if it was a debt or love back then. But there was always something. Something out of some fucking moronic love novel. Finding love in the most despaired of places. Couldn't you just picture it? Hell, right now in this silent cell, he could picture. Yeah, he was demented all right.

"Chris,"

Chris looked up and smiled when he saw Sister Pete standing on the other side of the bars that kept him in this inhuman hell. Chris pushed himself up and walked over to his side of the bars and smiled again. "Ah, come to visit me?" Chris asked, grinning.

She smiled at him, she stared at his injuries for a while, before actually speaking. "I heard Catherine McClain is working on your case." Sister Pete said softly, her hand flying up to her rosary, she softly kneeded it around her soft, old but wise hands.

"Yeah," Chris said, running a hand over his face, as if trying to smooth over his frustration. "She's good?"

"Yes." Sister Pete answered, not helping seeing the frustration Chris seemed to be in. "You miss him."

Chris let out a sigh. "Yeah." Chris said, the sigh shuddering through his body. "Sister, you yourself have been on a road before right? Still am, I assume. A straight road, you got yourself some direction, and nothing can deter you from that road. Well that was how I used to be, right? I had myself some direction, but then bam --- " Chris stopped and forced his hands together to make a cracking sound. "Something threw me right off of my road, and I lost all direction. I was like a car crashing. Spinning out of control, and as hard as I tried to grab onto the wheel and drive myself to safety, I couldn't. I still can't." Chris said, his eyes narrowed.

"And Tobias is this 'something' that threw you off your road of direction?" Sister Pete asked.

"Yeah. It's fucking hard." Chris groaned. "Excuse the language and all." Chris said, making a clicking sound with his jaw. "I have two brothers. Dominic and Angelo. Bastards all the way, I really learned everything I knew from them, they taught me to not care, and to kill anything that got in my way. In the non-exitent appearance of a fatherly or motherly figure, I looked up to them. Then as time grew, I lost all careness for anyone but myself. Then I came here, and Toby ... fuck ... he just came out of nowhere, ya know? I told myself, it's just a debt ... you're not falling in love with him. But, it didn't quite help. I told myself my whole life, I'm not gay ... I'm not gay ... repeated it in my head, like a mantra or something. But I love a man, doesn't that count as being gay?" Chris asked.

"Chris ... " Sister Pete started.

"But homosexuality is some sort of shame to God and all, right? Isn't that what it says in the bible?" Chris asked, cutting her off.

"Yes, something along the lines, are indeed in the bible, but Chris ... " Sister Pete started again.

"But, you yourself, once told me that we are all god's children in his eyes." Chris cut her off again. "That he loves us all of us. Whichever race, whatever we have done. Yet homosexuality is a sin? And we should die for our sins? It's sodomy? Something to looked down upon in god's eyes? Shameful? So love is a sin?" Chris asked, his eyes holding a indescrible look in them.

"Love is not a sin." She answered.

"But love between two men is a sin?" Chris snapped. "I want to be loved by god, I want god to look at me and say that he loves me. I've told you this. But I have also told you that it's too late for god to choose me. But you never really got it, did you? You never really got why. I'm a shame to god. A sin. Because I have felt the sexual touch of various men, but have felt love and returned it to one man. And if that's wrong in god's eyes, I know I'm not going to be loved by him, I won't get his love, I'm not fit to be picked."

"Chris ... I ... "

"Being in this cell, waiting to hear if I'm going to die, gives me a lot of time to think. I have never thought as much as I do, when I'm here. Am I gay? Yes. I don't want to be, but see, unlike god who can choose who he loves and who he frowns upon with shame, I can't help but love Toby. Your god says it's a sin, it's a shameful love, a shameful thing, I'm sorry, but your god is wrong." Chris said, he stopped briefly, he ran his fingers across the gold cross he wore. "I walk in the shadow of valley of death ... "

Sister Pete just stared at Chris, with perplexed eyes.

***

Something inside of Toby's head was clicking away like a time bomb. He had to see Chris. Even just to talk to him for a few seconds, just to touch him, to see that he's okay. Fuck this was so hard. Right now, he was dying inside, knowing that Chris was so close, but yet so far away. He needed to see Chris. It had been way too long ... but the only option to see Chris really didn't appeal to him. Giving Guenzel to Shillenger really didn't appeal to him. Toby was trying so hard to help Guenzel, he really was, he really was trying his hardest to save Guenzel from Shillenger, but something was itching inside of him, to just give up. If Shillenger really wanted Guenzel, he was going to get him one way or another, and if giving Guenzel up to Shillenger got him to see Chris, then what the hell? Fuck, it's wrong Tobias, Toby said to himself, rubbing his face angrily. You've known him since he was a little kid, you were good friends with his family, you can't do this, you can't hand him over to Vern, Toby continued on in his head, arguing with the voice inside his head that told him to do it ... to just hand Guenzel over to Shillenger and get the chance to see Chris. Be strong, you have to save him, it's the right thing to do, to protect him, to protect him from the clutches of Vern ... you didn't have anyone to save you, now did you? Be what you never had to Adam, come on ... Toby said to himself, but god he was losing the war.

Unconditional love.

Didn't Chris tell himself about that once? Toby could rememeber a conversation him and Chris had, of course when they weren't on their best of terms, but still, Chris had said he wanted unconditional love, unconditional surrender, unconditional everything, something along those words. Sighing, Toby knew he had given that to Chris since day one. Despite how many times he told himself not to, he ended up loving Chris even more. He would give up anything that mattered to him to just be near Chris, to touch him, to touch him, to hear his voice ... fuck, you can't do this, Toby said in hopes of changing his mind on this whole thing.

Not working.

***

"I need to talk to you Vern." Toby said, bending down somewhat, so he was eye level with Vern. Something was rumbling inside of Toby's stomach, something inside of him was screaming at him to not to do this, but then the other voice told him, that he had to do anything to get to Chris. He needed to do this, fuck Guenzel, Guenzel was a spoiled bastard who had attacked him. Yeah fuck Guenzel, so he was going to learn the hard way what it was like to be in Oz, have a good fucking time buddy.

"Heh, is that so?" Vern said, smiling somewhat amused.

"Yeah." Toby said, sighing. "Can we talk alone?" Toby asked.

"Amuse me." Vern said, as he pushed himself up from the cafeteria table and waved for the rest of the Aryans to stay where they were. Once they did, him and Toby walked away from the table and to a far off corner in the cafeteria, where it was just the two of them. "Okay talk, you don't have that long." Vern said, smirking; his blue eyes sparking with interest of why Toby wanted to talk to him. Besides from their little sessions that Said along joined them, they weren't talking buddies, not even buddies at all.

"You want Guenzel." Toby stated, as a matter of fact.

Vern nodded, pursing his lips together. "I already made that clear, yes, you turned down my offer."

Toby ran a few fingers through his sandy blond hair. "I have re-thought it." Toby said, looking around nervously, seeing if any of the hacks were nearby or coming, or hell even worse McManus or Glynn, he suddenly felt very weird, sneaky. Of course sneaky, he was about to hand over a man ... not even a man, a young man, a boy, to Vern Shillenger, and for what? Chris Keller. Toby was being a selfish bastard, he was only thinking of what he wanted, but damn it ... he couldn't help it. He was a prisoner to his emotions.

"Have you?" Vern asked, his eyes peaking with more interest by the minute.

"Yes." Toby answered quickly.

"Hmm." Vern said, running a hand under his chin. "Very unlike you, if I can say."

"You fucking want Guenzel or not?" Toby snapped angrily.

"Yeah, yeah ... " Vern said, shaking his head in amusement. "Get yourself re-assigned to the mail room, and I'll set up a meeting between you and Keller. But on these terms, the boy is mine. I give you what you want, and you give me what I want."

"Agreed." Toby said, looking into Vern's eyes as a confirmation.

"You got yourself a deal." Vern said, grinning widely.

You have no fucking morals whatsoever Toby, Toby said to himself as he walked away from Vern.

***

"Can I talk to you?" Toby asked, turning away from the computer, and staring patiently at Sister Pete.

Sister Pete looked up from the case she was reading, and stared at Toby, she smiled and nodded. "Of course you can."

Toby smiled slightly at her. "I've been thinking," Toby said, pushing himself up from the chair he was sitting on. "Thinking about change, and how I'm in the need of it. I've been doing this job, working for you, for the past five years, I think I am in need for change." Toby stopped, he let out a deep breath. "I want to be transferred to the mail room." Toby announced.

Nonetheless Sister Pete looked shocked. If she had been eating or drinking anything, she just might have started chocking on it. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, this didn't sound anything like the enjoyable but continiously emotionally angsty man that had been working for her the past five years. "I didn't know you were unhappy ... " She started.

"Oh no, I ... " Toby started to say, his eyes hiding the look of pain in them. He really did think of Sister Pete as a friend of his, but right now there were higher priorities on his list, such as Chris Keller. "I'm not unhappy, just bored." Toby said lamely.

The shock continued to come, as Sister Pete listened to the unbelievable words coming out of Toby's mouth. This wasn't at all like him, she knew him, and this wasn't him. His eyes, which usually told everything about him, were now shut off from her. Which scared her, but it wasn't like she could force him to continue to work here. "Okay, when do you want to be transferred?"

"Today." Toby said quickly.

"Today?" Sister Pete asked, her eyes widening a bit.

"Yes, today." Toby said, cutting his emotions off at the moment, he was just moments away ...

"O-Okay, I can do that." Sister said, a bit sadly.

***

"The boy is yours." Toby said, coming into the mail room.

Vern looked up and grinned at Toby. If you had asked Vern Shillenger a day ago, if he thought that Tobias Beecher would be giving up an 'innocent' to him, knowing perfectly well what he had in plan for the boy, Vern would have laughed you in the face. But hell, there was that saying, seeing is believing, and this was damn proof enough. "You got mail to deliever to solitary." Vern said, pushing the cart of mail to Toby, with a devious look in his eyes. A deal was a deal, and at least he got a prag out of it.

Toby grabbed the cart and wheeled it out of the mail room and towards solitary.

Fuck morals, Toby said to himself.