Notes: Sorry its taken so long for an update. That's what I get for starting a story just before one of my busiest times of the year I suppose. Hope you enjoy...
Mile High Musings
As the seatbelt sign clicked off above them, Carter looked down at the hand that was slowly cutting off the circulation to his own with its grip. Squeezing her hand affectionately, his gaze travelled upwards and came to rest on her face. Her eyes were tightly closed and she had headphones over her ears, trying desperately to shut out the fact that they were no longer on the ground. The worry was clearly etched on her face and he wondered just how much of it was down to this man that they were headed towards. Who was this mysterious ex-fiancé, and what does he mean to her? Why is he travelling across the country for someone he doesn't even know? He had so many questions to ask her, but couldn't find the words to voice them.
The stewardess stopped by them and interrupted his thoughts. "Can I get you anything to drink sir?" she implored, punctuated with a toothy grin.
"Uhm, yes can I have a scotch and an iced tea please?"
"Certainly sir." She moved to retrieve the bottles and cups from her cart, bending more than she needed in order to flash her cleavage - a move that went unnoticed by Carter, who had picked up a magazine with his free hand and was looking at the cover.
"There you go," she said, setting the whiskey on Carter's tray and the iced tea on Susan's.
"Thank you," he replied as he swapped the bottles over, "the whiskey's for my girlfriend, she hates flying and its to calm her nerves a bit," he explained.
"Of course sir, I'm sorry," she giggled in a manner that suggested that she should have realised this. "Well I hope you enjoy your flight and if you need anything, just press this button," she said, leaning over to show him which button and leaning way too close to him in the process, "and I'll be right with you." She leaned back to give him a dazzling smile before moving on to the next row.
"She was flirting with you."
"What? No she wasn't!" He looked over to her in surprise to see that the headphones were off, but her eyes were still closed. He twisted round in his seat to look at the stewardess quizzically, who by now was not looking very pleased to be serving an old man who seemed to be having the time of his life as he leered at her. He turned back round. "She was just being friendly, that's all," he shrugged.
Susan opened her eyes and turned slightly to face him, unable to hold a snort of laughter back. "Please Carter, her voice dropped an octave when you said girlfriend and not wife - and what was with the call button? I think you can find it without her shoving her boobs in your face." She was laughing openly by now.
"Hey! You shouldn't be laughing, you should be getting all jealous!" He pouted.
"Sorry John, but I find it hilarious that strangers flirt with you all the time and you never notice."
It was good to see her smiling, he thought. That was the first time in hours. She could make fun of him all she liked if it would keep that smile on her face. Besides, she was beautiful when she laughed, so his motives weren't entirely selfless. "Yeah, well I noticed when you flirted with me," he shot back, matching her smile.
"That was different, I wasn't a stranger," she lowered the pitch of her voice in the same way the stewardess had done minutes earlier before continuing, "and you wanted me to flirt."
He was all to aware of the seductive tone this time and simply replied: "very true," before leaning in to claim her lips with his own. The stewardess walked post them and shot them a filthy look.
Susan let herself get lost in his kiss for a moment. She wanted nothing more than to forget the rest of the world existed, but she couldn't bury her head in the sand any longer. She had to tell Carter why she was dragging him across the country. She broke away from his kiss and leaned her forehead against his. "I love you." She whispered before pulling away.
"I'm sure you want to know what happened to me in Phoenix. Why I left, and why I have to go back now."
He nodded hesitantly, "Only if you are ready to tell me," he said trying to catch her eye, but she was fixated on opening the bottle in front of her and poured the amber liquid into the glass. She raised the glass and took a sip, relishing the burning sensation it caused before taking a deep breath and raised her eyes to meet his.
"No you need to know, and it will take my mind off flying." Her lips curled into a bittersweet smile, one that didn't quite reach her eyes. He reached over and squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"When I first moved there I used to wonder daily if I'd made the right decision. It was hard to get into the swing of things at work. The hospital was a far cry from County and although the people were nice enough, I couldn't help but feel like and outsider. I missed all of you a hell of a lot, I missed going into work and people being genuinely interested in how I was. But then seeing Suzie regularly made it worth it." She stopped and broke into a wide grin at the thought of her niece. It was infectious and Carter couldn't help grinning himself.
"You really love that little girl like she was your own, don't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I always will. I still miss her like crazy, but it's not as bad as it was back then. I know she's loved and she's happy and that I'll always be her cool Aunt Susan. I can live with that."
"Cool huh?"
"I'll have you know that to a 6 year old, I'm very cool!" She retorted, slapping his arm. "So anyway," she sobered as she remembered what she was talking about. "I loved being close to her and eventually I settled in at work and made friends. Each day I was thinking about Chicago less and less and I started to believe that I'd done the right thing after all. Then after I had been there about six months, I ran into David, quite literally. I was wandering back down to the ER after being in ICU, head buried in a chart and not looking where I was going. I rounded a corner and smacked right into him, sending both our charts flying. I apologised a hundred times whilst trying to retrieve them and we got talking. His face was vaguely familiar to me at the time, but I didn't know who he was."
She stopped to take another sip of her drink and looked over to meet Carter's gaze. He smiled back at her, which gave her the courage to continue. "So it turns out he was an anaesthesiologist, working in pediatric surgery. He already knew my name and that I was in the ER. When I asked him how he knew, he gave me some corny line about making a point of finding out about all new pretty doctors. Now that I think about it, the whole situation was kinda corny." She found herself smiling at the memory, the scene was still so vivid in her head. She wanted to tell it impartially and clinically, for Carter's sake as much as her own, but already the damn memories were surfacing. Despite the way it ended, she could not deny the many highs in the relationship. She took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself, determined to stick to the facts.
Beside her, Carter's mind was also a turmoil of emotions already. He had to know, had to try to understand what she was going through, but it wasn't going to be easy listening to your girlfriend recall her relationship with another man, one that as he understood it, she was set on marrying. He chided himself for the jealousy that was slowly starting to build within him. Logically he knew that she had had a life and had loved before returning to Chicago, but it was far from escaping his notice that she was willingly returning to that life, and taking him along for the ride. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on the facts and the most important thing: it wasn't about him, it was about Susan. Also, her wanting him with her had to be reassuring. He squeezed her hand slightly once more as it was the only thing he could think of doing, and waited patiently for her to continue.
"So I apologised once more and left to go back to work. I remember thinking he was cute, but thought no more of him until he shows up half an hour later to return a chart of mine that he'd picked up along with his own. He asked me out right then, but I declined. I explained that I wasn't looking for anyone at the time... how lame does that sound! But it was true, I'd just moved across the country, Mark had confused the hell out of me, and I really felt I had to sort myself out and be happy with me before I could think about dating. But over - "
"Wait, sorry to interrupt, but what about Mark?"
She blinked back at him in surprise at the question. She hadn't even realised really that she had mentioned Mark. She was just blurting out the story as it came to her in a stream of thought, not particularly thinking about what exactly she was saying. "Oh... Mark. Well that's maybe something that can be left for another time. It's...it's not really important to my life in Phoenix."
"Okay... but now you've got me all curious. So there was something between you and Mark?"
"Yes and no, but please, not right now," she asked, pleading with her eyes. "It's really not that important." He nodded his acquiescence and she continued:
"But he wouldn't take no for an answer, continually finding excuses to come down to the ER, until I finally relented and agreed to go to dinner with him. He was really sweet; charming and funny, and despite his initial pushiness, seemed willing to take it at whatever pace I wanted. So we started dating, but I'll spare you the details. After about a year we got a place together and... I think nearly a year after that he proposed.
"I accepted though we were quite happy as we were and in no particular hurry, so we set a date in early spring of last year. Wow, that's over a year ago now.
"So, yeah, I fell in love with him, despite what I said earlier about wanting to `find' myself. I was ready to settle down with him: kids, picket fence, mini-van - the whole deal, you know what I mean?"
"Uhm no, not yet," he replied lightly, though sitting there watching her pour her heart out, he got the feeling that deep down that perhaps the seed had already been planted, a picture of the future was slowly starting to form in the back of his mind, admittedly hazy, but there nevertheless. One thing was clear to him though, Susan was a part of it somehow.
"I could see myself growing old with him," she continued, her quiet musings pulling him back to the present, commanding his attention. "I thought he felt the same, he certainly told me as much often enough. Looking back now, maybe he was just a bit too vocal in his insistence.
"Before we knew it, the wedding was almost upon us and the run up was hectic to say the least. We were both so busy at work and any time we got to spend together was spent on the wedding. Both our tempers were short at times, but I just chalked it up to the stress we were under and believed that once the wedding was over, everything would be fine. Then one day, exactly three weeks to go, I was just finishing my shift and heading home when I realised I'd left a book with the caterer's number in it in David's office. I went to get it as I needed to phone them about something. His office was locked but I just assumed he was in surgery and it didn't matter as I had a spare key. So I..." She stopped and took a gulp of whiskey, closing her eyes in an attempt to banish the memory fighting its way to the forefront of her mind. After a second she opened them and stared emotionless at the seat in front of her.
"I opened the door to find him with one of the nurses in his department. I caught them at it, right there on his desk."
Carter's back stiffened in surprise as he processed what she'd just told him. From the way she had been speaking, he had already guessed that the break-up was not down to her, but he hadn't seen that coming. Instinctively his blood began to boil at the thought of anyone who would callously hurt her like that. She was staring out the window now, in a world of her own.
"So what did you do?"
To be continued...
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Mile High Musings
As the seatbelt sign clicked off above them, Carter looked down at the hand that was slowly cutting off the circulation to his own with its grip. Squeezing her hand affectionately, his gaze travelled upwards and came to rest on her face. Her eyes were tightly closed and she had headphones over her ears, trying desperately to shut out the fact that they were no longer on the ground. The worry was clearly etched on her face and he wondered just how much of it was down to this man that they were headed towards. Who was this mysterious ex-fiancé, and what does he mean to her? Why is he travelling across the country for someone he doesn't even know? He had so many questions to ask her, but couldn't find the words to voice them.
The stewardess stopped by them and interrupted his thoughts. "Can I get you anything to drink sir?" she implored, punctuated with a toothy grin.
"Uhm, yes can I have a scotch and an iced tea please?"
"Certainly sir." She moved to retrieve the bottles and cups from her cart, bending more than she needed in order to flash her cleavage - a move that went unnoticed by Carter, who had picked up a magazine with his free hand and was looking at the cover.
"There you go," she said, setting the whiskey on Carter's tray and the iced tea on Susan's.
"Thank you," he replied as he swapped the bottles over, "the whiskey's for my girlfriend, she hates flying and its to calm her nerves a bit," he explained.
"Of course sir, I'm sorry," she giggled in a manner that suggested that she should have realised this. "Well I hope you enjoy your flight and if you need anything, just press this button," she said, leaning over to show him which button and leaning way too close to him in the process, "and I'll be right with you." She leaned back to give him a dazzling smile before moving on to the next row.
"She was flirting with you."
"What? No she wasn't!" He looked over to her in surprise to see that the headphones were off, but her eyes were still closed. He twisted round in his seat to look at the stewardess quizzically, who by now was not looking very pleased to be serving an old man who seemed to be having the time of his life as he leered at her. He turned back round. "She was just being friendly, that's all," he shrugged.
Susan opened her eyes and turned slightly to face him, unable to hold a snort of laughter back. "Please Carter, her voice dropped an octave when you said girlfriend and not wife - and what was with the call button? I think you can find it without her shoving her boobs in your face." She was laughing openly by now.
"Hey! You shouldn't be laughing, you should be getting all jealous!" He pouted.
"Sorry John, but I find it hilarious that strangers flirt with you all the time and you never notice."
It was good to see her smiling, he thought. That was the first time in hours. She could make fun of him all she liked if it would keep that smile on her face. Besides, she was beautiful when she laughed, so his motives weren't entirely selfless. "Yeah, well I noticed when you flirted with me," he shot back, matching her smile.
"That was different, I wasn't a stranger," she lowered the pitch of her voice in the same way the stewardess had done minutes earlier before continuing, "and you wanted me to flirt."
He was all to aware of the seductive tone this time and simply replied: "very true," before leaning in to claim her lips with his own. The stewardess walked post them and shot them a filthy look.
Susan let herself get lost in his kiss for a moment. She wanted nothing more than to forget the rest of the world existed, but she couldn't bury her head in the sand any longer. She had to tell Carter why she was dragging him across the country. She broke away from his kiss and leaned her forehead against his. "I love you." She whispered before pulling away.
"I'm sure you want to know what happened to me in Phoenix. Why I left, and why I have to go back now."
He nodded hesitantly, "Only if you are ready to tell me," he said trying to catch her eye, but she was fixated on opening the bottle in front of her and poured the amber liquid into the glass. She raised the glass and took a sip, relishing the burning sensation it caused before taking a deep breath and raised her eyes to meet his.
"No you need to know, and it will take my mind off flying." Her lips curled into a bittersweet smile, one that didn't quite reach her eyes. He reached over and squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"When I first moved there I used to wonder daily if I'd made the right decision. It was hard to get into the swing of things at work. The hospital was a far cry from County and although the people were nice enough, I couldn't help but feel like and outsider. I missed all of you a hell of a lot, I missed going into work and people being genuinely interested in how I was. But then seeing Suzie regularly made it worth it." She stopped and broke into a wide grin at the thought of her niece. It was infectious and Carter couldn't help grinning himself.
"You really love that little girl like she was your own, don't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I always will. I still miss her like crazy, but it's not as bad as it was back then. I know she's loved and she's happy and that I'll always be her cool Aunt Susan. I can live with that."
"Cool huh?"
"I'll have you know that to a 6 year old, I'm very cool!" She retorted, slapping his arm. "So anyway," she sobered as she remembered what she was talking about. "I loved being close to her and eventually I settled in at work and made friends. Each day I was thinking about Chicago less and less and I started to believe that I'd done the right thing after all. Then after I had been there about six months, I ran into David, quite literally. I was wandering back down to the ER after being in ICU, head buried in a chart and not looking where I was going. I rounded a corner and smacked right into him, sending both our charts flying. I apologised a hundred times whilst trying to retrieve them and we got talking. His face was vaguely familiar to me at the time, but I didn't know who he was."
She stopped to take another sip of her drink and looked over to meet Carter's gaze. He smiled back at her, which gave her the courage to continue. "So it turns out he was an anaesthesiologist, working in pediatric surgery. He already knew my name and that I was in the ER. When I asked him how he knew, he gave me some corny line about making a point of finding out about all new pretty doctors. Now that I think about it, the whole situation was kinda corny." She found herself smiling at the memory, the scene was still so vivid in her head. She wanted to tell it impartially and clinically, for Carter's sake as much as her own, but already the damn memories were surfacing. Despite the way it ended, she could not deny the many highs in the relationship. She took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself, determined to stick to the facts.
Beside her, Carter's mind was also a turmoil of emotions already. He had to know, had to try to understand what she was going through, but it wasn't going to be easy listening to your girlfriend recall her relationship with another man, one that as he understood it, she was set on marrying. He chided himself for the jealousy that was slowly starting to build within him. Logically he knew that she had had a life and had loved before returning to Chicago, but it was far from escaping his notice that she was willingly returning to that life, and taking him along for the ride. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on the facts and the most important thing: it wasn't about him, it was about Susan. Also, her wanting him with her had to be reassuring. He squeezed her hand slightly once more as it was the only thing he could think of doing, and waited patiently for her to continue.
"So I apologised once more and left to go back to work. I remember thinking he was cute, but thought no more of him until he shows up half an hour later to return a chart of mine that he'd picked up along with his own. He asked me out right then, but I declined. I explained that I wasn't looking for anyone at the time... how lame does that sound! But it was true, I'd just moved across the country, Mark had confused the hell out of me, and I really felt I had to sort myself out and be happy with me before I could think about dating. But over - "
"Wait, sorry to interrupt, but what about Mark?"
She blinked back at him in surprise at the question. She hadn't even realised really that she had mentioned Mark. She was just blurting out the story as it came to her in a stream of thought, not particularly thinking about what exactly she was saying. "Oh... Mark. Well that's maybe something that can be left for another time. It's...it's not really important to my life in Phoenix."
"Okay... but now you've got me all curious. So there was something between you and Mark?"
"Yes and no, but please, not right now," she asked, pleading with her eyes. "It's really not that important." He nodded his acquiescence and she continued:
"But he wouldn't take no for an answer, continually finding excuses to come down to the ER, until I finally relented and agreed to go to dinner with him. He was really sweet; charming and funny, and despite his initial pushiness, seemed willing to take it at whatever pace I wanted. So we started dating, but I'll spare you the details. After about a year we got a place together and... I think nearly a year after that he proposed.
"I accepted though we were quite happy as we were and in no particular hurry, so we set a date in early spring of last year. Wow, that's over a year ago now.
"So, yeah, I fell in love with him, despite what I said earlier about wanting to `find' myself. I was ready to settle down with him: kids, picket fence, mini-van - the whole deal, you know what I mean?"
"Uhm no, not yet," he replied lightly, though sitting there watching her pour her heart out, he got the feeling that deep down that perhaps the seed had already been planted, a picture of the future was slowly starting to form in the back of his mind, admittedly hazy, but there nevertheless. One thing was clear to him though, Susan was a part of it somehow.
"I could see myself growing old with him," she continued, her quiet musings pulling him back to the present, commanding his attention. "I thought he felt the same, he certainly told me as much often enough. Looking back now, maybe he was just a bit too vocal in his insistence.
"Before we knew it, the wedding was almost upon us and the run up was hectic to say the least. We were both so busy at work and any time we got to spend together was spent on the wedding. Both our tempers were short at times, but I just chalked it up to the stress we were under and believed that once the wedding was over, everything would be fine. Then one day, exactly three weeks to go, I was just finishing my shift and heading home when I realised I'd left a book with the caterer's number in it in David's office. I went to get it as I needed to phone them about something. His office was locked but I just assumed he was in surgery and it didn't matter as I had a spare key. So I..." She stopped and took a gulp of whiskey, closing her eyes in an attempt to banish the memory fighting its way to the forefront of her mind. After a second she opened them and stared emotionless at the seat in front of her.
"I opened the door to find him with one of the nurses in his department. I caught them at it, right there on his desk."
Carter's back stiffened in surprise as he processed what she'd just told him. From the way she had been speaking, he had already guessed that the break-up was not down to her, but he hadn't seen that coming. Instinctively his blood began to boil at the thought of anyone who would callously hurt her like that. She was staring out the window now, in a world of her own.
"So what did you do?"
To be continued...
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