Caroline & Lost Love
Chapter Five
By: Jana~
*****~*****
--"And Salty likes to have a half a can before bedtime…" Caroline droned on as she left instruction for Annie… "And if she hides under the bed, if you shake her little container of treats, she'll come out. And--"
"Caroline." Annie interrupted her… "Salty will be fine! Will you just forget about her and go have yourself a wonderful anniversary!"
"Ok, ok… but I left you the number of the inn on the fridge in case you have any questions…"
Annie shook her head… "Caroline, I think I can handle one little cat! I did, after all, play a cat on Broadway for years!" she reminded proudly…
"And if Salty breaks into song about 'memories', please be sure to call us…" Richard joked, turning his attention away from Annie and to Caroline, his arms weighed down with luggage… "C'mon hun, we're gonna miss the ferry."
After giving Caroline a hug, Annie pushed them out the door and on their way… "Have fun!" she called out as the elevator doors closed them from view…
*****
--The ferry ride at sunset was a very romantic beginning to their weekend, the sky turning beautiful shades of orange, pink, and purple accompanied Caroline and Richard's soft, tender kisses.
Richard had always been conservative when it came to public displays of affection, but he found as he sat beside his beautiful wife that his need to show her love far outweighed the need to be discreet.
People looked at them as they passed by… some snickered, but most just did a double take then looked away… and it didn't matter to either of them… until…
There were three teenagers in all… a fairly uninteresting group, not really creating too much noise or trouble… just wandering around the boat mostly, talking and laughing about inane things… but then they wandered around to where Caroline and Richard were…
"God! Get a room!" one of the boys shouted at them…
"Shit! She's a gimp!" another boy exclaimed… "You gotta be a dork if you can't do any better than a cripp!" All three then started laughing raucously…
Richard stood and glared at the boys, his stance somewhat aggressive, and the teenagers all scoffed at the action and walked away…
He noticed her tears right away, and he sat beside her and wiped them gently from her face… "Don't cry over them…" he whispered in her ear as he kissed it… "They're not worth it."
"I know…" she agreed, her gaze on her lap… inwardly, she knew they were just silly teenagers making stupid comments in an effort to feel 'big', but she couldn't help but be upset and saddened by their words.
He held her hand for the remainder of the ferry ride, kissing her fingers, her cheek, her hair… but it was more of a consoling affection than a passionate one.
*****
--They got to the inn, both remaining silent as they were shown to their room… and as Richard tipped the bellboy, Caroline started to unpack…
"Do you like the room?" he asked after the bellboy left…
"It's wonderful…" her tone didn't mirror her words…
"Is there something wrong? With the room?"
She shook her head… "No…" Her attention remained on the task of unpacking…
"You're not still thinking about those hoodlums, are you?"
She didn't answer…
"Caroline, you can't let stupid people get to you like this! Who cares what they think?"
"It's not stupid to me Richard, ok?"
"Caroline, that's not what I meant. I know their words were hurtful. I wish I could take the pain away that they caused…"
She shook her head as if to show he was assuming wrongly what was the cause of her being so upset… "It all just hit a little too close to home, Richard… ok?"
"What do you mean?"
"For seven years I have felt as if-- It's like you stay with me out of duty. Or pity."
"That's nowhere near true." he replied defensively…
"It feels true. Especially when, for as long as we've been married, you've barely touched me…"
He sighed and sat heavily on the bed… "I neglected your needs, I know that. I admit that… and I want more than anything to make it up to you… but my lack of attention to your sexual needs has nothing to do with your being disabled."
She looked at him with an expression of disbelief, and he hung his head for a moment before elaborating…
"Ok, maybe not 'nothing'… but very little. It had more to do with the idea that I was unable to… please you. I felt like a failure… like I was unworthy to have you…" he hesitated, trying to gather his thoughts… "And maybe other things too that I don't fully understand… but, it certainly wasn't because I don't love you! And I didn't marry you or stay with you out of duty. I married you and I stay with you because I love you."
"I love you too."
"So…" he approached her… "Let's forget about stupid people with stupid comments and start celebrating our anniversary." He ran his hands slowly through her hair, and she closed her eyes at the feel of his fingers entwined in her curls…
She hummed softly, a sound he was fairly sure she didn't even know she was making, and he scooped her out of the chair and laid her on the perfectly made bed. He stripped first as she watched, and he smiled at her as he noticed her blush slightly.
Slowly, he slid into bed with her, kissing her and caressing her as he removed her clothes oh-so-slowly. He knew she was becoming anxious, and his purposeful, leisurely attentions were like a kind of torture they both loved.
With her clothes tossed aside, his affections became intense, foreplay making its way to passionate lovemaking.
When their desires were completely quenched, they curled up under the blankets and soon, both fell asleep.
*****
--Caroline had slipped quietly out of bed, careful so as not to wake her sleeping husband. It wasn't unusual for her to have trouble sleeping, especially when she was in a strange bed. She watched him sleep for a while, but grew anxious and decided to look out the window at the scenery instead.
She had a lot on her mind… and it felt like all her thoughts were threatening to burst through, splitting her head in two.
She loved Richard… she knew that without question, and he had been so attentive to her needs within the last several days before their trip. She silently worried how long this change in him would last, but then those worries made way for new worries.
She wanted to tell him… talk to him about it, but she was afraid of how he would react. She knew he wouldn't hurt her… that wasn't her concern… but she was worried that he would become upset or agitated and push her away again. She'd loved so much being back in his arms, she didn't know if she could bear to have him retreat away from her again.
--Richard awoke to feel the emptiness beside him, Caroline no longer in his arms… in bed…
He sat up and wiped his eyes, then grabbed for his glasses off the small bedside table.
Caroline sat in her wheelchair, looking out the window at the moonlit grass of sharp green and the many flowers of bright, various colors. She touched the pane of glass, reminding herself just how cold it was outside, then tucked her hand back under the small throw blanket she had wrapped around her upper body.
Richard climbed out of bed, and although Caroline knew he had, and that he was approaching her, she never moved and she didn't look to him…
"You ok?" he asked as he knelt beside her, resting his head against her shoulder…
"Yeah…" she whispered… "Just thinking…" she added…
"About?"
"Us… mostly…"
"Us?"
"Yeah. What we've become."
"What have we become?"
"You tell me…"
He sighed, grabbing a chair that sat nearby and scooting it up to sit beside her… "I don't know what to say…"
"Is this how you pictured your life?"
"Married to a wonderful woman? A successful gallery? No… I imagined my life to be shit. My life is far greater than I ever imagined…" he looked down as he picked at his fingernails… "I just wish you could say the same."
She hesitated before replying… "I do too."
He winced at her words… "I want to make it up to you, Caroline, I really do--"
"It's not just that…" she interrupted… "It's not just the lack of sex and the feelings of being unwanted and burdensome…"
"Ok, then what is it?"
She took a deep breath, and he knew she was gathering the courage to say whatever was on her mind. He briefly wondered if she was going to ask for a divorce, but he quickly pushed that from his mind. The last several days had seen them closer than ever… he was sure it wasn't that…
"I feel like something is missing. Like my life is incomplete…"
"How so? What's missing?"
It felt like an eternity before she answered him… "Richard… I want a baby."
TO BE CONTINUED…
Disclaimer located at:
http://www.geocities.com/janaonwheels2001/disclaimer.html