Several hours later and I still don't know what to do. I glance at the clock and see that it's 3 a.m. Damn, and
I'm supposed to be up and about in a few hours.
To be honest, I'm not even sure how I made myself back to the room Jean and I are sharing. I gave Marie
a goodnight kiss and went back here but how long ago is that? One hour? Two? I have no idea.
For now this is our room anyway. If there's one thing I know, it's that I must break up with Jean
somehow but without hurting her more than she's already hurting.
How the hell am I supposed to do that? I can't really say "Hey Jean, I'm sorry but could you please
move to an empty room because Rogue's gonna take your place here" can I? No. I wouldn't do that
even if I hated her guts. Which I don't. She's a good woman and I'm sure there's someone out there
somewhere that will make both her and him very happy one day. A man with more in common with Jean than I
have.
It's funny really. I always thought that I would be more distressed and upset over the thought of
Jean being with someone that's not me. But I'm not. I wonder why but I guess it's natures way
of telling me it wasn't meant to be.
But I can't seem to make up my mind over how to end things between us. We've been together for far
too long for it to be easy. Or easier is maybe a better word. It's never easy to break up.
Hah! I make it really sound like I have the record in broken relationships really, when I have
never been with anyone but Jean and Abby.
Two relationships. Ironic really that the one I loved ended up hurting me so badly and now I
seem to be doing the same thing to Jean, neither wanting to hurt the other one but it happened
just the same. Will it be the same if or when Marie and I would end up being together? Who
knows?
God, when did I become this pessimistic?
Jean, Abby, Marie and Joanne. Important people in my life, all of them. Abby for being the
first true love of my life and being the mother of my daughter. Joanne for being my
daughter. True, I don't know her that well yet or she me but I think and hope we will be
able to have a good relationship in time, even if it may never be a true father/daughter
one. Jean because of the love we used to share, despite our differences, and that she
was the first woman I didn't need to hide my mutation from. And Marie, since I want to
think of her as my future.
Anyway, Jean's been too an important part of my life for the last few years for me to be able to
end it just like that. It would be just cruel. I may be many things but cruel's not amongst
them.
So what do I do about it? Nothing it seems, except for repeating those arguments ad nauseum.
That won't do anyone any good will it? No, not at all.
Somewhat later I was finally able to fall asleep. Or more to the truth - too exhausted both
mentally and physically to stay awake any longer. There's a limit in how much a man can take
and I had finally reached it.
When I woke up later on, I did what I usually do in the mornings. Instinctively reach for the
alarm clock. This time for no use though since it's not ringing. But it does show me that I've
overslept. Good thing it's Saturday so I don't have any classes to teach.
That's when I notice it. There's a note next to the alarm-clock. I take it and starts to
read:
"Scott,
I'm so sorry I have to do it this way. Please don't hate me, but it just kills
me to see your daughter around here. Your daughter and the attachment that the both
of you have towards Rogue.
I know it's petty of me but it's just the way I am. I may be able to deal with
it someday but not now. Right now it hurts too much to see that you care more
about your daughter and Rogue than you care about me, no matter if I'm right
or wrong.
That's why I need to leave this place for awhile. I don't know for how long
just yet but I do know that I will one day return. The day when I've gotten
over the fact that you never really loved me, even though you thought you
did. I have no doubt about that.
I'm really sorry that I over-reacted last night when I saw you with Rogue,
and what I said. Both then and when I heard that Joanne was coming here.
I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, not for you and not for me
but I say this with the deepest sincerity,
Do what you feel you have to do to be happy. With Joanne, your life at the mansion
and with Rogue if she's the one you truly love.
I would have felt much better if you would have wanted to build a life together
with me but fate didn't want it that way. Just so you know, I'm not bitter about
it. It's just too much to handle at this time. One day I will be, or so I tell myself.
This is getting too long so I will end it now and will just say,
Be happy for you and for me, until we meet again.
Love,
Jean (p.s. Say good-bye to everyone for me)
I need to sit down. For a long time. This is just too much. I'm overwhelmed.
I've known Jean for quite some time now and she still has the ability to
surprise me. This was the last thing I would have expected her to do. Not
the running part. That I can understand, it's probably what I would have done
myself if I had been in her shoes.
The fact that she gave me the blessings to go ahead to pursue a relationship
with Rogue is a shock though. I was pretty damn sure Jean wouldn't take a
defeat this easily, I thought she would have fought something fierce.
But maybe she did in her own way and I was just too stupid to see it. I don't
know and maybe I never will.
I open a drawer in the bedside table to put away the note, a note I will always try
to keep safe, when I see it.
She gave me the engagement ring back too. I can understand why, but I really wish she
would have kept that one. As a memory if nothing else. When it's not too painful anymore.
Well, I'll keep it safe for her if she ever wants it back. Whenever she's gotten
some perspective on things she might want to.
But this leaves me with another predicament: how do I tell Charles and all the others
of this?
I'm supposed to be up and about in a few hours.
To be honest, I'm not even sure how I made myself back to the room Jean and I are sharing. I gave Marie
a goodnight kiss and went back here but how long ago is that? One hour? Two? I have no idea.
For now this is our room anyway. If there's one thing I know, it's that I must break up with Jean
somehow but without hurting her more than she's already hurting.
How the hell am I supposed to do that? I can't really say "Hey Jean, I'm sorry but could you please
move to an empty room because Rogue's gonna take your place here" can I? No. I wouldn't do that
even if I hated her guts. Which I don't. She's a good woman and I'm sure there's someone out there
somewhere that will make both her and him very happy one day. A man with more in common with Jean than I
have.
It's funny really. I always thought that I would be more distressed and upset over the thought of
Jean being with someone that's not me. But I'm not. I wonder why but I guess it's natures way
of telling me it wasn't meant to be.
But I can't seem to make up my mind over how to end things between us. We've been together for far
too long for it to be easy. Or easier is maybe a better word. It's never easy to break up.
Hah! I make it really sound like I have the record in broken relationships really, when I have
never been with anyone but Jean and Abby.
Two relationships. Ironic really that the one I loved ended up hurting me so badly and now I
seem to be doing the same thing to Jean, neither wanting to hurt the other one but it happened
just the same. Will it be the same if or when Marie and I would end up being together? Who
knows?
God, when did I become this pessimistic?
Jean, Abby, Marie and Joanne. Important people in my life, all of them. Abby for being the
first true love of my life and being the mother of my daughter. Joanne for being my
daughter. True, I don't know her that well yet or she me but I think and hope we will be
able to have a good relationship in time, even if it may never be a true father/daughter
one. Jean because of the love we used to share, despite our differences, and that she
was the first woman I didn't need to hide my mutation from. And Marie, since I want to
think of her as my future.
Anyway, Jean's been too an important part of my life for the last few years for me to be able to
end it just like that. It would be just cruel. I may be many things but cruel's not amongst
them.
So what do I do about it? Nothing it seems, except for repeating those arguments ad nauseum.
That won't do anyone any good will it? No, not at all.
Somewhat later I was finally able to fall asleep. Or more to the truth - too exhausted both
mentally and physically to stay awake any longer. There's a limit in how much a man can take
and I had finally reached it.
When I woke up later on, I did what I usually do in the mornings. Instinctively reach for the
alarm clock. This time for no use though since it's not ringing. But it does show me that I've
overslept. Good thing it's Saturday so I don't have any classes to teach.
That's when I notice it. There's a note next to the alarm-clock. I take it and starts to
read:
"Scott,
I'm so sorry I have to do it this way. Please don't hate me, but it just kills
me to see your daughter around here. Your daughter and the attachment that the both
of you have towards Rogue.
I know it's petty of me but it's just the way I am. I may be able to deal with
it someday but not now. Right now it hurts too much to see that you care more
about your daughter and Rogue than you care about me, no matter if I'm right
or wrong.
That's why I need to leave this place for awhile. I don't know for how long
just yet but I do know that I will one day return. The day when I've gotten
over the fact that you never really loved me, even though you thought you
did. I have no doubt about that.
I'm really sorry that I over-reacted last night when I saw you with Rogue,
and what I said. Both then and when I heard that Joanne was coming here.
I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, not for you and not for me
but I say this with the deepest sincerity,
Do what you feel you have to do to be happy. With Joanne, your life at the mansion
and with Rogue if she's the one you truly love.
I would have felt much better if you would have wanted to build a life together
with me but fate didn't want it that way. Just so you know, I'm not bitter about
it. It's just too much to handle at this time. One day I will be, or so I tell myself.
This is getting too long so I will end it now and will just say,
Be happy for you and for me, until we meet again.
Love,
Jean (p.s. Say good-bye to everyone for me)
I need to sit down. For a long time. This is just too much. I'm overwhelmed.
I've known Jean for quite some time now and she still has the ability to
surprise me. This was the last thing I would have expected her to do. Not
the running part. That I can understand, it's probably what I would have done
myself if I had been in her shoes.
The fact that she gave me the blessings to go ahead to pursue a relationship
with Rogue is a shock though. I was pretty damn sure Jean wouldn't take a
defeat this easily, I thought she would have fought something fierce.
But maybe she did in her own way and I was just too stupid to see it. I don't
know and maybe I never will.
I open a drawer in the bedside table to put away the note, a note I will always try
to keep safe, when I see it.
She gave me the engagement ring back too. I can understand why, but I really wish she
would have kept that one. As a memory if nothing else. When it's not too painful anymore.
Well, I'll keep it safe for her if she ever wants it back. Whenever she's gotten
some perspective on things she might want to.
But this leaves me with another predicament: how do I tell Charles and all the others
of this?