We zoom in to Evy, who is standing at the front of the orange thing. We see Horus come and sit by her. The boat flies into some clouds, and we hear Imhotep's voice and it sounds all echoed and stuff.

IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): It is time to remind you of your purpose in life...

We cut to Imhotep and Anck-su-namun kneeling in front of some water.

IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): ...and what I need you to buy from 7-11. I need some donuts, a bag of chips, some pretzels, and a Slurpee.

Imhotep waves his hand over the water as Anck-su-namun writes all this down. The water instantly changes into a TV screen and a memory is played on it.

We see Nefertiri and Anck-su-namun dress in *very* revealing gold outfits. They both have two gold daggers.

SETI (SUBTITLED): Begin!

The girls start to swordfight, blah, blah, blah. It all looks spectacular and everything and whatnot.

Anck-su-namun trips Nefertiri and she raises her mask. We can see a cloth Band-Aid on her finger. We see that the girl under the mask is... *gasp* Evy!

(Author's Note- For those of you who don't know, yes, she DOES have a Band-Aid on her finger in the real movie. o_O)

ANCK-SU-NAMUN (SUBTITLED): Put your mask on! I don't have insurance and if I scar your pretty face your father will slap a big-time fine on me.

Nefertiri rolls her eyes and jumps up. She and Anck-su-namun resume fighting. Suddenly, Nefertiri stops and cries out.

NEFERTIRI: Aww, crap! I broke a nail!

Anck-su-namun slaps her forehead in disgust.

ANCK-SU-NAMUN: I declare this fighting match officially over...

SETI (SUBTITLED): Bravo! Bravo! Who better to protect the Tutu of Anubis than my lovely daughter Nefertiri? And who better to protect me than my future wife, Anck-soon-yamoon.

DYLAN: Arg! Aharon! For the LAST time!!! It's NOT Anck-soon-yamoon!!! Get it RIGHT!!!

AHARON: Whatever.

Seti goes over and hugs Nefertiri.

SETI (SUBTITLED): Well done, daughter.

Cut to Anck-su-namun. We see Imhotep walking by her in slow motion. Suddenly Imhotep bends over backwards and does the little Matrix-thing.

IMHOTEP: Whoosh! Whoosh!

Anck-su-namun looks at him and Imhotep stands back up. Suddenly everything speeds up really fast and Imhotep and his priests pony-trot out of the room.

We look at Nefertiri, and she is staring suspiciously at Anck-su-namun.

ANCK-SU-NAMUN: Hey, I didn't teach him that!

Cut to an Ancient Egyptian balcony. Nefertiri walks up to it. We see that her wig is lopsided.

Nefertiri sees Imhotep standing by a statue. Anck-su-namun enters the room through double doors, wearing only gold and black paint and a loincloth. She walks smoothly forward and suddenly trips over a rug, that wasn't previously there, falling flat on her face.

A young girl is seen sneaking away, a rolled up rug in her arms. Anck-su-namun rights herself and walks on. A back view is given and on her left butt cheek is painted in black hieroglyphics 'Kick me'. Several gold priests are seen closing the door.
Anck-su-namun walks though some shear curtains to wear Imhotep stands. She runs her hand over his face, not touching him.
Nefertiri watches with abhor.

Imhotep and Anck-su-namun kiss. Imhotep carelessly runs his hand over the black paint in her arm smudging it and leaving his hand black.

They break apart and Imhotep rubes his blackened hand over his head giving him a "Mohawk" look.

The doors burst open. As the priests scatter Imhotep runs to hide, Anck-su-namun leans against a gold sculpture of Garfield. Pharaoh bursts in through the curtains and speaks.

SETI (SUBTITLED): Who has touched you?

He points to the smudges on her arm. She starts to say something but Imhotep appears behind him. Seti turns as Imhotep grabs his sword.

SETI (SUBTITLED): Imhotep! My priest! Did you change your hair?

Cut back to Nefertiri. She shouts at the MedJai.

NEFERTIRI (SUBTITLED): MedJai! My father needs you!

MEDJAI DUDE (SUBTITLED): For what?

NEFERTIRI (SUBTITLED): I think he's about to be killed.

MEDJAI DUDE (SUBTITLED): Oh. Okay then.

All the MedJai run off.

Cut back to Imhotep, Seti, and the previous life of the Hawaiian Cracker.

PATRICIA: Would you give it a rest?!

DYLAN: Not until you answer my fan mail.

PATRICIA: Oh please!

Anck-su-namun rises up a large butter knife and tries to stab him, but barely breaks the skin. Seti screams like a woman, and Imhotep plunges the sword into him.

Nefertiri screams and jumps off the balcony.

Cut to the present. Err... 1933. Evy screams and jumps off the flying orange boat.

RICK: EVY!

Rick dives to catch her, but misses. He turns to the camera and waves.

RICK: Hi mom!

(AN – You will only get this if you've seen the bloopers.)

Cut back to Ancient Egypt.

On the other side of the curtains the gold priests watch the murder, munching on popcorn. After the dastardly deed is done, a loud banging is heard on the door.

Anck-su-namun and Imhotep look up.

Now the shot flashes back and forth between Ancient Egypt and Patricia screaming like an idiot.

IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): Pharaohs bodyguards.

ANCK-SU-NAMUN (SUBTITLED): You must go, save yourself.

IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): No.

ANCK-SU-NAMUN (SUBTITLED): Only you can resurrect me.

IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): Resurrect you from what?

Imhotep looks annoyed.

ANCK-SU-NAMUN (SUBTITLED): I'm going to kill myself.

Anck-su-namun stands up straight and picks up the butter knife.

IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): With that?

ANCK-SU-NAMUN (SUBTITLED): Well, duh. What did you think I'd do? Throw myself against the walls and beat myself to death?

The gold priests run around the curtains and pull Imhotep away.

IMHOTEP (SUBTITLED): I won't leave you. Let go of me.

He begins to struggle against the golden boys.

Anck-su-namun reaches out to him again and then turns to meet her fate.

The bodyguards come through the curtains and put on fake masks of horror.

ANCK-SU-NAMUN (SUBTITLED): My body is no longer his toilet!

DYLAN: Dear God...

The guards look at each other confused as Anck-su-namun plunges the knife into her stomach. Well tries to. Finally she does resort to slamming herself against the wall then jumps off the balcony.

Cut back to Meela and Imhotep kneeling by the pond of water. Meela goes limp, and Imhotep begins reading from the Book of the Dead. A soul-thing floats out of the pool and goes into Meela. She wakes up, gasps, and looks around.

She sees Imhotep.

ANCK-SU-NAMUN: Imhotep.

IMHOTEP: Anck-su-namun.

MARSHA: George!

GEORGE: Marsha!

MARSHA: George! George!

GEORGE: Marsha! Marsha!

MARSHA: George! George! George!

GEORGE: Marsha! Marsha! Mar--

DYLAN: Dear God! What the hell was that?! Who the hell are you people and where did you come from?!

George and Marsha exit.

(AN – You will only get THIS if you read Garfield...)

Cut back to the flying boat thing. Evy's foot is tangled in the fishing net and she is hanging upside-down from the boat with her arms crossed in annoyance.

EVY: Ahem.

Jonathan leans over the side of the boat, carrying a plate of crumpets that had appeared out of nowhere.

JONATHAN: Would you like a crumpet, Old Mum?

EVY: I-- Oh all right.

Evy takes a crumpet and eats it, still hanging upside-down. She finishes it.

EVY: You know, a little help might be useful IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE!!!

RICK: Yeah, yeah, hold your horses.

Rick pulls Evy back up into the boat.

Cut to Karnak. Alex has a collar around his neck and he is chained to a doghouse. He clanks it loudly as Lock-Jaw enters.

LOCK-JAW: Don't even think about it.

Lock-Jaw walks up to Alex, who lifts up his shirt so Lock-Jaw can see the tutu.

ALEX: Hold on there, partner.

Lock-Jaw pulls Alex's tie threateningly.

LOCK-JAW: When the time comes, I shall truly enjoy eating you.

ALEX: But until that time, you better be a little nicer to me. Now where's my virgin margarita?

Lock-Jaw thrusts glass of green liquid into Alex's hand.

ALEX: What?! No little tiki umbrella?

Lock-Jaw swears in Arabic as he leaves.

Alex drinks the margarita, then goes and pees on the sand. He then starts making a sandcastle from it.

Cut to the next day. It is (duh) daytime. The orange thing is, uh, parked outside the ruins of Karnak. Ardeth and Rick start to run towards it with their guns.

They approach a pair of pillars. Ardeth runs in between them, but Rick runs straight-on into the one on the left. He steps backwards, shakes his head, and follows Ardeth.

They approach the train and look inside. It's empty.

ARDETH: They've gone! We've lost them!

Cut to Evy, who is walking through the temple. She sees a pair of underwear hanging on a statue. We see they have 'Wednesday' written on them.

EVY: RICK!

Evy runs towards the underwear as Rick and Ardeth follow her.

EVY: Alex left us his underwear. And... he made us a little sandcastle.

RICK: Phew! It smells like heck!

EVY: It's the Temple Island of Philae. They've gone to Philae.

Cut to Philae. The orange thing lands. We see a pair of underwear with 'Thursday' on it. It gets pulled off to reveal a stinky sandcastle of the Temple of Abu Simbel.

EVY: The great Temple of Abu Simbel.

RICK: Duh.

We see Ardeth roll up a little sheet of paper with Arabic words on it. He puts it on Horus' foot.

Horus takes off and flies directly towards the camera. He crashes straight into it, breaking the lens. The heroic orchestra music slows and stops.

HORUS: Ow...

DYLAN: Cut!!!

Cut to the Temple of Abu Simbel. We see that the cheap people at ILM have put the statues of Ramses the Great sitting on toilets.

The orange dirigible floats by it, and Horus screeches and flies towards the camera again. We see he has a bandage wrapped around his head.

Horus crashes into the camera again and breaks the lens again. The heroic orchestra music stops again.

HORUS: Double ow...

DYLAN: Don't you think the second time he should know not to?

Cut to Imhotep's little caravan thing crossing the desert. Everyone is sitting on a camel. Alex has a laptop and is typing with one finger.

ALEX: H... E... L...

He notices Imhotep looking at him.

ALEX: Umm... another L?

Cut to the MedJai tribe leader dude-guy. Horus flies up to him, his head wrapped and one wing in a cast. We see the only thing that is keeping him airborne is a pink balloon.

The MedJai leader looks at the paper.

MEDJAI LEADER (SUBTITLED): 'XYZ'? What? XYZ?

One of the other MedJais whisper into his ear. The leader blushes and zips up his fly.

The other MedJai guy gives a signal and all the MedJai on their horses start walking forward.