TITLE: TREMBLING IN THE BALANCE
AUTHOR: Cascadia
TIME: 7 years pre-TPM, Obi-Wan is 18
RATING: PG-13 (substance abuse, violence)
CATEGORY: Angst/Drama, Non-Slash
SUMMARY: Obi-Wan has a serious problem he tries to keep from Qui-Gon. But how hard will that be while on a mission?
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.
DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters are the property of Lucasfilm Limited. All the rest belong to me. I receive no profit from this.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Anything between * * are personal thoughts. Anything between // // are Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon talking through their bond.
CHAPTER 2 - TAINTED
The smell of the gardens assailed Obi-Wan before he reached them. He did not remember the fragrances to be this strong earlier. Perhaps it was a nocturnal event that produced such a potent reaction from the flora. It was a sweet heaven to smell - but in his current distress even that did not impress him.
He slipped past the arbor gates, his eyes combing the floralscape for any sign of the pale blue flowers. There... the flowers' petals were nearly closed up now in the darkening night. He ran over to them and fell on his knees, crushing the delicate stems beneath him. His hands skimmed the earth, searching, searching frantically for that precious bottle.
*Where is it? It has to be right here.*
Then his fingers touched something small and compact. It was the missing bottle. He grabbed it, quickly unscrewing the top and pouring its contents into his opened palm. Capsules spilled onto the ground around him, only frustrating him more. Swallowing one from his palm, Obi-Wan searched the ground for the fallen ones, picking them up and placing them back in the bottle.
When he finally gave up searching for more, he sat down, sprawled across the bed of flowers, and allowed himself to breathe. He felt better already. Then he took two more capsules and swallowed them, as well. Three had become his normal dosage since the shuttle ride to this planet.
*It's over. I found enough to make it back to Coruscant,* he thought, relieved.
"I'll never let you out of my sight again, little one," he whispered to the bottle.
After carefully placing the bottle in his pocket, Obi-Wan walked back through the garden, strolling along, quietly enjoying the night view of the city filling the horizon. A few hours later he returned to his guestroom within the palace.
When he entered his room, he heard a strange yapping sound coming from Qui-Gon's adjoining quarters. He went in the 'fresher to the door that led to his master's room and listened intently. Sure enough, the animalistic yapping was coming from Qui-Gon's room. He tightened his mental shields.
"Master?"
The door flew open, revealing the Jedi master with a smile on his face. "Come in, Obi-Wan. I have something to show you." Qui-Gon backed away from the door, allowing the younger man to enter.
Obi-Wan went in and scanned the room, his eyes coming to rest on a small, furry creature seated contentedly in the middle of the large bed. It had light brown colored fluffy hair, dark eyes, and was absolutely cute. It yapped again, as if in response to Obi-Wan's gawking.
"Well, Obi-Wan? What do you think?" Qui-Gon asked. The padawan was frozen in shock. "Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon laughed.
Obi-Wan turned to his master, a confused look on his face. "Wh... what is it, Master?"
"It is a drangmul pup, padawan. A carnivorous, Cardani domesticated pet." He pulled Obi-Wan towards the bed where the little creature still sat patiently. "It won't hurt you, Obi-Wan. It is perfectly harmless. See for yourself."
The drangmul raised its front legs in a trained posture and yapped again. The young man tentatively offered his hand to it and was rewarded with a thorough hand-licking.
"Where did it come from, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, now interested.
"It came from Ambassador Corrunem. He has a kennel of them and thought that it might make you feel better to have a new friend," Qui-Gon smiled. "And I have already thanked him for you."
"He gave it to me?" he said, surprised.
"Yes, padawan. It, or shall I say 'she'... is yours."
Obi-Wan continued to stare at the small creature, unable to comprehend. "But... as Jedi we aren't supposed to accept any kind of gift, are we, Master?" He turned his attention to the elder man.
Qui-Gon paused, then rested a hand on the padawan's shoulder. "No, Obi-Wan. But this is... well it's... "
"What are you saying, Master?" Obi-Wan continued staring at the Jedi master, who was obviously at a loss for words.
"Well... Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon seemed frustrated. "It is just a small pet, and no one will ever know it was a gift... unless we tell them."
"Are you suggesting we lie, Master?" Obi-Wan was not going to let him off easy.
"No, but we don't need to mention it unless someone asks. Do you understand, padawan?"
Obi-Wan sat down slowly on the bed next to the furry little drangmul. He looked up at the tall master, who looked rather frustrated. The young man smiled mischievously. "I understand, Master. You want us lie."
Qui-Gon turned around and went in the 'fresher, closing the door behind him, grumbling all the way.
Obi-Wan chuckled to himself. He looked at the drangmul, who crawled in his lap, yapping. "So, what are we going to call you?"
He stood and carried his new pet from his master's guestroom, out through the hall, and into his own guestroom. Obi-Wan changed into his sleep pants and prepared for bed. After taking another three-capsule dose he settled in the huge bed with the small pup curling up beside him. Then he fell into a light, restless sleep.
He awoke in the early morning unable to sleep, as was his usual custom since the drug had seized control. He was surprised to find the drangmul pup asleep beside him, for he had forgotten about it completely. He gathered clean clothes and headed to the 'fresher for a hot shower. Finding it empty, he locked both doors so that his master would not disturb him, especially since Qui-Gon usually rose early in the morning.
He felt content, for it seemed like nothing was wrong in his life. They were starting home today, he had a cute little new pet, he had his medicine - as he often referred to it - and Master Qui-Gon didn't suspect a thing. Everything was fine.
About an hour later, they were on their way to the spaceport to depart for Coruscant. Even the spaceport was beautiful, Obi-Wan thought. Wooden arbors, covered in deep green vines spilling to the ground, were lining the walkways, florets of crimson grew in large pots every few feet, and the cobbled stone walk was entrenched by a tiny purplish moss.
They moved at a fevered pace, mostly so as to not be run over by the crowd. He held the little pup closer each time they had to squeeze past someone. Obi-Wan's eyes darted through the crowd to avoid colliding with anyone.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon started.
"Yes, Master?"
"Have you named the drangmul yet, padawan?" Neither one looked at the other out of necessity.
"As a matter of fact, Master, I have," he smirked.
"Well?" Qui-Gon prodded. "What is her name, padawan?"
"I named her Master Sariel, Master."
Qui-Gon stopped abruptly and pulled the smaller Jedi to the side near the arbors. "Did you say 'Master Sariel'? You named the pup 'Master Sariel'?" Qui-Gon asked, disbelieving.
Obi-Wan couldn't get the smirk off of his face, although he tried.
"Padawan, stop smiling and explain yourself."
"Well... I think she kind of looks like Master Sariel. Don't you think, Master," Obi-Wan looked down at the drangmul.
Qui-Gon frowned at the pup, trying to see any resemblance. "No, I don't think she does, Obi-Wan. Why do you think so?"
"Well... her fur is so fluffy and... it's all over the place," he laughed. "She's just a little furball, Master."
Qui-Gon frowned, "Who? The pup or Master Sariel?"
At that, the younger Jedi laughed even harder. "Oh, Master. That was... that was...." He was laughing even harder now, unable to talk.
Qui-Gon turned away, trying not to smile. He grabbed Obi-Wan's arm and pulled him down the walk towards their waiting shuttle.
Inside the shuttle they prepared for departure, strapping themselves in. Obi-Wan put the pup in the seat beside him and ingeniously worked the safety strap around the pup's small form, ensuring it as much safety as they had.
After dinner, Obi-Wan was playing with the pup on the floor of the cargo hold. Qui-Gon had been gone awhile, *probably meditating* Obi-Wan thought - something the padawan had been neglecting of late. He laid back on the floor, holding the drangmul over his head, while it squirmed and yapped. He lowered it to his chest and let it go. It licked his face, while he just laughed at it.
"Come on, Master Sariel. You're getting me all wet," he chuckled.
Then it snooped over his tunic and started pulling at something with its teeth. Chomping down on something hard, the pup yanked it from Obi-Wan's pocket. *My medicine!* Too quick for the young Jedi to catch it, the pup darted from the cargo hold with the padawan's secret little bottle.
"Hey," Obi-Wan yelled. "Come back here!" He sprang to his feet and chased after the pup. He ran down the hall, glancing in various rooms, unable to find the little thief. Just then, the drangmul trotted back to him - with no bottle in sight. Obi-Wan panicked.
"Where did you put my bottle?" he asked frantically, as he dropped to one knee before the pup. "Where is it? Please take me to it... please," he begged.
"Obi-Wan?" came a disembodied voice.
The padawan's heart started racing. He reluctantly looked up to see his master standing at the end of the hall. Obi-Wan's eyes froze on the once missing bottle that was now in Qui-Gon's hand. Then he raised his eyes to meet the elder Jedi's. He quickly tightened his mental shields.
"Obi-Wan? What is this?" Qui-Gon's face was unreadable, but his eyes never left his padawan's. He walked toward Obi-Wan, who suddenly stood up. "Obi-Wan? I asked you a question." He stopped directly in front of the smaller man. Qui-Gon reached out a tendril of the Force to discover his padawan's tight shields.
Obi-Wan lowered his gaze to the floor, unable to find anything to say.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon's voice remained deathly calm.
"It's... it's..." he felt like he was going to faint. He took a deep breath and exhaled it, his gaze still on the floor. "It's my medicine, Master," he said softly.
"Your medicine?" Qui-Gon said.
"Yes, Master. It's my medicine," his mind raced. "I brought it... in case I might need it. You never know what might happen on a mission..." his voice trailed off, almost inaudible.
"Do you mean the pain killer Healer J'Reedon gave to you after our last mission?"
"Yes, Master. It's the same." Obi-Wan, his face still bowed, looked up through eyelashes to the towering Jedi who stood before him.
Qui-Gon's face remained a masked shield to whatever emotions boiled underneath. "Padawan, have you been taking this since then?" he asked knowingly.
"No, Master," Obi-Wan blurted out before he could think.
The Jedi master's face suddenly looked sad. "Obi-Wan. You very well know that you have indeed been taking these for two months. Haven't you?" his voice compassionate, saddened.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes tight, trying to keep his emotions in check. A tear escaped and slid down his cheek. He turned away - his back towards his master. *How could this happen?* he thought.
"Haven't you, padawan?" Qui-Gon saw that Obi-Wan was not going to answer him. This saddened him even more. First the young man lied to him, and then wouldn't admit it when it was evident. "Very well, Obi-Wan. If you are going to be insubordinate, then I will treat you as such," his voice stern. He paused, almost not believing what he himself was saying. "Go to your cabin and meditate until I come for you. If I do not come for ten years I expect you to be there still meditating. Do you hear me, Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Master," said Obi-Wan in a small voice. Then he walked back down the hallway to his cabin, never looking back, for fear of the wrath he would find in his master's eyes.
Qui-Gon went to his own cabin to calm himself and release his emotions to the Force. *Where did I go wrong? I thought Obi-Wan would never lie to me like this. If he had a problem, why wouldn't he bring it to me? His lying hurts more than his addiction ever could.*
Just then, the shuttle rocked to one side, throwing its passengers off balance. Then came another jolt - this one more violent. Qui-Gon ran from his cabin and almost ran into his padawan who was dashing up the hall towards the cockpit. They moved as one into the cockpit where the Twi'lek pilot Captain Fehrion sat, his hands darting over the controls.
"What's happening, Captain?" Qui-Gon calmly inquired.
"The engine's not responding well. I don't know what's causing it, though," said the bright red male Twi'lek. Another jolt.
Obi-Wan ran back down the hall towards the engine room. Once there, he discovered the source of all the trouble. The drangmul pup was hard at work ripping apart wires. Sparks were flying everywhere.
"No!" Obi-Wan yelled at the little pup. He scooped the pup up and tossed it out into the hall. Qui-Gon arrived just then, coming up behind the padawan who was crouched in front of a mess of wires.
"What happened, Obi-Wan?"
"Master Sariel ate up our engine, Master. I don't think it can be fixed without a new system of wires." They both ran back to the cockpit to fill the pilot in on the problem. Obi-Wan grabbed the pup on the way there.
"There's a small, inhabitable planet right there," Fehrion pointed. "I'm going to see if we can coast in there." They strapped themselves in while the shuttle hobbled towards an unknown. On the way there, Fehrion sent a transmission to Coruscant, indicating the problem and the vicinity of their destination.
The shuttle barely made it to the planet, steered by will more than anything else. It was a near miss, but once they entered the planet's gravity well, the shuttle veered quickly toward the surface. Fehrion somehow managed to set the small ship down within a large valley. However, it was not an easy landing. It was more like a sliding. When the shuttle dropped below the valley's rim, Fehrion put all his efforts into slowing the ship's descent and keeping the ship's nose above its tail.
Once the shuttle stopped sliding, the four passengers took a few moments to catch their breath before extricating themselves from the twisted wreckage. Fortunately, no one was injured - thanks to the talents of a very gifted pilot. They salvaged what supplies could be found that was usable. Then Fehrion tested the shuttle's communications equipment and sent another message telling where they had landed.
Obi-Wan stood a distance from the wreckage, scanning the valley. There was a large growth of vegetation - large towering trees, thick choking vines, flowering bushes and simple underbrush. Fortunately, they had landed in a clearing.
Obi-Wan looked back to the shuttle and saw Qui-Gon walking towards him. He still felt ashamed and didn't want to face his master again, but it was unavoidable - especially here and in this situation. Trying to calm himself, he turned to face the tall man. The pup in Qui-Gon's arms yapped as they approached.
"Obi-Wan, the Temple says that a rescue ship will be sent immediately. But it should take about four days." Qui-Gon refused to look his padawan in the eye, but instead peered over Obi-Wan's shoulder to the jungle vegetation. "For now, we need to stay near the shuttle, for we do not know what type of creatures live here." With that said, the Jedi master handed the drangmul to Obi-Wan and turned to head back to the wreckage.
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said, trying not to choke over the words. True, he felt ashamed, but Qui-Gon's indifferent behavior towards him hurt. Qui-Gon paused slightly as Obi-Wan spoke, before continuing towards the shuttle.
*When will this all end? Everything just keeps getting worse. And what if Master Qui-Gon decides to let me go? After all, I did lie to him. To him that is surely unforgivable. I've broken our trust. Xanatos broke his trust, and he's never gotten over that.*
A wave of nausea washed over him. He went back to the wrecked shuttle - careful to sit away from where Qui-Gon and the Twi'lek pilot talked. The nausea only increased after he sat, so he tried to quell the sickness by breathing slowly and deeply. It helped a little, but didn't stop the assault. He lowered his head to hide the distress. As if that wasn't enough, dull pains rose in every joint.
*I can't stand this.*
"Master?" his voice strained. "Master?"
After what seemed entirely too long, Qui-Gon came to stand in front of the young man. He could see that Obi-Wan was hurting and was pretty sure why. Then he tested the shielding to find the young man's mind still closed off. "What is it, Obi-Wan?" he said to the down-turned face that refused to look at him.
"Master? Do you have my medicine?"
Qui-Gon knelt in front of the padawan. "Obi-Wan. I have it, but I'm not giving it to you." He knew this would hurt, but he couldn't let the addiction continue to enslave the young man.
Obi-Wan looked up, a look of surprise was on his face. "But, Master. I need it. I have to have it." Qui-Gon's face remained calm. "I'll die without it," he added desperately.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "No. You won't die. Tordoxaine is only fatal in extreme overdoses."
"But... you don't understand, Master."
"I DO understand, Obi-Wan. You are addicted, and your body will have to readjust itself before you will be free of it."
Both Jedi stared in the other's eyes. Nothing was spoken, but Obi-wan was sure his master would not relent.
"That's not fair, Master. If you were in my place you would know what it was like."
Qui-Gon stood, towering over Obi-Wan. "I will not let you continue this addiction."
"Can't we wait until we get back to Coruscant, Master?" he pleaded.
"No, Obi-Wan."
"Then you don't care about me. I knew you never did. I know you never wanted me."
"I do care, padawan. And that is why I will not let this continue. If you want me to help you, then I will be more than willing to. But you must make that decision." He walked back to the pile of supplies and started rummaging through it.
Fehrion had undoubtedly overheard their conversation, but he remained quiet as he knelt to help Qui-Gon sort out the supplies.
Qui-Gon knew he had done the right thing, but still it hurt to hear Obi-wan say the things he did. *He will understand when he can see the situation more clearly - when he is no longer under the influence of that drug.*
Obi-Wan tried using the Force to control the pain, but that was getting difficult as the pain steadily grew. Thanks to his lack of meditation recently, his grasp of the Force was weak, and it seemed to slip from him. But he didn't realize that, in his drug induced withdrawal. To him it seemed more that the Force was beyond him, distant.
Hours later, after darkness fell across the valley, Obi-Wan rose from his sleeping pallet. He was sure Qui-Gon and Fehrion were asleep. He crept to his master and knelt quietly next to the sleeping man. He knew Qui-Gon well enough to know that the medicine bottle would be kept as near to him as possible.
"Don't do it, padawan," Qui-Gon said without moving, his eyes remaining closed.
Startled, Obi-Wan fell back, away from Qui-Gon. He stood up, dizzy. "I can't take it anymore, Master," he hissed. Then he ran off into the jungle.
TBC
AUTHOR'S NOTES: There's one more part to this. It will be up in a few days. Don't forget to review.... Everybody WILL review. *waves hand mysteriously through the air*
AUTHOR: Cascadia
TIME: 7 years pre-TPM, Obi-Wan is 18
RATING: PG-13 (substance abuse, violence)
CATEGORY: Angst/Drama, Non-Slash
SUMMARY: Obi-Wan has a serious problem he tries to keep from Qui-Gon. But how hard will that be while on a mission?
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.
DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters are the property of Lucasfilm Limited. All the rest belong to me. I receive no profit from this.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Anything between * * are personal thoughts. Anything between // // are Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon talking through their bond.
CHAPTER 2 - TAINTED
The smell of the gardens assailed Obi-Wan before he reached them. He did not remember the fragrances to be this strong earlier. Perhaps it was a nocturnal event that produced such a potent reaction from the flora. It was a sweet heaven to smell - but in his current distress even that did not impress him.
He slipped past the arbor gates, his eyes combing the floralscape for any sign of the pale blue flowers. There... the flowers' petals were nearly closed up now in the darkening night. He ran over to them and fell on his knees, crushing the delicate stems beneath him. His hands skimmed the earth, searching, searching frantically for that precious bottle.
*Where is it? It has to be right here.*
Then his fingers touched something small and compact. It was the missing bottle. He grabbed it, quickly unscrewing the top and pouring its contents into his opened palm. Capsules spilled onto the ground around him, only frustrating him more. Swallowing one from his palm, Obi-Wan searched the ground for the fallen ones, picking them up and placing them back in the bottle.
When he finally gave up searching for more, he sat down, sprawled across the bed of flowers, and allowed himself to breathe. He felt better already. Then he took two more capsules and swallowed them, as well. Three had become his normal dosage since the shuttle ride to this planet.
*It's over. I found enough to make it back to Coruscant,* he thought, relieved.
"I'll never let you out of my sight again, little one," he whispered to the bottle.
After carefully placing the bottle in his pocket, Obi-Wan walked back through the garden, strolling along, quietly enjoying the night view of the city filling the horizon. A few hours later he returned to his guestroom within the palace.
When he entered his room, he heard a strange yapping sound coming from Qui-Gon's adjoining quarters. He went in the 'fresher to the door that led to his master's room and listened intently. Sure enough, the animalistic yapping was coming from Qui-Gon's room. He tightened his mental shields.
"Master?"
The door flew open, revealing the Jedi master with a smile on his face. "Come in, Obi-Wan. I have something to show you." Qui-Gon backed away from the door, allowing the younger man to enter.
Obi-Wan went in and scanned the room, his eyes coming to rest on a small, furry creature seated contentedly in the middle of the large bed. It had light brown colored fluffy hair, dark eyes, and was absolutely cute. It yapped again, as if in response to Obi-Wan's gawking.
"Well, Obi-Wan? What do you think?" Qui-Gon asked. The padawan was frozen in shock. "Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon laughed.
Obi-Wan turned to his master, a confused look on his face. "Wh... what is it, Master?"
"It is a drangmul pup, padawan. A carnivorous, Cardani domesticated pet." He pulled Obi-Wan towards the bed where the little creature still sat patiently. "It won't hurt you, Obi-Wan. It is perfectly harmless. See for yourself."
The drangmul raised its front legs in a trained posture and yapped again. The young man tentatively offered his hand to it and was rewarded with a thorough hand-licking.
"Where did it come from, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, now interested.
"It came from Ambassador Corrunem. He has a kennel of them and thought that it might make you feel better to have a new friend," Qui-Gon smiled. "And I have already thanked him for you."
"He gave it to me?" he said, surprised.
"Yes, padawan. It, or shall I say 'she'... is yours."
Obi-Wan continued to stare at the small creature, unable to comprehend. "But... as Jedi we aren't supposed to accept any kind of gift, are we, Master?" He turned his attention to the elder man.
Qui-Gon paused, then rested a hand on the padawan's shoulder. "No, Obi-Wan. But this is... well it's... "
"What are you saying, Master?" Obi-Wan continued staring at the Jedi master, who was obviously at a loss for words.
"Well... Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon seemed frustrated. "It is just a small pet, and no one will ever know it was a gift... unless we tell them."
"Are you suggesting we lie, Master?" Obi-Wan was not going to let him off easy.
"No, but we don't need to mention it unless someone asks. Do you understand, padawan?"
Obi-Wan sat down slowly on the bed next to the furry little drangmul. He looked up at the tall master, who looked rather frustrated. The young man smiled mischievously. "I understand, Master. You want us lie."
Qui-Gon turned around and went in the 'fresher, closing the door behind him, grumbling all the way.
Obi-Wan chuckled to himself. He looked at the drangmul, who crawled in his lap, yapping. "So, what are we going to call you?"
He stood and carried his new pet from his master's guestroom, out through the hall, and into his own guestroom. Obi-Wan changed into his sleep pants and prepared for bed. After taking another three-capsule dose he settled in the huge bed with the small pup curling up beside him. Then he fell into a light, restless sleep.
He awoke in the early morning unable to sleep, as was his usual custom since the drug had seized control. He was surprised to find the drangmul pup asleep beside him, for he had forgotten about it completely. He gathered clean clothes and headed to the 'fresher for a hot shower. Finding it empty, he locked both doors so that his master would not disturb him, especially since Qui-Gon usually rose early in the morning.
He felt content, for it seemed like nothing was wrong in his life. They were starting home today, he had a cute little new pet, he had his medicine - as he often referred to it - and Master Qui-Gon didn't suspect a thing. Everything was fine.
About an hour later, they were on their way to the spaceport to depart for Coruscant. Even the spaceport was beautiful, Obi-Wan thought. Wooden arbors, covered in deep green vines spilling to the ground, were lining the walkways, florets of crimson grew in large pots every few feet, and the cobbled stone walk was entrenched by a tiny purplish moss.
They moved at a fevered pace, mostly so as to not be run over by the crowd. He held the little pup closer each time they had to squeeze past someone. Obi-Wan's eyes darted through the crowd to avoid colliding with anyone.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon started.
"Yes, Master?"
"Have you named the drangmul yet, padawan?" Neither one looked at the other out of necessity.
"As a matter of fact, Master, I have," he smirked.
"Well?" Qui-Gon prodded. "What is her name, padawan?"
"I named her Master Sariel, Master."
Qui-Gon stopped abruptly and pulled the smaller Jedi to the side near the arbors. "Did you say 'Master Sariel'? You named the pup 'Master Sariel'?" Qui-Gon asked, disbelieving.
Obi-Wan couldn't get the smirk off of his face, although he tried.
"Padawan, stop smiling and explain yourself."
"Well... I think she kind of looks like Master Sariel. Don't you think, Master," Obi-Wan looked down at the drangmul.
Qui-Gon frowned at the pup, trying to see any resemblance. "No, I don't think she does, Obi-Wan. Why do you think so?"
"Well... her fur is so fluffy and... it's all over the place," he laughed. "She's just a little furball, Master."
Qui-Gon frowned, "Who? The pup or Master Sariel?"
At that, the younger Jedi laughed even harder. "Oh, Master. That was... that was...." He was laughing even harder now, unable to talk.
Qui-Gon turned away, trying not to smile. He grabbed Obi-Wan's arm and pulled him down the walk towards their waiting shuttle.
Inside the shuttle they prepared for departure, strapping themselves in. Obi-Wan put the pup in the seat beside him and ingeniously worked the safety strap around the pup's small form, ensuring it as much safety as they had.
After dinner, Obi-Wan was playing with the pup on the floor of the cargo hold. Qui-Gon had been gone awhile, *probably meditating* Obi-Wan thought - something the padawan had been neglecting of late. He laid back on the floor, holding the drangmul over his head, while it squirmed and yapped. He lowered it to his chest and let it go. It licked his face, while he just laughed at it.
"Come on, Master Sariel. You're getting me all wet," he chuckled.
Then it snooped over his tunic and started pulling at something with its teeth. Chomping down on something hard, the pup yanked it from Obi-Wan's pocket. *My medicine!* Too quick for the young Jedi to catch it, the pup darted from the cargo hold with the padawan's secret little bottle.
"Hey," Obi-Wan yelled. "Come back here!" He sprang to his feet and chased after the pup. He ran down the hall, glancing in various rooms, unable to find the little thief. Just then, the drangmul trotted back to him - with no bottle in sight. Obi-Wan panicked.
"Where did you put my bottle?" he asked frantically, as he dropped to one knee before the pup. "Where is it? Please take me to it... please," he begged.
"Obi-Wan?" came a disembodied voice.
The padawan's heart started racing. He reluctantly looked up to see his master standing at the end of the hall. Obi-Wan's eyes froze on the once missing bottle that was now in Qui-Gon's hand. Then he raised his eyes to meet the elder Jedi's. He quickly tightened his mental shields.
"Obi-Wan? What is this?" Qui-Gon's face was unreadable, but his eyes never left his padawan's. He walked toward Obi-Wan, who suddenly stood up. "Obi-Wan? I asked you a question." He stopped directly in front of the smaller man. Qui-Gon reached out a tendril of the Force to discover his padawan's tight shields.
Obi-Wan lowered his gaze to the floor, unable to find anything to say.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon's voice remained deathly calm.
"It's... it's..." he felt like he was going to faint. He took a deep breath and exhaled it, his gaze still on the floor. "It's my medicine, Master," he said softly.
"Your medicine?" Qui-Gon said.
"Yes, Master. It's my medicine," his mind raced. "I brought it... in case I might need it. You never know what might happen on a mission..." his voice trailed off, almost inaudible.
"Do you mean the pain killer Healer J'Reedon gave to you after our last mission?"
"Yes, Master. It's the same." Obi-Wan, his face still bowed, looked up through eyelashes to the towering Jedi who stood before him.
Qui-Gon's face remained a masked shield to whatever emotions boiled underneath. "Padawan, have you been taking this since then?" he asked knowingly.
"No, Master," Obi-Wan blurted out before he could think.
The Jedi master's face suddenly looked sad. "Obi-Wan. You very well know that you have indeed been taking these for two months. Haven't you?" his voice compassionate, saddened.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes tight, trying to keep his emotions in check. A tear escaped and slid down his cheek. He turned away - his back towards his master. *How could this happen?* he thought.
"Haven't you, padawan?" Qui-Gon saw that Obi-Wan was not going to answer him. This saddened him even more. First the young man lied to him, and then wouldn't admit it when it was evident. "Very well, Obi-Wan. If you are going to be insubordinate, then I will treat you as such," his voice stern. He paused, almost not believing what he himself was saying. "Go to your cabin and meditate until I come for you. If I do not come for ten years I expect you to be there still meditating. Do you hear me, Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Master," said Obi-Wan in a small voice. Then he walked back down the hallway to his cabin, never looking back, for fear of the wrath he would find in his master's eyes.
Qui-Gon went to his own cabin to calm himself and release his emotions to the Force. *Where did I go wrong? I thought Obi-Wan would never lie to me like this. If he had a problem, why wouldn't he bring it to me? His lying hurts more than his addiction ever could.*
Just then, the shuttle rocked to one side, throwing its passengers off balance. Then came another jolt - this one more violent. Qui-Gon ran from his cabin and almost ran into his padawan who was dashing up the hall towards the cockpit. They moved as one into the cockpit where the Twi'lek pilot Captain Fehrion sat, his hands darting over the controls.
"What's happening, Captain?" Qui-Gon calmly inquired.
"The engine's not responding well. I don't know what's causing it, though," said the bright red male Twi'lek. Another jolt.
Obi-Wan ran back down the hall towards the engine room. Once there, he discovered the source of all the trouble. The drangmul pup was hard at work ripping apart wires. Sparks were flying everywhere.
"No!" Obi-Wan yelled at the little pup. He scooped the pup up and tossed it out into the hall. Qui-Gon arrived just then, coming up behind the padawan who was crouched in front of a mess of wires.
"What happened, Obi-Wan?"
"Master Sariel ate up our engine, Master. I don't think it can be fixed without a new system of wires." They both ran back to the cockpit to fill the pilot in on the problem. Obi-Wan grabbed the pup on the way there.
"There's a small, inhabitable planet right there," Fehrion pointed. "I'm going to see if we can coast in there." They strapped themselves in while the shuttle hobbled towards an unknown. On the way there, Fehrion sent a transmission to Coruscant, indicating the problem and the vicinity of their destination.
The shuttle barely made it to the planet, steered by will more than anything else. It was a near miss, but once they entered the planet's gravity well, the shuttle veered quickly toward the surface. Fehrion somehow managed to set the small ship down within a large valley. However, it was not an easy landing. It was more like a sliding. When the shuttle dropped below the valley's rim, Fehrion put all his efforts into slowing the ship's descent and keeping the ship's nose above its tail.
Once the shuttle stopped sliding, the four passengers took a few moments to catch their breath before extricating themselves from the twisted wreckage. Fortunately, no one was injured - thanks to the talents of a very gifted pilot. They salvaged what supplies could be found that was usable. Then Fehrion tested the shuttle's communications equipment and sent another message telling where they had landed.
Obi-Wan stood a distance from the wreckage, scanning the valley. There was a large growth of vegetation - large towering trees, thick choking vines, flowering bushes and simple underbrush. Fortunately, they had landed in a clearing.
Obi-Wan looked back to the shuttle and saw Qui-Gon walking towards him. He still felt ashamed and didn't want to face his master again, but it was unavoidable - especially here and in this situation. Trying to calm himself, he turned to face the tall man. The pup in Qui-Gon's arms yapped as they approached.
"Obi-Wan, the Temple says that a rescue ship will be sent immediately. But it should take about four days." Qui-Gon refused to look his padawan in the eye, but instead peered over Obi-Wan's shoulder to the jungle vegetation. "For now, we need to stay near the shuttle, for we do not know what type of creatures live here." With that said, the Jedi master handed the drangmul to Obi-Wan and turned to head back to the wreckage.
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said, trying not to choke over the words. True, he felt ashamed, but Qui-Gon's indifferent behavior towards him hurt. Qui-Gon paused slightly as Obi-Wan spoke, before continuing towards the shuttle.
*When will this all end? Everything just keeps getting worse. And what if Master Qui-Gon decides to let me go? After all, I did lie to him. To him that is surely unforgivable. I've broken our trust. Xanatos broke his trust, and he's never gotten over that.*
A wave of nausea washed over him. He went back to the wrecked shuttle - careful to sit away from where Qui-Gon and the Twi'lek pilot talked. The nausea only increased after he sat, so he tried to quell the sickness by breathing slowly and deeply. It helped a little, but didn't stop the assault. He lowered his head to hide the distress. As if that wasn't enough, dull pains rose in every joint.
*I can't stand this.*
"Master?" his voice strained. "Master?"
After what seemed entirely too long, Qui-Gon came to stand in front of the young man. He could see that Obi-Wan was hurting and was pretty sure why. Then he tested the shielding to find the young man's mind still closed off. "What is it, Obi-Wan?" he said to the down-turned face that refused to look at him.
"Master? Do you have my medicine?"
Qui-Gon knelt in front of the padawan. "Obi-Wan. I have it, but I'm not giving it to you." He knew this would hurt, but he couldn't let the addiction continue to enslave the young man.
Obi-Wan looked up, a look of surprise was on his face. "But, Master. I need it. I have to have it." Qui-Gon's face remained calm. "I'll die without it," he added desperately.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "No. You won't die. Tordoxaine is only fatal in extreme overdoses."
"But... you don't understand, Master."
"I DO understand, Obi-Wan. You are addicted, and your body will have to readjust itself before you will be free of it."
Both Jedi stared in the other's eyes. Nothing was spoken, but Obi-wan was sure his master would not relent.
"That's not fair, Master. If you were in my place you would know what it was like."
Qui-Gon stood, towering over Obi-Wan. "I will not let you continue this addiction."
"Can't we wait until we get back to Coruscant, Master?" he pleaded.
"No, Obi-Wan."
"Then you don't care about me. I knew you never did. I know you never wanted me."
"I do care, padawan. And that is why I will not let this continue. If you want me to help you, then I will be more than willing to. But you must make that decision." He walked back to the pile of supplies and started rummaging through it.
Fehrion had undoubtedly overheard their conversation, but he remained quiet as he knelt to help Qui-Gon sort out the supplies.
Qui-Gon knew he had done the right thing, but still it hurt to hear Obi-wan say the things he did. *He will understand when he can see the situation more clearly - when he is no longer under the influence of that drug.*
Obi-Wan tried using the Force to control the pain, but that was getting difficult as the pain steadily grew. Thanks to his lack of meditation recently, his grasp of the Force was weak, and it seemed to slip from him. But he didn't realize that, in his drug induced withdrawal. To him it seemed more that the Force was beyond him, distant.
Hours later, after darkness fell across the valley, Obi-Wan rose from his sleeping pallet. He was sure Qui-Gon and Fehrion were asleep. He crept to his master and knelt quietly next to the sleeping man. He knew Qui-Gon well enough to know that the medicine bottle would be kept as near to him as possible.
"Don't do it, padawan," Qui-Gon said without moving, his eyes remaining closed.
Startled, Obi-Wan fell back, away from Qui-Gon. He stood up, dizzy. "I can't take it anymore, Master," he hissed. Then he ran off into the jungle.
TBC
AUTHOR'S NOTES: There's one more part to this. It will be up in a few days. Don't forget to review.... Everybody WILL review. *waves hand mysteriously through the air*