Disclaimer: I own nothing and to my knowledge I am not getting paid for this.

A/N: This is the companion to Regret, it has NOTHING to do with The Longest Day or Harry Potter and the Mark of Hermes.

v Envy

Envy. I can't help but feel it. I live with it every day. It's my shadow.

They call me the boy who lived, the savior of the wizarding world. I am the most famous, wealthiest, and most powerful wizard alive. Heck, I'm lucky to actually be alive.

If I'm so lucky, why do I wish with all my heart that I were another?

I watch him with her. I can't help it. Its like I punish myself daily for my sins.

I watch him playfully tumble and throw my daughter around. She laughs at him and he turns to look at her, and she smiles at him and he, my daughter in his arms, runs to her and hugs her and kisses her bushy hair and I can't help but curse the fates for being so cruel.

Why did it have to end like this?

I think back to that night, the night she completely destroyed me with her silence.

Why?

I don't blame her. I blame myself.

I walked away.

Why did I?

Why did I walk away?

Why didn't I fight for her?

We were young and weak; I tell myself that everyday.

What crap.

I loved her and she loved me and we just gave up out of fear. Fear of what everyone would say, fear of what he would do.  

Fear of losing ourselves completely to one another.

I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.

I wonder if she feels the same way? I wonder if she still loves me half as much as I her. I wonder if she knows that I know that she gave birth to my daughter.

My daughter.

The red hair throws you off at first. The first time Ron proudly extended his arm to show off his newborn daughter I almost cried from grief, until I saw her green eyes.

I very nearly died of shock when two years ago, Sirius once commented to me with an impish grin how very much she resembles my mother.

Sirius knows.

I know others can see it as well, only they neglect to mention it.

Sometimes I wish they would, maybe then I could be free of my daily torment.

I wonder if she feels the same way?

I watch her.

I watch her and I see that not all her smiles reach her eyes.

I see how she sometimes stares off into the distance as if in some dream.

I wonder if she still loves me.

And even if she did, what does it matter? She is married. She is married to my best friend.

All my life I've wanted to be Ron, more now then ever. He grew up in a loving home with a big family, and both his parents. He was never famous. He didn't have to worry about the press or stopping the end of the world (although he sometimes helped). He's always had a normal life without any worries.

And now he has my family, and even though he is my best friend, I sometimes have to stop myself from clobbering him for not appreciating all he has.

Now I have a normal life as well, as normal as can get when you're an Auror.

Poor Gin, if she only knew. I wonder what she would do if she found out that all these years of marriage I loved another.

Don't take me wrong, I love Gin, but I'm not in love with her.

My heart will always belong to Hermione.

But what does it matter?

She belongs with another, and I can't help but feel envy.

The only reason I continue is for my son, the daughter I will have, and the daughter I probably never will.

Still, envy lives on.

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