Don't Drink And Drive, Duo

            Duo steps on stage wearing an all-black version of Noin's cowboy outfit, complete with chaps and a ten-gallon hat. He unhitches his rope from his belt and twirls it. The lasso flies off stage and Duo pulls. The camera pans out to show he's roped the end of a Leo's beam rifle.

            "Kuso…" he utters and runs like Hell. The Leo chases him. He ducks into a fox hole and the OZ suit beeps confusedly a few times before stomping away.

            It turns out the fox hole was really a tunnel leading into an underground safe house. Duo pops up in front of the camera again with a big goofy grin on his face. The camera drops to his pants and a loud WHAP! is heard.

            "*snicker* Sorry." The camera moves up and pans out to show Duo in what looks like a bar. He sits down on a stool, grabs a mug of beer, and spins around, still smiling.

            "Duo does a lot of stupid shit, but he doesn't drink and drive," says the girl holding the camera. Duo sticks out his tongue and the voice flips him off.

            "Actually…" The voice rewinds the camera to a series of clips where Duo is stomping around in Deathscythe, laughing his head off and knocking back margaritas.

            "DUET!" Duo yells and the camera crashes to the floor.

Don't Drive At All, Duo

            The camera zooms in from the air on a red convertible speeding down the PCH. When it gets close enough, we see Duo is behind the wheel while Duet, Hilde, Relena, and Sylvia are standing up and dancing in the other seats. Duo taps out a rhythm on the steering wheel and peers at the road over his sunglasses. Duet and Relena fall into his lap, making out, and he, in surprise, lets go of the wheel. The car swerves wildly and rear-ends a policeman, getting stuck on the bumper.

            "…shit…" the braided boy gasps and floors the gas. The convertible shoots over the police car and lands in front of it. He then slams on the brakes, whirls a one-eighty, and speeds down the highway in the wrong direction. Duet and Relena sit up, blink a few times, shrug and take their kissing to the passenger seat.

            By now the police have called in the air force and Duo has caused more than a few accidents.

            The camera pans out again, passing stealth jets and helicopters. "Friends don't let friends drive if they're friends with Duo."

            A loud screech is heard, followed by the cocking of countless guns. "Let's see your license."

            "Eh-heh…"