Chiba Mamoru, Man Of All Things Manly
Author: ~*KawaiiZucchini*~
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own any Sailor Moon characters. Naoko Takeuchi
does. I watch the anime, read the fics, and surf the net to find endless info
about them, that's it.
Author's Notes: Heh, I figured it'd be fun to have Mamoru tell
everyone about his outlook on the world and the people around him. Though, we
may not all agree with him, it sure is amusing to see him talk for an endless
amount of time. Plus, at one point or another, we all were sure that he'd love
to say this. Enjoy his ramblings ;)
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Konnichiwa minna. My name is Chiba Mamoru. I've been asked to tell you about
my outlook on my life. Well, considering I'm a very important character in
Sailor Moon, I can see why they picked me. But obviously, both the manga and
anime should have been called "Tuxedo Kamen" instead. I don't get nearly enough
credit for that. Besides, when Sailor Moon is running for her life and screaming
that odango atama of hers off, I'M the one who throws the rose, makes the
speech, and bores the enemy to death. Important, ne? I think so.
Another thing I'd like to address is the publicity issue. Whenever I'm out
with my girlfriend, Tsukino Usagi, everyone asks her for her autograph. Never
once have a I signed an autograph for a swooning fan. Just once, I'd love for a
girl to come up and give me a quick kiss. Boy, would that ever make Usagi mad,
heh heh heh...
Speaking of Usagi, every time I'm with her, my IQ slides down a couple
notchs. Thank goodness there's Ami, otherwise I'd be an idiot by now. Hmmm,
where did I put that rose...? Anyways, I don't know how I've survived so long
with Usagi. I've left the earplugs in my ears permanently because of her
high-decable wailing. How in the world did I get stuck with this ditz as my
future wife and mother of my daughter? Hai, she is a great girl, but sometimes
the cons outweigh the pros...
Moving onto a similar subject, Chibi-Usa. Can we all say "spore"? I remember
when I was first told she was my own flesh and blood. Holy crap, is all I can
say. First I looked down at "Mamo-chan Jr." (as so affectionately named by
Usako) and mentally told him that he was "The Man". Then, I looked at Chibi-Usa.
What normal being has naturally pink hair and red eyes? Boy, did I ever tell off
"Mamo-chan Jr." for THAT glitch. Besides the fact that she looks like an alien
being, and is exactly her mother all over again, she's not that bad...I guess...
The Outer Senshi are pretty cool. Haruka and Michiru are really nice. Just
don't piss off Haruka, because she's extremely strong. I can still remember the
time she picked me up and dropped me headfirst! I saw dancing birds for days
after that. Hotaru is friends with Chibi-Usa. She's quiet, as far as I know.
Chibi-Usa doesn't allow me to talk to her friends, simple as that. Everything
fine there. Moving onto the Inner Senshi...what? No, I didn't forget anyone.
Setsuna? Who's that? Um, I don't think I should be forced to answer that.
*Coughs and pulls out some cue cards* It's a privacy violation...of what? Well,
it just is...oh fine! *Reads from cue cards* I did not have any sexual relations
with that woman or have any sexual contact in any way with her. *Looks up* What?
What did I say? Oh, that. Uh, oops. Oh crap, Usako's going to have me sleeping
on the couch for weeks now...
Moving right along, the Inner Senshi are great friends of mine. However, I'm
careful to avoid Minako after a shopping spree...Actually, I'm careful to avoid
Minako most of the time. Be sure to stay away from Minako, Makoto and Usagi when
there are guys around. Whatever happened to being faithful? I don't look at
other women, why should she look other men? Anyways, Makoto is a great cook. I
intend to have her cater our wedding...that is, only if I survive the insanity
until then. Rei is the absolute, most awesome girl I've ever met. She agrees
100% will my "Usagi breaking the sound bearier" theory. Ami is a great person to
be with. Because of my high level of intelligence, *big grin* I am able to hold
conversations with her that confuse a person with average...or not so average
intelligence. Very useful when trying to annoy Usako and Minako.
Luna is my hero. I wish I had the guts to keep Usagi in line like she does.
Wow, now that is power. Not only does she keep Usako in line, she's been known
to snap at everyone else. If I dared tell Usagi off, she'd wail her head off. I
wonder how Luna puts up with it. Even with all her nagging duties, she's still
found time for love. Artemis loves her dearly. He's a great cat. It's too bad he
isn't human. We once shared a 12-pack...whoa, were we ever sick the next day.
He's great to chill with and has the most twisted sense of humour I've ever
encountered.
I've known Motoki for a long time. I can talk to him about anything,
anytime. We're kind of like brothers. There's not really much I can say about
him. He got lucky in the girlfriend department, though. Guess not all of us have
that kind of luck. Ryo is not that bad of a guy. Poor guy needs help talking to
women. He has the hots from Ami and she's crushing on him. I don't know how they
both don't notice it. They're sending love signals like crazy. Yuuichirou is the
weirdest guy I've met. Nuff said.
I was once brainwashed by Queen Beryl. There are times when I miss those
days. However, she had quite a crush on me, and when I think about it now, I was
lucky to be saved. Fish Eye once was on my case. If you think he's scary
otherwise, you should see him drunk...
I may be Chiba Mamoru. But I also have a future form. His name is King
Endymion. You heard me right, KING. Meaning, I rule over Crystal Tokyo.
BWAHAHA...What do you mean I'll have to share with Neo-Queen Serenity? I want my
OWN kingdom! I want my own sense of power!! *A rose drops from the sky* Where
did this come from? *sighs* Okay, for now I'll have to settle for being Tuxedo
Kamen. I guess throwing roses, wearing a cape, boring the enemy with my speech,
and saving Sailor Moon isn't all that bad. Is it?
Well, I've been told to wrap things up. For the record, I DO love my pink
pants, green jacket, and purple shirt. They don't just make me wear them when
we're filming. Now, how's that for being secure about my masculinity? Any
questions?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*Fin*~
Phew! Mamoru is long-winded...;)
blue_duckie87@mostlysunny.com
