Title: The Thoughts of an Elf

Author: JK aka RenegadePhoenix

Rating: PG-13 just to be on the safeside

Warning: MOVIEVERSE!! Not so innocent elf thoughts ahead! We find out what Legolas is really thinking as he watches his fellow travelers. I'm in a mean, vindictive mood and so Legolas is going to be the same way. If you don't like it, deal with it. Or, you can use the wonderful little back button on the top of web browser. And I'm not even going to try for the Tolkien-esque writing style so deal with it. If after all that you still want to read, go right on ahead just don't forget to review!!!

The Thoughts of an Elf

Idiots.

They're all a bunch of morons.

They don't think that I can break under pressure. I wonder what'll happen to them when I finally reach my breaking point? Feh...I doubt I'll really care then, I'll just make sure I take as many people as I possibly can with me.

Like I said, they're all a bunch of damned morons.

To them, I'm the strong, silent elf who is not bothered by such things as annoying hobbits, pissy humans, dead wizards, and smelly dwarves that constantly make snide remarks about elves and all things elvish.

I wonder if they know that I could kill nearly all of them before anyone had time to react. I doubt it. Like I said earlier, they're all a bunch of idiots.

They never notice that I can pick of three orcs with one shot. Or that I can throw a dagger nearly 40 yards to hit my mark dead on.

They never notice that I'm the one that is continuously restocking the food supply that the hobbits seem to deplete to nothing daily.

As for my thoughts on the individuals of my company, well, all I can say is that they leave much to be desired. True, they all have their qualities or they would not be on this taxing trip, but I do not think that makes them redeemable.

Frodo Baggins is nigh on worthless in some regards. He can barely fight, hell, Pippin is a better fighter then he is. He's continuously getting stabbed by something and screaming for Aragorn to save him. I would rather die then have to rely on someone else to save me.

Aragorn, son of Arathorn, do not get me started on him. He is not the man that I used to know. He is but a shell of his former self. Continuously lamenting over the fact that Arwen is willing to give up her immortality to stay with him. Or cursing Mithrandir for leaving him to lead this motley crew. If he would shut up about this perhaps he would hear what the wind whispers at night of shadows and danger, or at least my warnings. But he doesn't. Stupid Man.

Gimli, son of Gloin. Like any dwarf he has a smell that seems to cling to him that at times is most offensive. He's loud. He's offensive. He makes me want to send arrow after arrow into his body just to shut him up. Perhaps the smell of decaying flesh would not offend my sensitive nose so much as his normal stench.

Boromir. Feh. What a waste of flesh is that one. How could anyone be as so stupid as to want to use the Ring as a weapon against it's maker. Most likely that damnable thing would just use the person who wields it as a carrier to take it to Sauron. He is another that laments change, though in his case it is the fact that Aragorn shall be ruler of Gondor and not him.

Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. Enough said.

Samwise Gamgee is a twit. A most loyal twit, but a twit nontheless.

Two men, four hobbits, a dwarf, and I are all that stand between this land and ruin. May the Gods have mercy on us all.

They are all simpering idiots.