What Tsuzuki Said…(Part 2)
GEEZ!!!!! Part 2 finally!!!….need to work on the Protégé………*sighs*. Damn it all!!!!!
I've been MIA for a while…..GOMEN NASAI!!!!!! It's because of school and real-life and all that reality bullshit. Sorry this took so long to get out.
Anyway, I'm sorry about the OOC thing with Tsuzuki. Someone didn't like that I kinda bastardized him….but he'll get nicer….I promise!!!!! That was just a one time thing! Honto ni!!!!!!!! I really like Tsuzuki. I really do!
Anyway….like I said before….this just popped into my head. If it's REALLY bad, sorry….
(Hisoka)
I have always been told that I can be heartless. By everyone in my life, in fact….at least those that I cared about. I'm cold…..emotionless. I don't feel anything.
Maybe it's because I was never completely understood by anyone. Even Tsuzuki, whom I love more than I've ever loved anyone, never completely understood me. Even I don't understand me.
But Hijiri does.
Hijiri seems to understand that I don't need anyone to make it all better. That I don't need him to say anything at all. I just need someone to be there. I just need someone to hold me…and to make me forget what was done to me….if only for a little while. He knows.
That makes me feel safe.
So when Hijiri asked me to stay with him for a little while, I accepted. I needed to be with someone who didn't pressure me into anything. I knew how Hijiri felt for me, but…he didn't demand anything from me. He wanted this whole thing to cool down before I went back to the JuohCho with to work it out with Tsuzuki.
Maybe it's why I have feelings for him.
I hate feeling like I'm being unfaithful to Tsuzuki by thinking things like this…but I can't help it. Maybe…I'm making up for lost time in trying to love a lot of people…seeing as I didn't have much love when I was alive. Maybe it's wrong….but I can't help it. I have feelings for Minase Hijiri.
Well…who wouldn't? He's the kind of person that most take for granted. He's kind, sensitive, and an extremely happy person. He knows how to make you feel better when you're really down.
However, he has a sense of reality that is stronger than most. Tatsumi-san had even said that he seems to be a lot like both Tsuzuki and I. A consummate optimist, but able to distinguish reality from fantasy. Tsuzuki's happiness and my cynicism. Maybe that was why both Tsuzuki and I could both relate to him so well.
So when he offered to share his bed with me, I couldn't help but blush. "Hijiri….." I knew I was trying to get out of it.
"I can share." He insisted, still smiling even as he hugged me once again. "It'll be just like a sleepover, ne? Just….everynight."
I laid my head on his shoulder, letting him hold me for just a bit longer before I pulled away. "Hijiri, I'm….kind of hungry……"
Hijiri suddenly smiled. "Pizza!!!" he stated, getting up from the couch and heading for the phone. "I'm going to order out and we're gonna eat and watch anime until we die from exhaustion! That a good plan for tonight/"
I can't help but smile a little, his happiness becoming contagious.. "Hai, Hijiri." I said, watching his eyes light up. "Arigatou. For everything."
"No problem!" he stated, picking up the phone.
I couldn't help but be excited about this, as badly as I felt about everything that had happened today in the JuohCho. After all, I had never had the chance to be a normal teenager. This would be something new for me, as sad as that sounds.
Yes….this would be nice.
* * * * * *
(Tsuzuki)
He didn't come home last night…..not that I expected him to. Tatsumi told me that he'd gone to Earth. Where he'd gone, no one would tell me. Apparently, everyone thought Hisoka needed time to think things through.
Geez! Think WHAT through!? We had a fight, pure and simple! Just like any other time…we should be able to cool off and then talk it through. This is incredibly ridiculous.
Then again….the look on Hisoka's face when I made the comment about his age had broken my heart. I love him…I really do. I'm just so frustrated…both emotionally and sexually. It hurts that he doesn't trust me. I…just want to show him how much I love him. To show him that nothing that was done to him in the past could change the way I feel for him.
But what happened to him in the past is surely what is keeping him from being with me in a physical relationship. I don't doubt that he loves me…but what Muraki did to him must have scared him out of ever wanting to be intimate with anyone….including me.
Damn Muraki into the deepest pit of hell for that!
Of course, I'd had similar experiences with Muraki. But unlike Hisoka, I knew what intimacy was supposed to be like. That is was a wonderful thing that two consenting people that loved each other could do to show each other just how much love there was between them.
Hisoka didn't have the luxury of knowing that. His first true experience had been one of pain, lust, and domination. He didn't have any knowledge of what true lovemaking was supposed to be like. I just wanted to show him.
But he wasn't ready to learn and me, being a typical hormone-driven male, didn't understand that until it was too late….and I'd hurt him too badly this time.
I looked at the clock. 2:30am…..and Hisoka wasn't home. Usually, by now, we were curled in bed, sleeping and dreaming. I can't sleep in the bed without Hisoka here, so I'm on the couch, watching late-night TV and feeling like an all-around loser.
" 'Soka…..I miss you….~ I thought, laying my head back against the pillows I'd taken out of our room. ~Come home soon. Gomen ne……~
* * * * * *
(Hijiri)
"Ne, Hisoka-kun?" I whispered, still leaning on the mound of pillows that I'd procured from my bedroom. Hisoka was on the other side of the massive bed we'd created with pillows and blankets so that we could watch the new X TV anime on my big screen. "Isn't Subaru hot….?"
When I didn't get an answer, I looked over at Hisoka to see that he was fast asleep, head resting on one of the pillows. He'd kicked the blanket off and was curled up, obviously trying to keep himself warm. He looked so cute……but he was cold, and I refused to allow that.
I got out of the make-shift bed, turning the heater up before getting back in, pulling the blankets up to cover us both. I made sure that Hisoka was well covered, trying to keep him warm. I turned off the television, laying back down and just looking at him.
He was still curled up, but he was slowly loosening his limbs so that he was laying flat. He was on his side, facing me and nuzzled into the pillow. Blonde locks of hair were resting over his face and he looked so peaceful that I couldn't help but smile.
I reached out, intent on pushing those locks of hair away from his face and was surprised when he turned into the touch, pulling himself closer to me in the process. He probably thought that he was back in the JuohCho, in bed with Tsuzuki and cuddled up to him.
Which is why I was surprised when I heard him sigh.
"Hijiri…." He whispered, a soft, sleepy smile that was obviously directed at me. "Suki da….."
I was floored, to say the least. No one had ever said those words to me….and even though he was asleep, I couldn't help but wonder if it was true. Did he love me….or was he just dreaming?
Gods…what I wouldn't give for him to mean those words?
So I let myself dream just a little, laying a gentle kiss on his forehead and closing my eyes. "Aa….Dai suki, 'Soka…."
I just wish that you loved me back.
OOC: Gomen!!!! I am such a tease. I know exposition sucks…but I'm going to write more….hopefully tomorrow. That would be nice, ne?????
Keri-chan
http://kerichan.pitas.com
Keeper of Hijiri's Innocence
GEEZ!!!!! Part 2 finally!!!….need to work on the Protégé………*sighs*. Damn it all!!!!!
I've been MIA for a while…..GOMEN NASAI!!!!!! It's because of school and real-life and all that reality bullshit. Sorry this took so long to get out.
Anyway, I'm sorry about the OOC thing with Tsuzuki. Someone didn't like that I kinda bastardized him….but he'll get nicer….I promise!!!!! That was just a one time thing! Honto ni!!!!!!!! I really like Tsuzuki. I really do!
Anyway….like I said before….this just popped into my head. If it's REALLY bad, sorry….
(Hisoka)
I have always been told that I can be heartless. By everyone in my life, in fact….at least those that I cared about. I'm cold…..emotionless. I don't feel anything.
Maybe it's because I was never completely understood by anyone. Even Tsuzuki, whom I love more than I've ever loved anyone, never completely understood me. Even I don't understand me.
But Hijiri does.
Hijiri seems to understand that I don't need anyone to make it all better. That I don't need him to say anything at all. I just need someone to be there. I just need someone to hold me…and to make me forget what was done to me….if only for a little while. He knows.
That makes me feel safe.
So when Hijiri asked me to stay with him for a little while, I accepted. I needed to be with someone who didn't pressure me into anything. I knew how Hijiri felt for me, but…he didn't demand anything from me. He wanted this whole thing to cool down before I went back to the JuohCho with to work it out with Tsuzuki.
Maybe it's why I have feelings for him.
I hate feeling like I'm being unfaithful to Tsuzuki by thinking things like this…but I can't help it. Maybe…I'm making up for lost time in trying to love a lot of people…seeing as I didn't have much love when I was alive. Maybe it's wrong….but I can't help it. I have feelings for Minase Hijiri.
Well…who wouldn't? He's the kind of person that most take for granted. He's kind, sensitive, and an extremely happy person. He knows how to make you feel better when you're really down.
However, he has a sense of reality that is stronger than most. Tatsumi-san had even said that he seems to be a lot like both Tsuzuki and I. A consummate optimist, but able to distinguish reality from fantasy. Tsuzuki's happiness and my cynicism. Maybe that was why both Tsuzuki and I could both relate to him so well.
So when he offered to share his bed with me, I couldn't help but blush. "Hijiri….." I knew I was trying to get out of it.
"I can share." He insisted, still smiling even as he hugged me once again. "It'll be just like a sleepover, ne? Just….everynight."
I laid my head on his shoulder, letting him hold me for just a bit longer before I pulled away. "Hijiri, I'm….kind of hungry……"
Hijiri suddenly smiled. "Pizza!!!" he stated, getting up from the couch and heading for the phone. "I'm going to order out and we're gonna eat and watch anime until we die from exhaustion! That a good plan for tonight/"
I can't help but smile a little, his happiness becoming contagious.. "Hai, Hijiri." I said, watching his eyes light up. "Arigatou. For everything."
"No problem!" he stated, picking up the phone.
I couldn't help but be excited about this, as badly as I felt about everything that had happened today in the JuohCho. After all, I had never had the chance to be a normal teenager. This would be something new for me, as sad as that sounds.
Yes….this would be nice.
* * * * * *
(Tsuzuki)
He didn't come home last night…..not that I expected him to. Tatsumi told me that he'd gone to Earth. Where he'd gone, no one would tell me. Apparently, everyone thought Hisoka needed time to think things through.
Geez! Think WHAT through!? We had a fight, pure and simple! Just like any other time…we should be able to cool off and then talk it through. This is incredibly ridiculous.
Then again….the look on Hisoka's face when I made the comment about his age had broken my heart. I love him…I really do. I'm just so frustrated…both emotionally and sexually. It hurts that he doesn't trust me. I…just want to show him how much I love him. To show him that nothing that was done to him in the past could change the way I feel for him.
But what happened to him in the past is surely what is keeping him from being with me in a physical relationship. I don't doubt that he loves me…but what Muraki did to him must have scared him out of ever wanting to be intimate with anyone….including me.
Damn Muraki into the deepest pit of hell for that!
Of course, I'd had similar experiences with Muraki. But unlike Hisoka, I knew what intimacy was supposed to be like. That is was a wonderful thing that two consenting people that loved each other could do to show each other just how much love there was between them.
Hisoka didn't have the luxury of knowing that. His first true experience had been one of pain, lust, and domination. He didn't have any knowledge of what true lovemaking was supposed to be like. I just wanted to show him.
But he wasn't ready to learn and me, being a typical hormone-driven male, didn't understand that until it was too late….and I'd hurt him too badly this time.
I looked at the clock. 2:30am…..and Hisoka wasn't home. Usually, by now, we were curled in bed, sleeping and dreaming. I can't sleep in the bed without Hisoka here, so I'm on the couch, watching late-night TV and feeling like an all-around loser.
" 'Soka…..I miss you….~ I thought, laying my head back against the pillows I'd taken out of our room. ~Come home soon. Gomen ne……~
* * * * * *
(Hijiri)
"Ne, Hisoka-kun?" I whispered, still leaning on the mound of pillows that I'd procured from my bedroom. Hisoka was on the other side of the massive bed we'd created with pillows and blankets so that we could watch the new X TV anime on my big screen. "Isn't Subaru hot….?"
When I didn't get an answer, I looked over at Hisoka to see that he was fast asleep, head resting on one of the pillows. He'd kicked the blanket off and was curled up, obviously trying to keep himself warm. He looked so cute……but he was cold, and I refused to allow that.
I got out of the make-shift bed, turning the heater up before getting back in, pulling the blankets up to cover us both. I made sure that Hisoka was well covered, trying to keep him warm. I turned off the television, laying back down and just looking at him.
He was still curled up, but he was slowly loosening his limbs so that he was laying flat. He was on his side, facing me and nuzzled into the pillow. Blonde locks of hair were resting over his face and he looked so peaceful that I couldn't help but smile.
I reached out, intent on pushing those locks of hair away from his face and was surprised when he turned into the touch, pulling himself closer to me in the process. He probably thought that he was back in the JuohCho, in bed with Tsuzuki and cuddled up to him.
Which is why I was surprised when I heard him sigh.
"Hijiri…." He whispered, a soft, sleepy smile that was obviously directed at me. "Suki da….."
I was floored, to say the least. No one had ever said those words to me….and even though he was asleep, I couldn't help but wonder if it was true. Did he love me….or was he just dreaming?
Gods…what I wouldn't give for him to mean those words?
So I let myself dream just a little, laying a gentle kiss on his forehead and closing my eyes. "Aa….Dai suki, 'Soka…."
I just wish that you loved me back.
OOC: Gomen!!!! I am such a tease. I know exposition sucks…but I'm going to write more….hopefully tomorrow. That would be nice, ne?????
Keri-chan
http://kerichan.pitas.com
Keeper of Hijiri's Innocence