Fuck!
Fuckfuckfuck!
I staggered away from the crowd, taking big, deep breaths, struggling to keep my cool. I tended to get the chills when I was scared.
And I had forgotten how much he scared me.
Fuck.
What was I doing here? It was like I was wearing a big neon sign saying- I'm here! Come get me and finish me off!
And I was supposed to be the smart one.
Fuck!
Calm down. Calm down. Calm. Down.
He hadn't seen me. Neither had my stupid ass brother, with all his eagle vision. They weren't looking for me- they thought I was dead, after all.
There was still time to get out of this alive.
And it wasn't as if they could make me a Controller. I had long ago protected myself from that kind of threat. I reached out and touched my ear. It still gave me the creeps, even after all these years.
You see, I altered my DNA to prevent it from happening.
It wasn't as hard as it sounds. Actually, the hard part was keeping it quiet. I had to practically threaten some of the Arn- before they were all destroyed, of course- to help me. Not that they minded that much. Anything that could piss Visser Three off is okay by them.
Oh, and it did, when he finally found out. When I … betrayed them, making me a Controller had been the first plan. I wasn't shocked because I had never trusted the asshole, but hearing it in actual words…
Fuck again.
All I had to do was leave. I could say I got sick. I did feel nauseous.
"Hey, Alanna!"
I swallowed hard, but I remained calm. I recognized the voice easily. It was just Kelly, one of the little girls in the foster home. I smiled down at her. She worships me, and likes following me around. For obvious reasons, right?
Okay, you got me. I don't know why either.
"What's up, kid?" I asked.
She grinned. "Guess what?" she bubbled. She never just talked, she was always bouncing and grinning. It was enough to give you a headache.
Kelly always asks me that because I can usually guess it. I did not feel like guessing, so I said, "What?"
She seemed disappointed but she said, "Mr. Kesal's going to let ALL of us become FULL members! Even me! We'll both be FULL Sharing members together! Isn't that so cool?"
FUCK!
I just smiled and nodded. I'd be damned if I was going to be a full fucking member, but she didn't need to hear me say that.
"Actually, I'm not feeling that well," I said. I touched my throat and made a face. "Can you tell Mr. Kesal that I'm going to go home."
She beamed, glad to do me a favor and skipped off.
Well, I was safe, for the moment. Too bad I'd have to find a new foster home. That was annoying, but I really-
Why did I feel so bad? Was I really sick?
It was none of my concern. Why should I care if the Yeerks take a couple of foster kids, so long as I stayed free? It wasn't like I liked Kelly's constant attention…
Oh, dear.
"None of my business," I said, turning to walk away from the meeting. I could take the bus home, and there-
None of my business. They would've taken Kelly eventually anyway, wouldn't they? She was just a human, for crying out loud, they all were?
And who really cared about-
I swallowed hard. I was shaking. What was wrong with me? I had grown up with the Yeerks, I had seen them take countless humans and Hork-Bajir against their will. Why should I start caring now?
It wasn't like I was one of them, damn it!
I kept walking, my eyes straight ahead. I would not look back, I would not feel guilty. Why should I? I wasn't doing anything to them.
I certainly wasn't helping them.
I stopped. It had been years since I had run away from the Yeerks. How long would I be safe in a world where they were growing, multiplying?
And if Alexxen was going public…
They would find me eventually. And he would kill me, like he had tried to before. They would never take me back, I knew that.
What I had done was unforgivable.
How do you stay neutral in a war where both sides have reason to hate you? No matter who won- and I knew it would be the Yeerks- I was screwed. I had helped the Yeerks and then I had betrayed them.
I had to pick a side. A fucking side.
"Oh, shit!" I said, turning around. Damn it maybe I wasn't human, but I was still vulnerable.
Those who had once been my friends were now my enemies, those who had once been my family would come to kill me, no matter what.
But not if I killed them first.
Tell me what you think about this! I tried to make it interesting!!
Thank you all who took the time to review. Oh and Anigurl88? You caught me, I did read (and worship) the Lioness Quartet. Ahh!
Fuckfuckfuck!
I staggered away from the crowd, taking big, deep breaths, struggling to keep my cool. I tended to get the chills when I was scared.
And I had forgotten how much he scared me.
Fuck.
What was I doing here? It was like I was wearing a big neon sign saying- I'm here! Come get me and finish me off!
And I was supposed to be the smart one.
Fuck!
Calm down. Calm down. Calm. Down.
He hadn't seen me. Neither had my stupid ass brother, with all his eagle vision. They weren't looking for me- they thought I was dead, after all.
There was still time to get out of this alive.
And it wasn't as if they could make me a Controller. I had long ago protected myself from that kind of threat. I reached out and touched my ear. It still gave me the creeps, even after all these years.
You see, I altered my DNA to prevent it from happening.
It wasn't as hard as it sounds. Actually, the hard part was keeping it quiet. I had to practically threaten some of the Arn- before they were all destroyed, of course- to help me. Not that they minded that much. Anything that could piss Visser Three off is okay by them.
Oh, and it did, when he finally found out. When I … betrayed them, making me a Controller had been the first plan. I wasn't shocked because I had never trusted the asshole, but hearing it in actual words…
Fuck again.
All I had to do was leave. I could say I got sick. I did feel nauseous.
"Hey, Alanna!"
I swallowed hard, but I remained calm. I recognized the voice easily. It was just Kelly, one of the little girls in the foster home. I smiled down at her. She worships me, and likes following me around. For obvious reasons, right?
Okay, you got me. I don't know why either.
"What's up, kid?" I asked.
She grinned. "Guess what?" she bubbled. She never just talked, she was always bouncing and grinning. It was enough to give you a headache.
Kelly always asks me that because I can usually guess it. I did not feel like guessing, so I said, "What?"
She seemed disappointed but she said, "Mr. Kesal's going to let ALL of us become FULL members! Even me! We'll both be FULL Sharing members together! Isn't that so cool?"
FUCK!
I just smiled and nodded. I'd be damned if I was going to be a full fucking member, but she didn't need to hear me say that.
"Actually, I'm not feeling that well," I said. I touched my throat and made a face. "Can you tell Mr. Kesal that I'm going to go home."
She beamed, glad to do me a favor and skipped off.
Well, I was safe, for the moment. Too bad I'd have to find a new foster home. That was annoying, but I really-
Why did I feel so bad? Was I really sick?
It was none of my concern. Why should I care if the Yeerks take a couple of foster kids, so long as I stayed free? It wasn't like I liked Kelly's constant attention…
Oh, dear.
"None of my business," I said, turning to walk away from the meeting. I could take the bus home, and there-
None of my business. They would've taken Kelly eventually anyway, wouldn't they? She was just a human, for crying out loud, they all were?
And who really cared about-
I swallowed hard. I was shaking. What was wrong with me? I had grown up with the Yeerks, I had seen them take countless humans and Hork-Bajir against their will. Why should I start caring now?
It wasn't like I was one of them, damn it!
I kept walking, my eyes straight ahead. I would not look back, I would not feel guilty. Why should I? I wasn't doing anything to them.
I certainly wasn't helping them.
I stopped. It had been years since I had run away from the Yeerks. How long would I be safe in a world where they were growing, multiplying?
And if Alexxen was going public…
They would find me eventually. And he would kill me, like he had tried to before. They would never take me back, I knew that.
What I had done was unforgivable.
How do you stay neutral in a war where both sides have reason to hate you? No matter who won- and I knew it would be the Yeerks- I was screwed. I had helped the Yeerks and then I had betrayed them.
I had to pick a side. A fucking side.
"Oh, shit!" I said, turning around. Damn it maybe I wasn't human, but I was still vulnerable.
Those who had once been my friends were now my enemies, those who had once been my family would come to kill me, no matter what.
But not if I killed them first.
Tell me what you think about this! I tried to make it interesting!!
Thank you all who took the time to review. Oh and Anigurl88? You caught me, I did read (and worship) the Lioness Quartet. Ahh!