Who Needs Pants?
Disclaimer: This story is mine, but I don't own any of the Chrono Chross characters. Unfortunately! FYI: I realize that some of these people wouldn't usually be found in Viper Manor. That's the whole point!
Practical jokes have been a big part of our lives ever since we were old enough to understand what's so funny about them. We're most familiar with the classic "Kick Me" signs adorned on the victim's spine. Another favorite is to take a roll of soft paper most commonly found in a lavatory, and originally intended to wipe a person's bottom, and decorate the victim's house in this paper. Hand buzzers, noisemakers, silly string, all of these useful tools have been used in the friendly play on another human being. But no prank could ever be so amusing as the theft of a personal belonging.
It started out innocently enough as most practical jokes do. It began on a quiet evening at Viper Manor. Leena had been over to visit her friends and was gathering her things together when she heard Karsh speaking. Probed by her curiosity, she poked her head out of Marcy's room to see what he was talking about. He was wearing his training clothes: a simple shirt and sweatpants. His long purple hair was tied up in a ponytail and he wasn't wearing shoes.
"Where're my pants?" he demanded.
"But Karsh, you're wearing pants," Leena noted.
"Not those pants; the other pants." Leah, who had been appointed as the newest Deva, came by and offered him a ride on her back. She hoisted him up and carried him down the hall. The adult Karsh being carried piggyback by the child Leah was a comical sight to see.
"We on mission to find pants!" Leah declared. Leena wandered into a storage room and found a pair of pants lying on some boxes. She picked them up and examined them. They looked just the right size for Karsh. Grobyc walked into the room.
"Whose-pants-are-those?"
"Aren't they yours?" Leena asked.
"Negative. Grobyc-is-wearing-pants."
"They must be Karsh's, then," she decided. She looked around to find Karsh but he apparently left the hallway. So she went into the guy's changing room. The guys had just finished training and were getting changed into their normal attire. Norris was in his boxers and most of the other guys were getting on pants. They disregarded Leena as she entered the room.
"Whose pants are those?" Guile asked her.
"I think they're Karsh's!" She shoved them into his hands. "Here! You take them!"
"I don't want them!" He tried to push them back onto her. She turned around and gave them to Serge, who gave them to Norris. This continued for quite some time. Serge ended up with the pants again and threw them at Glenn. Glenn fell over with the pants in his face. Just then Karsh walked into the room. They all glanced at each other guiltily. Glenn jumped to his feet and pushed the pants away from him.
"Those are my pants!" Karsh shouted. "What're you guys doing with them?"
"Your pants tried to attack me!" Glenn defended, pointing to the pants.
"It's true. I saw it with my own eyes," Serge agreed.
"You guys are weird," Karsh concluded, shaking his head. Leena made a hasty retreat before Karsh could question her about the pants. The evening progressed and Leena went into General Viper's room to look at his pictures. Serge came in the room wearing yellow shorts and a blue shirt. A frayed hat was nestled on his blue hair. He wasn't wearing shoes at the time.
"Serge, put some pants on!" Leena shouted.
"I would if I knew where they were," he replied.
"What, were your pants taken too?"
"Yep."
"I bet you Karsh did it."
"Hey, it wasn't my fault his pants attacked Glenn!" Leena helped him look for his pants. They eventually found them hung up on the Dragoon's flag. Someone had taken a ladder and put them up there. Serge climbed up the ladder to retrieve them. He got his pants and climbed back down safely. Suddenly the flag fell down and the bar smacked him on the head. Lucky for Serge, he had a hard head.
"Are you all right?" Leena questioned.
"My pants are!" Serge answered, holding up his pants with a triumphant look on his face.
"That's great. Now will you please put them on?!" Serge did so, thankfully. Leena walked back out into the hall. Norris and Glenn were acting as though they were looking for someone.
"I know he's around here somewhere," Norris was saying.
"Who?" Leena asked.
"Orcha. We know he's the one that took our pants," Norris explained.
"But you guys are wearing pants!" Leena pointed out.
"He meant Serge's and Karsh's pants," Glenn said. Norris looked confused.
"I did?" Leena rolled her eyes.
"I haven't seen him, guys. Sorry."
"Well, if you see him, tell him we stole his pants and he's not getting them back until he returns the stolen pants," Norris ordered. He paused, trying to figure out what he just said.
"I found Karsh's pants, remember?" Leena told him.
"Oh, yeah!"
"And I recently found Serge's in General Viper's room." Glenn averted his eyes nervously. "It's okay. You can just give him his pants back and be even." Norris turned to Glenn with an expectant look on his face.
"Glenn, where'd you hide Orcha's pants?"
"You were the one that hid them, idiot!" Norris looked dazed.
"I did?" Glenn and Leena smacked themselves on the forehead.
"Please don't tell me you forgot where you put them!" Glenn groaned. Norris bit his lower lip.
"I forgot where I put them!"
"I thought I told you not to tell me!"
"I'm sure they'll turn up somewhere," Leena assured them. Marcy and Miki were walking away from the bathroom, their feet wet. Leena stared at them quizzically. "What happened with you guys?"
"Like, somebody flushed a pair of pants down the toilet!" Marcy exclaimed. Norris jerked his head up.
"Now I remember! I flushed them down the toilet!"
"You idiot!" Glenn shouted, smacking Norris on the head. "You're going to get in so much trouble." Norris didn't look concerned.
"And your point is…?"
"How in the world does Orlha put up with him?" Leena hissed to Marcy. Marcy shrugged her shoulders. Orcha came by, looking ready to cook. Norris went up to him with his most innocent face on.
"Orcha, there's something I need to say to you."
"I didn't steal Serge's pants if that's whatCHA wondering," Orcha said. "I took Karsh's, but I didn't take Serge's." Norris glanced over at Glenn for help; the latter merely shrugged his shoulders.
"Orcha… Glenn and I stole your pants to get you back for taking Karsh's."
"That's all right. No harm done," Orcha smiled, patting Norris on the shoulder. Norris' face contorted into a grimace.
"Yeah, actually there was harm done. We sort of … flushed them down the toilet." Orcha gave him a blank stare. Panicking, Norris pointed at Glenn. "It was all his idea! I had nothing to do with it." Glenn's eyebrows rose.
"Hey, now wait a minute…"
"WhatCHA talking about? I found my pants. I'm wearing them right now," Orcha chuckled, pointing to his pants. He continued on his way. Norris and Glenn both looked dazed.
"Then … whose pants did we…?" Norris wondered. There was an ominous silence. Marcy and Miki quietly made their exit. Nikki passed by on his way home. Leena noticed that he was wearing sweatpants.
"Hey, whose sweatpants are those?" Glenn asked.
"Karsh's," Nikki answered as he continued walking. "I couldn't find my pants, so he let me borrow a pair of his." Norris and Glenn eyed each other guiltily.
"You tell him!" Norris insisted.
"You were the one that flushed them down the toilet!" Glenn retorted. Norris scratched his head.
"I did?" Glenn looked ready to strangle him. "Oh, yeah! I did! Hey, Nikki!" Nikki didn't even respond. "Nikki! Cross-dresser!"
"It's no use," Glenn noted.
"Ah, well. I guess he doesn't care about his pants," Norris shrugged. Dario joined the three of them.
"Why're Nikki's pants in a toilet?"
"Long story," Norris said. There was an awkward pause.
"You know what I've learned from all this, guys?" Leena asked aloud. They glanced over at her expectantly. "I learned that pants is a funny word."
"Speaking of pants, where're yours, Dario?" Norris asked.
"I have no idea."
The End