Chapter 2: "Identity Crisis"



It was morning at the Xavier Institute. The sun was shining. Birds were singing. Bacon was frying. And . . .

. . . mutants were screaming.

"Oh, god, it wasn't just a bad dream!" Evan's voice broke through the morning air.

"Shut up, Evan!" someone yelled back. It was much too early in the morning to try and figure out who the voice belonged to, let alone who it really was.

"I'm not Evan, I'm Kitty! Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!" With the last "Kitty" there came a noise as if something had hit the wall, then a crash like something falling off the wall.

"Hey, watch it with those things!" Scott's voice shouted.

"Oops."

And that was only the beginning. After the X-Men were all awake and dressed (and had taken valiant measures not to "peek"), the common area rang with complaints, suggestions, and questions.

"Dude, what am I supposed to do with your tail?"

"Jean, I told you not to turn me into a prep! You need to go change! And - oh my god, are you wearing pink lipstick?!"

"What do you mean this sweater makes you look fat?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"Oh. Oh, I get it! Hey, telepathy's kind of cool!"

"Ack! Kurt, you are not going out with me looking like that! Did you even bother to brush my hair?"

"No, no, no! You have to tuck my tail into your pants and then activate the image inducer!"

"Those had better not be Dockers you're wearing, Jean!"

"I'm serious, Kurt, you're not leaving the house like that! Now go put on some make-up!"

THWUMP! CRASH!

"Oh, no, Kitty! Not the tv!"

"Whoops."

And so on. The arguing and complaining continued for several minutes, interspersed here and there with the occasional helpful hint. As tempers calmed, each mutant received a crash course in the life of the person they now were. Some even took it a bit farther than a simple crash course.

That's what Logan walked in on a moment later. He froze in the doorway and just took in the scene. And what a scene it was! To the uninformed observer, Evan had shoved Kitty into a chair and was forcibly applying make-up to her face while she tried to instruct Kurt about his tail and the image inducer. Scott had cornered Rogue and was in the process of wiping pink lipstick from her mouth. Rogue tried to duck away in order to toss Jean a pair of shoes. Suddenly Kitty began squirming in her chair and looked pitifully up at Evan.

"Kitty? I, uh, think I've got your bra on wrong."

Of course, Logan was not an uninformed observer. Even so . . .

"This is something you don't see every day," he commented, watching "Scott" finish "Rogue's" make-up job. Logan shook his head and turned from the strange sight. As he walked down the hall, he called over his shoulder, "Breakfast is ready. I suggest you get down there. The prof wants to give you some last minute instructions."

The mansion rang with the voices of the mutants as they piled into the kitchen. Two feet past the doorway, they were halted by Logan. He held up one hand. From it dangled six string necklaces with attached namecards. "Put these on before you go one step farther."

They obliged, pawing through the tags until they each found their own name. Slipping the tags over their heads, they sat at the table and looked to the professor.

"Just make certain you only wear the nametags around the Institute. Anywhere else would generate unwanted questions," he instructed.

"Does that mean we're going to be stuck like this for a long time?" Kitty demanded. A spike flew out of her arm and crashed into the kitchen television.

"Another tv bites the dust," Kurt observed sadly.

Professor Xavier frowned. "No, Kitty, I hope to have this situation resolved by tonight. In the meantime, perhaps Evan can show you how to control the spikes."

"I did!"

"Could've fooled me," Logan said.

"Excuse me," Kurt broke in, holding up a hand like he was in school. "Could someone pass the bacon this way?"

"No way, Kurt! You are not putting meat in my body!" Kitty exclaimed.

"But -"

"Absolutely not. Huh-uh. No."

"Yes, Kurt, remember what we talked about last night?" Jean asked. "About respecting the body of the person we're in?"

"And not ruining their life," Rogue added, glaring at Jean through the ruby shades. She could only imagine the un-Rogue-like things Jean would do while in possession of her body. This was going to be a disaster!

Kurt stared longingly at the plate of bacon. "I don't see how one slice of bacon could ruin Kitty's life."

"Do you have any idea how bad bacon is for you?"

"But it tastes good!"

"I believe the girls have a valid point, Kurt," Xavier broke in. "That will be the first ground rule. You must all behave as if you are the person whom you look like. That means you don't do anything they wouldn't do. Understood?"

Kurt continued to gaze at the bacon, but nodded along with everyone else.

"Hey, Professor, if I have to act like Jean, does that mean I have to go to her soccer practice? Girls' locker room, remember?"

"Oh, no."

Professor Xavier shook his head. "No, Scott, I don't think skipping one practice would harm anything. Besides, I want you all home immediately after school. Ororo should be back from her vacation by then, so that will put us back to full force and better equipped to deal with this."

"What are the rest of the ground rules?" Scott asked, reaching for a glass of orange juice. As he outstretched his hand, the glass lifted an inch off the table and began floating toward him. Surprised, he jerked back a little. The glass fell back to the table, landing with a thunk. Juice sloshed over the rim and spilled on the table.

"I believe another rule should be no using your powers until you're back in your own bodies," Xavier said, handing Scott a napkin.

A collection of groans and protests went up around the table, accompanied by a couple nods and murmurs of assent.

Kitty protested, "But, Professor, we're not actually, like, using these powers, they're just sort of . . . happening. Like, accidentally."

"I'm aware of that, Kitty, and I have the utmost confidence you children will be able to control it. As for the rest of the rules, just use your best judgement and don't let anyone else know what has happened."

Kurt snorted. "Yeah, like who would believe us?"

"Let's not find out," the professor replied.

Everyone agreed and continued eating breakfast. Kurt shot a few injured glances at the bacon, but finally accepted the vegetarian breakfast Kitty piled on his plate. Things went on in relative peace until Rogue pushed her chair back and began rifling through Scott's backpack.

"What are you looking for?" he asked her.

"Your car keys."

"Excuse me? You are not driving my car."

"Why not? I look like you; why shouldn't I be seen driving your car?" Rogue gave up on the backpack and started checking the pockets of Scott's jacket.

"You can't drive. You don't have a license! No, I'll drive my own car, thank you very much."

"But then it'll look like Jean's driving," Rogue said.

"Yeah, and since when do you let anyone but you drive your car?" Evan asked.

"Yeah, that would just look weird," Kitty chimed in.

Scott sighed. "But she doesn't have a license!"

"She has yours," Evan pointed out.

"Professor!" Six heads turned toward Xavier, expecting him to settle the issue.

The professor closed his eyes briefly. He'd kept silent during the exchange, hoping the children would work it out themselves. Apparently that wasn't going to happen. "When I said you should behave as if you are the person you look like, I did not intend for you to take that to mean you should break the law or endanger yourselves in any way."

Rogue made a face. "Oh, all right."

"Thank you." Scott leaned over her and unzipped a previously unsearched pocket of his backpack. After fishing out his keys, he settled back in his chair and gazed around the table. "Okay, who else is riding with us?"

"Us?" Rogue asked.

Scott nodded. "Well, you're me. If I'm not going to be seen driving my car, I at least need to be seen in the car, right?"

"Oh, yeah." Rogue smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

"So, I can fit two more in the back," Scott offered.

"I think I should catch a ride with you," Evan said. "I'm still getting used to walking on Kurt's feet." He watched in dismay as his fork fell to the floor. "And using his hands. Man, three fingers are two too few!"

"And five are two too many," Kurt answered, staring at Kitty's hands. "What am I supposed to do with these extras?"

"I hate to interrupt," Jean said, "but it's getting late. We should be going."

"Right. Who else wants a ride?"

"I do!" Kitty volunteered.

"You're not gonna cruise into school on my skateboard? You're supposed to be acting like me."

"Evan, if I tried to ride your skateboard, like, nobody would believe I was you. Especially after I broke my neck."

"Oh, right." He nodded. "Okay, well, I don't want you ruining my rep as a totally thrashin' skateboarder."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Scott stood and picked up Jean's backpack. There was a racket as everyone finished up and pushed their chairs back. The kids were on their way out of the kitchen when Logan stood and cleared his throat. They turned and looked at him inquisitively.

"Aren't you kids forgetting something?" He drew a finger around his throat.

"Oh! The nametags!" Kitty exclaimed.

"That's right, Porcupine."

"I'm not Porcupine; I'm Half-Pint!"

"And that's why you need the nametags." Logan shrugged. "But not outside the Institute. Take 'em off."

The kids obeyed, shoving the nametags into pockets and backpacks. That done, they continued on their way out of the mansion.

"Have a good day. Just do the best you can!" Professor Xavier called to their retreating backs.

Logan reclaimed his seat and speared a slice of bacon. "You really think you should've let them go to school like that, Chuck?"

"I'm sure they'll be fine," Xavier said. He was silent for a moment, then added quietly, "At least I hope so."





to be continued . . . .