Trading Spaces
Chapter One: The Taking of the Quiz (that Sam did not steal)
Sam clicked the final "NEXT" button and rubbed his hands, waiting anxiously for the results. They appeared on his screen and Sam's mouth slowly formed into the 'O' shape of disbelief.
"This is a piece of....I can't believe it...so untrue..." Sam raved to himself, " 'You are most like Communications Director Toby Ziegler' my a-" but he stopped suddenly as a blur of pink zoomed past his face. It hit the wall and soared back the the hand of its owner.
"I decided that would be the best place to cut you off," Toby said casually, leaning on the doorframe of Sam's open office, fingering his
"Exactly how long have you been standing there?" Sam asked, closing off the website quickly and not making eye contact with his boss.
Toby shrugged, tossing the ball up lightly and catching it, "Well I was going to come in and ask you how CJ's briefing notes were coming along, but that look of determination and excitment I saw on your face couldn't have been what you were typing up for her so I decided to stay and see what it was all about."
"This isn't good," Sam muttered, trying to busy himself by rearranging papers on his desk.
"Am I really that bad?" Toby asked, grinning at Sam who still wasn't making eye contact, knowing that Sam thought he, Toby, was actually upset.
"No," Sam said hurridly," I just...didn't really think... I was much like you."
"That's a pity," Toby said and spun out of the doorway. He popped his head back inside a second later though, asking, "What's that website?"
******************************************************************************************
Coming out of her briefing, CJ almost ran over Toby, who was acting unusually laid back and perky. Walking down the hall together, CJ caught wind of Toby's air of importance and asked,"What's up with you today?"
Looking straight ahead and putting on a cocky smile, Toby responded,"I just took Sam's quiz."
"Sam's quiz?"
"Yeah," Toby said, smiling in that weird way again.
"Sam has a quiz?" CJ asked, competely lost.
"Well, no, HE deosn't really OWN it," Toby tried to explain, as they turned into the Bullpen.
CJ had had a hard day, and was tired of trying to make sense of things, "So Sam STOLE the quiz?"
Josh chose that moment to walk in the busy office and, hearing CJ, said,"Sam stole something?"
"Apparently, a quiz," CJ said.
"Sam stole a quiz?" Josh asked, bewildered.
"From where though?" CJ pondered.
Toby, humoring himself, said seriously,"I think it was from 8th grade math class."
"Sam's stealing 8th grade math quizzes?" Josh asked, totally wide eyed.
Toby leaned back against a file cabinet and watched the two brew up a story on why Sam stole the quiz. After letting it go on for a while until Josh suggested that Sam failed math class, Toby stepped in and decided to stop the madness.
"Ok, first thing. Sam DID NOT fail or STEAL any 8th grade math quizzes," Toby said, slightly annoyed that he would have to explain this to CJ and Josh of all people.
"Secondly," he continued,"I was talking to CJ in the first place." He glared at Josh. Josh backed away apologetically, but lingered by the Ginger's desk to listen to what Toby was going to tell her.
"I just took a quiz Sam showed me on the net. It tells you which position you'd be best for in the West Wing," Toby said.
"So who are you?" CJ asked.
Toby grinned and glanced at Josh, who was also waiting for the response.
"Deputy Cheif of Staff."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"JOSH!?" Donna said impatiently.
"Yeah?" Josh asked, typing and clicking rapidly on his computer.
"What are you doing?"
Josh looked up, "You had to yell at me to ask me what I was doing?"
Donna threw her hands down to her sides in disgust and rolled her eyes, "No, I had to yell at you because I've been standing here trying to get your attention for the past two minutes."
Josh went back to his computer,"Well then you aren't doing a very good job of getting my attention."
Donna turned around and headed for the door,"No, you just aren't doing a very good job listening."
As she reached the doorway, Josh said,"A West Wing job quiz."
Donna turned around,"Excuse me?"
Josh indicated to the computer screen with his hand,"That's what I am doing, a West Wing job quiz. It tells you what job would be best for you in the West Wing."
Donna was staring at Josh blankly, "Josh, you already work in the West Wing."
"Yes, but I want to see what the dot-commers think I should be," Josh said wisely.
Donna folded her arms as Josh's results appeared on the screen. "So, what do they think?"
Josh stopped smiling, remembering the past experiences he had with this job. "My God, I'm the Press Secretary."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Leo!"
Leo turned around, he was just leaving his office. "Good afternoon, Mr. President."
President Bartlet set aside the small talk and said to Leo desperatley,"Leo, I just took that quiz Josh was talking about."
Leo stared at his friend, "And?"
Bartlet, wide eyed, went on to say,"Well they told me I would be best as the Deputy-Deputy Chief of Staff."
It took a split second for Leo to absorb this, and he gave the President his famous 'Leo look' and said,"Sir, you'd be best as Donna?"
"That's what that damned quiz said," the president said.
"Sir, it is just a..." Leo began but the Bartlet cut in.
"Has anyone else taken this quiz besides Josh?" he asked.
Leo stopped to think, "Yeah, Toby told me about it, and he said he heard it from Sam."
Bartlet started to sing "Heard It Through the Grapevine" softly, but then said to Leo,"Have you taken it yet?"
"No, sir."
"Take it," Bartlet instructed, "and tell everyone else on the Senior Staff that hasn't yet to take it, too."
Leo looked at the president carefully,"Sir, it is just a quiz. It's not real life, ya know."
Bartlet nodded,"I know."
Leo turned around to leave as Barlet said behind him,"I want everyone in the Oval Office by 3:00."
"Yes, sir."
"You know who I mean by everyone, right?" Bartlet asked.
"Yes, sir."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
By two o'clock that afternoon, the Senior Staff had all caught wind of "Sam's Quiz" and everyone was going to set aside 5 minutes of their day to take it. By three o'clock, everyone was someone else.
CJ was the last one to take the quiz, after having numerous press briefings and no spare time. She was just beginning to take it when Donna walked in, looking like she had seen a ghost.
"Hey, CJ, are you taking that quiz?" Donna asked.
"Yeah, I am right now," CJ asked, putting on her glasses.
"Well, I think its a little messed up," Donna advised.
"Why? What did you get, Janitor of the Mess Hall?" CJ asked, chuckling.
"No, actually, I am the President of the United States."
There was a moment of silence as CJ stared at Donna, as if sizing her up.
"That's good," CJ finally said, looking slightly relieved, "I'm glad it wasn't Josh, his ego would have sky rocketed. Of course, if that feat is possible."
Donna laughed shortly and nervously.
"Oh, Donna, don't worry about it. I mean, what's going to happen? We're not all going to trade jobs or anything," CJ said reassuringly.
There was something about the look that Donna gave her that made CJ's eyes widen and jaw drop.
"We ARE switching places?? Are you KIDDING?" she asked, shocked.
"Well," Donna started, looking nervous again,"the President wants the Senior Staff, plus Charlie and myself, to meet him in the Oval Office at 3:00. From what Josh tells me, the President has been ranting about his score all day. I don't think that this is a coincidince."
CJ nodded to Donna as her results appeared.
"Sweet Mother of..." she said softly. Then to Donna: "This would be great if we do switch places, ya know."
"Why? Are you yourself?" Donna asked.
CJ made a 'tsking' sound and said,"Why would that be great?"
"Then who are you?"
"I am your Chief of Staff, ma'am," CJ said, saluting Donna.
"You're Leo?" Donna asked, her suprised mouth forming into a grin.
"Apparently so," CJ said, leaning back in her chair and taking her glasses off.
"This is great," Donna said, grinning even bigger.
"Told ya."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Leo was pacing around the Oval Office at 2:58 pm, waiting for the others to arrive.
Charlie appeared at the door, "Leo, I don't think the president would mind you sitting down."
"I know," Leo said distractedly.
"Charlie, what do you do exactly?" Leo asked after a moment's silence.
"Excuse me?" Charlie asked.
"I mean, do you do more than help the president put his jacket on and chueffer in guests?"
Charlie looked at Leo for a minute. Then he said softly,"You got me didn't you?"
Leo started pacing again. Then, he stopped and looked at Charlie,"Yeah, I did."
The other staff members started to arrive and Charlie said to Leo,"If you want the complete description of my job, ask me when you have about an hours time on your hands."
Everybody except for CJ, Donna, and the president had arrived and made themselves comfertable.
Suddenly, the Oval Office doors swung open. Everyone stood up, expecting President Josiah Bartlet.
Instead, in came President Donnatella Moss flanked by her Chief of Staff Claudia Jean Cregg.
"What now?" Donna whispered to CJ.
"Just take a seat," CJ said out of the corner of her mouth.
"Oh, it's just Donna and CJ," Josh said, sitting back down.
"Beg your pardon?" CJ said, shooting Josh a look of pure resentment.
"I said its just--" Josh began, but stopped. "Oh," he said, after pausing for a moment,"let me guess, you are the President and Donna is the Personal Assistant."
"No, actually, I am the Chief of Staff and Donna is the President," CJ said smugly.
Everyone in the room, except for CJ, looked at Donna in suprise. She waved at them slightly and smiled. The doors opposite the ones Donna and CJ came in burst open, the REAL president storming in. Everyone stood up and then sat down again when he did.
"I asked all of you to be here today in light of recent events," the President began, "According to the quizzes you all took today, your jobs should be the following." He took a paper from Charlie, slipped on his glasses, cleared his throat and read out," Personal Assistant to the President: Leo McGarry, Head Assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff:," he clenched his jaw," Jed Bartlet, Press Secretary: Josh Lyman, Deputy Communications Director: Charlie Young, Communications Director: Sam Seaborn, Deputy Chief of Staff: Toby Ziegler, Chief of Staff: CJ Cregg, and the President of the United States," he peered at Donna over the rim of his glasses, "Donna Moss."
"Because of these results, I have decided that on this approaching Friday, we will handle, opperate, and fulfill the jobs assigned to us. You are dismissed," Bartlet concluded.
"Thank you, Mr. President," was the choral response as everyone headed towards the door.
"Toby," the president said. Toby stopped at the door and went back to the president.
"Toby, when I become your deputy on Friday, you must understand I am no longer the President of the United States," Bartlet said, putting the paper on his desk.
"Yes, sir," Toby said softly.
"This means we will be on...first name terms," Bartlet said, looking up at Toby from his desk.
"I know, sir," Toby said, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Ok, just making sure we are clear on that," Bartlet said.
"Crystal," Toby muttered, and said 'thank you' before leaving.
END CHAPTER ONE
Chapter One: The Taking of the Quiz (that Sam did not steal)
Sam clicked the final "NEXT" button and rubbed his hands, waiting anxiously for the results. They appeared on his screen and Sam's mouth slowly formed into the 'O' shape of disbelief.
"This is a piece of....I can't believe it...so untrue..." Sam raved to himself, " 'You are most like Communications Director Toby Ziegler' my a-" but he stopped suddenly as a blur of pink zoomed past his face. It hit the wall and soared back the the hand of its owner.
"I decided that would be the best place to cut you off," Toby said casually, leaning on the doorframe of Sam's open office, fingering his
"Exactly how long have you been standing there?" Sam asked, closing off the website quickly and not making eye contact with his boss.
Toby shrugged, tossing the ball up lightly and catching it, "Well I was going to come in and ask you how CJ's briefing notes were coming along, but that look of determination and excitment I saw on your face couldn't have been what you were typing up for her so I decided to stay and see what it was all about."
"This isn't good," Sam muttered, trying to busy himself by rearranging papers on his desk.
"Am I really that bad?" Toby asked, grinning at Sam who still wasn't making eye contact, knowing that Sam thought he, Toby, was actually upset.
"No," Sam said hurridly," I just...didn't really think... I was much like you."
"That's a pity," Toby said and spun out of the doorway. He popped his head back inside a second later though, asking, "What's that website?"
******************************************************************************************
Coming out of her briefing, CJ almost ran over Toby, who was acting unusually laid back and perky. Walking down the hall together, CJ caught wind of Toby's air of importance and asked,"What's up with you today?"
Looking straight ahead and putting on a cocky smile, Toby responded,"I just took Sam's quiz."
"Sam's quiz?"
"Yeah," Toby said, smiling in that weird way again.
"Sam has a quiz?" CJ asked, competely lost.
"Well, no, HE deosn't really OWN it," Toby tried to explain, as they turned into the Bullpen.
CJ had had a hard day, and was tired of trying to make sense of things, "So Sam STOLE the quiz?"
Josh chose that moment to walk in the busy office and, hearing CJ, said,"Sam stole something?"
"Apparently, a quiz," CJ said.
"Sam stole a quiz?" Josh asked, bewildered.
"From where though?" CJ pondered.
Toby, humoring himself, said seriously,"I think it was from 8th grade math class."
"Sam's stealing 8th grade math quizzes?" Josh asked, totally wide eyed.
Toby leaned back against a file cabinet and watched the two brew up a story on why Sam stole the quiz. After letting it go on for a while until Josh suggested that Sam failed math class, Toby stepped in and decided to stop the madness.
"Ok, first thing. Sam DID NOT fail or STEAL any 8th grade math quizzes," Toby said, slightly annoyed that he would have to explain this to CJ and Josh of all people.
"Secondly," he continued,"I was talking to CJ in the first place." He glared at Josh. Josh backed away apologetically, but lingered by the Ginger's desk to listen to what Toby was going to tell her.
"I just took a quiz Sam showed me on the net. It tells you which position you'd be best for in the West Wing," Toby said.
"So who are you?" CJ asked.
Toby grinned and glanced at Josh, who was also waiting for the response.
"Deputy Cheif of Staff."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"JOSH!?" Donna said impatiently.
"Yeah?" Josh asked, typing and clicking rapidly on his computer.
"What are you doing?"
Josh looked up, "You had to yell at me to ask me what I was doing?"
Donna threw her hands down to her sides in disgust and rolled her eyes, "No, I had to yell at you because I've been standing here trying to get your attention for the past two minutes."
Josh went back to his computer,"Well then you aren't doing a very good job of getting my attention."
Donna turned around and headed for the door,"No, you just aren't doing a very good job listening."
As she reached the doorway, Josh said,"A West Wing job quiz."
Donna turned around,"Excuse me?"
Josh indicated to the computer screen with his hand,"That's what I am doing, a West Wing job quiz. It tells you what job would be best for you in the West Wing."
Donna was staring at Josh blankly, "Josh, you already work in the West Wing."
"Yes, but I want to see what the dot-commers think I should be," Josh said wisely.
Donna folded her arms as Josh's results appeared on the screen. "So, what do they think?"
Josh stopped smiling, remembering the past experiences he had with this job. "My God, I'm the Press Secretary."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Leo!"
Leo turned around, he was just leaving his office. "Good afternoon, Mr. President."
President Bartlet set aside the small talk and said to Leo desperatley,"Leo, I just took that quiz Josh was talking about."
Leo stared at his friend, "And?"
Bartlet, wide eyed, went on to say,"Well they told me I would be best as the Deputy-Deputy Chief of Staff."
It took a split second for Leo to absorb this, and he gave the President his famous 'Leo look' and said,"Sir, you'd be best as Donna?"
"That's what that damned quiz said," the president said.
"Sir, it is just a..." Leo began but the Bartlet cut in.
"Has anyone else taken this quiz besides Josh?" he asked.
Leo stopped to think, "Yeah, Toby told me about it, and he said he heard it from Sam."
Bartlet started to sing "Heard It Through the Grapevine" softly, but then said to Leo,"Have you taken it yet?"
"No, sir."
"Take it," Bartlet instructed, "and tell everyone else on the Senior Staff that hasn't yet to take it, too."
Leo looked at the president carefully,"Sir, it is just a quiz. It's not real life, ya know."
Bartlet nodded,"I know."
Leo turned around to leave as Barlet said behind him,"I want everyone in the Oval Office by 3:00."
"Yes, sir."
"You know who I mean by everyone, right?" Bartlet asked.
"Yes, sir."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
By two o'clock that afternoon, the Senior Staff had all caught wind of "Sam's Quiz" and everyone was going to set aside 5 minutes of their day to take it. By three o'clock, everyone was someone else.
CJ was the last one to take the quiz, after having numerous press briefings and no spare time. She was just beginning to take it when Donna walked in, looking like she had seen a ghost.
"Hey, CJ, are you taking that quiz?" Donna asked.
"Yeah, I am right now," CJ asked, putting on her glasses.
"Well, I think its a little messed up," Donna advised.
"Why? What did you get, Janitor of the Mess Hall?" CJ asked, chuckling.
"No, actually, I am the President of the United States."
There was a moment of silence as CJ stared at Donna, as if sizing her up.
"That's good," CJ finally said, looking slightly relieved, "I'm glad it wasn't Josh, his ego would have sky rocketed. Of course, if that feat is possible."
Donna laughed shortly and nervously.
"Oh, Donna, don't worry about it. I mean, what's going to happen? We're not all going to trade jobs or anything," CJ said reassuringly.
There was something about the look that Donna gave her that made CJ's eyes widen and jaw drop.
"We ARE switching places?? Are you KIDDING?" she asked, shocked.
"Well," Donna started, looking nervous again,"the President wants the Senior Staff, plus Charlie and myself, to meet him in the Oval Office at 3:00. From what Josh tells me, the President has been ranting about his score all day. I don't think that this is a coincidince."
CJ nodded to Donna as her results appeared.
"Sweet Mother of..." she said softly. Then to Donna: "This would be great if we do switch places, ya know."
"Why? Are you yourself?" Donna asked.
CJ made a 'tsking' sound and said,"Why would that be great?"
"Then who are you?"
"I am your Chief of Staff, ma'am," CJ said, saluting Donna.
"You're Leo?" Donna asked, her suprised mouth forming into a grin.
"Apparently so," CJ said, leaning back in her chair and taking her glasses off.
"This is great," Donna said, grinning even bigger.
"Told ya."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Leo was pacing around the Oval Office at 2:58 pm, waiting for the others to arrive.
Charlie appeared at the door, "Leo, I don't think the president would mind you sitting down."
"I know," Leo said distractedly.
"Charlie, what do you do exactly?" Leo asked after a moment's silence.
"Excuse me?" Charlie asked.
"I mean, do you do more than help the president put his jacket on and chueffer in guests?"
Charlie looked at Leo for a minute. Then he said softly,"You got me didn't you?"
Leo started pacing again. Then, he stopped and looked at Charlie,"Yeah, I did."
The other staff members started to arrive and Charlie said to Leo,"If you want the complete description of my job, ask me when you have about an hours time on your hands."
Everybody except for CJ, Donna, and the president had arrived and made themselves comfertable.
Suddenly, the Oval Office doors swung open. Everyone stood up, expecting President Josiah Bartlet.
Instead, in came President Donnatella Moss flanked by her Chief of Staff Claudia Jean Cregg.
"What now?" Donna whispered to CJ.
"Just take a seat," CJ said out of the corner of her mouth.
"Oh, it's just Donna and CJ," Josh said, sitting back down.
"Beg your pardon?" CJ said, shooting Josh a look of pure resentment.
"I said its just--" Josh began, but stopped. "Oh," he said, after pausing for a moment,"let me guess, you are the President and Donna is the Personal Assistant."
"No, actually, I am the Chief of Staff and Donna is the President," CJ said smugly.
Everyone in the room, except for CJ, looked at Donna in suprise. She waved at them slightly and smiled. The doors opposite the ones Donna and CJ came in burst open, the REAL president storming in. Everyone stood up and then sat down again when he did.
"I asked all of you to be here today in light of recent events," the President began, "According to the quizzes you all took today, your jobs should be the following." He took a paper from Charlie, slipped on his glasses, cleared his throat and read out," Personal Assistant to the President: Leo McGarry, Head Assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff:," he clenched his jaw," Jed Bartlet, Press Secretary: Josh Lyman, Deputy Communications Director: Charlie Young, Communications Director: Sam Seaborn, Deputy Chief of Staff: Toby Ziegler, Chief of Staff: CJ Cregg, and the President of the United States," he peered at Donna over the rim of his glasses, "Donna Moss."
"Because of these results, I have decided that on this approaching Friday, we will handle, opperate, and fulfill the jobs assigned to us. You are dismissed," Bartlet concluded.
"Thank you, Mr. President," was the choral response as everyone headed towards the door.
"Toby," the president said. Toby stopped at the door and went back to the president.
"Toby, when I become your deputy on Friday, you must understand I am no longer the President of the United States," Bartlet said, putting the paper on his desk.
"Yes, sir," Toby said softly.
"This means we will be on...first name terms," Bartlet said, looking up at Toby from his desk.
"I know, sir," Toby said, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Ok, just making sure we are clear on that," Bartlet said.
"Crystal," Toby muttered, and said 'thank you' before leaving.
END CHAPTER ONE