A/N We sort of started writing this... and it got a little out of hand... enjoy!
Disclaimer: We don't own GW or the G-Boys... but Landlady came up with Spork and Spiffiness, and Heeaveng Basuums and Louvre Butons were mine... so sad when the muses get out of hand... ne? ::stuffs J0rge, B0b, and S0x into the dishwasher and sets it as high as it will go::
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
The Adventures of Spiffiness and Spork, the Internet Emoticons
By Landlady of the Universe and Marika Webster
Chapter 1
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"The target is in sight, Captain." Lt. Spork wiped a bead of perspiration from his large pink forehead. His captain, the greatest and most vile in all the Emoticon Army waddled over unsteadily to stand behind him. Spork glanced into the rearview mirror attached to his console and wrinkles his nose in distaste. "Might I say Captain Spiffiness, that you are looking especially egregious today."
"Why thank you Lt. Spork," Captain Spiffiness replied. "On screen." The evil Emoticon gasped at the huge blue ball that appeared before him. Actually, it did a very good impression of his fourth wife.
"It's beautiful! Truly a gem for Emperor Icon... he'll be so pleased when we deliver such a foul planet into the hands of the Empire." The Captain rubbed a greasy white-gloved hand over his Lieutenant's pink, rounded head. "Well done!" He threw a leer over his shoulder to his token female crew. "Heeaveng Basuums! Lay in a course, take us within downloading range."
"Sir!" the especially round pilot saluted, as she dragged the arrow over the 'take the ship to downloading range' icon, and clicked. With a violent lurch, the ship started forward. Heeaveng Basuums scratched a pointed purple ear, somehow that didn't seem right. She looked up, then, and found that the captain was rolling on the floor in a vain attempt to get up. Lt. Spork sighed and grabbed the captain's collar and heaved him upright ... just as the ship lurched to a stop. "We're now in downloading range sir," Heeaveng announced.
Louvre Butons adjusted her thong, making certain the lacy black material was tucked snugly between her two massive butt-cheeks and stepped onto the bridge. "Captain Spiffiness, We've located two target humans within the Eastern Hemisphere that appear to be prime candidates for the procedure." She scratched her ass lazily, one blue eye twitching in pleasure.
Captain Spiffyness turned towards the new arrival, just as she turned away from him. His slug-like slimy tongue darted out to lick his lips as he got an eyeful. "I'm sure you've got all the preparations ... umm, prepared." He loosened his collar with one hand, eyes never leaving the gargantuan ass, and poked Spork in the shoulder, who was likewise entranced. "Go fix the AC."
Lt. Spork sighed heavily. "Dammit Captain, I'm an engineer, not a plumber. Besides you..." He immediately faltered beneath the evil arched brows of his superior officer. "Yes, Captain." He shuffled from the bridge, dragging his white booted stubs of feet.
Heeaveng nodded her agreement with her fellow crewmate. "Captain, I've let Medical know to have the anal probes prepared.
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
Quatre sighed happily. "Isn't he just the grooviest?"
"The... grooviest?" Heero grimaced. "Where did you hear that word?"
"Oh, I found your tapes of 'The Brady Bunch'." Quatre's eyes never left Trowa's form. "He's such a hunk." A rivulet of drool seeped unnoticed from the corner of his mouth.
Heero followed Quatre's gaze with some trepidation. He ended up with a rather clear view of Trowa's rear end. 'Hmm, you know, I never noticed before, but Trowa's butt is the same width as his head.' Shifting his gaze a little to the right after that rather disturbing observation, Heero was rewarded with ... another rear end. He smirked, 'Duo on the other hand, has a rather nice ass.'
A contented sigh emitted from the small blonde beside him. Heero pushed himself up on his elbows, sparing a glance to the now-dozing pilot. 'Hmm... Quatre's butt isn't so bad either... I wonder...' Before he could finish his thought, a sudden flash of light followed by a blinding pain overtook him.
He was surrounded by a blinding white light, only vaguely aware of the blond beside him. Floating, beside him, to be precise. And amazingly enough, Quatre was still asleep. 'That boy could sleep through El Nino. How did he ever get to be a Gundam pilot anyway?' As that thought passed through his mind, Heero looked down ... and down ...and down. Without even realizing it, they had rose almost fifty feet in the air. And Heero didn't like heights. But before he could panic, everything went black.
The light subsided, though Heero didn't know when. He was aware, distantly that something hurt. It was when he tried to move that he realized... it was his ass. He bit back a moan of pain and stared into the darkness. "Quatre? You awake?"
A groan answered him, along with "Trowa, you didn't have to be so rough last night." Heero's eyes widened, and he didn't dare roll over to get a look at the little Arabian. 'We didn't, did we? Oh shit.' He raised a hand to wipe at his face, a white hand. No, wait that was a glove, but since when did he wear gloves. Heero didn't have time to ponder, however, as Quatre chose that moment to wake up properly. "Heero!"
Heero shuddered inwardly as he became more aware of his body... it wasn't his body... no... it couldn't be. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he could see it even better. His body was now a mass of Yellow sweaty... something. He peered to where Quatre's voice had come from. It was then that a shrill shriek filled the air. "I'm...I'm... PIIIIIINK!"
The boy's voce was at least an octave higher than usual. "I thought you liked pink," Heero replied mildly. But pink was an understatement. Quatre's was PINK. A hideous puke pink, his eyes were rimmed in red, with dark circles under them. And almost worst of all, he had neon green eyebrows. Heero was very glad that there wasn't a mirror around because the look in those eyes was getting more murderous by the second.
"I like it in flowers and shirts... but not on my body..." Those eyes, mirroring the expression Heero had only seen when the other boy was messed up on the Zero system faded slightly, tears brimming in them. Instantly the tears were replaced by an expression of open terror as they both heard it.
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrooooooo?"
The boy in question bolted ... or at least tried to. In his new blubbery form, Heero had a considerably hard time even getting up. As he and Quatre rolled about on the floor in a vain attempt to rise, the source of the screech -err, voice- appeared in the doorway. Quatre and Heero looked up at the same time, and screamed in two-part harmony.
The lights flickered on revealing a pair of newcomers. The... blobs were obviously the feminine version of the... blobs he and Quatre occupied. The smaller of the two was the same shade of brilliant sunshine yellow as Heero, a too-large heart strategically placed over rippling masses of flesh. Big blue eyes brimmed over with tears as the woman launched herself at the pink form on the floor, embracing Quatre with all the flair of an Olympic diver performing a belly flop. Heero winced at the sound of flesh hitting flesh, pitying his friend while inwardly thankful that Relena had made an awful mistake.
The other blob looked on passively. She was purple, but that was as far as the pleasant aspect of her appearance went. Pointed black ears matched with eyebrows that seemed permanently in the angry position. Eyebrows, Heero noted, that oddly reminded him of Dorothy. Her mouth was drawn into a sadistic smile that Heero soon found out the reason for. "I believe you have the wrong Heero, Miss Relena." It was Dorothy.
The pile of pure yellow raunchiness detached herself from Quatre and immediately latched on to the right Heero. The Japanese blob scowled dangerously, focusing the glare'o'death on Dorothy. "Omae o korosu!"
The obese purple beast merely sniffed. "While you two are enjoying you're little love fest, I thought you might want to know... I found out what's going on here." She leveled her spiky gaze at Quatre. "I'll tell you... for a price."
Quatre whimpered as he caught on to the deeper meaning of that statement. He shot a pleading look at Heero, who shot an equally pleading one at him. It looked like they weren't in much of a situation to bargain. Quatre gulped, "What do you want?"
"I wanna know what colors pink and purple make when they're mixed together." Dorothy lumbered closer, running her hands suggestively along a mammoth thigh, she paused to tug at the black scrap of lace that left nothing to the imagination. The blinding purple behemoth licked her lips lasciviously. "Trix are for kids..."
Quatre backed up slowly as Dorothy advanced. Suprisingly, he was saved by Relena. "Gross Dorothy, we don't want to watch, get a room." Quatre sighed, so much for saved. Heero eeped as Relena tightened her flabby arms around his neck, or rather, where his neck would have been, if he had one. "Besides, Heero and I want some quality time together." Heero didn't panic, but when Quatre looked, he realized why. The boy was turning blue from lack of air.
Quatre bounded... or tried to, to his feet. A full two minutes later he was upright. An indignant tone to his voice as he stomped his foot. "Dorothy! I hate you! And Relena! Heero hates you! Let him go."
Relena gazed up at Quatre, perturbed by the normally placid boy's demeanor. "My hee-chan loves me."
Quatre rolled his eyes. "RELENA! Get your hands off my boyfriend. NOW BITCH!"
If it was even possible, Heero was even more surprised than Relena. But the important part was that his airflow was almost immediately returned. Taking deep gasps of air, Heero sat back to survey the damage caused by Quatre's uncharacteristic outburst. Relena was rocking and humming in between bouts of "Hee-chan loves me."
Dorothy was grinning that sadistic grin, but Heero was seriously beginning to doubt that she was capable of anything else.
Relena stopped rocking suddenly, and turned to the Perfect Soldier. "Oh Heero. Won't you kill me, please?" she said with a confident smile.
Heero snapped. "YES!" He was startled when her smile turned downright serene. He glanced to Quatre. Quatre nodded emphatically and handed him something he'd obviously found nearby. An oversized straightpin. Heero accepted it with a sudden grin. "Relena." He struggled to keep the glee from his voice. "This is going to hurt you waaaay more than it hurts me... and you know what else?"
He paused and glanced sideways at Quatre, then went on. Desperate times called for desperate measures. "After I kill you, I'm gonna tie Dorothy down and make her watch as I fuck Quatre so hard his little pink head will spin." With that he brought the straightpin down directly into her head.
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
End Chapter 1
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
Disclaimer: We don't own GW or the G-Boys... but Landlady came up with Spork and Spiffiness, and Heeaveng Basuums and Louvre Butons were mine... so sad when the muses get out of hand... ne? ::stuffs J0rge, B0b, and S0x into the dishwasher and sets it as high as it will go::
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
The Adventures of Spiffiness and Spork, the Internet Emoticons
By Landlady of the Universe and Marika Webster
Chapter 1
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
"The target is in sight, Captain." Lt. Spork wiped a bead of perspiration from his large pink forehead. His captain, the greatest and most vile in all the Emoticon Army waddled over unsteadily to stand behind him. Spork glanced into the rearview mirror attached to his console and wrinkles his nose in distaste. "Might I say Captain Spiffiness, that you are looking especially egregious today."
"Why thank you Lt. Spork," Captain Spiffiness replied. "On screen." The evil Emoticon gasped at the huge blue ball that appeared before him. Actually, it did a very good impression of his fourth wife.
"It's beautiful! Truly a gem for Emperor Icon... he'll be so pleased when we deliver such a foul planet into the hands of the Empire." The Captain rubbed a greasy white-gloved hand over his Lieutenant's pink, rounded head. "Well done!" He threw a leer over his shoulder to his token female crew. "Heeaveng Basuums! Lay in a course, take us within downloading range."
"Sir!" the especially round pilot saluted, as she dragged the arrow over the 'take the ship to downloading range' icon, and clicked. With a violent lurch, the ship started forward. Heeaveng Basuums scratched a pointed purple ear, somehow that didn't seem right. She looked up, then, and found that the captain was rolling on the floor in a vain attempt to get up. Lt. Spork sighed and grabbed the captain's collar and heaved him upright ... just as the ship lurched to a stop. "We're now in downloading range sir," Heeaveng announced.
Louvre Butons adjusted her thong, making certain the lacy black material was tucked snugly between her two massive butt-cheeks and stepped onto the bridge. "Captain Spiffiness, We've located two target humans within the Eastern Hemisphere that appear to be prime candidates for the procedure." She scratched her ass lazily, one blue eye twitching in pleasure.
Captain Spiffyness turned towards the new arrival, just as she turned away from him. His slug-like slimy tongue darted out to lick his lips as he got an eyeful. "I'm sure you've got all the preparations ... umm, prepared." He loosened his collar with one hand, eyes never leaving the gargantuan ass, and poked Spork in the shoulder, who was likewise entranced. "Go fix the AC."
Lt. Spork sighed heavily. "Dammit Captain, I'm an engineer, not a plumber. Besides you..." He immediately faltered beneath the evil arched brows of his superior officer. "Yes, Captain." He shuffled from the bridge, dragging his white booted stubs of feet.
Heeaveng nodded her agreement with her fellow crewmate. "Captain, I've let Medical know to have the anal probes prepared.
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
Quatre sighed happily. "Isn't he just the grooviest?"
"The... grooviest?" Heero grimaced. "Where did you hear that word?"
"Oh, I found your tapes of 'The Brady Bunch'." Quatre's eyes never left Trowa's form. "He's such a hunk." A rivulet of drool seeped unnoticed from the corner of his mouth.
Heero followed Quatre's gaze with some trepidation. He ended up with a rather clear view of Trowa's rear end. 'Hmm, you know, I never noticed before, but Trowa's butt is the same width as his head.' Shifting his gaze a little to the right after that rather disturbing observation, Heero was rewarded with ... another rear end. He smirked, 'Duo on the other hand, has a rather nice ass.'
A contented sigh emitted from the small blonde beside him. Heero pushed himself up on his elbows, sparing a glance to the now-dozing pilot. 'Hmm... Quatre's butt isn't so bad either... I wonder...' Before he could finish his thought, a sudden flash of light followed by a blinding pain overtook him.
He was surrounded by a blinding white light, only vaguely aware of the blond beside him. Floating, beside him, to be precise. And amazingly enough, Quatre was still asleep. 'That boy could sleep through El Nino. How did he ever get to be a Gundam pilot anyway?' As that thought passed through his mind, Heero looked down ... and down ...and down. Without even realizing it, they had rose almost fifty feet in the air. And Heero didn't like heights. But before he could panic, everything went black.
The light subsided, though Heero didn't know when. He was aware, distantly that something hurt. It was when he tried to move that he realized... it was his ass. He bit back a moan of pain and stared into the darkness. "Quatre? You awake?"
A groan answered him, along with "Trowa, you didn't have to be so rough last night." Heero's eyes widened, and he didn't dare roll over to get a look at the little Arabian. 'We didn't, did we? Oh shit.' He raised a hand to wipe at his face, a white hand. No, wait that was a glove, but since when did he wear gloves. Heero didn't have time to ponder, however, as Quatre chose that moment to wake up properly. "Heero!"
Heero shuddered inwardly as he became more aware of his body... it wasn't his body... no... it couldn't be. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he could see it even better. His body was now a mass of Yellow sweaty... something. He peered to where Quatre's voice had come from. It was then that a shrill shriek filled the air. "I'm...I'm... PIIIIIINK!"
The boy's voce was at least an octave higher than usual. "I thought you liked pink," Heero replied mildly. But pink was an understatement. Quatre's was PINK. A hideous puke pink, his eyes were rimmed in red, with dark circles under them. And almost worst of all, he had neon green eyebrows. Heero was very glad that there wasn't a mirror around because the look in those eyes was getting more murderous by the second.
"I like it in flowers and shirts... but not on my body..." Those eyes, mirroring the expression Heero had only seen when the other boy was messed up on the Zero system faded slightly, tears brimming in them. Instantly the tears were replaced by an expression of open terror as they both heard it.
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrooooooo?"
The boy in question bolted ... or at least tried to. In his new blubbery form, Heero had a considerably hard time even getting up. As he and Quatre rolled about on the floor in a vain attempt to rise, the source of the screech -err, voice- appeared in the doorway. Quatre and Heero looked up at the same time, and screamed in two-part harmony.
The lights flickered on revealing a pair of newcomers. The... blobs were obviously the feminine version of the... blobs he and Quatre occupied. The smaller of the two was the same shade of brilliant sunshine yellow as Heero, a too-large heart strategically placed over rippling masses of flesh. Big blue eyes brimmed over with tears as the woman launched herself at the pink form on the floor, embracing Quatre with all the flair of an Olympic diver performing a belly flop. Heero winced at the sound of flesh hitting flesh, pitying his friend while inwardly thankful that Relena had made an awful mistake.
The other blob looked on passively. She was purple, but that was as far as the pleasant aspect of her appearance went. Pointed black ears matched with eyebrows that seemed permanently in the angry position. Eyebrows, Heero noted, that oddly reminded him of Dorothy. Her mouth was drawn into a sadistic smile that Heero soon found out the reason for. "I believe you have the wrong Heero, Miss Relena." It was Dorothy.
The pile of pure yellow raunchiness detached herself from Quatre and immediately latched on to the right Heero. The Japanese blob scowled dangerously, focusing the glare'o'death on Dorothy. "Omae o korosu!"
The obese purple beast merely sniffed. "While you two are enjoying you're little love fest, I thought you might want to know... I found out what's going on here." She leveled her spiky gaze at Quatre. "I'll tell you... for a price."
Quatre whimpered as he caught on to the deeper meaning of that statement. He shot a pleading look at Heero, who shot an equally pleading one at him. It looked like they weren't in much of a situation to bargain. Quatre gulped, "What do you want?"
"I wanna know what colors pink and purple make when they're mixed together." Dorothy lumbered closer, running her hands suggestively along a mammoth thigh, she paused to tug at the black scrap of lace that left nothing to the imagination. The blinding purple behemoth licked her lips lasciviously. "Trix are for kids..."
Quatre backed up slowly as Dorothy advanced. Suprisingly, he was saved by Relena. "Gross Dorothy, we don't want to watch, get a room." Quatre sighed, so much for saved. Heero eeped as Relena tightened her flabby arms around his neck, or rather, where his neck would have been, if he had one. "Besides, Heero and I want some quality time together." Heero didn't panic, but when Quatre looked, he realized why. The boy was turning blue from lack of air.
Quatre bounded... or tried to, to his feet. A full two minutes later he was upright. An indignant tone to his voice as he stomped his foot. "Dorothy! I hate you! And Relena! Heero hates you! Let him go."
Relena gazed up at Quatre, perturbed by the normally placid boy's demeanor. "My hee-chan loves me."
Quatre rolled his eyes. "RELENA! Get your hands off my boyfriend. NOW BITCH!"
If it was even possible, Heero was even more surprised than Relena. But the important part was that his airflow was almost immediately returned. Taking deep gasps of air, Heero sat back to survey the damage caused by Quatre's uncharacteristic outburst. Relena was rocking and humming in between bouts of "Hee-chan loves me."
Dorothy was grinning that sadistic grin, but Heero was seriously beginning to doubt that she was capable of anything else.
Relena stopped rocking suddenly, and turned to the Perfect Soldier. "Oh Heero. Won't you kill me, please?" she said with a confident smile.
Heero snapped. "YES!" He was startled when her smile turned downright serene. He glanced to Quatre. Quatre nodded emphatically and handed him something he'd obviously found nearby. An oversized straightpin. Heero accepted it with a sudden grin. "Relena." He struggled to keep the glee from his voice. "This is going to hurt you waaaay more than it hurts me... and you know what else?"
He paused and glanced sideways at Quatre, then went on. Desperate times called for desperate measures. "After I kill you, I'm gonna tie Dorothy down and make her watch as I fuck Quatre so hard his little pink head will spin." With that he brought the straightpin down directly into her head.
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~
End Chapter 1
~~**~~**~~**~~**~~