DISCLAIMER: Standard disclaimers apply. See previous chapters for full disclaimer.
DEDICATION: To Candy-chan. Daijobu da yo, 'ne-chan. Daijobu.
Where You Are
by Ekai Ungson
Chapter 9: What Holds True
Anything she'd hoped to say, everything she was thinking, flew out of her head.
Her thoughts scattered, regrouped, and scattered again.
Then one thought, one concept rose above and resonated.
*No.*
"No," Sakura whispered.
Syaoran blinked. "What? Why?"
She stood up and the gold ribbon on her wrist unraveled. "No," she repeated. "Don't tell me this, Syaoran-kun."
He stood up, too. "It's the truth!"
She shook her head furiously. "It doesn't match the reality!" she cried. Her eyes were brimming with tears. "You're engaged."
It was like a slap to his face. Still, he persisted. he placed both hands on her shoulders. "Sakura. Listen to me."
"You can't break your promise to her just like that, just because you were with me for a night," she whispered. "It's not enough, and I can't let you break your promise to her. I WON'T let you do it, not because of me, and not because of one meaningless night."
His jaw dropped. "Meaningless?"
She drew breath sharply. "Please let me go," she pleaded softly. "Let me go and forget anything happened tonight."
She took a step back and his hands fell limply to his sides.
Her eyes looked into his for one long moment.
Then she turned and ran.
All he could do was stare after her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Noon sunlight was coming into her room.
She stared up at the pristine ceiling, dazed. She hadn't moved since she got back to the hotel.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*(Flashback)~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
The hotel room opened and Tomoyo jumped up. "Sakura-chan! It's five in the morning, so where--" Tomoyo paused as she took in her best friend's devastated state. "Sakura-chan, daijobu ka?"
Sakura shook her head weakly. "Iie. Daijobu jannai."
"Dou shita no?"
Sakura looked up at her best friend. "I... I rejected him, Tomoyo-chan."
Tomoyo's brow crinkled. "But why? I thought..."
The tears overflowed. "Because... I didn't want Ming-na to be... hurt. I didn't want him to repeat what he did to me to her."
Tomoyo looked at her intently. "You didn't want Ming-na hurt or you didn't want yourself hurt?"
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Somehow the words had rung so true.
Why did she say no?
She closed her eyes. *Because I... I'm a coward.*
Someone knocked softly on her door and Tomoyo walked in.
"These just came for you," she announced.
Sakura turned and recognized Syaoran's presents at once.
"They're from Li-kun," Tomoyo said needlessly.
Sakura then realized with a jolt that she was still wearing the diamond necklace. She sat up as Tomoyo left the room.
Now was the time for self-assessment.
The questions: why did she say no? What was she afraid of?
The answers: She said no because she was scared. She was scared of the pain.
Did she really believe he'd do that to her?
*He's done it before.*
But does she believe it?
*No.*
Does she love him?
*No. Yes. No... Yes. Okay. Yes.*
And what does she hold true?
*That I love him.*
Clear as crystal, plain as day.
She had learned for these past eight years to hide her tears behind a smile, to drown out his voice in a crowd's applause. She had learned to forget his memories to remember her lines and to stop the pain by acting happy in front of the camera.
But she had never learned how to erase her love for the amber-eyed, brown-haired Chinese boy that had stolen her heart not by force but by gently waiting for her to come to her senses.
Sakura opened her eyes. What she held true was Syaoran, it was truth and nothing but.
But things weren't so easy, really.
There was the matter of Ming-na. She wasn't scared, sure, not scared of what pain Syaoran could give her. She was scared of the pain THEY could inflict on Ming-na, who wasn't at fault here.
Things weren't easy at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He looked out the window, where he had a clear view of the garden below.
The swings moved when the wind blew.
His sisters' voices wafted up to his ears. He closed his eyes. he could not hear them. He was hearing Sakura's voice again.
*"You can't break your promise to her just like that, just because you were with me for a night," she whispered. "It's not enough, and I can't let you break your promise to her. I WON'T let you do it, not because of me, and not because of one meaningless night."*
Why did they both have to be so sacrificial?
She didn't want to be the cause of someone else's pain. That was typical of her. She'd sooner sacrifice her life for the sake of other people's safety. She'd sooner die herself before she let anyone else came to harm. She'd sooner walk away before anyone's feelings got hurt.
Because of this, she'd walked away from him.
And he... he didn't want to hurt Ming-na, who had done nothing wrong to deserve any pain.
He was at fault.
He could've kept his promise to Sakura, and if he did, she'd still be with him, and if he was, he never would've gotten engaged in the first place.
But he didn't. His actions led to a series of chain counter-reactions, and now he was hopelessly stuck.
Why the hell did the complications begin to arise when everything became so clear?
Sakura was what he held true.
Ming-na had never been it. Ming-na was there when he was lonely, confused, alone. But now he realized that he loved Ming-na the way he loved Meilin. Like a sister.
What HAD pushed him to ask Ming-na to marry him?
He thought it was love. But now he knew the difference.
He was in love with Sakura. He always had been.
Why, damn it, why did they both have to be so sacrificial?
*Beacuse we're afraid to let other people feel the pain we've felt-- still feeling. We're scared.*
It didn't matter now. Sakura had said no.
He had nothing left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author's Notes: THERE! Are you guys HAPPY now? Geezs. Now four more chapters and it's done. Imma go work on the next chapter. Have a little patience, guys!!
DEDICATION: To Candy-chan. Daijobu da yo, 'ne-chan. Daijobu.
Where You Are
by Ekai Ungson
Chapter 9: What Holds True
Anything she'd hoped to say, everything she was thinking, flew out of her head.
Her thoughts scattered, regrouped, and scattered again.
Then one thought, one concept rose above and resonated.
*No.*
"No," Sakura whispered.
Syaoran blinked. "What? Why?"
She stood up and the gold ribbon on her wrist unraveled. "No," she repeated. "Don't tell me this, Syaoran-kun."
He stood up, too. "It's the truth!"
She shook her head furiously. "It doesn't match the reality!" she cried. Her eyes were brimming with tears. "You're engaged."
It was like a slap to his face. Still, he persisted. he placed both hands on her shoulders. "Sakura. Listen to me."
"You can't break your promise to her just like that, just because you were with me for a night," she whispered. "It's not enough, and I can't let you break your promise to her. I WON'T let you do it, not because of me, and not because of one meaningless night."
His jaw dropped. "Meaningless?"
She drew breath sharply. "Please let me go," she pleaded softly. "Let me go and forget anything happened tonight."
She took a step back and his hands fell limply to his sides.
Her eyes looked into his for one long moment.
Then she turned and ran.
All he could do was stare after her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Noon sunlight was coming into her room.
She stared up at the pristine ceiling, dazed. She hadn't moved since she got back to the hotel.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*(Flashback)~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
The hotel room opened and Tomoyo jumped up. "Sakura-chan! It's five in the morning, so where--" Tomoyo paused as she took in her best friend's devastated state. "Sakura-chan, daijobu ka?"
Sakura shook her head weakly. "Iie. Daijobu jannai."
"Dou shita no?"
Sakura looked up at her best friend. "I... I rejected him, Tomoyo-chan."
Tomoyo's brow crinkled. "But why? I thought..."
The tears overflowed. "Because... I didn't want Ming-na to be... hurt. I didn't want him to repeat what he did to me to her."
Tomoyo looked at her intently. "You didn't want Ming-na hurt or you didn't want yourself hurt?"
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Somehow the words had rung so true.
Why did she say no?
She closed her eyes. *Because I... I'm a coward.*
Someone knocked softly on her door and Tomoyo walked in.
"These just came for you," she announced.
Sakura turned and recognized Syaoran's presents at once.
"They're from Li-kun," Tomoyo said needlessly.
Sakura then realized with a jolt that she was still wearing the diamond necklace. She sat up as Tomoyo left the room.
Now was the time for self-assessment.
The questions: why did she say no? What was she afraid of?
The answers: She said no because she was scared. She was scared of the pain.
Did she really believe he'd do that to her?
*He's done it before.*
But does she believe it?
*No.*
Does she love him?
*No. Yes. No... Yes. Okay. Yes.*
And what does she hold true?
*That I love him.*
Clear as crystal, plain as day.
She had learned for these past eight years to hide her tears behind a smile, to drown out his voice in a crowd's applause. She had learned to forget his memories to remember her lines and to stop the pain by acting happy in front of the camera.
But she had never learned how to erase her love for the amber-eyed, brown-haired Chinese boy that had stolen her heart not by force but by gently waiting for her to come to her senses.
Sakura opened her eyes. What she held true was Syaoran, it was truth and nothing but.
But things weren't so easy, really.
There was the matter of Ming-na. She wasn't scared, sure, not scared of what pain Syaoran could give her. She was scared of the pain THEY could inflict on Ming-na, who wasn't at fault here.
Things weren't easy at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He looked out the window, where he had a clear view of the garden below.
The swings moved when the wind blew.
His sisters' voices wafted up to his ears. He closed his eyes. he could not hear them. He was hearing Sakura's voice again.
*"You can't break your promise to her just like that, just because you were with me for a night," she whispered. "It's not enough, and I can't let you break your promise to her. I WON'T let you do it, not because of me, and not because of one meaningless night."*
Why did they both have to be so sacrificial?
She didn't want to be the cause of someone else's pain. That was typical of her. She'd sooner sacrifice her life for the sake of other people's safety. She'd sooner die herself before she let anyone else came to harm. She'd sooner walk away before anyone's feelings got hurt.
Because of this, she'd walked away from him.
And he... he didn't want to hurt Ming-na, who had done nothing wrong to deserve any pain.
He was at fault.
He could've kept his promise to Sakura, and if he did, she'd still be with him, and if he was, he never would've gotten engaged in the first place.
But he didn't. His actions led to a series of chain counter-reactions, and now he was hopelessly stuck.
Why the hell did the complications begin to arise when everything became so clear?
Sakura was what he held true.
Ming-na had never been it. Ming-na was there when he was lonely, confused, alone. But now he realized that he loved Ming-na the way he loved Meilin. Like a sister.
What HAD pushed him to ask Ming-na to marry him?
He thought it was love. But now he knew the difference.
He was in love with Sakura. He always had been.
Why, damn it, why did they both have to be so sacrificial?
*Beacuse we're afraid to let other people feel the pain we've felt-- still feeling. We're scared.*
It didn't matter now. Sakura had said no.
He had nothing left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author's Notes: THERE! Are you guys HAPPY now? Geezs. Now four more chapters and it's done. Imma go work on the next chapter. Have a little patience, guys!!