LOTR, don't own it. Sausages line stolen from Keeping the Faith. :D
Chapter 5
Boromir couldn't sleep because of the incessant scraping noise of Legolas rocking back and forth. Finally, he rolled out of his sleeping bag and confronted the elf.
"For god's sake man, pull yourself together! As if you haven't been mauled by women before." Legolas fell silent and looked up at Boromir, ceasing the rocking motion.
"... But they took my shoe..." He said pitifully, and a tear slid down his face. Boromir shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't used to this sort of thing. So he woke up Gimli.
"Yarr, what do you want? I was dreaming of my mother's sausages." Grumbled Gimli.
"Legolas is crying again, and he's your best friend, so do something!" Boromir dragged him out of bed.
"Bleah. Legolas? What's the matter?"
"They kidnapped Albert, Gimli. They just took him like that! Who knows what awful things they're doing to him now..."
"Albert?"
"My shoe..."
"... You named your SHOE?"
"Well, yes. One gets attached to things after having them for a thousand years."
"... You named your SHOE?"
Seeing that the conversation was clearly going nowhere, Boromir decided to wake up Aragorn as well and hold a meeting. Aragorn yawned and stumbled over to where the others sat.
"Hey, if we're holding a meeting, why don't we wake up the hobbits and Gandalf?" Aragorn was loth to let them sleep if *he* had to suffer. Gimli poked him in the ribs.
"You've obviously never tried to wake a hobbit out of a sound sleep. The only thing that would rouse them now is a tempest."
"Yeah, and do YOU want to be on the wrong end of Gandalf's staff? `Cuz I sure as hell don't." Snorted Boromir.
"Fine, fine. What are we having a meeting about anyway?" They all looked at Legolas, who looked back at them.
"What?" He asked. "Is there a bug on my face?" He rubbed his face concernedly.
"Anyway, I thought if we gave Legolas a makeover, the girls might stop liking him and go away." Boromir said. Aragorn blinked at him.
"A makeover?"
Boromir coughed. "Er, of the manly sort, of course."
"What do you mean by a manly makeover? You're not going to style my hair or something are you?" Legolas demanded suspiciously. The other three looked at each other meaningfully. They tackled the elf and held him down.
"Aragorn, give me your knife quick!" At this, Legolas screamed.
"YOU CAN'T SLASH ME WHILE I'M STILL AWAKE! I REFUSE TO BE DELIBERATELY SCARRED!" He thrashed with surprising strength. Gimli put an armoured hand over his mouth.
"Do you want all of Middle Earth to hear you? You'll bring the wrath of the Mary-Sues upon us!" Hissed Gimli. Legolas looked reproachfully at the two men and the dwarf holding him down but stopped screaming and struggling.
"Alright then Legolas, this won't hurt a bit!" Said Boromir, trying to sound upbeat. Legolas cringed and shut his eyes. Sharp slicing noises were heard, and Legolas opened his eyes in surprise. They hadn't slashed his face! He was alive! The three let Legolas sit up. But, something was off. Legolas felt for his hair, which was mysteriously gone. His eyes widened and it seemed he was getting ready for another bout of screaming when Gimli smothered his face with his hand again and Aragorn and Boromir pinned him down. Muffled elvish cursing was heard.
"Maybe we should have asked him first..." Said Aragorn, deftly dodging a kick aimed for his groin.
"Bah, where's the fun in that?" Boromir scoffed. "Anyway, we're not done yet. We have to see about his clothes still."
After much convincing, Legolas finally calmed down and agreed to wear some of Boromir and Aragorn's spare clothes. The shirt and tunic were 3 sizes too large. The large belt threatened to slide down to the ground. And his face and clothes were smeared with dirt and leaves, to give the appropriate "manly" look. He wore a pair of old boots, courtesy of Boromir.
"It would look so much better if he could just grow a damn beard." Muttered Gimli. Legolas gave him the finger.
"There's a stream nearby, why don't you go take a look at yourself?" Aragorn suggested, trying to ease the tension. The sun had risen already and it was now light enough to see. Legolas stalked off.
He felt clumsy and ugly. They had hacked off what seemed like all of his hair. Didn't they know how long it took him to grow it out? The back of his neck was cold now. And the clothes! Ugh. He picked at the muddied tunic gingerly. Furthermore, the boots were heavy and clunky. He was having trouble stepping lightly in them. He clomped to the river and took a look at himself, feeling unhappy. The reflection startled him.
His hair was now as short as Aragorn's. It seemed to sharpen his features, and he fancied that he looked almost like a human man. It covered his distinctly pointed ears as well. The loose clothes made him look stouter. He suddenly wished he had a sword to complete the image.
Suddenly, Legolas felt good again. It would take some getting used to, but he might just be able to avoid the girls using this disguise. He walked happily back to the camp, whistling as he went.
Chapter 5
Boromir couldn't sleep because of the incessant scraping noise of Legolas rocking back and forth. Finally, he rolled out of his sleeping bag and confronted the elf.
"For god's sake man, pull yourself together! As if you haven't been mauled by women before." Legolas fell silent and looked up at Boromir, ceasing the rocking motion.
"... But they took my shoe..." He said pitifully, and a tear slid down his face. Boromir shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't used to this sort of thing. So he woke up Gimli.
"Yarr, what do you want? I was dreaming of my mother's sausages." Grumbled Gimli.
"Legolas is crying again, and he's your best friend, so do something!" Boromir dragged him out of bed.
"Bleah. Legolas? What's the matter?"
"They kidnapped Albert, Gimli. They just took him like that! Who knows what awful things they're doing to him now..."
"Albert?"
"My shoe..."
"... You named your SHOE?"
"Well, yes. One gets attached to things after having them for a thousand years."
"... You named your SHOE?"
Seeing that the conversation was clearly going nowhere, Boromir decided to wake up Aragorn as well and hold a meeting. Aragorn yawned and stumbled over to where the others sat.
"Hey, if we're holding a meeting, why don't we wake up the hobbits and Gandalf?" Aragorn was loth to let them sleep if *he* had to suffer. Gimli poked him in the ribs.
"You've obviously never tried to wake a hobbit out of a sound sleep. The only thing that would rouse them now is a tempest."
"Yeah, and do YOU want to be on the wrong end of Gandalf's staff? `Cuz I sure as hell don't." Snorted Boromir.
"Fine, fine. What are we having a meeting about anyway?" They all looked at Legolas, who looked back at them.
"What?" He asked. "Is there a bug on my face?" He rubbed his face concernedly.
"Anyway, I thought if we gave Legolas a makeover, the girls might stop liking him and go away." Boromir said. Aragorn blinked at him.
"A makeover?"
Boromir coughed. "Er, of the manly sort, of course."
"What do you mean by a manly makeover? You're not going to style my hair or something are you?" Legolas demanded suspiciously. The other three looked at each other meaningfully. They tackled the elf and held him down.
"Aragorn, give me your knife quick!" At this, Legolas screamed.
"YOU CAN'T SLASH ME WHILE I'M STILL AWAKE! I REFUSE TO BE DELIBERATELY SCARRED!" He thrashed with surprising strength. Gimli put an armoured hand over his mouth.
"Do you want all of Middle Earth to hear you? You'll bring the wrath of the Mary-Sues upon us!" Hissed Gimli. Legolas looked reproachfully at the two men and the dwarf holding him down but stopped screaming and struggling.
"Alright then Legolas, this won't hurt a bit!" Said Boromir, trying to sound upbeat. Legolas cringed and shut his eyes. Sharp slicing noises were heard, and Legolas opened his eyes in surprise. They hadn't slashed his face! He was alive! The three let Legolas sit up. But, something was off. Legolas felt for his hair, which was mysteriously gone. His eyes widened and it seemed he was getting ready for another bout of screaming when Gimli smothered his face with his hand again and Aragorn and Boromir pinned him down. Muffled elvish cursing was heard.
"Maybe we should have asked him first..." Said Aragorn, deftly dodging a kick aimed for his groin.
"Bah, where's the fun in that?" Boromir scoffed. "Anyway, we're not done yet. We have to see about his clothes still."
After much convincing, Legolas finally calmed down and agreed to wear some of Boromir and Aragorn's spare clothes. The shirt and tunic were 3 sizes too large. The large belt threatened to slide down to the ground. And his face and clothes were smeared with dirt and leaves, to give the appropriate "manly" look. He wore a pair of old boots, courtesy of Boromir.
"It would look so much better if he could just grow a damn beard." Muttered Gimli. Legolas gave him the finger.
"There's a stream nearby, why don't you go take a look at yourself?" Aragorn suggested, trying to ease the tension. The sun had risen already and it was now light enough to see. Legolas stalked off.
He felt clumsy and ugly. They had hacked off what seemed like all of his hair. Didn't they know how long it took him to grow it out? The back of his neck was cold now. And the clothes! Ugh. He picked at the muddied tunic gingerly. Furthermore, the boots were heavy and clunky. He was having trouble stepping lightly in them. He clomped to the river and took a look at himself, feeling unhappy. The reflection startled him.
His hair was now as short as Aragorn's. It seemed to sharpen his features, and he fancied that he looked almost like a human man. It covered his distinctly pointed ears as well. The loose clothes made him look stouter. He suddenly wished he had a sword to complete the image.
Suddenly, Legolas felt good again. It would take some getting used to, but he might just be able to avoid the girls using this disguise. He walked happily back to the camp, whistling as he went.