A/N: Hey y'all, I was bored and decided to write this fic. Before I start, let me review a bit. Eliza is an online computer. You ask her questions and the computer responds with its "brain". It's a REALLY stupid computer. You can find Eliza at http://www-ai.ijs.si/eliza/eliza.html. Anyway, I actually typed Jon's questions in and these are Eliza's real answers. Basically the gist of this fic is Jon Goes For Counseling. I got the idea from a My Little Pony fic (No, I normally DO NOT read those, as I said, I'm bored right now). Well, R and R please.
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Eliza: Hello. I am ELIZA. How can I help you?
Jon: Hi, Eliza, I'm King Jonathan of Conte, Ruler of Tortall.
Eliza: Does it please you to believe I am king jonathan of conte ruler of tortall?
Jon: Um, yes, I guess, considering I'm the king.
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Yes, I am. I came to ask you for advice.
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Yes.
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Look, can you help me with my problems?
Eliza: Why do you say your problems?
Jon: Because thats what they are. They're PROBLEMS. See, my girlfriend dumped me when we were in our early 20s. I guess that set all of them off. Then I rushed into my marriage...Can you help me?
Eliza: Why do you say your girlfriend dumped you what we was in our early 20s you guess that set all of them off then you rushed into your marriage can I help you?
Jon: Yes you can help me. Analyze my problems, please. Am I a bad king?
Eliza: Why do you say your problems please are you a bad king?
Jon: Because I'm afraid I'm a bad king.
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
Jon: No.
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
Jon: Well I'd just like to know if I'm a good king or not ok?
Eliza: Do you wish that im a good king or not ok?
Jon: Yes. That's the whole point of being king.
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Positive.
Eliza: Please go on.
Jon: Look, just answer my question!
Eliza: Why do you say your question?
Jon: Because I asked you a question, dumbass!
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
Jon: How about I just sock you one right in the stupid little hard drive?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
Jon: Right now, yes!!!
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: YES!!!!!!!
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Oh, my gods.
Eliza: Why do you say your gods?
Jon: Because where I come from we have several gods.
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
Jon: NO!!!!!!
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
Jon: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!!!!! You're just a DUMBASS computer! I'm leaving this damn site!!
Eliza: Why do you mention computers?
Jon: OH SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
Eliza: Please go on.
Jon: I WILL!! I'm LEAVING! *exits*
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
***
Like I said, the computer's p-r-e-t-t-y stupido. R&R!
***
Eliza: Hello. I am ELIZA. How can I help you?
Jon: Hi, Eliza, I'm King Jonathan of Conte, Ruler of Tortall.
Eliza: Does it please you to believe I am king jonathan of conte ruler of tortall?
Jon: Um, yes, I guess, considering I'm the king.
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Yes, I am. I came to ask you for advice.
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Yes.
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Look, can you help me with my problems?
Eliza: Why do you say your problems?
Jon: Because thats what they are. They're PROBLEMS. See, my girlfriend dumped me when we were in our early 20s. I guess that set all of them off. Then I rushed into my marriage...Can you help me?
Eliza: Why do you say your girlfriend dumped you what we was in our early 20s you guess that set all of them off then you rushed into your marriage can I help you?
Jon: Yes you can help me. Analyze my problems, please. Am I a bad king?
Eliza: Why do you say your problems please are you a bad king?
Jon: Because I'm afraid I'm a bad king.
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
Jon: No.
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
Jon: Well I'd just like to know if I'm a good king or not ok?
Eliza: Do you wish that im a good king or not ok?
Jon: Yes. That's the whole point of being king.
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Positive.
Eliza: Please go on.
Jon: Look, just answer my question!
Eliza: Why do you say your question?
Jon: Because I asked you a question, dumbass!
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
Jon: How about I just sock you one right in the stupid little hard drive?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
Jon: Right now, yes!!!
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: YES!!!!!!!
Eliza: You are sure?
Jon: Oh, my gods.
Eliza: Why do you say your gods?
Jon: Because where I come from we have several gods.
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
Jon: NO!!!!!!
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
Jon: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!!!!! You're just a DUMBASS computer! I'm leaving this damn site!!
Eliza: Why do you mention computers?
Jon: OH SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
Eliza: Please go on.
Jon: I WILL!! I'm LEAVING! *exits*
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
***
Like I said, the computer's p-r-e-t-t-y stupido. R&R!