A/N: Okay, here's the quick rundown for this chapter:

KURT is now in Toad's body

TOAD is now in Kitty's body

LANCE is now in Kurt's body

EVAN is now in Lance's body

Everyone else is the same as before: KITTY is in Evan; SCOTT is in Jean; JEAN is in Rogue; ROGUE is in Scott. Enjoy!

*******

Chapter 5: "A Half-Mile In Your Shoes"



"Okay, wait. So, what you're telling me is, neither one of you is really Kitty?"

Kurt sighed. It was the third time Lance had asked that question. Quite frankly, it was starting to get on his nerves. "That's right. Neither one of us is really Kitty. Sorry to disappoint you."

"So who've I been flirting with today?"

"Me. Kurt."

"Ew!" A horrified look crossed his face. "Great. First I was flirting with you, now I'm stuck in your body?" Lance turned and glared at Toad. "Why couldn't I have ended up wearing Kitty's body? This sucks!"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Trust me, being Kitty isn't as much fun as you might think."

"No kiddin, yo. Man, what'd you do, punch her in the face?" Toad rubbed at Kitty's black eye.

It had taken a while, but Kurt and Evan had managed to explain the situation, or at least as much as they understood about it. They got the feeling that Lance and Toad wouldn't have believed a word of it if it hadn't happened to them. When everything had been laid out for them, Lance and Toad's first impulse was to chase after Amanda and force her to switch them back. Fortunately, Kurt managed to talk them out of it by pointing out that every time they backed Amanda into a corner, bad things happened.

Now, they were still sitting on the sidewalk trying to get their bearings and figure out what came next. At least, three of them were. Toad wasn't paying much attention. A few minutes earlier, he'd taken to staring with great interest at Kitty's chest.

"So now what're we supposed to do?" Lance demanded of Kurt. "I don't wanna be stuck as you forever."

"What, you think I'm enjoying being Toad?"

"Huh?" Toad finally looked up from his chest when he heard his name. It took a second for Kurt's words to work their way from his ears to his brain. When they did, he frowned. "Hey, what's wrong with being me?"

"You must be joking. For one thing, I've got slime in unmentionable places. I smell like the bottom of an aquarium. And I've suddenly developed this weird craving for flies."

"So?"

Kurt shook his head. "Forget it."

"Hello? Did you hear what I said?" Lance waved a hand in the air. "What do we do now?"

"We all have to go back to the Institute and wait for Professor Xavier to figure out how to fix this," Evan said.

"No way."

"Oh, yeah? So what would you suggest, Alvers?"

"I suggest you and Fuzzy go running back to Baldie. Me and Toad will take care of ourselves."

"Really? You planning on going back to the Brotherhood House?" Evan asked.

"Yeah. So?"

Kurt snorted. "You think they'll let you guys in? They'll think you're Kitty and Kurt, and even if you tried to explain things to them, do you think Fred and Pietro are going to believe you? I don't think so."

"Well, we're not gonna go crawling to the professor with the two of you! C'mon, Toad!" Lance jumped to his feet and immediately pitched forward, off balance. As he fell, Kurt leaped up and reached out to steady him. When he was sure he could keep his balance, Lance pulled away from him. "I don't need any help from you!"

"Well, I wasn't trying to help you. I just wanted to make sure you didn't break one of my legs or something."

"You wouldn't have to worry about that if your feet weren't so weird!" Lance took a few experimental steps toward the end of the sidewalk. "Man, this is torture. How do you walk on these things?"

"Yo, you're in Blue-Boy. Why bother walkin at all? You could just pop over to wherever you wanna go," Toad pointed out.

"Hey, yeah!"

"No!" Kurt and Evan yelled in unison.

"Don't tell me what to do! I don't have to listen to you X-geeks!"

"Yes you do, unless you want to be stuck as me for the rest of your life. I don't think you want that. Or Toad. Toad, do you really want to be Kitty for the rest of your life? Cuz that's what's gonna happen if you guys run off," Kurt said.

Lance stopped to consider Kurt's words while Toad stared down at Kitty's body and said, "Actually, ya know, this ain't so bad."

"Shut up, Toad!" Lance hissed. Maybe being Kitty wasn't too bad, but the thought of being the blue-furred freak for the rest of his life terrified him! Besides, he wanted Kitty back in her own body. It was sort of creepy to look at her and know it was Toad in there.

"What? It ain't so bad, that's all I'm sayin. Kitty smells real nice, yo. I didn't know girls smelled this good."

"That's because no girl has ever let you get close enough to smell her." Lance sighed and glared at Kurt. "Okay, fine. We'll go back to the Institute with you and wait for Xavier to come up with a solution. But as soon as we're switched back, we're outta there! Happy?"

"Thrilled. Let's go."

"Fine."

"Fine."



X X X X X X X



Outside the doors of the mansion, the group stopped. Kurt took a deep breath. "Wait. Before we go in . . ."

"What?" Evan asked.

Kurt didn't respond. Instead, he grabbed Toad, turned him around, and reached into Kitty's backpack.

"Hey, what're you doin? Let go 'a me!"

"Hold still! I'm looking for something." Kurt rummaged through the backpack until he recovered his nametag. He slipped the nametag necklace over his head and glanced at Evan.

"Oh! Good idea." Evan turned to Lance.

"Uh, here." Lance slid the backpack off his shoulders and held it out for Evan to dig through, then took it back when the nametag had been located.

Everybody looked to the door, then looked around at one another, then looked back to the door. They all had their own reasons for not being too eager to go inside just yet. Finally, because the silence was starting to get to him a bit, Evan shrugged and nervously said, "So, I, uh, guess we're the first ones home, huh?"

Lance checked Kurt's watch. "Probably, since school only let out two minutes ago, genius." He continued to stare at the watch curiously. "Hey, what does this button do?"

"No! Don't touch tha -"

Before the last word had left Kurt's mouth, Lance pressed the button in question. The holographic visage around him fizzled and vanished. He looked down at himself and blinked at the blue fur covering his body. He raised his hands and took in the fact that they each had only three fingers. "Oh."

"That button," Kurt said quietly, "turns off my image inducer."

"Oh," Lance repeated.

"At least we weren't out in the open when you did that," Kurt muttered.

"Hey, I didn't know! It's not like these buttons are labeled or anything!"

"So you always run around pressing unlabeled buttons?" Kurt shook his head. "Oh, look who I'm asking! You probably do! Nevermind."

"Man, I'm glad he's not in my body," Evan commented.

"C'mon, it's not my -"

At that moment, the front door opened. Lance stopped in the middle of his protest. All four boys turned to the door, where Logan stood giving them a level stare.

"Were you kids planning on coming in, or were you gonna stand out here yelling all afternoon?" He didn't wait for a reply. Pointing at Kurt and Evan, he narrowed his eyes. "What are these two doing here?"

Evan nudged Kurt. "Dude, the nametags were his idea and now he's not even bothering to read them?"

Kurt nodded. "I know how this looks, but I'm not really Toad and that's not really Lance. See?" He held up his nametag and smiled hopefully.

"Nuh-uh! He's lyin! He really is Toad, yo!" Toad exclaimed gleefully. "He just wants in so he can go mess up all the X-ge - uh, X-Men stuff!"

"Nice try." Logan raised an eyebrow and stepped aside, holding the door open. "Get in here, all of you. We'll let the prof straighten this out."

"Idiot!" Lance hissed to Toad.

"What? What'd I do?"

Inside the mansion, the boys made their way through the foyer. Logan followed close behind, keeping an eye on them. In the front room, Ororo looked up curiously as the group passed.

"Hey, Auntie O!" Evan called. "How was your vacation?"

"Uh, fine . . . Lance." She shot an inquisitive look at Logan.

"That's Evan."

"But I thought -"

Logan held up a hand to silence her. "You know that really long story Chuck and I just finished telling you?"

Ororo nodded.

"Well, it looks like someone just added a new chapter to it."



X X X X X X X



After the adults sat them down in the professor's study, the boys explained what had happened outside the school. In the middle of their explanation, Logan busied himself making two more nametags. Without so much as a word, he dropped the finished products over Lance and Toad's heads and gave them a look as if daring them to complain about it. They scowled but remained silent.

By the time the explanation was finished, the rest of the X-Men were arriving home from school. The front door slammed shut and several footsteps pounded up the stairs. Scott's voice shouted, "Hello? Is anyone here?"

Ororo walked to the doorway and called, "We're in here!"

As the footsteps came closer, Kurt panicked. "Oh, no, is Kitty out there? Hide me, quick!"

Too late. Scott, Rogue, and Kitty walked into the study and stopped dead in their tracks when they saw who was sitting on the couch.

"What are they doing here?" Kitty asked.

"Here we go again," Evan muttered.

"Perhaps we should wait for Jean before we go through this again," Professor Xavier suggested.

"But she's right there!" Lance pointed at Scott.

Kurt kicked him at the same moment Scott squinted at him. "What's the matter, Evan? You already forgot who's who?"

The professor raised an eyebrow. "Scott, I believe it would be a good idea for all of you to put your nametags back on. There's been another incident. That is no longer Evan."

"Oh. So who is it?" From his position, Scott couldn't see their nametags, but he didn't have a good feeling as he slipped his own tag over his head.

"What's the matter, Summers, you can't read?" Lance turned and held his tag aloft, enjoying himself for the first time since all this had begun.

Kitty froze with her nametag halfway over her head. "Wait a minute. You're Lance?"

"Yup."

A horrible sinking feeling filled the pit of her stomach. "Who is in my body? Please tell me it's still Kurt. It is still Kurt, right?"

"Hey, you're Kitty? You mean you've been in Daniels all day?" Lance asked. He ran the day over in his mind, trying to remember if he'd said anything insulting to "Evan".

Kitty ignored him. She circled around the couch until she was facing her own body. After a quick glance at the nametag, she closed her eyes and counted to ten, feeling the blood drain from her face. She slowly opened her eyes and said very calmly and quietly, "Toad. Toad is in my body. You're really Toad?"

"Yeah." He grinned up at her. "Hey, your skin is really soft an' stuff. Do you use moisturizer or sumthin?"

Kitty blinked at him a few times, her face growing paler with every passing second. "Excuse me a moment."

She turned and walked from the room as if in a trance. The rest of the group heard a door slam somewhere not too far down the hall. A split second after that, the silence was shattered by a long, shrill scream and several thumping and crashing noises.

Kurt smiled nervously. "Well, she took it better than I expected."

"Wow. I didn't know my voice could hit that high a note," Evan said in wonder.

Before anyone could comment any further, Kitty stomped back into the study. She stopped in front of Kurt and Evan's couch and put her hands on her hips. Glaring at them, she demanded, "All right, which one of you is Kurt?"

Kurt slapped his hand over his nametag and pointed at Evan. Evan pointed back at Kurt. Together they chorused, "He is!"

Unfortunately for Kurt, Kitty zeroed in on him right away. She switched her glare back and forth between him and Toad. "And which one of you gave me that black eye?"

"He did!" Toad pointed. "He told me he punched you in the face!"

"What?!" Kurt's jaw dropped. "I did not! It was a volleyball accident in gym class."

"Gym class?! You went to my gym class? Were you in the girls' locker room?"

"Uh . . ." Kurt glanced around the room, wishing someone would step in before he said something that would really get him in trouble. With every word out of his mouth, he seemed to be digging his grave deeper and deeper. "Yeah, but I kept my eyes shut the whole time."

"Why didn't you tell the coach you were sick?"

"I did! I told her I was having, uh . . ." Oh, why wouldn't someone shut him up?! "Well, you know, troubles, and she said it was the third time this month that you'd complained of, well . . . that kind of thing . . ."

Kitty closed her eyes and counted to ten again. When she looked back at Kurt, there was raw murder in her eyes. Very softly she said, "You told her what now?"

Kurt's eyes widened. Well, that had certainly been the wrong thing to say! He just hoped his funeral would be a nice one. Against his better judgment, he opened his mouth again. "The only reason I had to tell her that was because she spotted me before I could sneak out of the gym!"

That wasn't the brightest thing to say, either.

"Excuse me?" Kitty's hands clenched into fists. "You tried to ditch my gym class?"

"Uh, well . . ."

Luckily for Kurt, Evan chose that moment to get involved. "So? You tried to ditch my chem lab."

"And you flunked Kurt's history quiz!" Kitty shot back. "So what?"

"You flunked my history quiz?"

Toad nudged Lance. "Hey, this is startin ta get good, yo!"

"Children, children!" Professor Xavier called. "Now is not the time for the pointing of fingers. I'm sure all of you did some things today that you don't want to admit -"

Rogue began to cough violently. She leaned over and pounded herself on the chest.

"Are you all right?" Scott asked.

"Yeah. Fine," she managed to choke out.

"As I was saying," the professor continued after giving Rogue a wise look, "I'm sure some things happened to all of you today that you don't feel like sharing, and now is not the time for it, anyhow. What we need to do now is -"

Suddenly Scott whirled around to face Rogue again. His jaw dropped open. "You did what to me?! What happened to the whole thing about not peeking and respecting the person whose body you're in? That was all your idea, remember?"

"Not peeking?" Toad snickered. "Man, what losers!"

"Well, what happened to not using any powers?" Rogue demanded. "Why were you poking around in my mind?"

"I wasn't! You were broadcasting that thought so loudly I'm surprised these guys couldn't pick up on it. I couldn't help but overhear it!"

"I knew you shouldn't have let them out of the house today, Chuck." Logan gestured around the room. "See what happens?"

"Yes. Thank you, Logan."

"Wait a minute," Kitty piped up. "What did Rogue do to you, Scott?"

Rogue and Scott both turned red. "Nevermind," they chorused.

"I don't get it." Kitty frowned. "Does this have anything to do with you talking to yourself in the bathroom mirror at school?"

"No. Forget it."

"But -"

"I said forget it!"

Lance leaned over and whispered to Toad, "You're right. This really is getting good!"

"Hey, while we're all, like, airin complaints an' everything, I got sumthin to say, too," Toad announced.

Xavier rubbed his forehead. "Yes, Todd?"

"See, that's it right there! My name is Todd, but he -" he pointed at Logan "- wrote 'Toad' on that nametag thingie. It's kinda insulting, ya know?"

"You don't like being called Toad?" Lance asked, truly puzzled.

"Not all the time. An' not by him!" He pointed at Logan again.

"That's your big complaint?" Kitty exclaimed incredulously. "Excuse me, but I think my complaints are, like, a little more serious."

That declaration began a war of complaints. Everyone in the group considered their own situation more important than everyone else's. While every voice was raised to be heard over every other voice, Toad gave up on voicing his complaints. There were too many people all yelling at once, and it didn't seem that anyone much cared what he had to say, anyhow. Instead, he decided he could solve his own problem, or at least part of it. Turning around, he grabbed a marker pen off the desk behind him. He flipped the nametag around so he could see it and studiously drew a line up from the "a" in "Toad" to change it to a "d". That done, he smiled at his handiwork, pleased with himself.

The bickering was still going strong when a pair of footsteps pounded up the stairs. A few seconds later, Jean appeared in the doorway. Nobody took much notice of her except Rogue, who walked over and inspected her closely. "How did you get home?"

Jean stared into the study in disbelief. "What? Oh, I got a ride from your friend Risty. There's something a little odd about her, don't you think?"

Rogue shrugged.

Jean indicated the scene in the study. "What's going on in here?"

"It's a long story. By the way, you might want to put your nametag back on. Wolverine's been getting a little fanatical about the nametags."

"I see." Jean slipped the string necklace over her head and perched on the edge of a desk chair.

The professor was attempting to gain control of the situation. He held up his hands and called, "If I could just have everybody's attention, please!"

They continued to ignore him.

He was preparing to send out a telepathic burst when Logan stood and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let me handle this, Chuck."

With that, Logan straightened up and clenched his fists. His claws sprang out of his hands with a distinct metallic ringing sound. He glanced around the room, smiling to himself when his eyes landed on the object he sought. Three long strides brought him around the desk, where he reached out with one hand to steady the chalkboard. With the other, he reached up and scraped his claws down the length of the chalkboard.

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing. Hands clapped over ears in hopes of blocking out the horrible squealing noise. Certain he had everybody's attention now, Logan strolled around to the other side of the desk and leaned against it. "Floor's all yours, Charles."

"Thank you." Xavier gingerly touched his ear. "First of all, I'd like to explain to Jean what has happened."

"It's okay, Professor." Jean shook her head. "I think I can guess what happened. I see the nametags. There was another encounter with Amanda Jensen, wasn't there?"

"Yes, there was -"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Lance interrupted. "How do we fix this?"

"I was getting to that." Xavier frowned. "I will use Cerebro to locate Amanda, then -"

"Then what?" Lance demanded. "Sit down and have a nice little heart-to-heart with her?"

"Yeah, cuz that worked so very well last time," Kurt muttered, trying to wipe slime from his hands.

"Look, the girl I saw didn't seem interested in fixing what she's done. She didn't seem interested in anything but wreaking havoc and running," Lance said. Actually, if he hadn't been on the receiving end of it, he would have said she had the perfect Brotherhood mentality.

The professor sighed. "No, I do not intend to have a heart-to-heart with her. This time, Storm and I will go along. I can telepathically prevent Amanda from using her powers."

"And then you're gonna club her over the head and drag her back here?" Lance asked hopefully.

"In effect, yes, although without the physical violence. Scott, Jean, Kitty, and Rogue, I'd like the four of you to get ready. We'll be leaving as soon as I consult Cerebro."

"Hey, what about us?" Evan indicated himself and Kurt.

"And us?" Lance asked. "What, me and Toad have to stay here at the geek mansion?"

"I believe it would be best for you boys to stay here where you won't get into any more trouble than you already have. And to make certain you stay out of trouble, Wolverine is going to stay here to keep an eye on you."

"I am? Charles, I think you and I need to have a little talk," Logan growled.

"Wolverine is baby-sitting you guys?" Kitty giggled. "Have fun."

Professor Xavier wheeled himself toward the door with no further comment. Ororo followed him, pausing at the door to give Logan an apologetic look. One by one, Kitty, Rogue, Scott, and Jean also left the study. They were halfway down the hall to their rooms when the phone rang.

Scott stopped and picked up the receiver in the hall. After listening for a moment, he put a hand over the mouthpiece and turned to Kitty. "It's your parents."

"Okay." Kitty held out her hand.

"Uh, Kitty? You can't talk to them while you're Evan. Maybe I should tell them to call back later?"

"Like when? What if this is permanent? They can't think anything is wrong right now! No, they want to talk to Kitty, they'll talk to Kitty. I'll have to go get -" she shuddered "- Toad."

She ran back to the study and returned a few seconds later dragging Toad behind her. Grabbing the phone from Scott, she shoved it at Toad and hissed, "You say anything stupid and I swear I'll strangle you."

He ignored her and took the receiver. "Yo, mom an' pops, how's it goin?"

Kitty groaned, already regretting allowing Toad to speak to her parents. Scott shook his head and gave her a rueful smile. "Good luck," he whispered before continuing on down the hall.

On the phone, Toad was nodding. "Yeah, I'm fine . . . School? Okay, I guess. Well, ya know, except for that 'F' I got on my math test last week, but it only counts for half my final grade or sumthin like that, I really wasn't payin attention . . ."

Kitty kicked him.

"Ow!" He leaned down and rubbed his leg. "Huh?" he said into the phone. "Uh, nothing . . . 'F'? Did I say 'F'? . . . Oh. Well, no, I meant, uh, well, I dunno what I meant. Not 'F', anyways . . . Yeah, I'm feelin okay. Why do ya keep askin me that? . . . My friends? Yeah, they're okay. Today me an' Lance trashed the boys' room at school . . ."

"Knock it off, Toad!" Kitty hissed.

Toad grinned and moved out of kicking range, really starting to enjoy himself. "What? . . . Yeah, you heard me right . . . Lance Alvers, yeah . . . Oh, you remember him? Cool . . . Nah, he's awright. Actually, he's more than that. I'm in love with him. In fact, we're gonna elope on Valentine's Day . . ." Toad suddenly winced and pulled the phone away from his ear. He looked at Kitty, whose face had turned a very interesting shade of purple. "Wow, your parents sure can yell loud."

Kitty focused all her energy on holding back the barrage of spikes which threatened to break loose any second now. Through the red haze clouding her mind, a possible save for the situation occurred to her. She cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted toward the phone, "Kitty! What are you doing on the phone? You shouldn't be out of bed with such a high fever!"

"Huh?"

"Hang up now!" Kitty grated.

"Okay, okay." Toad looked at the phone. "Bye, mom an' pops!"

The instant the receiver was back in its cradle, Kitty grabbed Toad by the back of the neck and steered him down the hall to the study. At the door, she released him and shot evil eyes his way. "I swear, the second you're back in your own slimy little body, I'm totally gonna kill you! Do you hear me? You are so dead!"

Toad watched her stomp toward her room, then he turned to face the study. He shrugged in response to the looks on the others' faces. "Was it sumthin I said?"







to be continued . . .