1 Kind of like Charmed… Only not…
ALYSSA/ walks in, and already Shannon, Holly, and Rose can tell she's in a bad mood… How, you ask? She has a shirt on that says "Kiss my ass"
SHANNON- We could have some fun with that you know Holly…
HOLLY- We could, only it would be really mean, and don't you think Alyssa's gone through enough of your bullshit to last a lifetime?
SHANNON- fine, but it's going to be hilarious, you just wait…
When filming is about to begin for the first episode of LUCKED, we see Alyssa changing pants.
SHANNON-Wait, Alyssa, aren't you going to change your shirt?
ALYSSA- Why would I, the first scene is at Q4
SHANNON- But, but, you have to change shirts… Because if you don't you might… Um…fall.
ALYSSA- I might fall because I'm not wearing the right shirt… OK Shannon… If that's true, I'll EAT my shirt.
The crew is ready and someone shouts "action"
ALYSSA/PHOEBE-Hey Prue, any luck on finding that ass-kicking demon in the Book of Shallows?
PRUE-Not yet, but I'm sure he'll be back before we want him to be anyway… Oh-Phoebe, behind you…
PHOEBE-take this Mr. Ass Kicking demon…
Proceeds to give him Tae Kwan Do kick in the face.
MR. ASS KICKING DEMON- Ouch… Maybe I'll just throw you against the wall, like this…
Proceeds to throw Phoebe into the wall.
They vanquish him, and Phoebe decides she needs to go to the grocery store.
PRUE-Okay, but don't bring any demons home with you…
PHOEBE- But Prue!!!
PRUE- No buts, Phoebe, last time one of them came over, I spent hours trying to pick up the package of Nerds that he knocked over.
PHOEBE- Yeah, well it won't happen again… Anyways, that was Piper's fault, she left the Nerds out where anyone could knock them over…
PRUE-Phoebe, I'm gonna count to three… One…. Two…
PHOEBE- Fine, no demons, dammit…
PRUE- good, now shoo…
We see Phoebe sneaking in later with several guys in dark robes, and nasty looking hands. She peeks in the door…
PHOEBE- Okay, guys, coast is clear, come on…
DEMON #1- nlsdfkhsdlfjljlenlashdflnh
PHOEBE- I know, they must have put the nerds up before we got here….
DEMON #2- asdflkjeossdfpleksdfiwertnasdfpojm
PHOEBE- Umm… the second cabinet from the left… No, no, down one…
We see a demon looking through the cabinets when Cole comes down...
COLE-Hey, bud, long time no see…, I see you're still a demon…
Demon #2 shrugs, and says something, and Cole nods.
COLE- Yeah, I know, there's no escaping them is there?
DEMON #1- vbdfhjklasdnripjseopinn
PHOEBE- Really?
DEMON #1- qwelsdmroienmdms
PHOEBE- Yeah, that's Balthezeor, alright
DEMON #1- mmsklodl
PHOEBE- I know, his human body is much more sexy, huh?
PIPER- Okay, okay, that's enough of that… Cole, remember that thing we had to do?
COLE- Oh, yeah, that thing…
They walk out of the room, and Phoebe and the demons are left with an uncomfortable silence. Phoebe turns to Demon #2
PHOEBE- hey, I think I need some of that alone time stuff.
DEMON #2- namdjsdns
PHOEBE- Yeah, I'll call you if I hear of that sale.
Phoebe goes into the living room. We only see her face as her expression turns to shock.
PHOEBE- COLE!!! How could you?!?!?!?!
COLE- Mmm
We see Piper on top of Cole on the couch, and Phoebe goes over to Piper.
PHOEBE- You know what, I'll forgive you.
PIPER- Really?
PHOEBE- Of course, in a minute.
Leo walks in.
PHOEBE- hey, you, ya know, you never came to my room last night like you said you would.
LEO- What?
Suddenly Phoebe pulls him in for a passionate kiss.
PIPER- Ugh?
PHOEBE- Mmm
Leo is struggling at first, but now he stops, he's into this. They pull away from each other.
LEO- Wow, now I know why you stole Piper's boyfriend in 8th grade.
PHOEBE- I did not!!! Ok, well, no point denying it now
(If you didn't get the boyfriend in 8th grade thing, here ya go,
Piper was in eighth grade, and Phoebe was in sixth.
PHOEBE- Piper, am I a boyfriend stealer?
PIPER (no hesitation)- Yes
PHOEBE- I mean, besides the whole Roger thing, which- by the way, Prue I never TOUCHED him!!!
PIPER- Yes. Billy Wilson in eighth grade.
PHOEBE (going down memory lane)- Billy Will? Billy Wilson?
PIPER- Yes, at homecoming, you made out with him
PHOEBE- I did not, I was helping him look for a contact lens.
PIPER- Yeah, with his hands on your breasts.
PHOEBE- Nu-uh, Piper… Anyways, I didn't even have breasts back then.
PIPER- Phoebe, you've always had boobs, no denying it.
Ok, that's the whole part, so maybe now you get it, and if you don't, what's your damage?)
PIPER- I knew it!!!
Prue walks in.
SHANNON- Hey what are you doing?!?! That's not in the script!
ALYSSA- Duh, but Brian's just so cute.
SHANNON- No shit.
Shannon walks over, and starts kissing Brian/Leo.
PIPER- How did this whole thing get started?
COLE- Well, I took you out, it was a Friday night, I wore cologne, to get the feeling right, we started making out, and you took of my pants-
PHOEBE- Piper, you took his pants off!?!?!
PIPER- Well, yeah.
Lucked pt. 2
Alyssa goes over and acts like she's going to slap Shannon. Shannon winces.
SHANNON- Ahh!
ALYSSA- I'm not going to do anything… I'd probably have to go to one of those anger-management classes… Only idiots go to those, those people are dumb asses
SHANNON- Hey!
ALYSSA- Woops! My bad, I'm so sorry Shannon…
HOLLY- You are?!?!
ALYSSA- Well- no.
SHANNON- Yeah… (at a loss of words)… well, you guys are just- not smart…AND you're stupid!!!
Alyssa fights not to smile, but Shannon doesn't catch it.
DIRECTOR- Girls, girls, let's get to work here, shall we?
ALYSSA- Fine… Where were we?
DIRECTOR- Um, you guys really fucked up that last scene, because you were supposed to be hanging out at a coffee shop, and yet you were sharing your thoughts on each other… But it's okay, we'll just give that clip to E!
SHANNON- hey, my publicist said to be nice on TV
DIRECTOR- Your loss, not mine… You're not even supposed to be here, you quit in, like May
SHANNON- Yeah but I couldn't find a good job
DIRECTOR-What was that?
SHANNON- I couldn't find a good job
DIRECTOR- I'm sorry I didn't catch that…
SHANNON- I couldn't get a damn job, okay?!?!?!
DIRECTOR- Ooh, touchy, touchy, alright, well, just cooperate here, here's the script
Shannon takes the script, and 5 minutes later she comes back, ready to read.
SHANNON- What the hell is this, I'm a GHOST?!?!?!
DIRECTOR- Well, Prue DID die last season, and you ARE still here, wanting a job, so yes, I would have to say that you-Prue-are a ghost!
SHANNON- Fine…
PHOEBE- Oh my God, Piper, it's Prue!
PIPER- So… she left us and then was easily replaced by Paige, remember?
PHOEBE- Oh yeah, #### Prue…
SHANNON- Hey! That's not in the script!!!!
ALYSSA- Did you hear that, Holly/Piper? It sounded like a dead person talking!
HOLLY- Yeah, I think you're right, but since we can't hear dead people who quit their perfectly good jobs for no reason, I guess we can't reply!
SHANNON- I had a reason!!!
ALYSSA- Really, and what is that reason, Shannon?
SHANNON- I um… Well, it was because…
ALYSSA- Exactly… You don't know, therefore you had no reason!!!
SHANNON- Ugh! Whatever, let's just get back to filming…
They start up the filming again with Phoebe and Piper at Prue's funeral.
Phoebe says through tears,
PHOEBE- Piper, what are we going to do with out her?
PIPER- I dunno… I guess we're just supposed to keep living like we were when she was here, only with out anyone to yell at us, scream at you for not coming home on time, even though you're 24 years old… We'll survive, you know, I don't even really miss her that much.
DIRECTOR- CUT!!!!! That's not the line, Holly, you're supposed to be talking about how much you're going to miss Prue, not how you're so glad that she's gone, cause now you and Leo can have sex on the couch!!!
HOLLY- Hey, you know, I'm getting' vibes from Piper tellin' me that that's pretty damn good idea, we could be in the middle of doing it, and then that demon who needs to be vanquished when we're naked comes in, and…
DIRECTOR- enough! We need to start filming, and well- we'll just start where Paige knocks at the door for Chrissake!
Rose comes in all make-upped and ready to go.
DIRECTOR- And… ACTION!
Door bell rings
PIPER- I'll get it!!!
Walks to go answer the door, opens it to find little Paige standing there.
PIPER- can I help you- wait! Are you an innocent in need of being saved?!?!?!?
ROSE- Holly, sweetie, the line is 'Can I help you' and that's it, okay?
HOLLY- oh, right, God, I can be such a dumb-ass sometimes.
PIPER- Can I help you?
PAIGE- Yeah, I'm Paige Halliwell…
HOLLY- That's not the line! The line is, I'm your long lost sister that your mom had when she forgot to use a condom…
ROSE- No, that's not the line!!!
HOLLY- Oh, OK, sorry guys!
PIPER- Yeah…
PAIGE- and if you're Piper, Prue or Phoebe (Interrupted by Piper's wailing tears)- what's wrong?
PIPER- Prue's DEAD! Deceased, no longer living!
PAIGE- Ok, well I'm here to replace her!!! (Big fake smile)
PIPER- (immediately stops crying) Oh, cool, I'm Piper, and I'll go get Phoebe… Come on in, I guess it's your house too now. PHOEBE!!!!!!!!!
PHOEBE- Yeah?
PIPER- Meet-
PHEOBE- Who the hell are you?!?
PAIGE- I'm Paige, and dammit, you guys are totally not getting the lines right!!!
ALYSSA- Excuse me!
PHOEBE- Hi, I'm Phoebe
PIPER- this is Paige, our long lost sister!
PHOEBE- Cool!
Lucked pt 3
SHANNON- So… Prue just made a deal with the devil to come back?!?
Alyssa and Shannon are dissecting the 4th season of Charmed. Holly is watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
REGIS- For the million-dollar question, a "Toyota" is
A.) A car manufacturer
B.) A ball point pen
C.) Alyssa Milano's younger sister's name
OR
D.) An action figure from the movie Star Wars.
CONTESTANT- Um… C?
HOLLY- No, stupid, the answer is D!!!
REGIS- I'm sorry, that's incorrect-what's wrong with you, dumbass, Alyssa Milano doesn't HAVE a sister! The answer is "D"!!!
CONTESTANT- Is that your final answer?
REGIS- Hey! That's my line!
CONTESTANT- Are you sure?
REGIS- Yes, look at the script!!!
Regis proceeds to pull out script for contestant to look at. Camera turns back to contestant who now has pulled a brown, medium-length wig over his head sideways. He continues to shake his head, making the wig move back and forth.
Holly sighs and turns off the TV.
HOLLY- Alyssa, these people are so stupid, your sister's name is Chevrolet, not Toyota!
ALYSSA- Mmkay, Holly, that's great… Shannon, Jesus, stop that!!!
We see Shannon Doherty spinning around and around in a circle. She stops, looking very dizzy, and sticks her tongue out at Alyssa.
ALYSSA- Gosh, am I the only REASONABLE person here?!?!?
SHANNON- I guess you are, Huggo.
ALYSSA- Bob! She's doing it again!!!
BOB(AKA DIRECTOR)- Shannon stop it with the mixed up movie names.
SHANNON- Samantha started it!
ALYSSA- my name is Alyssa, dammit!
Shannon sticks her tongue out at Alyssa.
ALYSSA- OK, I'm just trying to help you understand what we're doing this season! Where's Rose?
ROSE-I'm here!
ALYSSA- Thank God, someone to save my sanity! Rose, please tell Shannon what's going to happen in season 4…
Rose turns to Shannon and begins,
ROSE- Well, Prue ate pie, cheese ate Prue, Prue falls out of addict, Prue finds paperclip.
SHANNON- Oh! I get it… Alyssa, how come you didn't just say that?
HOLLY- No, no, that's totally wrong.. You guys mixed it up so bad…
ALYSSA- Exactly!!! Finally someone gets it!
HOLLY- Yeah, I mean she finds a staple, not a paperclip, geez! Where would you guys be with out me?
BOB- Lord only knows
ALYSSA- Argh!!!!!!!!
ROSE- I had a boyfriend who spoke her language, so I understand her.
BOB- OK, folks, are you ready for the camera?
HOLLY- Hold on, let's give Alyssa time for the blood to flow to her head… She's looking kind of sick.
BOB- Anyways… I guess we're ready! You guys remember not to screw up that one part, OK?
SHANNON- Whatever!
ROSE- Yeah, whatever!
HOLLY- Yeah, whatever!
They wait for a moment for Alyssa to say "Yeah, whatever" but it never happens…
So Holly says through gritted teeth,
HOLLY- your turn Alyssa… You're supposed to say "Yeah, whatever"…
ALYSSA-Uh… no!!!
ROSE- Come on! It's a chain, see? Shannon says "Whatever" then I say "Yeah! Whatever!," Then Holly said "Yeah! Whatever!" and now you're supposed to say "Yeah! Whatever!"
HOLLY- No, no- it's not "Yeah!" with an exclamation, it's "Yeah" with a comma!!! Geez Louise, where would you guys be without me?!?
BOB- Lord only knows
ROSE- Whoa, Déjà vu!
ALYSSA- Ugh, whatever!
HOLLY- No, no- it's not "Ugh-
ALYSSA- Just stop!!!
ROSE- Mmkay, someone just needs a little space…
ALYSSA- Look, I'm fine! It's you guys that are acting so damn weird!!!
SHANNON- I'm not acting weird, Margo!
ALYSSA- Oh, my God… If someone doesn't shut these guys up soon, I'm going to shove a ball-peen hammer down all of their throats!!!!!!!!!
HOLLY-Woo, I think we should just start the scene…
ALYSSA- GOOD IDEA!!!!!!!!!!
ROSE- Yeah, really soon!
ALYSSA- better idea!!!!
BOB- well, let's see… who memorized the script?
No one raises their hand or talks and Bob sighs and puts his head in hands
BOB- who didn't memorize their script?
Everyone in the cast raises their hand except Julian. Rose's tongue is halfway out of her mouth as she tries to raise her hand the highest.
BOB- Julian… You memorized it?
JULIAN- Naturally, it's the Australian way!
Holly gets a somewhat dreamy look on her face and says,
HOLLY- Wow, that was amazingly cheesy… In fact, you know, I don't think it gets any cheesier!
Julian just gives her a "Psh…" and walks away.
BOB- Ok, well… I s'pose we'll just have to improvise it…
Shannon raises her hand just like Rose was doing earlier.
BOB- Yes, Shannon?
SHANNON- What's improvitise???
BOB- Jesus, Shannon!!! Just go!!!
Shannon sticks her tongue out at Bob.
SCENE:
PRUE- OK, you guys… I found that demon…
PAIGE- Where have you been? Demons are soooo last season!!!
PRUE-Really?
PAIGE- Yeah!!!
PRUE- Well, what are we on to this season?
PAIGE- Hmm… Let's see… How about banshees?
PIPER- No, we covered that last season, too.
PAIGE- Hell?
PIPER- Nope… That's when Prue died, you jackass!
PAIGE- Well, I don't watch the show!!!!
PRUE- Why not?
PAIGE- Because since Paige is on Charmed, so she can't watch Charmed, or know a lot about Piper, Prue or Phoebe's past.
PIPER- And???
PAIGE- And I want to be like Paige, so I don't watch the show.
PIPER- Somehow, that makes way too much sense.
PAIGE- Yeah, well… You know me… I'm just the senser maker ofer…
PIPER- Mmkay…
PHOEBE- You guys know all of this is on camera, right?
PAIGE- Duh!!!
PIPER- Geez Louise… Where would you guy-
PHOEBE- ENOUGH OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!
PIPER- Oo-oo- how many people wanna vote Phoebe off the island???
Piper, Prue, and Paige al raise their hands w/their tongues hanging out of their mouth.
ALYSSA- all right, then…
HOLLY- All right, then…
ROSE- all right, then…
Alyssa turns to Holly and says
ALYSSA- Do you mind???
Holly turns to Rose and says
HOLLY- Do you mind???
Rose turns to Alyssa
ROSE- Do yo- wait, wait, it isn't supposed to go like this is it???
HOLLY- yes! You're supposed to say to Alyssa "Do you mind?", and then Alyssa's supposed to slap you…
ALYSSA- you know, I'm really getting sick of you guys doing this… First of all, it's really annoying, and second, Piper Mary Cherry Milano is running out of things to say like this!!!!!
HOLLY- Oh you are, PMCM???
PMCM- Yep, sorry… If you don't quit now, I'm going to start doing (Whispered) crossovers…
ROSE, HOLLY, and ALYSSA- OH NO!!! Not CROSSOVERS!!!!!!
ALYSSA/ walks in, and already Shannon, Holly, and Rose can tell she's in a bad mood… How, you ask? She has a shirt on that says "Kiss my ass"
SHANNON- We could have some fun with that you know Holly…
HOLLY- We could, only it would be really mean, and don't you think Alyssa's gone through enough of your bullshit to last a lifetime?
SHANNON- fine, but it's going to be hilarious, you just wait…
When filming is about to begin for the first episode of LUCKED, we see Alyssa changing pants.
SHANNON-Wait, Alyssa, aren't you going to change your shirt?
ALYSSA- Why would I, the first scene is at Q4
SHANNON- But, but, you have to change shirts… Because if you don't you might… Um…fall.
ALYSSA- I might fall because I'm not wearing the right shirt… OK Shannon… If that's true, I'll EAT my shirt.
The crew is ready and someone shouts "action"
ALYSSA/PHOEBE-Hey Prue, any luck on finding that ass-kicking demon in the Book of Shallows?
PRUE-Not yet, but I'm sure he'll be back before we want him to be anyway… Oh-Phoebe, behind you…
PHOEBE-take this Mr. Ass Kicking demon…
Proceeds to give him Tae Kwan Do kick in the face.
MR. ASS KICKING DEMON- Ouch… Maybe I'll just throw you against the wall, like this…
Proceeds to throw Phoebe into the wall.
They vanquish him, and Phoebe decides she needs to go to the grocery store.
PRUE-Okay, but don't bring any demons home with you…
PHOEBE- But Prue!!!
PRUE- No buts, Phoebe, last time one of them came over, I spent hours trying to pick up the package of Nerds that he knocked over.
PHOEBE- Yeah, well it won't happen again… Anyways, that was Piper's fault, she left the Nerds out where anyone could knock them over…
PRUE-Phoebe, I'm gonna count to three… One…. Two…
PHOEBE- Fine, no demons, dammit…
PRUE- good, now shoo…
We see Phoebe sneaking in later with several guys in dark robes, and nasty looking hands. She peeks in the door…
PHOEBE- Okay, guys, coast is clear, come on…
DEMON #1- nlsdfkhsdlfjljlenlashdflnh
PHOEBE- I know, they must have put the nerds up before we got here….
DEMON #2- asdflkjeossdfpleksdfiwertnasdfpojm
PHOEBE- Umm… the second cabinet from the left… No, no, down one…
We see a demon looking through the cabinets when Cole comes down...
COLE-Hey, bud, long time no see…, I see you're still a demon…
Demon #2 shrugs, and says something, and Cole nods.
COLE- Yeah, I know, there's no escaping them is there?
DEMON #1- vbdfhjklasdnripjseopinn
PHOEBE- Really?
DEMON #1- qwelsdmroienmdms
PHOEBE- Yeah, that's Balthezeor, alright
DEMON #1- mmsklodl
PHOEBE- I know, his human body is much more sexy, huh?
PIPER- Okay, okay, that's enough of that… Cole, remember that thing we had to do?
COLE- Oh, yeah, that thing…
They walk out of the room, and Phoebe and the demons are left with an uncomfortable silence. Phoebe turns to Demon #2
PHOEBE- hey, I think I need some of that alone time stuff.
DEMON #2- namdjsdns
PHOEBE- Yeah, I'll call you if I hear of that sale.
Phoebe goes into the living room. We only see her face as her expression turns to shock.
PHOEBE- COLE!!! How could you?!?!?!?!
COLE- Mmm
We see Piper on top of Cole on the couch, and Phoebe goes over to Piper.
PHOEBE- You know what, I'll forgive you.
PIPER- Really?
PHOEBE- Of course, in a minute.
Leo walks in.
PHOEBE- hey, you, ya know, you never came to my room last night like you said you would.
LEO- What?
Suddenly Phoebe pulls him in for a passionate kiss.
PIPER- Ugh?
PHOEBE- Mmm
Leo is struggling at first, but now he stops, he's into this. They pull away from each other.
LEO- Wow, now I know why you stole Piper's boyfriend in 8th grade.
PHOEBE- I did not!!! Ok, well, no point denying it now
(If you didn't get the boyfriend in 8th grade thing, here ya go,
Piper was in eighth grade, and Phoebe was in sixth.
PHOEBE- Piper, am I a boyfriend stealer?
PIPER (no hesitation)- Yes
PHOEBE- I mean, besides the whole Roger thing, which- by the way, Prue I never TOUCHED him!!!
PIPER- Yes. Billy Wilson in eighth grade.
PHOEBE (going down memory lane)- Billy Will? Billy Wilson?
PIPER- Yes, at homecoming, you made out with him
PHOEBE- I did not, I was helping him look for a contact lens.
PIPER- Yeah, with his hands on your breasts.
PHOEBE- Nu-uh, Piper… Anyways, I didn't even have breasts back then.
PIPER- Phoebe, you've always had boobs, no denying it.
Ok, that's the whole part, so maybe now you get it, and if you don't, what's your damage?)
PIPER- I knew it!!!
Prue walks in.
SHANNON- Hey what are you doing?!?! That's not in the script!
ALYSSA- Duh, but Brian's just so cute.
SHANNON- No shit.
Shannon walks over, and starts kissing Brian/Leo.
PIPER- How did this whole thing get started?
COLE- Well, I took you out, it was a Friday night, I wore cologne, to get the feeling right, we started making out, and you took of my pants-
PHOEBE- Piper, you took his pants off!?!?!
PIPER- Well, yeah.
Lucked pt. 2
Alyssa goes over and acts like she's going to slap Shannon. Shannon winces.
SHANNON- Ahh!
ALYSSA- I'm not going to do anything… I'd probably have to go to one of those anger-management classes… Only idiots go to those, those people are dumb asses
SHANNON- Hey!
ALYSSA- Woops! My bad, I'm so sorry Shannon…
HOLLY- You are?!?!
ALYSSA- Well- no.
SHANNON- Yeah… (at a loss of words)… well, you guys are just- not smart…AND you're stupid!!!
Alyssa fights not to smile, but Shannon doesn't catch it.
DIRECTOR- Girls, girls, let's get to work here, shall we?
ALYSSA- Fine… Where were we?
DIRECTOR- Um, you guys really fucked up that last scene, because you were supposed to be hanging out at a coffee shop, and yet you were sharing your thoughts on each other… But it's okay, we'll just give that clip to E!
SHANNON- hey, my publicist said to be nice on TV
DIRECTOR- Your loss, not mine… You're not even supposed to be here, you quit in, like May
SHANNON- Yeah but I couldn't find a good job
DIRECTOR-What was that?
SHANNON- I couldn't find a good job
DIRECTOR- I'm sorry I didn't catch that…
SHANNON- I couldn't get a damn job, okay?!?!?!
DIRECTOR- Ooh, touchy, touchy, alright, well, just cooperate here, here's the script
Shannon takes the script, and 5 minutes later she comes back, ready to read.
SHANNON- What the hell is this, I'm a GHOST?!?!?!
DIRECTOR- Well, Prue DID die last season, and you ARE still here, wanting a job, so yes, I would have to say that you-Prue-are a ghost!
SHANNON- Fine…
PHOEBE- Oh my God, Piper, it's Prue!
PIPER- So… she left us and then was easily replaced by Paige, remember?
PHOEBE- Oh yeah, #### Prue…
SHANNON- Hey! That's not in the script!!!!
ALYSSA- Did you hear that, Holly/Piper? It sounded like a dead person talking!
HOLLY- Yeah, I think you're right, but since we can't hear dead people who quit their perfectly good jobs for no reason, I guess we can't reply!
SHANNON- I had a reason!!!
ALYSSA- Really, and what is that reason, Shannon?
SHANNON- I um… Well, it was because…
ALYSSA- Exactly… You don't know, therefore you had no reason!!!
SHANNON- Ugh! Whatever, let's just get back to filming…
They start up the filming again with Phoebe and Piper at Prue's funeral.
Phoebe says through tears,
PHOEBE- Piper, what are we going to do with out her?
PIPER- I dunno… I guess we're just supposed to keep living like we were when she was here, only with out anyone to yell at us, scream at you for not coming home on time, even though you're 24 years old… We'll survive, you know, I don't even really miss her that much.
DIRECTOR- CUT!!!!! That's not the line, Holly, you're supposed to be talking about how much you're going to miss Prue, not how you're so glad that she's gone, cause now you and Leo can have sex on the couch!!!
HOLLY- Hey, you know, I'm getting' vibes from Piper tellin' me that that's pretty damn good idea, we could be in the middle of doing it, and then that demon who needs to be vanquished when we're naked comes in, and…
DIRECTOR- enough! We need to start filming, and well- we'll just start where Paige knocks at the door for Chrissake!
Rose comes in all make-upped and ready to go.
DIRECTOR- And… ACTION!
Door bell rings
PIPER- I'll get it!!!
Walks to go answer the door, opens it to find little Paige standing there.
PIPER- can I help you- wait! Are you an innocent in need of being saved?!?!?!?
ROSE- Holly, sweetie, the line is 'Can I help you' and that's it, okay?
HOLLY- oh, right, God, I can be such a dumb-ass sometimes.
PIPER- Can I help you?
PAIGE- Yeah, I'm Paige Halliwell…
HOLLY- That's not the line! The line is, I'm your long lost sister that your mom had when she forgot to use a condom…
ROSE- No, that's not the line!!!
HOLLY- Oh, OK, sorry guys!
PIPER- Yeah…
PAIGE- and if you're Piper, Prue or Phoebe (Interrupted by Piper's wailing tears)- what's wrong?
PIPER- Prue's DEAD! Deceased, no longer living!
PAIGE- Ok, well I'm here to replace her!!! (Big fake smile)
PIPER- (immediately stops crying) Oh, cool, I'm Piper, and I'll go get Phoebe… Come on in, I guess it's your house too now. PHOEBE!!!!!!!!!
PHOEBE- Yeah?
PIPER- Meet-
PHEOBE- Who the hell are you?!?
PAIGE- I'm Paige, and dammit, you guys are totally not getting the lines right!!!
ALYSSA- Excuse me!
PHOEBE- Hi, I'm Phoebe
PIPER- this is Paige, our long lost sister!
PHOEBE- Cool!
Lucked pt 3
SHANNON- So… Prue just made a deal with the devil to come back?!?
Alyssa and Shannon are dissecting the 4th season of Charmed. Holly is watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
REGIS- For the million-dollar question, a "Toyota" is
A.) A car manufacturer
B.) A ball point pen
C.) Alyssa Milano's younger sister's name
OR
D.) An action figure from the movie Star Wars.
CONTESTANT- Um… C?
HOLLY- No, stupid, the answer is D!!!
REGIS- I'm sorry, that's incorrect-what's wrong with you, dumbass, Alyssa Milano doesn't HAVE a sister! The answer is "D"!!!
CONTESTANT- Is that your final answer?
REGIS- Hey! That's my line!
CONTESTANT- Are you sure?
REGIS- Yes, look at the script!!!
Regis proceeds to pull out script for contestant to look at. Camera turns back to contestant who now has pulled a brown, medium-length wig over his head sideways. He continues to shake his head, making the wig move back and forth.
Holly sighs and turns off the TV.
HOLLY- Alyssa, these people are so stupid, your sister's name is Chevrolet, not Toyota!
ALYSSA- Mmkay, Holly, that's great… Shannon, Jesus, stop that!!!
We see Shannon Doherty spinning around and around in a circle. She stops, looking very dizzy, and sticks her tongue out at Alyssa.
ALYSSA- Gosh, am I the only REASONABLE person here?!?!?
SHANNON- I guess you are, Huggo.
ALYSSA- Bob! She's doing it again!!!
BOB(AKA DIRECTOR)- Shannon stop it with the mixed up movie names.
SHANNON- Samantha started it!
ALYSSA- my name is Alyssa, dammit!
Shannon sticks her tongue out at Alyssa.
ALYSSA- OK, I'm just trying to help you understand what we're doing this season! Where's Rose?
ROSE-I'm here!
ALYSSA- Thank God, someone to save my sanity! Rose, please tell Shannon what's going to happen in season 4…
Rose turns to Shannon and begins,
ROSE- Well, Prue ate pie, cheese ate Prue, Prue falls out of addict, Prue finds paperclip.
SHANNON- Oh! I get it… Alyssa, how come you didn't just say that?
HOLLY- No, no, that's totally wrong.. You guys mixed it up so bad…
ALYSSA- Exactly!!! Finally someone gets it!
HOLLY- Yeah, I mean she finds a staple, not a paperclip, geez! Where would you guys be with out me?
BOB- Lord only knows
ALYSSA- Argh!!!!!!!!
ROSE- I had a boyfriend who spoke her language, so I understand her.
BOB- OK, folks, are you ready for the camera?
HOLLY- Hold on, let's give Alyssa time for the blood to flow to her head… She's looking kind of sick.
BOB- Anyways… I guess we're ready! You guys remember not to screw up that one part, OK?
SHANNON- Whatever!
ROSE- Yeah, whatever!
HOLLY- Yeah, whatever!
They wait for a moment for Alyssa to say "Yeah, whatever" but it never happens…
So Holly says through gritted teeth,
HOLLY- your turn Alyssa… You're supposed to say "Yeah, whatever"…
ALYSSA-Uh… no!!!
ROSE- Come on! It's a chain, see? Shannon says "Whatever" then I say "Yeah! Whatever!," Then Holly said "Yeah! Whatever!" and now you're supposed to say "Yeah! Whatever!"
HOLLY- No, no- it's not "Yeah!" with an exclamation, it's "Yeah" with a comma!!! Geez Louise, where would you guys be without me?!?
BOB- Lord only knows
ROSE- Whoa, Déjà vu!
ALYSSA- Ugh, whatever!
HOLLY- No, no- it's not "Ugh-
ALYSSA- Just stop!!!
ROSE- Mmkay, someone just needs a little space…
ALYSSA- Look, I'm fine! It's you guys that are acting so damn weird!!!
SHANNON- I'm not acting weird, Margo!
ALYSSA- Oh, my God… If someone doesn't shut these guys up soon, I'm going to shove a ball-peen hammer down all of their throats!!!!!!!!!
HOLLY-Woo, I think we should just start the scene…
ALYSSA- GOOD IDEA!!!!!!!!!!
ROSE- Yeah, really soon!
ALYSSA- better idea!!!!
BOB- well, let's see… who memorized the script?
No one raises their hand or talks and Bob sighs and puts his head in hands
BOB- who didn't memorize their script?
Everyone in the cast raises their hand except Julian. Rose's tongue is halfway out of her mouth as she tries to raise her hand the highest.
BOB- Julian… You memorized it?
JULIAN- Naturally, it's the Australian way!
Holly gets a somewhat dreamy look on her face and says,
HOLLY- Wow, that was amazingly cheesy… In fact, you know, I don't think it gets any cheesier!
Julian just gives her a "Psh…" and walks away.
BOB- Ok, well… I s'pose we'll just have to improvise it…
Shannon raises her hand just like Rose was doing earlier.
BOB- Yes, Shannon?
SHANNON- What's improvitise???
BOB- Jesus, Shannon!!! Just go!!!
Shannon sticks her tongue out at Bob.
SCENE:
PRUE- OK, you guys… I found that demon…
PAIGE- Where have you been? Demons are soooo last season!!!
PRUE-Really?
PAIGE- Yeah!!!
PRUE- Well, what are we on to this season?
PAIGE- Hmm… Let's see… How about banshees?
PIPER- No, we covered that last season, too.
PAIGE- Hell?
PIPER- Nope… That's when Prue died, you jackass!
PAIGE- Well, I don't watch the show!!!!
PRUE- Why not?
PAIGE- Because since Paige is on Charmed, so she can't watch Charmed, or know a lot about Piper, Prue or Phoebe's past.
PIPER- And???
PAIGE- And I want to be like Paige, so I don't watch the show.
PIPER- Somehow, that makes way too much sense.
PAIGE- Yeah, well… You know me… I'm just the senser maker ofer…
PIPER- Mmkay…
PHOEBE- You guys know all of this is on camera, right?
PAIGE- Duh!!!
PIPER- Geez Louise… Where would you guy-
PHOEBE- ENOUGH OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!
PIPER- Oo-oo- how many people wanna vote Phoebe off the island???
Piper, Prue, and Paige al raise their hands w/their tongues hanging out of their mouth.
ALYSSA- all right, then…
HOLLY- All right, then…
ROSE- all right, then…
Alyssa turns to Holly and says
ALYSSA- Do you mind???
Holly turns to Rose and says
HOLLY- Do you mind???
Rose turns to Alyssa
ROSE- Do yo- wait, wait, it isn't supposed to go like this is it???
HOLLY- yes! You're supposed to say to Alyssa "Do you mind?", and then Alyssa's supposed to slap you…
ALYSSA- you know, I'm really getting sick of you guys doing this… First of all, it's really annoying, and second, Piper Mary Cherry Milano is running out of things to say like this!!!!!
HOLLY- Oh you are, PMCM???
PMCM- Yep, sorry… If you don't quit now, I'm going to start doing (Whispered) crossovers…
ROSE, HOLLY, and ALYSSA- OH NO!!! Not CROSSOVERS!!!!!!