Snape felt sudenly like an idiot. Frozen in dismay and paler than ever, he stared blankly in Dumbledore's twinkeling eyes. Once more, he had allowed panic to take control of his heart, logic was far gone from his mind. He bowed his head in recognition of his mistake and answered after having brought his head up again.
"There are too many deatheaters or spys in the Ministry, Headmaster. I would not have gone very far." He curled his lip.
"But most of all, my testimonny would not have been taken into account. And... I believe you have heard that my principal goal was to warn and protect... the targets." Dumbledore smiled at the very careful choice of words, but made no moove to interrupt the young man.
"At least you would listen to all I had to say before...silencing me". Still Dumbledore said no word. He picked up the report and read the bottom part of it: a list of the deatheaters Snape knew of. For the newest ones, he was not sure to which extent they could be trusted to be on Voldemort's side. Some might be spys from the Ministry. And to that added the unknown sources the dard lord said he had in store. Or so he said. After his last discovery, Snape wondered now if that was a lie too. Voldemort did not tolarate one lying to him, wut was HE truthworthy?
Dumbledore put the paper down.
"I believe you Severus". Dumbledore said reassuringly.
"Even after I betrayed my oath to the dark lord?" His tone was bitter, that too was painful to express. Dumbledore winced, but that was only a flash, next moment he was just as confident as before.
"I am sure you did what you believed best. You are a man of word." Then he remained silent for some time.
"I will warn them, but as you say, I cannot go through the Ministry. Hence..." He paused, pensive. Snape stiffened.
" What had you planned for your future Severus?" The direct question took him aback.
"I was ready to consider ANY...suggestion you would express." He had intended to amphasis on the word any, and sound calm and decided. But instead, his voice resounded desperate. Dumbledore had been sirious for a few minutes now, but if the helplessness of the young man before him struck him, he did not even flinch.
"I tust you know your past actions were sirious and that..."
"...cannot be refounded as I only have one unworthy life to offer." Snape finished, in a conclsive tone. Dumbledore looked him straight into the eyes.
" True enough. And therefore, that matter should not be taken lightly."
No, thought Snape, no one is supposed to choose his own punishment as it would be far too convenient...
"This is nearly two o'clock. Have you eaten today, Severus?"
"No, sir. I came straight here after this morning's meeting, after reading the list that is..."
"Then go and fetch yourself something to eat from the kitchens..."
"I know where to find them." He interrupted the Headmaster, meaning however nothing more than a will for efficiency.
"Good. And , please come back tomorow morning."
Snape stood up without a word, ready to leave. " I will follow your suggestions."
Dumbledore's voice softened a bit, but his eyes were unplacable as he spoke.
"Tell me you will be there tomorow at ten o'clock." Then he waited.
Mesmerised by the eyes, moved by the voice, Snape acknowledged.
"I will be there." Then he bowed his head.
"I will see you tomorow then."
"You are a man of word." Dumbledore's voice echoed in his head as he walked toward the door. He had no choice now but to come back, as to prove himself worthy of the old man's confidence, if nothing else. As he exited, he heard Dumbledore speak into his chimney
"To the McKinnons, Kenbulrly road."
To be continued
"There are too many deatheaters or spys in the Ministry, Headmaster. I would not have gone very far." He curled his lip.
"But most of all, my testimonny would not have been taken into account. And... I believe you have heard that my principal goal was to warn and protect... the targets." Dumbledore smiled at the very careful choice of words, but made no moove to interrupt the young man.
"At least you would listen to all I had to say before...silencing me". Still Dumbledore said no word. He picked up the report and read the bottom part of it: a list of the deatheaters Snape knew of. For the newest ones, he was not sure to which extent they could be trusted to be on Voldemort's side. Some might be spys from the Ministry. And to that added the unknown sources the dard lord said he had in store. Or so he said. After his last discovery, Snape wondered now if that was a lie too. Voldemort did not tolarate one lying to him, wut was HE truthworthy?
Dumbledore put the paper down.
"I believe you Severus". Dumbledore said reassuringly.
"Even after I betrayed my oath to the dark lord?" His tone was bitter, that too was painful to express. Dumbledore winced, but that was only a flash, next moment he was just as confident as before.
"I am sure you did what you believed best. You are a man of word." Then he remained silent for some time.
"I will warn them, but as you say, I cannot go through the Ministry. Hence..." He paused, pensive. Snape stiffened.
" What had you planned for your future Severus?" The direct question took him aback.
"I was ready to consider ANY...suggestion you would express." He had intended to amphasis on the word any, and sound calm and decided. But instead, his voice resounded desperate. Dumbledore had been sirious for a few minutes now, but if the helplessness of the young man before him struck him, he did not even flinch.
"I tust you know your past actions were sirious and that..."
"...cannot be refounded as I only have one unworthy life to offer." Snape finished, in a conclsive tone. Dumbledore looked him straight into the eyes.
" True enough. And therefore, that matter should not be taken lightly."
No, thought Snape, no one is supposed to choose his own punishment as it would be far too convenient...
"This is nearly two o'clock. Have you eaten today, Severus?"
"No, sir. I came straight here after this morning's meeting, after reading the list that is..."
"Then go and fetch yourself something to eat from the kitchens..."
"I know where to find them." He interrupted the Headmaster, meaning however nothing more than a will for efficiency.
"Good. And , please come back tomorow morning."
Snape stood up without a word, ready to leave. " I will follow your suggestions."
Dumbledore's voice softened a bit, but his eyes were unplacable as he spoke.
"Tell me you will be there tomorow at ten o'clock." Then he waited.
Mesmerised by the eyes, moved by the voice, Snape acknowledged.
"I will be there." Then he bowed his head.
"I will see you tomorow then."
"You are a man of word." Dumbledore's voice echoed in his head as he walked toward the door. He had no choice now but to come back, as to prove himself worthy of the old man's confidence, if nothing else. As he exited, he heard Dumbledore speak into his chimney
"To the McKinnons, Kenbulrly road."
To be continued