We like flashbacks, but don't own LOTR. That is all.
Chapter 6
Rewind to the Night Before…
Deep in the Field of Rohan, a somewhat diminished pack of Mary-Sues set up camp for the night, plotting their next attack…err… "visit" to their beloved Legolas. They set up a perimeter around many small fires as the Leader passed out marshmallows, chocolate and graham wafers to make s'mores. Though they were grieving for the loss of many good friends, they couldn't help but gawk at- I mean… admire the items they had removed from the Elven prince. They carefully placed the shoe and scraps of hair into zip lock bags and sealed them for extra freshness. As they completed this task reverently, one of the younger agents sprinted towards the center of the camp, where the Leader was sitting.
"Two of the Scouts have returned," The girl gasped, out of breath.
"What do they have to report? Have they brought back anything?" Demanded the Leader.
"They come bearing gifts of delicious chocolate and vanilla iced cookies for $3.99 each! Kinda steep if you ask me."
"Bring them forth!" It had been a long time since the CMS had eaten anything besides s'mores and diet shakes. Anything new was welcome, even if it *was* a major rip off. The girl scurried out of the perimeter, bringing back two scruffy characters. One was small, hunched, skinny, and had a slightly greenish tinge. Her arms and legs were strangely long, and her hands broad and flat. Her eyes were admittedly bulgy and creepy, and a strange smell was coming off her skin… The Leader grimaced and studied the other girl.
The second stood many times taller than the other, was glowing deep red like the embers of hellfire behind a smokescreen, and lacked most, if not all, human characteristics. The only distinguishable features of the huge face were two evil looking eyes, which seemed to glow redder than the rest of the strange girl.
Both were clad in Girl Scout uniforms, and carried several small boxes of assorted cookies. The small and pungent one, was first to speak.
"We have cookiesssssss… Yessssss, precioussss… cookiessssss…" She held out a box, then elbowed her partner to do the same. The Leader looked at the boxes, and then back at the girl. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"You don't *look* like the scouts I sent out. What's wrong with you?" The two girls looked at each other in panic. The smaller one seemed to be mouthing "think of something!" to the other. Finally, the larger one spoke, her voice rumbling deeply.
"Exfoliate…" Everyone stared blankly at them for a moment, until one of them exclaimed:
"Oh! I get it now. They haven't exfoliated in a few days, that's why they look like hell!" The rest nodded and murmured pityingly. Staying out in the wild wreaked havoc on your pores. Especially when there was no moisturizer around, or running water come to think of it. Or Olay Facial Wash, that was the Leader's favourite brand.
The two girls were led to the main fire, where they were offered s'mores and antibacterial gel, not exactly in that order. They sat down uneasily. The larger one seemed to like the fire, but the smaller one shied away, even when she was offered a nice hot marshmallow. She mumbled something about fish and slunk away when no one was watching.
After they had finished eating, the Leader stood up.
"It is now… FANFICTION TIME!" Everyone began shrieking and grappling, trying to stand next to the Leader so as to read her own Mary-Sue Fanfic. The greenish girl returned unnoticed by all except for her mass-enhanced companion. A girl finally won a place next to the leader, and began to read. While the rest were enthralled by the familiar story, the 2 newcomers were involved in their own matters…
Flashback Sequence #1; Back in Moria, Balrog Vs. Gandalf…
Sitting on the floor at the bottom of the deep chasm, the balrog snarled at the old man, although it sounded more like a roar. Gandalf merely flicked his eyes up from his card and said the two deadly words.
"Go. Fish." The balrog bellowed in agony. How could he possibly lose to a stupid wizard?? Gandalf cackled maniacally as he paired his last card. The balrog had lost. But worse yet, they had been betting on the game. With the last pair of 5's, Gandalf had won his freedom, not to mention the balrog's entire stash of weed *and* his favourite pipe. The balrog wept, the hot molten tears burning holes in the ground.
"Haha! So long, sucka!" Cried the wizard, picking up his hat and staff and strolling out a conveniently placed door nearby. The balrog continued weeping.
He would never forget his grief and pain at the hands of Gandalf.
End Flashback Sequence #1
The balrog was practically frothing at the mouth, seething silently in his personal memories. He remained luckily unnoticed by the rapt Mary-Sues as they listened with great interest to the fanfic. He wiped his mouth quickly, to avoid being more conspicuous than he already was. He could smell the fabric of the Girl Scout uniform burning at the edges, and he wasn't quite sure if they had bought the story about not exfoliating. He sat quietly and tried not to think of his quest for revenge, and eventually fell asleep from boredom. Gollum picked his nose absently, lost in memories of his own…
Flashback Sequence #2; Random Period of Time Involving Gollum/Smeagol
Gollum ate a fish and choked on one of the rib bones. He had fallen on the floor and writhed in agony for 5 seconds before finding a nearby lemon and sucking the juice out of it. The citric acid softened the bone and allowed him to swallow it. Silently thanking his high school chemistry courses that had taught him about acids and bases, he threw the lemon carcass away and went to sleep.
End Flashback Sequence #2
Roused out of his flashback by swooning girls (they had just gotten to the part where Legolas professes his love to the "original character"), Gollum turned his thoughts to the REAL reason why he was there…
Chapter 6
Rewind to the Night Before…
Deep in the Field of Rohan, a somewhat diminished pack of Mary-Sues set up camp for the night, plotting their next attack…err… "visit" to their beloved Legolas. They set up a perimeter around many small fires as the Leader passed out marshmallows, chocolate and graham wafers to make s'mores. Though they were grieving for the loss of many good friends, they couldn't help but gawk at- I mean… admire the items they had removed from the Elven prince. They carefully placed the shoe and scraps of hair into zip lock bags and sealed them for extra freshness. As they completed this task reverently, one of the younger agents sprinted towards the center of the camp, where the Leader was sitting.
"Two of the Scouts have returned," The girl gasped, out of breath.
"What do they have to report? Have they brought back anything?" Demanded the Leader.
"They come bearing gifts of delicious chocolate and vanilla iced cookies for $3.99 each! Kinda steep if you ask me."
"Bring them forth!" It had been a long time since the CMS had eaten anything besides s'mores and diet shakes. Anything new was welcome, even if it *was* a major rip off. The girl scurried out of the perimeter, bringing back two scruffy characters. One was small, hunched, skinny, and had a slightly greenish tinge. Her arms and legs were strangely long, and her hands broad and flat. Her eyes were admittedly bulgy and creepy, and a strange smell was coming off her skin… The Leader grimaced and studied the other girl.
The second stood many times taller than the other, was glowing deep red like the embers of hellfire behind a smokescreen, and lacked most, if not all, human characteristics. The only distinguishable features of the huge face were two evil looking eyes, which seemed to glow redder than the rest of the strange girl.
Both were clad in Girl Scout uniforms, and carried several small boxes of assorted cookies. The small and pungent one, was first to speak.
"We have cookiesssssss… Yessssss, precioussss… cookiessssss…" She held out a box, then elbowed her partner to do the same. The Leader looked at the boxes, and then back at the girl. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"You don't *look* like the scouts I sent out. What's wrong with you?" The two girls looked at each other in panic. The smaller one seemed to be mouthing "think of something!" to the other. Finally, the larger one spoke, her voice rumbling deeply.
"Exfoliate…" Everyone stared blankly at them for a moment, until one of them exclaimed:
"Oh! I get it now. They haven't exfoliated in a few days, that's why they look like hell!" The rest nodded and murmured pityingly. Staying out in the wild wreaked havoc on your pores. Especially when there was no moisturizer around, or running water come to think of it. Or Olay Facial Wash, that was the Leader's favourite brand.
The two girls were led to the main fire, where they were offered s'mores and antibacterial gel, not exactly in that order. They sat down uneasily. The larger one seemed to like the fire, but the smaller one shied away, even when she was offered a nice hot marshmallow. She mumbled something about fish and slunk away when no one was watching.
After they had finished eating, the Leader stood up.
"It is now… FANFICTION TIME!" Everyone began shrieking and grappling, trying to stand next to the Leader so as to read her own Mary-Sue Fanfic. The greenish girl returned unnoticed by all except for her mass-enhanced companion. A girl finally won a place next to the leader, and began to read. While the rest were enthralled by the familiar story, the 2 newcomers were involved in their own matters…
Flashback Sequence #1; Back in Moria, Balrog Vs. Gandalf…
Sitting on the floor at the bottom of the deep chasm, the balrog snarled at the old man, although it sounded more like a roar. Gandalf merely flicked his eyes up from his card and said the two deadly words.
"Go. Fish." The balrog bellowed in agony. How could he possibly lose to a stupid wizard?? Gandalf cackled maniacally as he paired his last card. The balrog had lost. But worse yet, they had been betting on the game. With the last pair of 5's, Gandalf had won his freedom, not to mention the balrog's entire stash of weed *and* his favourite pipe. The balrog wept, the hot molten tears burning holes in the ground.
"Haha! So long, sucka!" Cried the wizard, picking up his hat and staff and strolling out a conveniently placed door nearby. The balrog continued weeping.
He would never forget his grief and pain at the hands of Gandalf.
End Flashback Sequence #1
The balrog was practically frothing at the mouth, seething silently in his personal memories. He remained luckily unnoticed by the rapt Mary-Sues as they listened with great interest to the fanfic. He wiped his mouth quickly, to avoid being more conspicuous than he already was. He could smell the fabric of the Girl Scout uniform burning at the edges, and he wasn't quite sure if they had bought the story about not exfoliating. He sat quietly and tried not to think of his quest for revenge, and eventually fell asleep from boredom. Gollum picked his nose absently, lost in memories of his own…
Flashback Sequence #2; Random Period of Time Involving Gollum/Smeagol
Gollum ate a fish and choked on one of the rib bones. He had fallen on the floor and writhed in agony for 5 seconds before finding a nearby lemon and sucking the juice out of it. The citric acid softened the bone and allowed him to swallow it. Silently thanking his high school chemistry courses that had taught him about acids and bases, he threw the lemon carcass away and went to sleep.
End Flashback Sequence #2
Roused out of his flashback by swooning girls (they had just gotten to the part where Legolas professes his love to the "original character"), Gollum turned his thoughts to the REAL reason why he was there…