Rating: R
Summary: Keller's going to make sure him and Beecher reunite, no matter what.
Time: Season 5
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, this is all fiction, thank you very much.
Warning: This story is not for someone who doesn't like slash, or violence. In which this story has. This story has been stemmed from the show "Oz", which is rated TV-MA, mature audiences only, as most of the fiction about Oz. There is cussing, violence, relations between two men, murder, etc. The list really does go on. Now after reading this, do you still want to read the story? If so, go ahead, but remember ... I warned you.
RECENTLY - Things develop between Beecher and Miller. Beecher and Keller talk.
***
A Plan Of Action
***
"I want to talk to you Beecher." Came the oddly enough, calm voice of Sister Pete Marie.
Toby looked up from the book he was reading, and stared at the Sister. He stared at her long and hard, his eyes locking into hers, without flinching, he just stared into her eyes. He saw the oldness in them, and he just shrugged, before going back down to his book. He could tell she came here to lecture him or ask him about Guenzel's death or maybe something completely irrevelant and at this given moment Toby couldn't give a crap about what she thought. He wasn't usually this cold, but all he had to do was picture a time back when the Sister wouldn't help him, back when he was Shillenger's prag, and it was obvious he was crying out for help. With that image in his head, Tobias Beecher could be one evil sonofabitch and not feel an ounce of remorse about it. He really did learn from the best. His time with Vern Shillenger had taught him a thing or two about surviving, even though Toby would never admit to that. No way in hell would he admit Vern helped him survive in Oz, but in all reality he did. But that would never be told.
"I think it would be wise if we talked about your part in Guenzel's death." Sister Pete said, sitting down next to Toby.
"And what part would that be?" Toby asked, not tearing his eyes away from his book.
"What was your relationship with Guenzel?" Sister Pete asked.
"I was a friend of his mom and dad. That's pretty much it." Toby said quickly.
"But you wanted to help him before, I saw your attempts in trying to protect him. Why let go of it so easily?" Sister Pete asked.
"You do things in this place that you're not proud of, and maybe, somewhere deep down inside of my body, I wish I could do some things over. But life isn't that easy. The minute you step foot in Oz, you're changed, without knowing it or not. You're put in danger all the time and there is nothing you can do about it. You have to do some shitty things to survive in Oz, because if you don't, then you're a dead man. You tend to forget how being alive used to feel, you learn to not care. You learn to shut your heart off, and yeah it hurts at first, but after you get used to the feeling, everything is just dandy." Toby said, looking up briefly. "People around here look past things, when people are screaming for help, help me ... help me ... all of you just look away, until you WANT to help. Such a crime really. And what happened to Guenzel, was unfortunate. I will pray for his soul, but there is not much more I can do, is there? The rest is up to God, the God that has rejected me as his own. The same God that let my son die, the same God that put me in this shit hole, that let me be raped, that let me be hurt time and time again. The same God that lets Vern Shillenger live day by day, the same God that has a blind eye towards to the cry of anguish from all the victims that he calls his children."
Sister Pete flinched.
"You say we are *all* God's children, I don't believe that." Toby said, standing up. "I think God doesn't love us all, he just loves the people that make his love simple. But when things got rough, when it gets just a little too hard to deal with, God copes out just like all of the chickenshit people around here. So you want to talk about my part in Guenzel's death? Well do you? I may have been a part of it willingly or not, but believe me, there is nothing I could have down to stop this. To stop his unfortunate demise. Don't you dare come here trying to act like the martyr, trying to save another soul, his soul is lost Sister, another lost soul in a word full of lost souls. Will praying help? Will getting down on my knees and crying to Allah, your God, my God, everyone's God, for him to have a safe delievery to where he belongs help make this matter better? Will it help you sleep at night?" Toby asked.
"Will it help *you* sleep Tobias?" Sister Pete finally asked.
"I sleep just fine." Toby snapped. "I still dream of when my wife committed suicide, I dream of all the things Shillenger did to me, I dream of my beautiful son's funeral. Oh yes, I sleep wonderfully, have no doubt about that Sister." Toby replied.
"I can help .. " Sister Pete started.
"Help?" Toby cut her off. "There is no need to help me, I am beyond help. I've been here for five years, five god damn years, I've forgotten who I am. I'm Beecher. I've been through hell, judge me Sister! Hell hath no fury. You want to help me? You're a bit too late for that aren't you? Five years too late. But don't worry, you are the bride of God, you will always know the love of God."
"Tobias ... " Sister Pete said, standing up as Toby did. "God loves you, he is a part of you, he's inside of you."
"If God is a part of me, he's a tumor." Toby said, walking off.
Sister Pete watched Toby walk off, she sighed.
***
"What's your plan here Beech?" O'Reily said, standing in front of Toby, O'Reily quirked an eyebrow. "Because here I am seeing you making buddies with Miller, and y'know, it has me interested. Because from what I hear, Miller will be taking K-Boy's place in the death penalty; so I'm wondering if you have a plan, or you're just getting horny without your boy." O'Reily snapped.
Toby smirked. "Oh I have a plan, but that horny comment doesn't sound so bad now."
O'Reily snorted. "Fuck Beecher, you're one twisted individual. I still remember when you were the pretty lawyer boy, not knowing where to fit in, easily trapped by Shillenger. I've seen you change in Oz, a lot of people have, I've seen you shit on Shillenger and do various other things to that bastard, I've seen you dance around here rhyming, I've seen you mope over K-Boy. So you may fool everyone else, but I know what's up. I know why Guenzel was Shillenger's prag, which led to his death. I see what goes on around here, I keep a close eye on my prospects. You talk about redemption, about wanting God's love, and yet you rather give up an innocent to see your little lover. What is that word Said rants about? Sodomy, yeah, isn't that it? You praticing sodomy left and right. You talk about redemption and wanting to find your path, but what you do, says 'fuck it, fuck it all'. But see where is your God now? I don't see him, I don't see him giving you any love. Making you feel loved. Saving you from the wrong road in life."
Toby shook his head. "And until I see you again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand, remember that Ryan?"
"Good memory." O'Reily said.
"I remember everything that goes around in here. And believe me, I know you had something to do with Howell's murder. So you want to talk about blackmail, talk about being a smart ass, acting like you know it all. Remember, I see a whole damn lot too, so I wouldn't be bragging anytime soon. I hold you in the palm of *my* hand." Toby said, walking off.
O'Reily cursed underneath his breath.
***
"You've ever been in love, besides your wife?" Mikey asked, staring at Toby who was sitting on the top bunk.
Toby sat on the top bunk, reading a magazine, he had snatched from the library. Toby paused, looked up at Mikey and then looked back down, marked his page and then shut the magazine. He put the magazine to the side of him and looked back at Mikey. "Yeah. It was hard, you know? To actually fall in love after the death of Genieve. I actually fell in love unexpectedly, and I sure paid for it later. I still love this person. I couldn't help it. It's ugly and painful, and very fucking twisted, but I know it's love. Unconditional. Through the ugly, through the pain, the heartache, the mindfucks, the physical pain, there is that love shining through it all."
"Sounds painful." Mikey said, leaning against the bunks.
Toby nodded. "Oh it is. That's love for you. On the outside, I thought love was simple, I thought I had everything, and then the minute I stepped in Oz, everything changed, I learned the real meaning of love. Y'know, this person taught me love can be everything you thought about. I'm talking hate, love, anger, pain, betrayal, self-surrender, self-doubt, all that shit. You got it all in one package and it burns inside of you. Like a cross." Toby said, fingering the gold cross necklace he was wearing. "Excactly like a cross burning into your skin, branding you for life. You're branded, and everyone can see it. And you see, in real love, the unconditional sort, you don't care what the others thing, you pretty much wish them off the fucking universe without a second thought. Oh, yeah, that's love. It makes you think at night, think if this is what you want ... you got a ton of self-doubt, but you love that person and you know, that you're not shit without this person. A question was once asked, can you ever love someone too much? Hell yeah."
Mikey pursed his lips. "Is this person a guy or a female?"
"Guy, that's all you pretty much got here in Oz." Toby said, shrugging. "You have to take what you can."
"Where is this guy now?" Mikey asked, his eyes searching Toby's, finding he found everything interesting in there.
"Not that far away, but he seems too far away. It seems like there are a million obstactles standing in our way, and I just want to tear them all down. I want to kill and crush everything that stands in our way. I just want it to be us. He's like a drug to me. An addiction. I need him near me. I need his touch. His graze. His looks. I need all of him." Toby said, looking out the prison pod. "It's painful, knowing that you're so close to someone, yet so far away. So fucking painful."
Mikey continued to stare at Toby. There was something about his eyes, Mikey was addicted to them. The last thing he had been addicted to was Chis Keller, but Toby was so much more addicting. Just the way he looked, acted, everything about him. Mikey felt as if he would do anything for Toby, only if Toby would ask him too. "Well do something about it." Mikey replied.
"Oh believe me, I am." Toby said quietly. "It's just taking longer than I expected it to ... "
***
Baby
can you tell me
Just
where we fit in
I
call it love
They
call it living in sin
Is
it you and me
Or
just this world we live in
I
say we're living on love
They
say we're living in sin
Chris laid in the cell bed, as a particular verse of a Jon Bon Jovi song came to mind; sorta reminded him of him and Toby. Living in sin, he loved that line. That was definitely him and Toby. Sodomy or whatever the hell "they" liked calling it, was a sin, pure and simple and for the longest time, Chris didn't want any of that shit. He screwed and killed 'em. But now he would be glad to be living in a world of sin, he didn't give a fucking shit. It was just him and Toby. Toby and him. Everything else didn't matter.
How could he feel so close, yet so far away from Toby? He needed to get out of this damn cell, he needed to be back in Em City, he needed to be in the same pod as Toby, to touch him ... touch him in places where no one else can touch him. Oh yeah, he was the master in doing that. He needed to kiss Toby ... rough, then gentle, then a mix in the between, then all over again.
This cell was too small. It was killing him. He never knew he could miss someone this *much*. It was crazy. He had never missed anything in his life, and he was dying because of how much he missed Toby. Without Toby near him, inside of him, Chris was dying. God, he just wanted to tear open these bars on his own. He would, if he could. If that would bring him closer to what he wanted. It was a yearning, something that grew and grew and grew until you couldn't handle it. You just wanted to scream.
Fuck, Chris thought as he rubbed his face. I've got to get outta here.
***
"So tell me about this plan." O'Reily hissed in Toby's ear, as he sat next to Toby, as they all watched television. "Because I'm fucking curious. I'm a part of this shit too, you know, so fill me in." O'Reily demanded in a low whisper.
Toby didn't even flinch or turn to look at O'Reily, all he did was scoot his chair closer to him, so they were in a better whispering range." Miller has grown quite an attachment to me, as you can see." Toby said, quietly.
"I've seen." O'Reily mused.
"He's already wanting to know everything about me, about my life, my thoughts, my feelings, the list goes on. I interest him, he is obviously feeling something. I can use those emotions against him. I'll get him to a point where he would do anything my little heart desired, only if I would ask him. Once I have him to that point, I've got what I want." Toby said confidentally.
"You're going to get the little sucker to love you, so he'll confess?" O'Reily whispered.
"Exactly." Toby whispered back.
"Fucking
brillant." O'Reily said, grinning.