Title: UC plot that wouldn't make it
Author: Kim
Summary: title says it all
Genre: humor, only humor
Disclaimer: I do not own Frank Donovan or the UC crew, would be nice. Other characters are mine. Other parties involved in the story are not mine and is meant with pure humor. Don't have money, so you can't sue. Nobody was hurt during the writing of this story
Archive: If you want to, just let me know where.
Feedback: Please and be honest. Kweb9173@aol.com
"Okay, Agent Shaw," Agent James said sitting down next to Jake, "we read the report and interviewed Agents Cross and Donovan. Now we want to hear the story from you."
"You want me to start from the beginning?" Jake asked.
"Yes, whatever you can remember." Agent McGraw answered.
"Agent Cross and myself were placed undercover three months ago. We were sent in to find how diamonds were being smuggled into the States." Jake explained, "It seemed like the simplest job we had to date."
"Yea, you thought wrong." Cody laughed.
"Cody." Donovan warned, sending him a chilling look.
"Sorry." he smiled.
"Like I said, we thought it would be easy, but it wasn't." Jake continued, "Alex and I couldn't have any weapon. We also had a limited contact with Donovan. Cody had to hand deliver certain messages to us."
"No weapons and hardly any communication with your superior." Agent James repeated.
"It was an experience I'll never forget." Jake laughed, "Of course, I think the experience has put the idea of Alex having children out the window. Poor Alex even had a hard time trying to grab a smoke."
"Shut up Jake." Alex grumbled, throwing her lighter at Jake.
"Day in and day out I had to put on that outfit. The heavy costume, stuffy headpiece. The shoes, I hardly could walk in the shoes. Smiling and being cheerful. Talk about a slow, horrible death." Jake shuddered at the thought of doing that again.
"We get the picture Agent Shaw." Agent McGraw said, "How did you find the diamonds?"
"By accident. Right Jake?" Alex laughed.
"The smuggler had the diamonds mixed in with the ice water." Donovan added, a smile creeping onto his face.
"Again, how did you know the diamonds were there?" Agent McGraw asked.
"I swallowed a couple." Jake mumbled.
"I'm sorry Agent Shaw, we couldn't hear you." Donovan smirked.
"I said I swallowed a couple." Jake yelled, "The diamonds were cut up to blend in with ice water for the characters."
"Are you positive on that?" Agent James asked.
"Oh, he's sure on that." Cody laughed, remember Jake's reaction to swallowing them and how they were to come out.
"Jake got even with the smuggler for spiking his ice water." Alex laughed as she dodged Jake throwing her lighter back at him.
"Yea, well wait until you see what I do to you smokes." Jake swore.
"Agent Shaw, please continue." Agent James said, trying to hold back his laughter.
"There was a scheduling change and the smuggler's partner didn't know. He made the exchange with the wrong person. They had the diamonds mixed in with the ice water I drank." Jake concluded. "The smuggler would take the ice water, drain the water and ice and move the diamonds into his possession."
"So the case wrapped itself up, giving away the smuggler's identity?" Agent McGraw asked.
"Yes, but then the smuggler found out Alex was undercover after she busted his partner." Jake said.
"Who was Dopey." Cody added.
"Okay, Agent Shaw, can you please justify the course of action you took in capturing the smuggler?" Agent James asked, he was having a hard time not laughing at the story.
"Like I said before, Alex and I couldn't bring any weapons with us." Jake began. "But the smuggler had a gun and took aim at Alex. I did the only thing I could do."
"Which was?"
"I proceeded to jump the smuggler and tried to wrestle the gun from his hands." Jake stated.
"But don't you think you went a little overboard?"
"At the time, I didn't. There were more lives at stake than mine or Alex's." Jake reasoned.
"So, you thought of the children's' safety?"
"Ah, no," Jake admitted, "I forgot they were there. I was still pissed about the diamonds being in my water, so I proceeded to kick the crap out the character."
"You forgot they were there?" Agent James asked, "How could you forget children were there?"
"I asked him the same question." Donovan said, placing his hand over his eyes. Donovan had a hard sleeping at night ever since the take down. He had a hard time getting rid of the images of Jake and the smuggler fighting.
"Couldn't you have kept the fighting in the backstage area?" Agent James asked.
"Or at least taken the smuggler out of the costume first?" Agent McGraw added.
"Hey, it's not like I was beating the crap out of Mickey Mouse." Jake protested.
"No Agent Shaw," Agent James said looking at the report, "you had to beat the crap out of Goofy."
"Did something 'goofy' in your childhood make you snap?" Agent McGraw laughed.
"Don't forget he started to kick too." Alex added.
"No, but look at Goofy, what the hell is he anyway?" Jake asked, "But that's not the point, Goofy was going to shoot Alex."
"Just like the question everyone asks." Cody laughed, "Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, what the hell is Goofy?"
"Cody," Donovan warned.
"Don't forget," Cody added, "Dopey was in on it too."
"Shut up Cody!" Jake yelled. Jake wanted to forget the torture Dopey put him through. Dopey tied him to a boat in that horrible, torturous ride. He shuddered at the thought. He still can't get the song out of his head.
"So, how does this make Jake look?" Donovan asked.
"Well, it was a clean bust from our point of view and Jake in the clear." Agent McGraw reported.
"But it leaves Agent Shaw branded as the man who almost killed Goofy. He's almost one of the most hated men in America." Agent James said laughing.
"We did our best to cover it up, but some papers did get some photos." Agent McGraw said, "Luckily Agent Shaw's face couldn't be seen due to the Sneezy head was still on."
"Thank you for letting us conduct the interview Agent Donovan." Agent James said standing up, shaking Donovan's hand.
"What about Jake's other problem?" Donovan asked, trying not to smile.
"We have people working on it. We should know something by the end of the week." he responded.
"Agent Shaw," McGraw said, "it was interesting to meet you."
They watched the two agents leave. Cody rolled his chair up to Jake and handed him an envelope. "Jake, we know this experience has been rough on you, so I took up a collection and got you something special."
Jake opened the envelope. Inside was a season's pass to Disney World, under another name. "That's it," Jake yelled throwing the envelope at Cody, "Come here you little computer geek. I'm going to make you wish Dopey killed me." Jake took off chasing Cody around.
"Ya know, I would expect you to be the one who would come close to killing a theme park character." Alex told Donovan, watching Jake chase Cody.
"I have two nieces and a nephew." Donovan laughed, "They'd kill me. Cody leave Jake alone."
"Ya know, I never meet anyone who's been banned for life from Disney." Cody laughed, " How does it feel Jake?"
"I'll let ya know after you tell me how it feels for my fist to hit your face." Jake yelled, rolling the chair to trip Cody.
"Now repeat after me," Cody started to sing, "It's a small world after all."
"I'm going to kill you." Jake yelled.
"Donovan, can't you make them disappear?" Alex asked lighting a cigarette.
"I've dealt with all kinds of people in this world, seen many things," Donovan commented, "but I'm not even going to mess with a man who beat up Goofy and Dopey."
"But Jake will hurt Cody." Alex laughed.
"I won't let it get that far." Donovan smiled, "If Cody didn't start with the jokes, I would've."
"You? Joke?" Alex asked.
"I do have a sense of humor, Alex." Donovan laughed, handing her a file.
"You got to be kidding," she laughed.
"I was going to tell Jake this was our next assignment and for the condition for him to go, he would have to promise not to kill the rabbit." Donovan laughed.
Inside the file, Donovan had Cody make up a false case that would have taken them to Great America.
"Well, I guess they could dress Jake up as Elmer Fudd." Alex laughed.
Author: Kim
Summary: title says it all
Genre: humor, only humor
Disclaimer: I do not own Frank Donovan or the UC crew, would be nice. Other characters are mine. Other parties involved in the story are not mine and is meant with pure humor. Don't have money, so you can't sue. Nobody was hurt during the writing of this story
Archive: If you want to, just let me know where.
Feedback: Please and be honest. Kweb9173@aol.com
"Okay, Agent Shaw," Agent James said sitting down next to Jake, "we read the report and interviewed Agents Cross and Donovan. Now we want to hear the story from you."
"You want me to start from the beginning?" Jake asked.
"Yes, whatever you can remember." Agent McGraw answered.
"Agent Cross and myself were placed undercover three months ago. We were sent in to find how diamonds were being smuggled into the States." Jake explained, "It seemed like the simplest job we had to date."
"Yea, you thought wrong." Cody laughed.
"Cody." Donovan warned, sending him a chilling look.
"Sorry." he smiled.
"Like I said, we thought it would be easy, but it wasn't." Jake continued, "Alex and I couldn't have any weapon. We also had a limited contact with Donovan. Cody had to hand deliver certain messages to us."
"No weapons and hardly any communication with your superior." Agent James repeated.
"It was an experience I'll never forget." Jake laughed, "Of course, I think the experience has put the idea of Alex having children out the window. Poor Alex even had a hard time trying to grab a smoke."
"Shut up Jake." Alex grumbled, throwing her lighter at Jake.
"Day in and day out I had to put on that outfit. The heavy costume, stuffy headpiece. The shoes, I hardly could walk in the shoes. Smiling and being cheerful. Talk about a slow, horrible death." Jake shuddered at the thought of doing that again.
"We get the picture Agent Shaw." Agent McGraw said, "How did you find the diamonds?"
"By accident. Right Jake?" Alex laughed.
"The smuggler had the diamonds mixed in with the ice water." Donovan added, a smile creeping onto his face.
"Again, how did you know the diamonds were there?" Agent McGraw asked.
"I swallowed a couple." Jake mumbled.
"I'm sorry Agent Shaw, we couldn't hear you." Donovan smirked.
"I said I swallowed a couple." Jake yelled, "The diamonds were cut up to blend in with ice water for the characters."
"Are you positive on that?" Agent James asked.
"Oh, he's sure on that." Cody laughed, remember Jake's reaction to swallowing them and how they were to come out.
"Jake got even with the smuggler for spiking his ice water." Alex laughed as she dodged Jake throwing her lighter back at him.
"Yea, well wait until you see what I do to you smokes." Jake swore.
"Agent Shaw, please continue." Agent James said, trying to hold back his laughter.
"There was a scheduling change and the smuggler's partner didn't know. He made the exchange with the wrong person. They had the diamonds mixed in with the ice water I drank." Jake concluded. "The smuggler would take the ice water, drain the water and ice and move the diamonds into his possession."
"So the case wrapped itself up, giving away the smuggler's identity?" Agent McGraw asked.
"Yes, but then the smuggler found out Alex was undercover after she busted his partner." Jake said.
"Who was Dopey." Cody added.
"Okay, Agent Shaw, can you please justify the course of action you took in capturing the smuggler?" Agent James asked, he was having a hard time not laughing at the story.
"Like I said before, Alex and I couldn't bring any weapons with us." Jake began. "But the smuggler had a gun and took aim at Alex. I did the only thing I could do."
"Which was?"
"I proceeded to jump the smuggler and tried to wrestle the gun from his hands." Jake stated.
"But don't you think you went a little overboard?"
"At the time, I didn't. There were more lives at stake than mine or Alex's." Jake reasoned.
"So, you thought of the children's' safety?"
"Ah, no," Jake admitted, "I forgot they were there. I was still pissed about the diamonds being in my water, so I proceeded to kick the crap out the character."
"You forgot they were there?" Agent James asked, "How could you forget children were there?"
"I asked him the same question." Donovan said, placing his hand over his eyes. Donovan had a hard sleeping at night ever since the take down. He had a hard time getting rid of the images of Jake and the smuggler fighting.
"Couldn't you have kept the fighting in the backstage area?" Agent James asked.
"Or at least taken the smuggler out of the costume first?" Agent McGraw added.
"Hey, it's not like I was beating the crap out of Mickey Mouse." Jake protested.
"No Agent Shaw," Agent James said looking at the report, "you had to beat the crap out of Goofy."
"Did something 'goofy' in your childhood make you snap?" Agent McGraw laughed.
"Don't forget he started to kick too." Alex added.
"No, but look at Goofy, what the hell is he anyway?" Jake asked, "But that's not the point, Goofy was going to shoot Alex."
"Just like the question everyone asks." Cody laughed, "Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, what the hell is Goofy?"
"Cody," Donovan warned.
"Don't forget," Cody added, "Dopey was in on it too."
"Shut up Cody!" Jake yelled. Jake wanted to forget the torture Dopey put him through. Dopey tied him to a boat in that horrible, torturous ride. He shuddered at the thought. He still can't get the song out of his head.
"So, how does this make Jake look?" Donovan asked.
"Well, it was a clean bust from our point of view and Jake in the clear." Agent McGraw reported.
"But it leaves Agent Shaw branded as the man who almost killed Goofy. He's almost one of the most hated men in America." Agent James said laughing.
"We did our best to cover it up, but some papers did get some photos." Agent McGraw said, "Luckily Agent Shaw's face couldn't be seen due to the Sneezy head was still on."
"Thank you for letting us conduct the interview Agent Donovan." Agent James said standing up, shaking Donovan's hand.
"What about Jake's other problem?" Donovan asked, trying not to smile.
"We have people working on it. We should know something by the end of the week." he responded.
"Agent Shaw," McGraw said, "it was interesting to meet you."
They watched the two agents leave. Cody rolled his chair up to Jake and handed him an envelope. "Jake, we know this experience has been rough on you, so I took up a collection and got you something special."
Jake opened the envelope. Inside was a season's pass to Disney World, under another name. "That's it," Jake yelled throwing the envelope at Cody, "Come here you little computer geek. I'm going to make you wish Dopey killed me." Jake took off chasing Cody around.
"Ya know, I would expect you to be the one who would come close to killing a theme park character." Alex told Donovan, watching Jake chase Cody.
"I have two nieces and a nephew." Donovan laughed, "They'd kill me. Cody leave Jake alone."
"Ya know, I never meet anyone who's been banned for life from Disney." Cody laughed, " How does it feel Jake?"
"I'll let ya know after you tell me how it feels for my fist to hit your face." Jake yelled, rolling the chair to trip Cody.
"Now repeat after me," Cody started to sing, "It's a small world after all."
"I'm going to kill you." Jake yelled.
"Donovan, can't you make them disappear?" Alex asked lighting a cigarette.
"I've dealt with all kinds of people in this world, seen many things," Donovan commented, "but I'm not even going to mess with a man who beat up Goofy and Dopey."
"But Jake will hurt Cody." Alex laughed.
"I won't let it get that far." Donovan smiled, "If Cody didn't start with the jokes, I would've."
"You? Joke?" Alex asked.
"I do have a sense of humor, Alex." Donovan laughed, handing her a file.
"You got to be kidding," she laughed.
"I was going to tell Jake this was our next assignment and for the condition for him to go, he would have to promise not to kill the rabbit." Donovan laughed.
Inside the file, Donovan had Cody make up a false case that would have taken them to Great America.
"Well, I guess they could dress Jake up as Elmer Fudd." Alex laughed.