Deja Vu
That was what I felt. There's just no other words to describe it. Lost and lost again.
That and very indecisive. What would I tell Charles?
Never has the nickname "Fearless leader" felt less appropiate. A leader can't
be indescisive, that's a lesson both life and Charles have taught me time and time
again and I most certainly don't feel fearless either, which makes it all the more
absurd.
I have nothing to fear from Charles, that I do know from the very bottom of my heart. He's
like a father to me for crying out loud, not to mention mentor and a very dear friend
even if I have a problem expressing the last thing to him in the right way. It's sorta
hard to express friendship to one you respect as much as I respect him.
No reason and yet it feels like it did when I got caught shoplifting back as a kid and
was waiting for my parents to show up at the store with the mother of all disappointed looks
on their faces.
Like I said, very silly indeed.
Well, no point in staying in here hiding is there Summers? Whatever happens happens and
it won't get any easier the longer I try to stall things. Just grab the bull by the horns.
I left my room and almost instantly bumped into Marie and Joanne. They were just outside
the room in fact and I almost hit Joanne with the door by accident.
"Hi, Scott" Marie said, "Joanne and I was just gonna ask you if you wanna join us for
breakfast?"
Normally, I would have jumped with joy over such an idea. Who wouldn't wanna spend as
much time as possible with his daughter and a beutiful woman like Marie? The timing
couldn't be worse though because right now I really need to talk with Charles. Immediately
or I will surely lose my nerve.
"If you don't mind having a late breakfast, I'd love to. I do need to talk to the
Professor first though."
"Something the matter?"
"You could say that. Jean's left."
"Left? What on earth are you talkin' about sugar? Where is she?"
Sugar? Is that some southern endearment? No idea but I love the sound of it.
"I have no idea where she is. She just a left a note saying she had to leave
the Mansion for awhile."
"Go on then. Joanne and I will wait for you and after breakfast we'll have some
quality time together, right sweetie?"
"Yeah. Just hurry! I'm starving!"
"In that case, go ahead without me. Wouldn't want a sweet girl like you go starving
now would I?" I answer before giving Joanne a kiss on her forehead.
They both just smiled and pushed me on my way, pleading with me to hurry up.
And who am I to turn down that, even if I wanted to? Just not possible, let me
tell you.
I quickly make myself to the Professors office, knowing that he will be in there already.
He's much more a creature of habit than I am, and they call me the one with the pole
up his ass. I knock on the door and surely enough I hear Charles answer with "Come in
Scott" mere seconds after.
"Here goes nothing" I have time to think before I enter his office.
"Good morning Scott. Can I offer you some tea?"
"No thank you. I need to talk to you about something."
He looks up and manuevers his wheelchair so he comes closer to me.
"About what? By the look on your face it seems like it's something grave."
I hesistate and sorta stumble over the words. "Well, you see..it's ah" then I stop,
don't really knowing what to say.
"Scott?"
Oh, to hell with it. "Well, Jean's left the mansion. I don't know if you knew that or not."
He looks shocked so no, he didn't know. "Left? Why on earth would she do that?"
What do I say? What do I say? "Eh, well. She sorta couldn't handle me suddenly
having a daughter here and was um, thinking I was cheating on her with Rogue. Said
she couldn't handle that I had never really loved her. She broke of the engagement
and well, ran away."
Charles just sighs. "Well, was she right?"
"No. You know I would never cheat on her and well, I did love her. At least I thought
I did but it just wasn't there anymore."
"And Rogue?"
"What about her?"
"Well, I can sense that there's more than friendship between the two of
you. Isn't there?"
I could have sworn I saw a smirk there.
"No point in denying that."
"So, she's your new girlfriend is she?"
"No, at least not yet. Why are you suddenly so interested in my love life?"
Now there definately was a smirk there. "Come on Scott. The only reason you've been
hesistant in telling me all of this is that you're afraid that I would be judgemental
in one way or the other. Perhaps by telling you that you haven't handled things as
smoothly as you could have or that by starting to date Rogue you would have made
a mistake or that she's too young."
Is he right? Hm, maybe that was what I was afraid of. Damn, I've been acting like
a love-struck 14-year old. "No offense Charles, but you can be rather intimidating
without meaning too".
"None taken" he said, smiling, before continueing "Neither you, Jean or
Rogue have done anything wrong here. You can't rule over what your heart tells
you, can you? I'm sure Jean will get over this eventually, she's a strong woman.
I'll try to get in touch with her, telling her we all understand and hope that she
returns soon. Now, go out and have that breakfast with your family you've put off
for far enough. And don't you try to deny it. You're projecting that feeling too
strongly for me to misread it."
Family? Well, the family I want to have anyway. And the family I'm gonna fight for if I
have to.
That was what I felt. There's just no other words to describe it. Lost and lost again.
That and very indecisive. What would I tell Charles?
Never has the nickname "Fearless leader" felt less appropiate. A leader can't
be indescisive, that's a lesson both life and Charles have taught me time and time
again and I most certainly don't feel fearless either, which makes it all the more
absurd.
I have nothing to fear from Charles, that I do know from the very bottom of my heart. He's
like a father to me for crying out loud, not to mention mentor and a very dear friend
even if I have a problem expressing the last thing to him in the right way. It's sorta
hard to express friendship to one you respect as much as I respect him.
No reason and yet it feels like it did when I got caught shoplifting back as a kid and
was waiting for my parents to show up at the store with the mother of all disappointed looks
on their faces.
Like I said, very silly indeed.
Well, no point in staying in here hiding is there Summers? Whatever happens happens and
it won't get any easier the longer I try to stall things. Just grab the bull by the horns.
I left my room and almost instantly bumped into Marie and Joanne. They were just outside
the room in fact and I almost hit Joanne with the door by accident.
"Hi, Scott" Marie said, "Joanne and I was just gonna ask you if you wanna join us for
breakfast?"
Normally, I would have jumped with joy over such an idea. Who wouldn't wanna spend as
much time as possible with his daughter and a beutiful woman like Marie? The timing
couldn't be worse though because right now I really need to talk with Charles. Immediately
or I will surely lose my nerve.
"If you don't mind having a late breakfast, I'd love to. I do need to talk to the
Professor first though."
"Something the matter?"
"You could say that. Jean's left."
"Left? What on earth are you talkin' about sugar? Where is she?"
Sugar? Is that some southern endearment? No idea but I love the sound of it.
"I have no idea where she is. She just a left a note saying she had to leave
the Mansion for awhile."
"Go on then. Joanne and I will wait for you and after breakfast we'll have some
quality time together, right sweetie?"
"Yeah. Just hurry! I'm starving!"
"In that case, go ahead without me. Wouldn't want a sweet girl like you go starving
now would I?" I answer before giving Joanne a kiss on her forehead.
They both just smiled and pushed me on my way, pleading with me to hurry up.
And who am I to turn down that, even if I wanted to? Just not possible, let me
tell you.
I quickly make myself to the Professors office, knowing that he will be in there already.
He's much more a creature of habit than I am, and they call me the one with the pole
up his ass. I knock on the door and surely enough I hear Charles answer with "Come in
Scott" mere seconds after.
"Here goes nothing" I have time to think before I enter his office.
"Good morning Scott. Can I offer you some tea?"
"No thank you. I need to talk to you about something."
He looks up and manuevers his wheelchair so he comes closer to me.
"About what? By the look on your face it seems like it's something grave."
I hesistate and sorta stumble over the words. "Well, you see..it's ah" then I stop,
don't really knowing what to say.
"Scott?"
Oh, to hell with it. "Well, Jean's left the mansion. I don't know if you knew that or not."
He looks shocked so no, he didn't know. "Left? Why on earth would she do that?"
What do I say? What do I say? "Eh, well. She sorta couldn't handle me suddenly
having a daughter here and was um, thinking I was cheating on her with Rogue. Said
she couldn't handle that I had never really loved her. She broke of the engagement
and well, ran away."
Charles just sighs. "Well, was she right?"
"No. You know I would never cheat on her and well, I did love her. At least I thought
I did but it just wasn't there anymore."
"And Rogue?"
"What about her?"
"Well, I can sense that there's more than friendship between the two of
you. Isn't there?"
I could have sworn I saw a smirk there.
"No point in denying that."
"So, she's your new girlfriend is she?"
"No, at least not yet. Why are you suddenly so interested in my love life?"
Now there definately was a smirk there. "Come on Scott. The only reason you've been
hesistant in telling me all of this is that you're afraid that I would be judgemental
in one way or the other. Perhaps by telling you that you haven't handled things as
smoothly as you could have or that by starting to date Rogue you would have made
a mistake or that she's too young."
Is he right? Hm, maybe that was what I was afraid of. Damn, I've been acting like
a love-struck 14-year old. "No offense Charles, but you can be rather intimidating
without meaning too".
"None taken" he said, smiling, before continueing "Neither you, Jean or
Rogue have done anything wrong here. You can't rule over what your heart tells
you, can you? I'm sure Jean will get over this eventually, she's a strong woman.
I'll try to get in touch with her, telling her we all understand and hope that she
returns soon. Now, go out and have that breakfast with your family you've put off
for far enough. And don't you try to deny it. You're projecting that feeling too
strongly for me to misread it."
Family? Well, the family I want to have anyway. And the family I'm gonna fight for if I
have to.