Author's Note: This next part is a complete diversion from the show. We have not yet gotten to the episode, "P.S. I Lo..."
Part Four
The government project came and went and everyone involved earned an A. 'Naturally,' thought Paris. 'It was my group.'
The Polka of Avoidance hadn't stopped, it had just mutated into something more like...a mazurka. Paris shook her head free of the analogy, dance was not her forte.
In any case, neither Rory nor Tristan had confessed fellow feelings of admiration. It was still look, turn away while the other wasn't looking. Except that now Paris was used as a shield. She didn't mind so much, she found it amusing. She liked to think of it a study of human behavior.
Paris swung her legs from the decorative wall in the Court Mall. It was week three of the Gellar-Kim-Gilmore Hartford Mall tour, a name instituted by Lorelei. She liked Lorelei, she had from the night of the Bangles concert. And Lane was nice, very enthusiastic and willing to fill in any awkward silence. She and Rory maintained a rivalry slash friendship that Tristan did not intrude on even though he was tied with the both of them for highest cumulative grade point average. Tristan was an odd point since Rory and he did not spend time with each other outside of school, but both spent time with Paris. 'It's like I'm their child and they've got joint custody.' She didn't mind that too much either. Intelligent company was refreshing from her peer group.
Time spent with Tristan was a revelation. The would not have made a good couple. Way too much alike each other and way too much like their own parents. But friends was good even he spent about ninety to nine-five per cent of his time mooning over Rory.
There was no blatant mooning on Rory's part. But that didn't cause Paris any concern.
She'd seen Rory's knuckles turn white when Lola Rockford had given Tristan's butt an affectionate and exploratory squeeze. Dean, Schmene.
"Hey, Paris!" Lane waved as they walked towards her.
Paris waved back. "Let's see a movie today."
Lane frowned, but Rory said, "Okay."
They fell into step on the way to the mall theater. In a tremendous exercise of synchronized walking, Lorelei and Lane sandwiched Paris between them.
"I thought we were finally going to get you to buy something today," Lorelei said. "Don't think you can escape it."
"Just follow my lead, okay," Paris said.
Lane and Lorelei made small o's of amazement with their mouths. Paris had a plan. And if they knew Paris it was an evil plan.
The two high-fived and giggled behind Paris' back as Paris caught up with Rory.
"What's the sudden urge for cinema?" Rory asked.
"Johnny Depp."
"I didn't know you were a fan of Johnny Depp."
"Twenty-One Jump Street is my secret vice," Paris said by way of vague explanation.
"You can't tell at all. You look completely normal."
"What's a Johnny Depp fan supposed to look like?"
Rory paused before pointing, "Like them."
Two girls wearing tight flares and halter tops were standing by the theater entrance. Both had heavy jewelry and heavier make-up. They probably had a combined age of twenty-two.
"Middle school girls," Lane said disparagingly.
"Yeah," Lorelei joined in. "We were never that young."
Rory looked at her mother.
"Just going with the flow. Sorry."
The two girls in question began to flutter and giggle uncontrollably.
"Who put a fox in their henhouse?" Lorelei said.
"More like a snake," Rory said. "There's Tristan."
Sure enough, the middle school girls were headed towards Tristan.
"That's not Tristan," Lane said.
"I have got to back to high school," Lorelei sighed, "if that's how they build them these days.
He caught Paris' eye and mouthed 'Save me.'
"It is," she confirmed, "and he's raising the white flag. Let's go save him."
Lorelei looked at her daughter, "You never told me he was cute."
"So?"
Paris whipped around and smirked, "So you think Tristan's cute?"
"So do you."
"A long time ago." Paris smiled mysteriously.
As they approached Tristan and his fan club, they could see him bobbing his head up and down. "I do have a girlfriend. I do. Tell them, Paris."
"He does, she's right there."
Paris pointed at Rory.
***
Which is how Lane, Lorelei, Rory, Paris, and Tristan ended up in the third row of theater two watching "Blow." Before the first preview ended, Paris got up. "I need pretzels."
She gave Lorelei and Lane each a significant look.
Within ten minutes, Lorelei and Lane had met her by the refreshment stand. She was smiling smugly.
"You do realize we've just left my daughter alone in a dark theater with someone she calls 'The Evil One' when she's being nice."
Paris waved her hand dismissively. "She can thank me later."
Lane cupped her hands together to form a megaphone, "Ladies and gentlemen, this set-up has been presented by Paris Gellar, matchmaker extraordinaire."
Lorelei laughed, "How very Fiddler on the Roof of you."
Paris glared at the older woman, "Call me Yente and die."
Lorelei only loped her arm around Paris and beamed, "Onward ho, bebe's awaits!"
***
"My mother says the color pink makes my head look small."
"Interesting," Lorelei pursed her lips. "I grew up with my mother telling me my head was unusually large."
"Maybe it's something they teach at the Hartford Wives' School."
Lane shook her head, "Novices. Now forget about the color and try shirt on."
Paris sought to distract her, "So I heard Henry Park mention you the other day."
"Really?" Lane jumped. "Tell me everything!"
Lane was sweet, harmless. Paris wondered what they put in the water at Stars Hollow that made them that way. Louis and Madeline were her closest friends until now but with them, everything had an ulterior motive. Paris knew she herself was the same. She never did anything if she wasn't going to benefit.
"Uh uh," Lorelei crossed her arms. "You can talk from the dressing room."
She pushed the light pink butterfly sleeved blouse into Paris' arms and frogmarched her to the dressing rooms.
"Henry now, please?"
"He was complaining about the Bio final and Jung's latest paper. He said it was too much work but when he finished he was going to celebrate by asking you out."
"Ooh."
"Don't get your hopes up. With Chilton's load, he's booked until May." Paris could practically see Lane fall in on herself through the changing room door. "I mean, I'm sure he's only waiting because he wants...to concentrate on you. Fully."
"You think?"
"Nice save, Paris," Lorelei said not unkindly. "Now get your cute butt out here."
Paris took a deep breath.
Dead silence.
"Wow. That top was made for you. Look at yourself in the mirror."
And it was like seeing another person.
Her hair had broken free of the tight bun to float around her face. The top likewise floated and the scoop of the neck made her look all delicate...and dear god, she had a waist.
"This is a fabulous little top." Paris turned around and peered over her shoulder at her reflection.
Lane sighed. "I need some ugly friends."
Paris beamed at the declaration of friendship. "Is this why people go shopping?"
"The shiny, glow-y feeling?"
Paris nodded.
"Absolutely."
"It was never this fun with my mother," she said sadly.
Lorelei put her arm around Paris and lay her chin on the girl's shoulder. "Sometimes it's like that, honey."
Paris looked at herself again.
"I think we've created an ego," Lane said playfully.
"It's just the shirt," Paris said. "It's like a miracle shirt. Clothes don't look like this on me. Ever."
"Ooh, makeover!"
Paris flinched. "Madeline and Louise tried that already."
Lorelei had an idea that Madeline and Louise had probably gone the kamikaze-makeover route. "We'll be gentle."
Lane was smiling thoughtfully. "You know that blazer? Do you have to wear that?"
"It's a Chilton blazer."
"But you can wear other things, right?"
Paris shrugged, "We get some choices, it's not the gulag. Plaid skirt, white or blue blouse. Knee highs, pantyhose, or stockings. The blazer or a sweater in navy or grey."
"What about the bow?"
"Required."
"Oh," Lane's face fell. Then she smiled. "Well, still."
"Still what," Paris said suspiciously.
"We can get you new uniforms."
Paris rolled her eyes.
"Look in the mirror," Lane said. "The girl in that mirror would say no to shoulder pads."
"But would she make phi beta kappa?"
"I don't know. What's that?" Lane shook her head. "It doesn't matter. They're just clothes. It doesn't change your personality or drag down IQ."
"Well, if they're just clothes, why are you making such a big deal out it?"
"Because you were preening and it made you happy. And I'm your friend so I want you to-!" Lane growled in frustration. "Because clothes can make you feel good. They can be expressive. Look at me. I like music so I wear a lot of band shirts. But when I change back into my convent clothes, I'm still me."
"Well, how are my clothes supposed to be expressive if you make me over?"
"Us! It's not like I'm going to point and tell you to buy something. You do get a say. Don't be silly, besides it's your money."
"Oh."
Lorelei stood in the background and smiled when the look of revelation overtook Paris' face. Paris might not have bear-hugged Lane, but the sentiment was there. She stepped forward, "Let's go to Daisy Maze, I saw some monkey earrings that just screamed 'I'm the valedictorian, nanny nanny boo boo!'"
***
"Are those...hippos smiling?"
Rory leaned over the table to peer at Paris' ears.
"I couldn't talk her into the monkeys," Lorelei said.
"The hippos are good," Rory said. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the bags at their feet, "There better be some pretzels in there."
"What?"
"Pretzels. You said you were going to get pretzels." She poked the ear in the direction of her mother and Lane. "You said you had to go to the bathroom. And you said you had to report to the warden."
Lorelei shrugged, "The mall sang it's siren song. We couldn't help it."
Lane nodded, "We have no will power."
Paris only smirked.
"You've got that smirk down pat. You know you've been spending too much time with Tristan."
"Jealous?"
"No," Rory became flustered. "Why would I be jealous?"
"Everyone who thinks Rory and Tristan-"
Before Paris could finish the question, Lorelei and Lane raised their hands high in the air.
Rory huffed. "Dean-"
'Uh, oh,' Paris thought.
Lane caught her eye and mouthed, "Later."
"Oh," Lane said aloud, "Why don't we all go to my house. You can see the mauling bear. Maybe you'll want to buy it."
Paris looked at her doubtfully.
"Well," Lane continued. "You could just give us a fashion show."
"How much does the mauling bear cost?"
Rory rolled her eyes, "I wanna see the clothes. You owe me."
"I think that it's the other way around." Paris rolled her eyes, "Besides, a fashion show? We've got a bio final coming up."
"Give it a rest," Rory said. "We're sixteen. Let's be wild. I'll tell you what. Think about it like this. If you give me a fashion show, I won't be studying. You're bound to do better than me on the test and I'll be choking on your smarty pants dust."
Paris pretended to mull it over. "Okay."
***
"Do you want some chocolate? Coffee?"
"No, I'm dairy free, but thank you."
The small woman continued to prowl around Paris, "You have a boyfriend?"
"No..."
"What are your future plans?"
"Cancer research, I want to be doctor."
Mrs. Kim's head snapped in a crisp nod at the magic word, "Good. And you have clear skin. Very good. You may stay."
Lane led the other two girls up to her room.
"That's the nicest thing I've ever heard her say," Rory smiled. "Now I'm jealous of you. Mrs. Kim likes you; Lane makes you over-"
"I'm not trying to steal your best friend," Paris said defensively.
"Girls, girls, there is enough Lane Kim sidekick-goodness to go around."
Paris gave her a sly look, "Is there enough for Henry, too?"
Rory chimed in, "I think Lane wants to give him a different kind of goodness."
Lane gasped. "You did not just say that."
"I can say it, too, if it'll help you believe it," Paris offered.
Rory narrowed her eyes, "So who do you want to give sweet Gellar goodness to? That junior?"
"I don't know what you're-"
"Oh, so you can dish it because you can't take it?"
"You're one to talk, Mrs. DuGrey."
"Dean-"
"Whatever." Paris crossed her arms. "He's got floppy hair."
"Ding ding!" Lane acted as the referee. "You," she pointed to Paris, "go change in the bathroom. You," she pointed to Rory, "go sit in the corner or pick out some music."
Paris watched Rory pry up floorboards to reveal cds. "Why-"
"Long story," Lane said, "I'll introduce you to my filing system after the fashion show."
***
To be continued...