Rick pushes aside some debris and stands up on the moving bus.
RICK: Whoa, I'm surfing!
The bus is now driving over that really, really, big bridge in London. It pulls over somewhere in the middle.
ALEX: They should take away your license, Uncle Jon!
JONATHAN: Gah... goo... gee.... uhhh......
Cut to the first floor of the bus. Rick has somehow gotten down there, even though the stairway is blocked with shaved-off metal. Rick looks at Ardeth.
RICK: You all right?
ARDETH: This was... my first bus ride.
Evy motions Rick towards her.
EVY: What would I do without you?
RICK: A heckuva lot less, I'd say.
They kiss.
ALEX: Oh, jeez, get a room!
Alex walks to the back of the bus. Suddenly someone reaches over and grabs him. They pull Alex out of the bus.
ALEX: Let... go! Gah! Erasers! Cinnamon buns! Help!
Rick and Evy look up and run after him.
RICK: ALEX!!!
We see some men in red pushing Alex into their car. They start to drive off with one of their doors open. Rick chases after the car.
RICK: STOP!!! YOUR DOOR'S OPEN!!!
We see some guy pulling the correct switches to make the bridge go up. He runs out and gets in the car, too. Rick still chases after the car.
EVY: Maybe he thinks he's a dog...
The bridge begins to go up. The car is already on the other side of the bridge, but Rick still runs after it. He comes to the end of their bridge half and jumps. He misses and lands in the water below.
EVY: RICK!!!
Cut to a balcony. Meela is standing on it, looking out at London. Imhotep, wearing his pink swim trunks, approaches her.
IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): I shall now go to Oh-Wah-Ta-Gu-Siam and kill the Scorpion Princess.
MEELA (SUBTITLED): And with his Army we shall rule the world... together.
Imhotep nods as the curator butts in.
CURATOR (SUBTITLED): My Lord, there is something you must know. They have the gold stick thing. I have seen it.
IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): By the time we reach Oh-Wah-Ta-Gu-Siam, my powers will have regenerated, and I will have no need for the gold stick thing.
He begins to walk over to Meela, who steps backwards against a wall. He starts to put his mouth against hers.
MEELA (SUBTITLED): Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a sec. Here. Have this first.
She hands him a breath mint. He pops it in his mouth and gives the camera a cheesy grin.
IMHOTEP: Wint-O-Green.
After he sucks on it for a minute, he bites it. We can see sparks fly out of his mouth.
AUDIENCE: Oooooooo…
After he swallows it he goes back to try and kiss Meela. She still looks nervous so he transports the scenery to that of Ancient Egypt.
AUDIENCE: Oooooooo…
MEELA: Oooooooo…
They look around for a second before they finally kiss. About halfway through Imhotep brings them back to the real world.
AUDIENCE: EWW!!!
They finish kissing. Meela looks a little queasy. Imhotep leaves. Meela throws up.
PATRICIA: Why... the... hell... did... I... let... you... talk... me... into... that?
Dylan hands her a toothbrush and some mouthwash. Patricia grabs it and leaves the screen, still retching. Dylan laughs.
Cut back to the O'Connells. Rick is wrapped in a blanket, shivering. Ardeth walks up to them.
ARDETH: Do not fear for your son, my friends. They cannot hurt him, for he wears the tutu of Anubis.
EVY: Alex is wearing the tutu?!?
RICK: When he put it on he said he saw the pyramids at 'that place', he saw the ruins at 'that other place'...
ARDETH: And when they get to 'that other place' the tutu will show him the next step of the journey.
EVY: Well then if we don't get to Karnak before them we won't know where to look for them next.
RICK: Who said it was Karnak?
EVY: Haven't you read the script?
RICK: Uhh...
ARDETH: Oh God...
RICK: It seems to me, like we need a magic carpet.
Cut to the bottom of a train. The whistle blows and steam starts pouring out of it. It moves forward very slowly.
TRAIN: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.
We see men in red standing on top of the train. One man loses his balance and falls off, screaming like a women.
SUBTITLES: CAIRO, EGYPT
Cut to the inside of a boxcar. Meela and the curator are talking.
CURATOR: When Lord Imhotep last encountered the O'Connells, they sent his immortal soul to Sesame Street. As powerful as he will become he is still vulnerable.
CURATOR: Only with the Army of Blast-Ended Skrewts will he be invincible.
He takes out the Book of the Dead and waves his hand over it, chanting something we can't understand. He hands the book to Meela.
CURATOR: Keep this with you always.
MEELA: But it's so big and heavy! Where will I keep it?
CURATOR: I don't know. In your pocket.
MEELA: But there's a hole in my pocket, dear Liza, dear Liza. There's a hole in my pocket dear Liza, a hole.
CURATOR: Then fix it dear--
Suddenly Lock-Jaw enters, carrying Alex.
ALEX: Hey, the Book of the Dead!
MEELA: Yeah, so?
ALEX: Well, I just thought...
MEELA: What a smartass little kid. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again you better behave.
ALEX: Okay.
MEELA: That's bett- what?! That's not what you're supposed to say!
ALEX: I know.
MEELA: Kids.
DYLAN: Ahem.
MEELA: Erm... I meant, uhh, little kids, like, uhh, like under... umm... ten.
DYLAN: We better hope so. Now go threaten to put stuff in his bed.
MEELA: Right.
Meela turns back to Alex.
MEELA: Because your parents would slip garden hoses into your bed, while you were slee-ping.
Alex raises an eyebrow.
MEELA: I know, I know. It doesn't make ANY sense unless *you* say the line before it.
ALEX: That's not what didn't make sense...
CURATOR: Oh screw this. Lord Imhotep wishes to meet the boy.
LOCK-JAW: Now we'll see how brave you are.
He pushes Alex towards the next boxcar.
ALEX: Hey, watch the suit!
Alex and Lock-Jaw leave the set. Red, Jacques, and Spivey enter through the door on the opposite side of the boxcar. Spivey and Jacques are carrying the chest.
RED: Nice. Very nice.
MEELA: I can give you the decorator's number if you want to--
CURATOR: Did you acquire what we asked?
RED: Oh, we acquired it all right. You know what? We had to kill two of those 6-foot-tall rats in Chuck-E-Cheese's... to acquire it.
MEELA: Rats?
RED: You know those six-foot-tall rats who wear shirts, never talk, and go around giving random customers hugs?
MEELA: Ohhhhh... thoooose rats... I see...
JACQUES: Zis chest eez cursed.
He whips off the towel covering the chest and begins reading from it.
JACQUES: Eet sayz there is one, za undead, who will keel, all zose who open zis chest...
CURATOR: Yes, yes, and the creature will suck them dry and he become whole again. We've all heard this story before.
RED: Yeah, but I heard the yanks who found it nine years ago all died. Horrible deaths, they were. So with that in mind--
SPIVEY: We want ten.
Spivey puts his foot up on the chest. Jacques pushes it off.
JACQUES (SUBTITLED): This chest must never be opened.
CURATOR: The agreement was for five.
RED: Yeah, well, we want ten. Or we'll take it elsewhere.
CURATOR: If you--
MEELA: Ten will be just fine. Do you want peppermints or jolly ranchers?
RED: Peppermints. And don't try to cheat us woman. We want ten and we'll get ten.
MEELA: Ten peppermints for one cursed chest. Got it.
Cut to the inside of the next boxcar. Alex is pushed inside, and we see a man dressed in black robes with a pink clown mask.
IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): Dear God it's hot in here...
ALEX: Umm, what's with the pink clown mask?
IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): The costume store was out of evil-looking black ones.
ALEX: Oh.
IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): Anyway, I know you can understand me little one. I know so because you respond to everything I say.
ALEX: Yeah...?
IMHOTEP: It is you who are the chosen one. You who will take me to Oh-Wah-Ta-Gu-Siam.
ALEX: Where?
IMHOTEP: Oh-Wah-Ta-Gu-Siam.
ALEX: Could you say it a little faster?
IMHOTEP: OhWahTaGuSiam.
ALEX: Faster?
IMHOTEP: OhwhatagooseIam!
Alex starts laughing. Imhotep pauses for a minute.
IMHOTEP: What? What'd I-- ohhhhhhhh...
Imhotep slaps his forehead. Alex continues laughing.
IMHOTEP: Okay, enough with the games. This tutu is a gift, and a curse.
ALEX: Hurray for it.
IMHOTEP: Yes. No! Wait.
ALEX: Yeah, yeah, I already heard this part. From the minute I put the tutu on, seven days do I have until the Scorpion Princess wakes up.
IMHOTEP: Did you also know, that if you do not enter the pyramid before the sun strikes it on that very morning, that the tutu will force you to do ballet until you die of embarrassment?
ALEX: That part I missed. Hey, wait a minute! That means I've only got five days left!
IMHOTEP: Then I believe it will be best if... uh... yeah. Just don't get us lost.
ALEX: My dad is going to kick your ass!
Imhotep pulls off the pink clown mask. Underneath is his real face of rotting flesh.
ALEX: Whoa, cool! Your face is all rotted off! Can I touch it? That's gross! Awesome! Wait'll I tell the girls at school, they'll freak out!
Imhotep sighs and waves his hand. Lock-Jaw picks Alex up and they leave the boxcar.
After they leave, Meela, Red, Spivey, Jacques, and the chest enter.
MEELA: In here, gentlemen. You shall receive your uh... candy. That doesn't sound very dramatic, does it?
DYLAN: Just go with it.
RED: No tricks now woman. We're not giving up this chest 'till we're satisfied.
MEELA: Oh, don't worry. The candy is fresh this time.
RED: Better be.
The display of smoke and candles hisses eerily. Meela runs out and shuts the door quickly behind her. We hear several locks clicking into place.
Red pulls out his gun.
RED: What's going on?
JACQUES: Zis place... eez cursed.
RED: What is it with you and curses?
SPIVEY: He ain't happy without a good curse. Zis eez cursed! Zat eez cursed!
RED: Give it a rest, will ya?
The display of stuff hisses more and Imhotep, wearing nothing but his swim trunks, jumps down at them from somewhere.
RED: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
JACQUES: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
SPIVEY: Nice swim trunks.
Spivey blinks.
SPIVEY: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
They all take out their guns and begin shooting at Imhotep. He looks as if he's enjoying it.
Spivey bangs on the door. Meela opens the eyepiece.
MEELA: He wants you to open the chest. Open the chest.
Spivey panics and goes to the chest.
JACQUES: NO!
Spivey throws off the lid of the chest. White vapor comes pouring out. Imhotep disappears.
Everyone draws an extra gun. Spivey draws a balloon sword.
SPIVEY: Where'd he go? Where'd he go?
Spivey turns around and sees Imhotep next to him, hanging from the ceiling.
IMHOTEP: Ha, ha, ha! WHOA!!!
Imhotep falls off of the ceiling and lands on his head.
SPIVEY: That's what you get for trying to be Spider-Man!
Imhotep puts his hand on Spivey's shoulders and absorbs him.
RED: SPIVEY!!!
Imhotep turns to look at the other two. Half his face is rotted off.
RED: TWO-FACE!!!
JACQUES: Holy codfish, Batman!
Cut to the outside of the train. Steam and smoke are blowing out of the smokestack. (I'm so observant.)