When he woke the next morning, his consciousness came back at a slow rate, as usual, but this time he was truly going to get up, therefore he didn't lapse back into sleep, although his body wanted to very badly.
He shifted his weight, as he usually did, to tell his body that he was truly getting up. While he did, he felt something strange against his bare arms. It was smooth, but not cold.
In his sleepy state, he wasn't sure how to react to this. He leaned upwards on one arm for a moment, steadying his shaky sense of balance and trying to shake the last cobwebs of sleep from his brain. He finally looked down and saw the telltale glint of metal around him.
If he had been alert, he would have panicked. However, with his slow sleepy reaction to things, the only thing that ran through his mind was a simple question. "What the #$^#?"
He moved his arm to get a clearer view of the metal object and found that it had five fingers. Finally his brain decided to find where the source of the metal object was, and found Vincent, sleeping quietly.
Cid stared at him for a while, trying to comprehend.
"#^$#."
He wasn't sure what to do after his short statement. He remained leaning upwards, trying to clear his mind, and decided understanding how this had happened and what it could mean should come later. The more important thing was to get out of bed and get dressed.
So Cid carefully placed one of his hands across the gold metallic claw. Although he expected it to be cold, he found it was almost warm to the touch. Registering this as odd, he gently slid it away from him and eased away from Vincent, trying not to wake him. He wasn't ready to deal with Vincent's reply (which, even in his sleepy state, he knew would be terribly angsty) or even with Vincent waking up.
After all, maybe this wasn't even his bed. Maybe he had crawled in with Vincent. Why would he do that...?
He didn't have time to think, he couldn't think. He had to wake up first, then he could think.
He eased out of the bed, trying to keep his mind off the sensation of sleeping next to someone else, rubbing at his eyes sleepily and groping for the packet of cigarettes he had left by the bedside. Maybe that would clear his head.
He placed his feet on the floor, trying to ignore the cold boards underneath them, and stood. He groped around the table for a moment, finally found what he was looking for, and went to the window.
He opened it slowly, noting the sky outside seemed uncertain. This wasn't good whether to fly in, he knew that much. It was the kind of sky that could easily turn on you. He leaned and breathed smoke outside quietly, letting the chemicals flood his body and begin to wake him.
He had learned to do this after Shera had complained about the constant smoke in the house. Cid had become accustomed to gravitating towards windows when smoking, not because of any concern for others, but because it had been ingrained in him by Shera's constant reminders.
He breathed out a slow cloud into the cold morning air, sighing almost as he did so. He leaned his thin body almost completely out of the window, as if trying to escape. He focused his blue eyes completely on the sky, as he usually did. Sometimes if he did this correctly, it felt as if he were truly flying.
He closed his eyes and thought.
Facts, first of all. I went to sleep alone. I woke up with Vin in bed with me. He was holding onto my chest.
Those are the facts.
Now...
Why?
Cid scratched his head quizzically. He hadn't gotten drunk last night, so that ruled THAT out as a reason he couldn't remember...he could remember everything fairly clearly until he went to sleep. He remembered seeing Vincent untying the red bandana he always wore and placing it by the bed.
Chancing a glance back into the room, he found the article of Vincent's assemble where it had been left. Yes, he was remembering correctly...
He had changed and went to sleep, and as far as he knew Vincent went to sleep as well.
Now when he woke up, Vincent was in bed with him.
Checking himself, he found that his pajamas felt almost exactly the same as he had when he had worn them. He couldn't have taken them off, that could never have happened...
Why did he even think that it could have?
He turned back into the room, pushing his cigarette down into the windowsill to extinguish it, and he walked slowly back to his bed, his feet padding softly on the floor. He slowly moved the sheets that covered the still sleeping Vincent and found that underneath Vincent was just as completely dressed as he.
He sat down on the bed, resting his head on his hands.
Why did these thoughts even come to him? Why did he even consider them a possibility? Did that mean that he...? No, there was no way. No way that could ever happen...there's no...it was impossible...
"#$&$in' impossible." He mumbled outloud to himself, but softly so no one could hear how sad his voice really was.
He cursed at himself mentally.
What the #&#%, Highwind? What. The. #^#^. You're actin' like Goth-boy over there, you're goin' to angst up the whole #$^# room at this rate. Stop actin' like a god@#%@ crybaby and think this through. What could have happened?
He glanced back at Vincent. Now that he thought about it, the bandana that Vincent wore didn't seem to do much, but in fact without the restraining red fabric, the dark hair flowed in almost every direction. It spread in an almost black halo around Vincent, who was sleeping almost peacefully, his metal claw arm left where Cid had let it rest.
Okay...this is your bed, right?
Cid looked around. This was the bed he remembered falling asleep in before...
Okay, Vin was in his own bed before, right?
He nodded at his own thoughts.
Now, two things could have happened here...either he came to you, or you came to him and don't remember.
Which one is more likely, Highwind?
Cid sighed heavily and rubbed his head. It was too #$^# early for this.
Vin's my friend, sure. He's always watched my back, he listens to me talk, he's so quiet, he doesn't seem scary to me at all...
Does that mean other people frighten you, Highwind?
Cid glared at his own small hands.
Vin just isn't a threat, that's all.
Why are you scared of people?
Cid buried his hands in his hair in frustration. I don't want to remember...
Fine, let's leave that alone. Vin's your friend...do you always sleep with your friends?
No, #$^@ no, what the #$^# are you saying?
When's the last time you had a friend?
I've had lots of friends, like Cloud-
Like Vin.
Cid paused silently.
I don't know...
Perhaps he's not just a friend?
At the very thought Cid stood up angrily and shook his head furiously, trying to punish his own brain.
No! NO! #$^#! NO! I can't THINK that #$^#, I CAN'T, once I do, I'm open and weak again and I can't #$^@in' allow that, I can't think that, I can't do that to Vin and I can't do that to myself, no...no, I can't...Vin's my friend, that's all, that's all it can ever be...
I can't...let...myself be that weak again...
I refuse to remember...
It #$^#in' never happened...
I wish it never happened...
He found himself clutching his own thin arms and he forced his hands to let go.
Cid glanced back at Vincent, who slept so quietly, his hair falling over his face, breathing short but even. Even with the claw, Cid could never see Vincent ever hurting him. He trusted Vincent, and despite all of his claims that he was a monster, he could never truly believe that Vincent would ever willingly hurt him. He would never believe that Chaos and Vincent were the same, or that Vincent was the same as any of the beasts that inhabited his frail body. Vincent was his friend, one of his truest, best friends...
He couldn't ruin that...he couldn't bear to hurt Vincent...because he knew that Vincent would never hurt him...how could he even think of hurting him? For Vincent's trust, for the safety that exuded from him, and the security that Cid felt while around him...he could never hurt him...
And that meant...he could never get close to Vincent, he could never do anything that could even remotely come close to hurting him. He had to stay away, because everyone that got close to him got hurt...
Including himself...
Little guy thinks he's got what it takes to be a Shinra Pilot? Little one thinks-
"#$&#! That didn't happen..." The words found reality by accident. He looked back at Vincent, worried that he had woken him. All he had done was turn away.
Deep inside, he knew that Vincent had to think of him as his best friend as well...there had to be no other option. Why else would he have let him take him here...
No, would have come to sleep with HIM. If he he had done something, then he would have remembered it, simple as that...
He didn't forget things that important.
Cid sighed, rubbing his forehead. For all his years of hardwork, of torment under so many that he trusted, of hard work that never got repayed, here he was...sitting on the bed, and having gotten no further then he had when he had started. Still unable to trust, still afraid to be close, still afraid...
He was still afraid, small, and weak inside.
He pulled his knees up to his chest.
@$^@, I'm gettin' worse then Vin, but...I can understand where he's comin' from now...why am I here, what am I here for...? I'm goin' to ruin our friendship and hurt Vin this way, I can't #$^#in' do that, I can't do that...
"I can't do that..."
He had put his hands over his eyes, but a slight touch to his bare foot grabbed his attention.
"Can't do what, Highwind...?" A soft, quiet voice penetrated his thoughts, one that he knew far too well.
#$^#.
Cid did the first thing that came to mind and one of the things he was truly good at. Denial.
"What th' #^#% are you talking about?"
Cid uncovered his face quickly and pulled another cigarette free, trying to act nonchalant. His hands were shaking and he cursed loudly in his head as he put it to his lips.
While he had been struggling to avoid eye-contact at all costs, Vincent had pushed himself up into a sitting position, his own dark hair falling over his face and masking his expression from view.
"I'm sorry."
"F'what?" Cid mumbled as he lit the cigarette. He thought for a moment and forgot to keep his response to himself. "#&#%!"
Vincent had his hands clasped in his lap as he kneeled near side, refusing to look up so his face remained impossible to interpret. "I'm sorry, Highwind. I won't ask you to forgive me."
Cid sucked angrily on the cigarette thinking it would clear his thoughts but it only made him more jumpy. He pushed a hand into his hair, then jerked it free sharply. "#&#% it-" He put his hands back on his head again, trying desperatly to think of something to say. "#$^# Vin, don't start this #$^# with me, I really can't deal with this right now-"
"Highwind...?" Vincent moved slightly, so a slight glimmer of scarlet red could be seen between black. "...oh...I know why you're acting like this, it's because of-"
"This is NOT your #$^#in' fault, Vin, okay?!" Cid shouted at him more harshly then he intended then turned away from him, hiding his eyes with his hands as he tried to let the smoke fill his lungs. He was breathing too fast. "For #^#$in' god's sake, this isn't your fault, jesus christ I can't deal with this...#$^#..."
"Highwind...?" Vincent's voice was now concerned and confused. Cid had been slightly worried that the raising of his voice would cause Vincent to lock away, but it apparently seemed to only have an opposite affect.
#$^#! If he HAD locked up, that would have at least given him time to think!
At the touch of Vincent's human hand against his shoulder Cid jumped sharply, causing the cigarette to fall out of his trembling fingers onto the floor. Finding some way to vent his angry, he began cursing in long strings that didn't even make sense, trying to get rid of the tension that had been building in him ever since he had woken up.
"Highwind, please calm down and tell me what's wrong." Vincent's voice was calm, but he could feel the worry underneath it. Cid turned towards him and grabbed his thin shoulders roughly, his hands still shaking. Vincent's face finally became visible, his hair falling to one side as he stared at him with startled red eyes.
"God#^@#it Vin, don't go stoic on me, what th' #$^# happened, how did you get in my bed? $^@#, I don't even think I WANT to know, #$^@. #$^#!" Cid repeated himself angrily, letting go of Vincent to hide his own face again. "God^#%@it Vin, tell me this isn't my fault, #$^#, this can't be happening again..."
Vincent completely misinterpreted Cid's words and as a result he struggled to keep tears from falling. He was struggling mightily to keep himself under control. For some reason, seeing Cid so emotional was frightening him, and when frightened, he tended to return to the behavior he had always known. Stoicism. "Highwind, this isn't your fault. I did this of my own volition. This is my fault, if anything. I made this decision, and I apologize." Vincent lowered his eyes again.
Cid paused, as if thinking this over, then grasped his hair inbetween his fingers viciously. "#$^#! @#@^ that makes things even WORSE! You can't...#$%&, Vin, #$^# why? Why th' #$^#...#$^#, #$#$, this can't be real..."
Vincent looked away, staring at his own claw. "I...was lonely. I know you...you're my friend...I...I really hoped you...wouldn't mind...I guess I was wrong to presume something like that..."
Why am I speaking like this? This isn't helping Cid calm down! He asked me not to and I can't even do THAT...
"#$&#, I don't mind...#$^#! God#$^#in' #$^# it I can't DO this!" Cid's voice cracked sharply. "I can't...I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't...#$#$, I can't hurt you like this Vin I can't, I just can't do this...#$^# I don't want this to happen again....@#$@...#$@$ it all to $^@%, this can't be happening again..."
"Highwind, what are you talking about...?"
Cid was breathing quickly and shallowly. "I am NOT WEAK!"
He must have intended for his statement to be angry, but it broke halfway through into what sounded like a cry of despair.
"#$^#..." Cid was covering his own eyes now, his voice soft. "#$^#...I can't even convince myself..."
Vincent placed a hand on Cid's shoulder. Cid lifted his hand and his eyes shone with sadness.
"Vin, don't let me hurt you like this, please tell me to #$^# off, hit me, get rid of me, just don't let me do this...I just hurt everyone I touch...I got hurt by everyone...I can't do this...I just hurt people...I can't love someone because I don't know how..."
Vincent stared at him for a few moments, not moving his hand. "Love?"
Cid stared at him for a few seconds then curled his knees towards him, covering his head with his arms. "#$^#. Oh god, oh #$^@, I didn't say that, did I...? #$^$. #$^#."
Vincent could feel him shaking underneath his hand. He moved his claw arm to steady him, not sure of what to do. Cid felt very small and frail underneath his hands. Although Cid was stronger then him in many ways, in other ways their body types were similiar. Lanky and thin...
"Highwind...?"
Cid was repeating the last obscenity over and over softly under his breath, refusing to lift his head at all. Vincent gently applied more pressure with his human hand. "Highwind...? Are you alright...?"
Cid's voice was frightening when he responded, simply because it was so soft, so lost, and so forlorn. "I've never #$^#in' been alright in my #^#$in' life."
"What happened...?" Vincent recognized the tone in his voice. Only severe mental pain could cause this kind of anguish...
"N...nothing...#$%&..." Cid shivered slightly. "I don't know...somethin'...wasn't a big deal...#$^# it, a lot of stuff happened...#$^#."
"I'm your friend, Highwind. I won't hurt you and you know I would never tell anyone. What happened? Please..." Vincent was frightened himself. He had never seen Cid this way. This was something completely out of his experience and it frightened him. He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing anymore.
"...I went to Shinra to become a pilot...'member...?"
Vincent nodded slightly, then realized that Cid couldn't see him as he was and squeezed his shoulder to indicate he agreed. Cid apparently understood this as he continued onwards.
"Well...you know me...I'm...I'm..." Cid shivered slightly again. "I'm...small..."
Vincent knew how Cid hated others mocking him about his height or his stature. He had trained to become a pilot so long ago...he must have been even smaller then then he was now. He squeezed his shoulder again.
"I guess...that made me weak..."
Vincent tried to stop Cid but he continued before he could protest.
"Others...bigger people...stronger people..." His voice took an odd tone on the word "stronger" as if it was something he was forcing out. "People who..."
"Highwind, tell me they didn't..."
"Everyday..." Cid shivered violently. "Everyday...they...they...they hurt me..."
Cid tensed sharply and his voice took on a weird day. "They hurt me, made me bleed, hit me because it was easy, because I was weak. Too weak and too small to do anything. To weak. Bled every day...every...#^#$in...day..."
Vincent felt a stronger pain then loneliness filling his heart. "No..."
"Couldn't #$^#in' take it anymore, I grabbed a pole...a pole...and I finally...defended myself."
Cid loosened slightly. "Felt natural, actually. That's why I use those things. They saved my life...couldn't take much more of that #%$# at th' rate it was goin'...they didn't bother me after that...and I got my wings...though my god#$^# body was broken to pieces to get them..."
Vincent felt tears falling from his own eyes. "This isn't fair, this shouldn't happen to you, this isn't fair..."
"I can't...how could you blame me, I can't @^@$in' trust anyone no more, after all...I trusted them at first, they were my friends and they #$^#in' stabbed me in the #$^#in' back...god#$^# 'em all...I can't..."
Cid lifted his face slightly so that Vincent could finally see his eyes, soft and frightened. "I can't do this Vin, I can't #$^#in' do this...you're goin' to get hurt, and I can't let that happen, not again...I can't let you get hurt 'cause god#$#$it you haven't hurt me...you've actually saved me a few times, #$^#...I can't do this to you, I can't..."
Cid let go of his knees and moved as if to go. "I can't #$^#in' do this, Vin, I can't..."
Vincent was struck with a sudden sharp panic. He couldn't let Cid go in this condition, he would never come back...
How did he know that?
Vincent refused to let go of Cid and pulled to move him back into his previous position. Cid wasn't prepared for resistance and fell back on the bed. Vincent wasn't prepared himself, and Cid's head was against his chest.
Not sure of what else to do, Vincent wrapped his arms around Cid tightly. "Please don't go, Highwind, don't do this. You don't have to run away from me, I'll never hurt you. Don't be frightened of me, even though that's too much to ask..."
Cid struggled momentarily but eventually he just laid quietly, his face hidden in Vincent's shirt.
"You can't hurt me because every moment with you only makes the pain go away...you can't hurt me...all you can ever do is the opposite..."
"GOD#$^# YOU!" Cid shouted angrily, striking at Vincent with his fists for only a moment before just collapsing into tears. "God#$^# you, Vin, #$#@ you...you make this too #$^#in' hard..."
Cid struggled not to cry, not to sob, but for once he felt safe...and after a long existence of living from one moment to the next avoiding death and pain, to be somewhere safe can sometimes generate tears of relief. Whether or not those were what Cid was shedding was impossible to say, but Vincent only motion the entire time was to rub Cid's back to remind him he was there.
"God#$^@ you..."
Vincent waited until Cid had calmed down enough before speaking, trying to keep his voice soft and non-threatening.
"Highwind, please calm down..."
"#$^#...I can't...but...agh..." Cid twisted slightly, as if making his inward struggle visible outwardly, but Vincent refused to let him go. He was worried that Cid would run off to be alone somewhere, and he knew that he couldn't be alone like this...he didn't want to be alone like this. If Cid had really wanted to be alone, he would have left a long time ago...if he had really wanted to be left alone, he would push Vincent away and leave, not just lay here and fight in this half-hearteded way.
Cid...Cid WANTED him to hold him...
He closed his red eyes and could hear his own voice mocking him...or was it Chaos...?
Wishful thinking, Valentine, wishful thinking. But to even think it means there's no way it could come true. He needs you now, he trusts you, he's weak and he needs your help, and you can only think of yourself and taking advantage of him. You're a pathetic monster...
Despite Chaos' attempts, Vincent struggled to keep his emotions under control. He couldn't afford to lose control in front of Cid...he needed him right now, he couldn't allow himself to lose control.
"You can't what...?"
Cid wasn't sure what to think. He hadn't been held this way for a long time...not since...a long time ago. That's all. A long time ago. He felt guilt for associating so many happy feelings with such a guilty pleasure, a guilty action, and his own guilty heart that was glad that someone had let him cry without striking him, without telling him he was weak.
He was weak, he knew that. Why didn't Vincent see that? Why was the dark man still here, holding onto him, even though he was so weak and so small, so wanting? Why was Vincent doing this? What benefit could this bring him?
Cid was confused.
He couldn't let this make him happy...he couldn't let that happen, that was wrong...and it was dangerous too. Allowing himself to feel that way was just dangerous...for both him AND Vin...there's was no way he could...
He turned his head so his ear rested on Vincent's chest. He could feel the moisture from his own tears but, more importantly hear Vincent's heartbeat. The soft rhythmic noise helped to calm him down, and his gasping breaths finally slowed.
Vincent had been waiting patiently for a response, although it had taken Cid several minutes to compose himself so he could respond.
"I...I can't..." Cid closed his eyes and wished there was some way to explain this, to explain why he couldn't do this, to explain what was so wrong. Would any of the explanations work on Vincent? Would Vincent even listen to them? He couldn't explain himself out of this...there was no explanation...
"Please don't be frightened of me..." Vincent's voice lost the emotionless tone it had for most of the conversation and became softer and frailer. Cid was startled at the change. "It's a bit much to ask, I know, but don't be frightened of me. I won't hurt you, I promise."
Cid kept his eyes closed. "It's hard for me to believe that kind of #$^#, y'know that Vin...? #$^#, everyone's tried t'convince me different my whole life...I remember that someone actually told me once...somethin' like 'don't depend on others, 'cause no one can care about yourself more then you' or somethin' stupid like that..."
Cid sighed deeply, focusing most of his attention on the sound of Vincent's heart beating, trying to ignore the fact that he was still being held. "#$#%, I'm weak mentally even, if what they said made so much of a difference in my life...#$^#, my life, what right do I have to say that? I never controlled a #$^# thin' in my life...everyone's always told me what to do and where to go...the only thin' I ever really wanted to do was fly, and learnin' how...involved me doin' whatever everyone said..."
Cid sighed again. "The only thin' I ever thought of wantin' or doin' myself is to fly...the rest of my life is just so...so...god, just so not mine...I have no willpower, I just do what other people tell me to..."
"Highwind, that's not-"
"#$#^, I'm so god#$^# weak, I hate myself for that, you know that? I hate myself for being so weak and so...what's the word...?"
Vincent had closed his own eyes and spoke softly. "Impressionable...?"
Cid paused for a moment. "I guess that's what I was thinkin' of, I don't know...#$^#, now we done everythin', we beat that #$^#% Sephiroth, and now what...? Continue my pointless life with Shera...with no direction...god, I'm scared of that, Vin...I don't want to lose this..."
Cid looked at his hands. They were rarely uncovered except when he slept, and staring at them made him see all the small imperfections that made him his own. Like a scar at the base of his hand that came from...
"When we'd been travelin' with the kid, I knew what I was doin' with my life was right...I had a real purpose for once..."
Cid wished he could disappear as he pressed his head against Vincent's chest, trying to force himself to calm down. "Yeah...'cause the kid told me what to do...I'm so #^#$in' used to people tellin' me what to do...I can't handle bein' without that..."
Cid wanted to cover his face, but his hands didn't want to move. "I'm scared, Vin, I'm scared...I don't want to lose this. I don't want to have to be guideless...I don't want to lose you..." He paused for only a second. "#$%&, I mean..."
"Highwind, I know that a lot has happened to you, but..." Vincent couldn't help but hold Cid closer to him and he felt a pang of guilt at doing so, while Chaos snickered at him from his own mind. "You aren't weak at all, you aren't weak."
"#$#^ Vin, don't lie to me."
"Have I ever before?"
Cid paused.
"Highwind, you're a strong person...the fact that you made it out of that horrible phase of your life...the fact that you're here right now, even when faced with the death of the planet...the fact that you saved us all, when the planet threatened to destroy us...you're so strong."
Cid shook his head then hid his face again in his chest. "#$%# Vin, don't say that, #$^#, I can't believe that..."
Vincent closed his eyes. "When I was injured...how you always lept in front of me to take the damage, to protect me and our other party members...you can't be weak. You can't be, there's no way."
"#$^#! I am!" Cid sounded desperate.
"You can't be, there's no proof." Vincent continued to hold him. "You've never shown any signs of weakness to me, Highwind."
"Then what the #$^# do you call this?!" Cid sounded almost frightened. "I'm #$#$in' cryin', Vin! Why the #$#@ haven't you hit me yet!?"
Cid pulled himself away, forcing Vincent to let him go and only keep a hold of his upper arms, and stared Vincent in the eyes. Vincent stared back, startled. Cid thought about what he said.
"#$#@! $#%@ @#%@ @#%#, I DIDN'T say that!"
"Highwind, crying isn't weak." Vincent could feel tears rising in his own eyes at Cid's pain, but struggled to keep them back. "It isn't."
"@$^@, how can you say that!" Cid was becoming hysterical again. It was only Vincent's hold on his arms that kept him from curling into a ball. "How can you #$^#in' say that, Vin?"
"I can say it because it's true, Highwind." Vincent's voice was becoming pained. "I know because I've cried a great deal myself, and that doesn't change anything."
"#$^#, Vin, you can't tell me crying isn't weak, 'cause..."
"Tears are signs of strength, Highwind, they mean you have the strength to admit how you feel through them."
Cid looked down, small drops falling from his shadowed face. "#$#$ Vin...god$^@%in' #$^@it...why do you make this so hard..."
"I'm not trying to." Vincent let go of Cid's arm with his right hand and decided to take a chance. He didn't know what else to do.
He gently raised Cid's face and brushed away his tears with his hand, struggling to keep his hand from shaking. Cid stared at him in confusion.
"I'm trying to help...not make things worse..."
Cid stared at him. He was still crying, although Vincent could tell that he was trying to stop. "Then just hit me, Vin...I can understand that, that's what I'm #$^#in' used to now...I don't know what to do and that's why this is hard..."
Vincent shook his head back and forth slowly, his black hair floating along with him. "No. I can't. I won't."
"Then what the #$^# am I supposed to do!?" Cid shouted at him, desperate for an answer he could understand.
Vincent closed his eyes, trying to think, as Cid struggled to keep himself under control. This resulted in a series of noises that almost sounded like sobs but converted into noises of rage, which made them even more painful to hear.
"I can't tell you that."
"#$^@!" Cid sounded even more angered by that response. "Vin, I can't..."
Vincent retook his hold on his arms. "Please, don't do this to yourself..."
Cid looked at him with a strange, lost look in his eyes. "If you won't and I can't, then who will?"
The look in his eyes was so familiar and horrifying that Vincent pulled Cid to him sharply with a cry of pain. "Don't look like that! Don't look at me like that!"
Cid made a short startled noise as Vincent held onto him tightly. "Don't look at me with those lost eyes, you can't...you should never have to have those eyes, it's not fair...it's not fair, please don't look like that, I can't bear it...the pain is so strong...you shouldn't have that kind of pain..."
Cid shook underneath his touch. "#$^@, #$@#, this was what I was talkin' about, I @$^@in' hurt you...#$^#...I knew this would happen..."
Vincent pushed Cid out so he could look at him. "This isn't your fault, Highwind, it was never your fault. This is my fault, only mine, and the reason I'm in pain is because I feel yours."
Cid stared at him, the lost look gone but replaced with sadness. "God Vin, all you've ever done is be my friend, #$^#, all I want to do is make you happy for it..."
"You don't have to repay friendship, Highwind."