A/N: Sorry for the update delay, but I sorta lost my creative steam for this fic.
This particular piece was actually supposed to be a stand-alone piece of FLUFF but I changed it to fit this storyline. Remind me never to do that again. Changing this to fit my story took me 4!!! hours to get it right. I'm still not quite sure how it flows because my eyes got all blurry, so let me know.
If anyone would like to read the original in all its fluffy goodness, I'd be happy to send it to you. Just leave me you're e-mail addy.
Maybe I'll even post it by itself at fanfiction.net someday
Enjoy! -KAT! ^o^
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Chapter Five
A New Kind Of Love
*Two Days Before The Ballet*
Cordelia stood solidly in a fighter's stance, her arms in front of her. She slowly turned her hands, so her palms faced away from her and exhaled while she pushed her arms away from her body. She could feel the invisible energy she was expelling with her hands, and with arms completely outstretched before her, she closed her eyes. She took a few deep breaths and felt the silence and tranquility that consumed her being. She could feel her bare feet becoming part of the floor, rooted to it like an old oak tree is rooted to the soil below, of which it gives shade.
These were the only times she felt at peace. When nothing else mattered except her energy and every slow movement came to her with natural grace and fluid timing. She couldn't feel the weight of her body, or the black tank top and running pants that she occupied, because her body became a part of the air that she rhythmically inhaled and exhaled. That was when she felt most at home within herself--when she actually left her body and her mind cleared itself of all thought and outside influence.
Angel leaned up against the doorframe careful not to disturb her, and a small smile crept its way to his normally stoic mouth. He never knew she practiced Tai Chi, let alone knew how much more graceful and beautiful she could make those movements than they already were. She looked completely relaxed and calmed at the end of her set, and he felt like he was intruding on the most private of moments. He gazed around the now furnished room she had made up for herself before returning his eyes to her body. He didn't know when he actually started to notice how beautiful she was, but in that moment he couldn't think of anything more perfect than the dark-haired beauty that stood before him. Every time he saw her, Angel had to fight to keep his mind out of the gutter.
He only knew of one other person that had that effect on him. He still loved her with every fiber of his being, but the distance between them now seemed to make the pain fade away. He no longer yearned for her as he once did, no longer fell to pieces any time someone spoke her name... and he actually felt more guilty about that lack of sadness than the lack of her. Angel knew he didn't love her any less, but every day was easier than the one before it, and he knew she was tough and would take care of herself. That was usually what got him through the day if he started to worry about her. That she was tough, tougher even than him. And Cordelia was just as tough as Buffy, if not more so. Buffy didn't have a choice about her life because it was her destiny, her duty. Cordelia on the other hand left Sunnydale with the prospect of inevitable stardom, but soon found herself back in the same Sunnydale drama, different city. She had so many chances to leave Angel that he'd actually
stopped counting at around 107, but she stayed. Now with the visions, which she had the chance to get rid of -- make that 108 chances -- she found herself to be bound to him. Willingly.
So here Angel stood in the doorway to her hotel room, staring at the beautiful Seer -- HIS beautiful Seer-- that bound herself permanently to him. Giving up damn near everything she wanted from this city to stay with him and help fight his battles. His eyes seemed to ignite as he marveled at her strength and passion and devotion to him... and found himself to be completely, hopelessly in love. Again.
Cordelia slowly opened her eyes, and lowered her arms to her sides. Her whole body felt relaxed and hummed with energy at the same time. At the end of her daily routine, it made her feel better to keep all her movements slow and graceful until the body high wore off on its own. It seemed to make the peace last longer, which is what she always strove for. She straightened herself and out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shape standing in the doorway so she turned her head to see what it was.
"Didn't want to bother you, but the door was open." Angel quietly explained his presence and looked down at the floor.
"Just finished. Come in." Cordelia smiled contentedly at Angel before moving to her bed, and blotted at her forehead with the towel on the nightstand. "So, what's up?" She sat and gestured for him to join her with a pat on the burgundy colored silk comforter.
Angel found the strength to propel himself away from his perch in the doorway, and sat next to Cordelia on the bed. He didn't know why, but when he sat he could feel the energy from her slowly consume him. It made his skin tingle and gave him an odd feeling of peace as if he himself had just finished his own daily set. He couldn't help but smile inwardly at the effect she always had on him, and the connection they undoubtedly seemed to share.
"Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to see what you were up to."
"Yeah, right. Anytime you're around it's either big danger or big drama." Cordelia threw him a half serious glance before seeing the--almost happy?--look on his face, and she smiled. "Or by the look of it, you're trying to throw me for a loop and it's neither."
"You got me. I decided since the world didn't end today and we didn't die, that I'd hang up my brooding hat and just come annoy you instead."
"Pfft. You could never annoy me... Well that's a lie, but you're not annoying me now, so we're all kinds of good. Please continue with your non-broodiness."
"Gee, thanks... I just came up to see what you were doing tonight. Since we're lacking in the blood guts and gore, maybe we could take in a movie as a consolation prize?" Angel glanced shyly at the carpet under his feet, and almost mumbled the last half of his question like a 3^rd grader asking popular Betty Lou, the girl with the cute curly blonde hair in ribboned pigtails, to hold hands with him in the courtyard during recess.
Cordelia raised an eyebrow and took in his obviously embarrassed demeanor, deciding she should tease him a little bit and test the theory that vampires can't blush.
It was no major secret anymore how Angel felt towards her. Hell the whole gang knew with the exception of Cordelia. She knew somewhere deep inside her that Angel loved her, but she never stopped long enough to realize just that the kind of love he'd only just realized for her went far beyond friendship or family. She had it ingrained in her mind since the good `ol Sunnydale days that he would forever be in love with Buffy, so when she started "feeling different" towards him she promised herself she would *never* let him know. Completely tried to block it from her conscious mind. Angel knowing she wanted him back in Sunnydale was enough. When she met Angel, before she knew he was a vampire, Cordelia couldn't wait to get her hands on him. She was always overcome with the urge to just rip his clothes off his unquestionably sexy body and damn the consequences and the Slayer. But once reunited in Los Angeles, the more time she spent with him, the more those hormone-driven
feelings started to fade away and new ones seemed to take their place. Feelings that she had never really known before, let alone reciprocated, like trust and respect.
At first it had scared her to let someone in like she let Angel, and when he abandoned her she thought she'd never feel that way again. But when Angel finally seemed to see the metaphorical light after his "Beige Period", she found that even after what he did, she still wanted him back. That revelation alone scared her, because she never let anyone back in once they betrayed her. But what scared her even more was how badly Angel seemed to be needed back in. She felt like if she didn't, he would never be the same and she couldn't forgive herself if she let him slip away. He did everything and said everything humanly--and non-humanly--possible to make up for what he'd done not only to her, but to Wes and Gunn as well. At the time she couldn't even begin to think about what they were going through, not because she didn't care, but just the opposite. She cared too much and it hurt her even more to think about what he put those two through. At times she thought it was more than
she could handle, but she had a job to do, so she put on her rain slicker and rode out the storm.
She didn't know exactly when she let her guard fully down after that, because it was something that gradually just faded away into the past, and somehow their relationship came out stronger than it ever was before. But it seemed that along with the hurt and the pain, those shallow Sunnydale feelings finally went with it, and *that* was when she found a new kind of love for her vampire warrior. The feelings of trust and respect she'd known for him since coming to LA finally molded into the new shape of love. The first real love she'd known and she had to ignore it, and it hurt her more every day.
Every once in a while Cordelia found her self brooding--yes brooding!--over Angel. Over why he couldn't just fall madly in love with her like he did with the half-wit Slayer. Not that she didn't like Buffy, which she sort of didn't, but half of her was jealous as hell and the other half she more or less just wanted to kick "Little Miss Likes To Slay" in the head for not fighting harder to keep Angel in her life. If Angel wouldn't love *her*, she at least wanted him to be with someone *he* loved. It's at about this point where Cordelia wondered when she became Mother Theresa... and when she started feeling sorry for the Slayer because Angel left her.
Since when did the world stop revolving around her? Did she miss the intra-office memo?...
But even after all her long, lonely brooding sessions, she just had to admit it to herself. She grew up. Became an actual human. Found out the world actually didn't revolve around her and her Donna Karan collection. Now she was a woman. And half demon. And the world needed her and their warrior. Somehow that came first in her life, and her lovelife became a distant third. Second being a bubble bath, a loofah, and one incredible Phantom Dennis. She knew the world needed Angel more than she did, and for once in her life she felt good about herself. Cordelia sacrificed so much on a daily basis, but she always left knowing it was for the greater good.
And now Cordelia is completely convinced she has been inhabited by the spirit of Mother Theresa.
Her life had somehow become so incredibly complicated since seeing Angel in LA... Before it was very non-complicated--get facial, do nails, flirt with guys, be beautiful. Now it was don't get killed, make sure Angel doesn't get a happy, take care of Connor, have visions of people in trouble. Which comes with the complimentary feeling of being the watermelon in Gallagher's stand-up routine... Well, that last part was sorta taken care of, but she had to deal with that for over two years. And she actually loved her new life. She had a purpose and a family to take care of. Sure they weren't the Cleaver family but who was nowadays?
Angel waved his hand in front of Cordelia's face, a confused expression blanketing his own. "Hello? Where'd you go?"
Cordelia shook her head, and smiled. "Oh, sorry... I guess I was just--"
"Brooding?" Angel finished her sentence for her, the confused expression vanished, and was replaced with a smug smile.
"I need to stop hanging out with you... You're rubbing off on me. So, movie... is that a date?" Now Cordelia turned the tables back on him and half smirked with one eyebrow raised, waiting for his always entertaining nervous stumbling to begin.
"Date? No... just... You know... Casual movie, maybe dinner after... You know, between colleagues... Warrior-Seer time? But not high-pressure date--" Cordelia got a kick out of watching Angel stumble over his own words, trying unsuccessfully to come off Joe Smooth. So she decided to save him at least *some* face before he *really* turned into a blubbering idiot like Wesley.
"I'd love to. One night of Warrior-Seer bonding coming right up!" Cordelia jumped up off the bed, enthused. "I just have to go get unsweaty and we'll go."
"Okay. Um..." Angel stood and shoved his hands in the pockets of his black--always with the black, never any other color on the spectrum--slacks.
"Now is where you leave. Unless you wanna watch?" Cordelia glanced back over her shoulder before disappearing through her bathroom doorway.
"Uh..." Angel swallowed the lump in his throat and swore that if his heart actually beat, it'd be doing gymnastics in his chest right about then. He couldn't help but visualize Cordelia in the shower at that moment. He couldn't help but visualize Cordelia with *him* in the shower all lathery and touchy-feely at that moment. He was overcome with the urge to just play out his growing erotic fantasy with her--until reality hit the brakes and he flew through the windshield and was forced to remember his "no bone" clause. He tried to stay away from any and all bad thoughts of his Seer, but more and more he couldn't help himself. His mind just seemed to drift when he was with her, and he would ramble--a lot-- in his head. She didn't help either, with her constant teasing and laughing and smiling and her body...wow, her body... and just her plain luscious Cordelia-ness. He couldn't decide if she felt the same and was waiting for him to just throw her on the floor and ravage her for
hours on end with passion or-- "I'll be... In my room."
With that, Angel practically ran out of her room and slammed the door behind him as Cordelia stuck her head out of the bathroom with a triumphant smile on her face wide enough to challenge the Cheshire Cat.
"One point for Cordelia in the embarrassment column. He's such a sucker for my charms..."
=============
To Be Continued.
=============
Yet again with the thanks for the reviews. But I need for you guys to give me some ideas on where to take the W/F/G thang. I want to continue it, but I'm having a major brain-fart and I can't think of anything good for them. But I want something believable, not cheesy. If you have any ideas, e-mail me don't post them. `cause if I use an idea that's posted it kinda ruins the whole story. And of course you'll get full credit for your idea =) much appreciated.
This particular piece was actually supposed to be a stand-alone piece of FLUFF but I changed it to fit this storyline. Remind me never to do that again. Changing this to fit my story took me 4!!! hours to get it right. I'm still not quite sure how it flows because my eyes got all blurry, so let me know.
If anyone would like to read the original in all its fluffy goodness, I'd be happy to send it to you. Just leave me you're e-mail addy.
Maybe I'll even post it by itself at fanfiction.net someday
Enjoy! -KAT! ^o^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Chapter Five
A New Kind Of Love
*Two Days Before The Ballet*
Cordelia stood solidly in a fighter's stance, her arms in front of her. She slowly turned her hands, so her palms faced away from her and exhaled while she pushed her arms away from her body. She could feel the invisible energy she was expelling with her hands, and with arms completely outstretched before her, she closed her eyes. She took a few deep breaths and felt the silence and tranquility that consumed her being. She could feel her bare feet becoming part of the floor, rooted to it like an old oak tree is rooted to the soil below, of which it gives shade.
These were the only times she felt at peace. When nothing else mattered except her energy and every slow movement came to her with natural grace and fluid timing. She couldn't feel the weight of her body, or the black tank top and running pants that she occupied, because her body became a part of the air that she rhythmically inhaled and exhaled. That was when she felt most at home within herself--when she actually left her body and her mind cleared itself of all thought and outside influence.
Angel leaned up against the doorframe careful not to disturb her, and a small smile crept its way to his normally stoic mouth. He never knew she practiced Tai Chi, let alone knew how much more graceful and beautiful she could make those movements than they already were. She looked completely relaxed and calmed at the end of her set, and he felt like he was intruding on the most private of moments. He gazed around the now furnished room she had made up for herself before returning his eyes to her body. He didn't know when he actually started to notice how beautiful she was, but in that moment he couldn't think of anything more perfect than the dark-haired beauty that stood before him. Every time he saw her, Angel had to fight to keep his mind out of the gutter.
He only knew of one other person that had that effect on him. He still loved her with every fiber of his being, but the distance between them now seemed to make the pain fade away. He no longer yearned for her as he once did, no longer fell to pieces any time someone spoke her name... and he actually felt more guilty about that lack of sadness than the lack of her. Angel knew he didn't love her any less, but every day was easier than the one before it, and he knew she was tough and would take care of herself. That was usually what got him through the day if he started to worry about her. That she was tough, tougher even than him. And Cordelia was just as tough as Buffy, if not more so. Buffy didn't have a choice about her life because it was her destiny, her duty. Cordelia on the other hand left Sunnydale with the prospect of inevitable stardom, but soon found herself back in the same Sunnydale drama, different city. She had so many chances to leave Angel that he'd actually
stopped counting at around 107, but she stayed. Now with the visions, which she had the chance to get rid of -- make that 108 chances -- she found herself to be bound to him. Willingly.
So here Angel stood in the doorway to her hotel room, staring at the beautiful Seer -- HIS beautiful Seer-- that bound herself permanently to him. Giving up damn near everything she wanted from this city to stay with him and help fight his battles. His eyes seemed to ignite as he marveled at her strength and passion and devotion to him... and found himself to be completely, hopelessly in love. Again.
Cordelia slowly opened her eyes, and lowered her arms to her sides. Her whole body felt relaxed and hummed with energy at the same time. At the end of her daily routine, it made her feel better to keep all her movements slow and graceful until the body high wore off on its own. It seemed to make the peace last longer, which is what she always strove for. She straightened herself and out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shape standing in the doorway so she turned her head to see what it was.
"Didn't want to bother you, but the door was open." Angel quietly explained his presence and looked down at the floor.
"Just finished. Come in." Cordelia smiled contentedly at Angel before moving to her bed, and blotted at her forehead with the towel on the nightstand. "So, what's up?" She sat and gestured for him to join her with a pat on the burgundy colored silk comforter.
Angel found the strength to propel himself away from his perch in the doorway, and sat next to Cordelia on the bed. He didn't know why, but when he sat he could feel the energy from her slowly consume him. It made his skin tingle and gave him an odd feeling of peace as if he himself had just finished his own daily set. He couldn't help but smile inwardly at the effect she always had on him, and the connection they undoubtedly seemed to share.
"Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to see what you were up to."
"Yeah, right. Anytime you're around it's either big danger or big drama." Cordelia threw him a half serious glance before seeing the--almost happy?--look on his face, and she smiled. "Or by the look of it, you're trying to throw me for a loop and it's neither."
"You got me. I decided since the world didn't end today and we didn't die, that I'd hang up my brooding hat and just come annoy you instead."
"Pfft. You could never annoy me... Well that's a lie, but you're not annoying me now, so we're all kinds of good. Please continue with your non-broodiness."
"Gee, thanks... I just came up to see what you were doing tonight. Since we're lacking in the blood guts and gore, maybe we could take in a movie as a consolation prize?" Angel glanced shyly at the carpet under his feet, and almost mumbled the last half of his question like a 3^rd grader asking popular Betty Lou, the girl with the cute curly blonde hair in ribboned pigtails, to hold hands with him in the courtyard during recess.
Cordelia raised an eyebrow and took in his obviously embarrassed demeanor, deciding she should tease him a little bit and test the theory that vampires can't blush.
It was no major secret anymore how Angel felt towards her. Hell the whole gang knew with the exception of Cordelia. She knew somewhere deep inside her that Angel loved her, but she never stopped long enough to realize just that the kind of love he'd only just realized for her went far beyond friendship or family. She had it ingrained in her mind since the good `ol Sunnydale days that he would forever be in love with Buffy, so when she started "feeling different" towards him she promised herself she would *never* let him know. Completely tried to block it from her conscious mind. Angel knowing she wanted him back in Sunnydale was enough. When she met Angel, before she knew he was a vampire, Cordelia couldn't wait to get her hands on him. She was always overcome with the urge to just rip his clothes off his unquestionably sexy body and damn the consequences and the Slayer. But once reunited in Los Angeles, the more time she spent with him, the more those hormone-driven
feelings started to fade away and new ones seemed to take their place. Feelings that she had never really known before, let alone reciprocated, like trust and respect.
At first it had scared her to let someone in like she let Angel, and when he abandoned her she thought she'd never feel that way again. But when Angel finally seemed to see the metaphorical light after his "Beige Period", she found that even after what he did, she still wanted him back. That revelation alone scared her, because she never let anyone back in once they betrayed her. But what scared her even more was how badly Angel seemed to be needed back in. She felt like if she didn't, he would never be the same and she couldn't forgive herself if she let him slip away. He did everything and said everything humanly--and non-humanly--possible to make up for what he'd done not only to her, but to Wes and Gunn as well. At the time she couldn't even begin to think about what they were going through, not because she didn't care, but just the opposite. She cared too much and it hurt her even more to think about what he put those two through. At times she thought it was more than
she could handle, but she had a job to do, so she put on her rain slicker and rode out the storm.
She didn't know exactly when she let her guard fully down after that, because it was something that gradually just faded away into the past, and somehow their relationship came out stronger than it ever was before. But it seemed that along with the hurt and the pain, those shallow Sunnydale feelings finally went with it, and *that* was when she found a new kind of love for her vampire warrior. The feelings of trust and respect she'd known for him since coming to LA finally molded into the new shape of love. The first real love she'd known and she had to ignore it, and it hurt her more every day.
Every once in a while Cordelia found her self brooding--yes brooding!--over Angel. Over why he couldn't just fall madly in love with her like he did with the half-wit Slayer. Not that she didn't like Buffy, which she sort of didn't, but half of her was jealous as hell and the other half she more or less just wanted to kick "Little Miss Likes To Slay" in the head for not fighting harder to keep Angel in her life. If Angel wouldn't love *her*, she at least wanted him to be with someone *he* loved. It's at about this point where Cordelia wondered when she became Mother Theresa... and when she started feeling sorry for the Slayer because Angel left her.
Since when did the world stop revolving around her? Did she miss the intra-office memo?...
But even after all her long, lonely brooding sessions, she just had to admit it to herself. She grew up. Became an actual human. Found out the world actually didn't revolve around her and her Donna Karan collection. Now she was a woman. And half demon. And the world needed her and their warrior. Somehow that came first in her life, and her lovelife became a distant third. Second being a bubble bath, a loofah, and one incredible Phantom Dennis. She knew the world needed Angel more than she did, and for once in her life she felt good about herself. Cordelia sacrificed so much on a daily basis, but she always left knowing it was for the greater good.
And now Cordelia is completely convinced she has been inhabited by the spirit of Mother Theresa.
Her life had somehow become so incredibly complicated since seeing Angel in LA... Before it was very non-complicated--get facial, do nails, flirt with guys, be beautiful. Now it was don't get killed, make sure Angel doesn't get a happy, take care of Connor, have visions of people in trouble. Which comes with the complimentary feeling of being the watermelon in Gallagher's stand-up routine... Well, that last part was sorta taken care of, but she had to deal with that for over two years. And she actually loved her new life. She had a purpose and a family to take care of. Sure they weren't the Cleaver family but who was nowadays?
Angel waved his hand in front of Cordelia's face, a confused expression blanketing his own. "Hello? Where'd you go?"
Cordelia shook her head, and smiled. "Oh, sorry... I guess I was just--"
"Brooding?" Angel finished her sentence for her, the confused expression vanished, and was replaced with a smug smile.
"I need to stop hanging out with you... You're rubbing off on me. So, movie... is that a date?" Now Cordelia turned the tables back on him and half smirked with one eyebrow raised, waiting for his always entertaining nervous stumbling to begin.
"Date? No... just... You know... Casual movie, maybe dinner after... You know, between colleagues... Warrior-Seer time? But not high-pressure date--" Cordelia got a kick out of watching Angel stumble over his own words, trying unsuccessfully to come off Joe Smooth. So she decided to save him at least *some* face before he *really* turned into a blubbering idiot like Wesley.
"I'd love to. One night of Warrior-Seer bonding coming right up!" Cordelia jumped up off the bed, enthused. "I just have to go get unsweaty and we'll go."
"Okay. Um..." Angel stood and shoved his hands in the pockets of his black--always with the black, never any other color on the spectrum--slacks.
"Now is where you leave. Unless you wanna watch?" Cordelia glanced back over her shoulder before disappearing through her bathroom doorway.
"Uh..." Angel swallowed the lump in his throat and swore that if his heart actually beat, it'd be doing gymnastics in his chest right about then. He couldn't help but visualize Cordelia in the shower at that moment. He couldn't help but visualize Cordelia with *him* in the shower all lathery and touchy-feely at that moment. He was overcome with the urge to just play out his growing erotic fantasy with her--until reality hit the brakes and he flew through the windshield and was forced to remember his "no bone" clause. He tried to stay away from any and all bad thoughts of his Seer, but more and more he couldn't help himself. His mind just seemed to drift when he was with her, and he would ramble--a lot-- in his head. She didn't help either, with her constant teasing and laughing and smiling and her body...wow, her body... and just her plain luscious Cordelia-ness. He couldn't decide if she felt the same and was waiting for him to just throw her on the floor and ravage her for
hours on end with passion or-- "I'll be... In my room."
With that, Angel practically ran out of her room and slammed the door behind him as Cordelia stuck her head out of the bathroom with a triumphant smile on her face wide enough to challenge the Cheshire Cat.
"One point for Cordelia in the embarrassment column. He's such a sucker for my charms..."
=============
To Be Continued.
=============
Yet again with the thanks for the reviews. But I need for you guys to give me some ideas on where to take the W/F/G thang. I want to continue it, but I'm having a major brain-fart and I can't think of anything good for them. But I want something believable, not cheesy. If you have any ideas, e-mail me don't post them. `cause if I use an idea that's posted it kinda ruins the whole story. And of course you'll get full credit for your idea =) much appreciated.