A/N Here's chappy 2!  And once again, we have no idea what's going on!

Chapter 2 or The Cat Who Ate My Underwear

"No!!" Relena's scream was cut short by a loud, indelicate pop. Heero glanced at Quatre, who grinned a bit too happily.

Dorothy's eyes widened in horror. "Miss Relena!"

The purple blob's eyes rolled back in her head and she toppled over into a huge glob of fat.  Heero and Quatre exchanged glances.  "Is she dead?"

Heero shrugged, "I don't know?  Why don't you go see?"

"You go."

"No you."

Quatre shuddered at the thought of going anywhere remotely near Dorothy while she was alive.  So he 'accidentally' pushed the other boy toward the purple mound.  "Thanks Heero!"

Heero growled, vowing retribution from his pink companion. He nudged at the fallen form. Nothing. He glanced to Quatre who waved white-gloved hands. "Harder Heero! She couldn't feel that if she were alive." Heero sighed and raised his leg, delivering a mighty kick to the gut of the fallen... woman.

The purple blob twitched, and Heero jumped back, opting instead to poke at her with the blunt end of the pin he still held.  Finally, he got a real response … sort of.  Dorothy rolled over with the obvious intent of getting up.  However the only thing she accomplished was doing a fairly good impression of a rocking horse.  When she glared at the two pilots, Heero smirked.  "I'd say that this is as good a time as any to keep that promise, what do you think Quatre?"
Quatre grinned, an incredibly wicked grin for a supposed angel.

He sidled closer to Heero and rubbed the top of that blindingly yellow head. "Oh yessss...."

"GAAAHHHHHH!" Dorothy gurgled miserably, rocking harder. Ominous squeaking was heard from deep within the bowels of the ship in time to her frenzied maneuvering.

Heero licked his lips. "You keep rocking Dorothy, it sets a good rhythm."

She shrieked in frustration.  "You leave my Quatre alone!" came the yell as she tried, in vain, to get up so she could knock the crap out of the yellow blob.

Quatre looked over at her from where he was rubbing up against Heero sensuously.  "No need to yell," he said calmly, "it's not like he's raping me or anything."

"Besides," Heero purred, "You're just jealous."

"I have nothing to be jealous of..." Dorothy collapsed into sobs; she was a broken icon after all. "My Quatre loves me..." Rivers of black mascara painted lines like war paint on her shockingly hideous face.

Quatre snorted then, his hand straying towards Heero's trousers. "Please stop speaking now, Dorothy, you're ruining my moment."

Heero heard it then, the loud moan throughout the ship. He caught Quatre's hand. "What was that?"

Quatre shrugged, "I don't know.  Maybe it's an evil alien being that has come to suck out our marrow … maybe."

Heero rolled his eyes, half in pleasure and half in exasperation.  "Maybe Quatre."

Quatre smiled happily as he continued his avid explorations of Heero's new body.  Until the ship protested again, loudly.  Before anyone realized what had happened, the wall behind Dorothy exploded outward with a huge roar.  Dorothy screamed as she was lifted into the air in the jaws of what appeared to be a giant less than sign.

Neither icon had time to move as they watched the less than sign devour Dorothy. Rivulets of purple blood spilled over the sides of its mouth, dripping onto the floor. Quatre winced, cowering behind Heero, as the less than sign stopped. It's bloodied jaws swallowed and grinned. Quatre heard a whine, then realized it was him. "Don't eat me, please don't eat me. I'm too young to die."

~~**~~**~~**~~

"Captain Spiffiness, wake up!"

The former emoticon blinked sleepily, bringing a blond, blue-eyed face into view.  He screamed, and began backing away before he realized that he could get up without any help.  He looked up in wonder at the girl whose face was scrunched up in confusion.

"You scream like a girl Captain," came Lieutenant Spork's voice from a blond boy beside him.

"Spork? Is that you?" The Captain glanced down at himself after he righted his new body. "You... look odd.... and did you just tell me I scream like a girl?" He blinked, uncertain as to whether to be affronted by this slight against his new body. "You look like a girl. Why are you wearing a pink shirt?"

Spork blushed, he rather liked the clothing his alter had chosen to wear; he just wondered why his rear hurt so badly. He hadn't landed that hard... no this was more of an internal pain, almost like a probe. He shuddered. Did all human's asses hurt this bad?

He decided to leave that thought for later, when he was a little bit more coherent.  Instead, he looked around to see what bodies his comrades had transferred into.

Spiffiness was a boy about his age with mussed brown hair and penetrating blue eyes.  The one he thought was Heeaveng had long blond hair and some of the most frightening eyebrows he ever seen.  He shivered and looked towards the last member of their party.  Spork screeched.  "Louvre!  What happened to you?"

The dirty blond girl turned toward him confused.  "What are you talking about?"

She scratched on butt cheek, her way of comforting herself and glanced down at the clothing she wore... it was very... pink. Not just pink... but a shade would have put Pepto-Bismol to shame. She picked up the tail end of her hair and stared at it, eyes widening in horror. "It's... BLONDE!!! And not even a pretty blonde!" She sniffled, watery tears clouding her eyes. "The HORROR!"

"Relena? Why are you crying?" A newcomer stared at them in open curiosity. "I thought you'd come to terms with the fact that Heero and I were a couple." The boy, with the largest violet eyes Louvre had ever seen on any living thing moved closer to the captain, wrapping a long braid of brown hair around his waist and pulling him in for a kiss.

Spiffiness shrieked.  Spork rubbed his abused ears; this was becoming quite a common occurrence on this planet.  Still, this was an odd planet; Spork thought as he idly watched his captain struggled violently against the very confused braided boy.

"What's wrong Hee-chan?  Are you sick or something?"

Spiffiness nodded weakly, grateful for any excuse to get away.  "Uh, yea.  I don't want you to get sick too."

The boy's violet eyes widened in delight and Spork swore that he could see stars in them.  Spiffiness squeaked when the boy glomped him without remorse, effectively incapacitating the evil captain.  "Aww Hee-chan that's so sweet!  I don't mind sharing germs with you!"  Spiffiness shot a horrified look at his second in command.

"Spork!  A little help here!"

Spork took a step back; startled when he felt a pair of arms go around his waist from behind, then a low voice purring in his ear. "I've got you right where I want you."

Spork struggled instinctively against the grasp, surprised when he was turned around to see a taller boy. His face was mostly obscured by a mass of reddish-brown hair; one emerald eye peeked out, staring at him in confusion. "Quatre, why are you struggling? Is something wrong?"

Spork froze. Surely there was something wrong with this planet. Did men pair off as a normal course of action? He blinked, then forced a smile. "No. I'm fine. I... uh... He has an illness." He pointed over his shoulder to where his captain stood, barely standing under the weight of his braided burden. "I have it too. It's a... very bad illness. I don't want to get you sick too. See... it's a bad... very bad... sickness." He finished lamely.

The one holding Spork looked concerned.  "What kind of illness Little One?"

Spork stiffened, "Uh, a very … bad … illness.  Very contagious, you should let go of me before you catch it too."  The other boy frowned but did not comply.

"We should get you to bed, Quatre," he said and began leading an unwilling Spork away.  When the braided one noticed where they were going, he grinned and began dragging Spiffiness along.

"Yup Heero!  We'll get you fixed up right, you'll see. You'll be better in no time."  Spiffiness groaned.  Both 'boys' shot pleading looks at their female counterparts.  They shrugged with looks of horror on their faces, indicating that there was nothing they could do.

"Onnas!"  Came a sudden yell from behind them.  Both women jumped.  "What are you doing here?"

Heeaveng frowned; a feat which when weighted down by the sheer bulk of those eyebrows was no easy task. "We're here on a standard mission, to take over the world."

The boy who'd shouted so loudly stopped short. "Onna, are you ill? What nonsense. I am not in the mood to be toyed with." Heeaveng glanced to Louvre who was busy scratching the area between her thighs now. Uh oh, the other female emoticon usually only did that when scratching her ass failed to soother her. Perhaps they should have left her on the ship for this mission.

"Oi, Wufei. Quatre and Hee-chan are both sick, maybe Dorothy is too. And Relena..." The braided boy paused in his trek towards the house that loomed just yards away, the red-faced captain limp and compliant in his arms. "Why are you... never mind."

Wufei sighed at the braided baka's antics, silently thanking the gods that he wasn't Heero.  Turning back to the two women he growled, "I'll ask you one more time … What are you doing here?"

Relena threw up her hands in exasperation, "Heeaveng just told you.  We're here to take over this planet."

'Heeaveng?' Wufei thought to himself.  'They must be sicker than I thought.'