X-Men: Evolution Telethon
By: Nagi-Oki
Scene: Mystique and the Professor are on the stage. The numbers to the number board are rolled up to the millions.
Mystique: Wow! Thanks a lot Mr. Steinberner!
Professor: Lucky for us that guy's a few ham sandwiches short of Oprah's midnight snack.
[Beast is sitting behind an adding machine surrounded by unrolled paper. He has on a green visor and reading specs on.]
Beast: It looks like we'll have plenty of money to pay for the third season.
Professor: Really? You mean we'll have enough to pay for the food bill?
[Beast types in some figures.]
Beast: Yep!
Mystique: We'll be able to pay for the new characters.
[Beast toys with a few figures.]
Beast: Yep!
[Logan comes on screen holding a cup of coffee and eating a few donuts.]
Logan: We'll be able to hire the guy who coreographed the fights in 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' to coreograph the fights between me and Sabretooth?
Beast: Have you been back stage all this time eating donuts and drinking coffee?
Logan: I'm freakin' Wolverine I can do whatever I want. Just answer the question poindexter.
[Beast hmphs and checks the figures.]
Beast: Yep.
[Gambit leaps down onto the stage.]
Gambit: Enough money to bring Remy into de show?
Beast: Why don't YOU get a REAL job?
[Gambit pouts and looks down at his feet.]
Gambit: Gambit's so lonely...
[Mystique pulls a nearby lever causing Gambit to fall through a trap door.]
Professor: When did we get that?
Mystique: Oh we've had that for a while Charles. It's called a Ray Jay Johnson Ejector.
Professor: You mean trap door.
Mystique: Eh, same difference.
[Agonizing screams of terror rise from the door.]
Beast: My god Mystique, what awful death did you send him to?
Mystique: It's a pit of rabid Gambit fans that've been snorting Pixie Stix.
[Everyone shivers, what an awful way to go.]
Paul: Remind me never to cross Mystique...
Jason: Paul, we're the guys in red suits on Star Trek. You're lucky your grandmother sends you fanmail.
Paul: Don't you talk about my gram-gram!
Beast: We even have enough money to hire that psychiatrist we've been needing!
[All the adults jump, hoot, and holler for joy.]
Mystique: That's almost as good as running away and hiding in Cancun till these nuts are adults!^^
Professor: Moving on, we've all seen the war between Logan and Sabretooth for Storm's affections.
[An image of Sabretooth giving Storm a bouqet of white roses and Logan shooting glares at him comes up.]
Mystique: PFFF! Who hasn't! Thanks to those two morons the florist's bought a yacht!
[An image of Logan carving a hedge into a bust of Storm in front of her with Sabretooth snarling at Logan comes up.]
Professor: Well, the two have conceeded to duel for the fair maiden's heart.
[An image of Sabretooth on a carousel horse sitting with Ororo and Logan chasing them around comes up.]
Mystique: Really? They went with the drinking contest idea?
[An image of Sabretooth, Logan, and Ororo sticing their heads out through one of those cut out things comes up. Sabetooth's head sticks out of Bluto as Logan's head sticks out of Popeye and Ororo is Olive Oyl.]
Professor: They tried that, they got too drunk to even remember who won. So now they will duel with music!
[Cut to: Ororo sitting on a bench on a stage. Logan walks ou with a solitary red rose. Music starts playing.]
Logan:
Every night she walks right in my dreams
Since I met her from the start
I'm so proud I am the only one
Who is special in her heart
[Ororo takes the rose smiling to Logan blushing slightly.]
Logan:
The girl is mine
The doggone girl is mine
I know she's mine
Because the doggone girl is mine
[Sabretooth comes out with a boquet of red roses. Ororo turns and takes the roses smiling to Sabretooth.]
Sabretooth:
I don't understand the way you think
Saying that she's yours not mine
Sending roses and your silly dreams
Really just a waste of time
[Logan walks off stage growling.]
Sabretooth:
Because she's mine
The doggone girl is mine
[Logan comes back with a box of chocolates. Ororo blushes and turns to Logan looking a little unnerved by this.]
Sabretooth:
Don't waste your time
Because the doggone girl is mine
[Sabretooth pushes a large heart-shaped box of chocolates onto Ororo's lap. She looks down at the box.]
Sabretooth:
I love you more than he
Apocalypse & Mesmero:
Take you anywhere
[Logan hands Ororo a burgundy box with a diamond ring in it. She looks a little uncomfortable now.]
Logan:
But I love you endlessly
Apocalypse & Mesmero:
Loving we will share
[Logan takes one of Ororo's hands and Sabretooth takes the other.]
Logan and Sabretooth:
So come and go with me
To one town
[Logan and Sabretooth glare at each other Ororo looks very nervous now.]
Logan:
But we both cannot have her
So it's one or the other
And one day you'll discover
That she's my girl forever and ever
[Sabretooth and Logan start getting in each other's faces, Ororo is now trying to get loose from their grip.]
Sabretooth:
I don't build your hopes to be let down
'Cause I really feel it's time
Logan:
I know she'll tell you I'm the one for her
'Cause she said I blow her mind
[Logan and Sabretooth are now face to face growling and snarling.]
Logan:
The girl is mine
The doggone girl is mine
Don't waste your time
Because the doggone girl is mine
[Logan and Sabretooth start a tug of war with Ororo who looks like she's about to scream.]
Sabretooth: She's mine,
Logan: She's Mine
Sabretooth: No, no, no, she's mine
Logan: The girl is mine,
Sabretooth: The girl is mine
Logan: The girl is mine,
Sabretooth: The girl is mine
[They let go of Ororo and get toe to toe with each other. Ororo glares at the two and gets up dusting herself off.]
Sabretooth:
The girl is mine,
Logan: Mine! Mine!
Sabretooth:
Yep, she's mine
Logan: Mine! Mine!
Sabretooth:
The girl is mine,
Logan: Mine! Mine!
Sabretooth:
Yep, she's mine
Logan: Mine! Mine!
[Logan pushes Sabretooth off with a smug look.]
Logan:
Don't waste your time
Because the doggone girl is mine
The girl is mine, the girl is mine
[Sabretooth stops singing.]
Sabretooth: Logan, we're not going to fight about this, Ok?
[Logan gets a sly grin on his face.]
Logan: Creed, I think I told you, I'm a lover not a fighter.
[Sabretooth rolls his eyes.]
Sabretooth: I've heard it all before, Logan.
She told me that I'm her forever lover, you know, don't you remember?
Logan: Well, after lovin' me, she said she couldn't love another.
[Sabretooth does a double take at Logan.]
Sabretooth: Is that what she said?!
Logan: Yea she said it, you keep dreaming.
[Sabretooth starts singing again, cupping his hands over his ears as Logan sings tauntingly.]
Sabretooth:
I don't believe it!
Logan:
The girl is mine
Apocalypse & Mesmero:
Mine, mine, mine
Sabretooth:
No mine!
Logan:
No mine!
Sabretooth:
The girl is---
[Suddenly Sabretooth and Logan are struck by lightning. They stand for a second then flop face forward onto the ground. Cut to: Main center stage where Ororo is glaring angrily off-screen.]
Ororo: I have never been so embarrassed in all my life!
Mystique: At least you GOT men after you.
[Ororo stomps over to a sleeping Kelly and shakes him awake.]
Ororo: Wake up b**** you're my new boyfriend.
[Kelly looks around groggily then smiles.]
Kelly: Ahright...
[Mystique sighs looking miserable.]
Mystique: Aw...I was gonna make the lil' b**** my boyfriend...
OS-Magneto: Is it time for my skit yet!?
Professor: We're getting to you keep your spandex on!
Mystique: Yea, you ain't goin' anywhere!
[The professor clears his throat.]
Professor: And now for the last act of the evening....
[Cut to: Author's computer terminal.]
WE INTERUPT THIS FIC TO GIVE YOU A SPECIAL MESSAGE
Nagi-Oki: Hey-o, all. Nagi-Oki here, I'm really glad to see everyone turn out for the clincher of this waste of space. I'm gonna return with more stuff but that's not why I interrupted this fic. I'm just gonna tell you the next skit is actually based on something my zoology teacher Mr. Szuchy (he had the coolest name) did at the faculty talent show in my old high school. So if it's really stupid, don't blame me.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO OUR STORY ALREADY IN PROGRESS
[Cut to: Main stage with Mystique and the professor.]
Mystique: Let's hear a round o' sound for Magneto and principal Kelly with Mambo No. 5!
[Cut to: A different stage low lights. Kelly is off to the side with a microphone.]
Kelly: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo No. 5.
[The music starts, Magneto stands still.]
Kelly:
1,
[Magnmeto holds up one finger.]
Kelly:
2,
[Magneto holds up a second finger.]
Kelly:
3, 4, 5
[Magneto holds up coresponding fingers, bopping a little to the beat.]
Kelly:
Everybody in the car so come on let's ride
To the liquor store around the corner
The boys say they want some gin and juice
But I really don't wanna
[The lights come up, He's got a rigging attached to himself, of four girl manequins set to follow his movements. He still bops to the beat.]
Beer buzz like I had last week
I must stay deep cause talk is cheap
I like Angela,
[Magneto points to the first dummy on his left.]
Kelly:
Pamela,
[Magneto points to the second dummy on his left.]
Kelly:
Sandra,
[Magneto points to the first dummy on his right.]
Kelly:
And Rita
[Magneto points to the second dummy on his right.]
Kelly:
And as they continue
You know they getting sweeter
[Magneto starts tramping around on the stage as Kelly sings.]
Kelly:
So what can I do
I really beg you my Lord
To me flirting is just like a sport
Anything fly, it's all good
let me jump in and send in the trumpet
Kelly:
A little bit of Monica, in my life
A little bit of Erica, by my side
A little bit of Rita's, all I need
A little bit of Tina, is what I seek
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary, all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
Kelly: Mambo No. 5!
Kelly:
Jump up and down
[Magneto jumps up.]
Kelly:
And move it all around
[Magneto moves his hips in a wide circle.]
Kelly:
Shake your hand to the sound
Put your hands on the ground
[Magneto puts his hands on the ground.]
Kelly:
Take one step left
[Magneto steps left.]
Kelly:
And one step right
[Magneto steps right.]
Kelly:
One to the front
[Magneto steps to the front.]
Kelly:
And one to the side
[Magneto steps back.]
Kelly:
Clap your hands once
[Magneto claps once.]
Kelly:
And clap your hands twice
[Magneto claps twice.]
Kelly:
And if it looks like this
Then you're doing in right
[Magneto starts dancing around. He dances so he turns in a circle so his back is to the audiance. Across the back of the rig is 'A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E' spelled out. The audiance obliges.]
Kelly:
A little bit of Monica, in my life
A little bit of Erica, by my side
A little bit of Rita's, all I need
A little bit of Tina, is what I seek
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary, all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
[When the song hits that loud blast sound, Magneto bends over.]
Kelly: Trumpet!
[Magneto bends over again.]
Kelly: The trumpet! Mambo No. 5! Ha, ha, ha!
[Magneto starts to turn around still dancing with the dummies.]
Kelly:
A little bit of Monica, in my life
A little bit of Erica, by my side
A little bit of Rita's, all I need
A little bit of Tina, is what I seek
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary, all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
Kelly:
I'd do all to
Fall in love with a girl like you
Cuz you can't run
And you can't hide
You and me gonna touch the sky
Kelly: Mambo No. 5!
[Cut to: Main stage, everyone's gathered up to the front. Mystique has a towel draped over her shoulders.]
Mystique: Well, as much I hate to say, that's all folks.
Professor: And I think we all learned something tonight...
Scott: That Duncan's a geek for knowing all the words to an *NSYNC song?
Duncan: Hey!
Rogue: That Jean can count higher than 10?
Jean: Rogue!
Sabretooth: Not to use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters?
[Everyone gives him a funny look.]
Sabretooth: What!?
Jamie: That people are willing to pay a lot of money to watch others humiliate themselves on TV?
[Kurt puts a hand around Jamie's shoulder.]
Kurt: Dhat's vhat dhe entertainment industry's all about Jamie.
Mystique: We all look forward to seeing you guys next time we need money. But until then...
Professor: As you walk down that highway of life...
Pietro: Hitch hike, it's faster!
Everyone: Pietro!
[Everyone waves goodbye as the curtain closes and the credits roll.]
DAS END!
By: Nagi-Oki
Scene: Mystique and the Professor are on the stage. The numbers to the number board are rolled up to the millions.
Mystique: Wow! Thanks a lot Mr. Steinberner!
Professor: Lucky for us that guy's a few ham sandwiches short of Oprah's midnight snack.
[Beast is sitting behind an adding machine surrounded by unrolled paper. He has on a green visor and reading specs on.]
Beast: It looks like we'll have plenty of money to pay for the third season.
Professor: Really? You mean we'll have enough to pay for the food bill?
[Beast types in some figures.]
Beast: Yep!
Mystique: We'll be able to pay for the new characters.
[Beast toys with a few figures.]
Beast: Yep!
[Logan comes on screen holding a cup of coffee and eating a few donuts.]
Logan: We'll be able to hire the guy who coreographed the fights in 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' to coreograph the fights between me and Sabretooth?
Beast: Have you been back stage all this time eating donuts and drinking coffee?
Logan: I'm freakin' Wolverine I can do whatever I want. Just answer the question poindexter.
[Beast hmphs and checks the figures.]
Beast: Yep.
[Gambit leaps down onto the stage.]
Gambit: Enough money to bring Remy into de show?
Beast: Why don't YOU get a REAL job?
[Gambit pouts and looks down at his feet.]
Gambit: Gambit's so lonely...
[Mystique pulls a nearby lever causing Gambit to fall through a trap door.]
Professor: When did we get that?
Mystique: Oh we've had that for a while Charles. It's called a Ray Jay Johnson Ejector.
Professor: You mean trap door.
Mystique: Eh, same difference.
[Agonizing screams of terror rise from the door.]
Beast: My god Mystique, what awful death did you send him to?
Mystique: It's a pit of rabid Gambit fans that've been snorting Pixie Stix.
[Everyone shivers, what an awful way to go.]
Paul: Remind me never to cross Mystique...
Jason: Paul, we're the guys in red suits on Star Trek. You're lucky your grandmother sends you fanmail.
Paul: Don't you talk about my gram-gram!
Beast: We even have enough money to hire that psychiatrist we've been needing!
[All the adults jump, hoot, and holler for joy.]
Mystique: That's almost as good as running away and hiding in Cancun till these nuts are adults!^^
Professor: Moving on, we've all seen the war between Logan and Sabretooth for Storm's affections.
[An image of Sabretooth giving Storm a bouqet of white roses and Logan shooting glares at him comes up.]
Mystique: PFFF! Who hasn't! Thanks to those two morons the florist's bought a yacht!
[An image of Logan carving a hedge into a bust of Storm in front of her with Sabretooth snarling at Logan comes up.]
Professor: Well, the two have conceeded to duel for the fair maiden's heart.
[An image of Sabretooth on a carousel horse sitting with Ororo and Logan chasing them around comes up.]
Mystique: Really? They went with the drinking contest idea?
[An image of Sabretooth, Logan, and Ororo sticing their heads out through one of those cut out things comes up. Sabetooth's head sticks out of Bluto as Logan's head sticks out of Popeye and Ororo is Olive Oyl.]
Professor: They tried that, they got too drunk to even remember who won. So now they will duel with music!
[Cut to: Ororo sitting on a bench on a stage. Logan walks ou with a solitary red rose. Music starts playing.]
Logan:
Every night she walks right in my dreams
Since I met her from the start
I'm so proud I am the only one
Who is special in her heart
[Ororo takes the rose smiling to Logan blushing slightly.]
Logan:
The girl is mine
The doggone girl is mine
I know she's mine
Because the doggone girl is mine
[Sabretooth comes out with a boquet of red roses. Ororo turns and takes the roses smiling to Sabretooth.]
Sabretooth:
I don't understand the way you think
Saying that she's yours not mine
Sending roses and your silly dreams
Really just a waste of time
[Logan walks off stage growling.]
Sabretooth:
Because she's mine
The doggone girl is mine
[Logan comes back with a box of chocolates. Ororo blushes and turns to Logan looking a little unnerved by this.]
Sabretooth:
Don't waste your time
Because the doggone girl is mine
[Sabretooth pushes a large heart-shaped box of chocolates onto Ororo's lap. She looks down at the box.]
Sabretooth:
I love you more than he
Apocalypse & Mesmero:
Take you anywhere
[Logan hands Ororo a burgundy box with a diamond ring in it. She looks a little uncomfortable now.]
Logan:
But I love you endlessly
Apocalypse & Mesmero:
Loving we will share
[Logan takes one of Ororo's hands and Sabretooth takes the other.]
Logan and Sabretooth:
So come and go with me
To one town
[Logan and Sabretooth glare at each other Ororo looks very nervous now.]
Logan:
But we both cannot have her
So it's one or the other
And one day you'll discover
That she's my girl forever and ever
[Sabretooth and Logan start getting in each other's faces, Ororo is now trying to get loose from their grip.]
Sabretooth:
I don't build your hopes to be let down
'Cause I really feel it's time
Logan:
I know she'll tell you I'm the one for her
'Cause she said I blow her mind
[Logan and Sabretooth are now face to face growling and snarling.]
Logan:
The girl is mine
The doggone girl is mine
Don't waste your time
Because the doggone girl is mine
[Logan and Sabretooth start a tug of war with Ororo who looks like she's about to scream.]
Sabretooth: She's mine,
Logan: She's Mine
Sabretooth: No, no, no, she's mine
Logan: The girl is mine,
Sabretooth: The girl is mine
Logan: The girl is mine,
Sabretooth: The girl is mine
[They let go of Ororo and get toe to toe with each other. Ororo glares at the two and gets up dusting herself off.]
Sabretooth:
The girl is mine,
Logan: Mine! Mine!
Sabretooth:
Yep, she's mine
Logan: Mine! Mine!
Sabretooth:
The girl is mine,
Logan: Mine! Mine!
Sabretooth:
Yep, she's mine
Logan: Mine! Mine!
[Logan pushes Sabretooth off with a smug look.]
Logan:
Don't waste your time
Because the doggone girl is mine
The girl is mine, the girl is mine
[Sabretooth stops singing.]
Sabretooth: Logan, we're not going to fight about this, Ok?
[Logan gets a sly grin on his face.]
Logan: Creed, I think I told you, I'm a lover not a fighter.
[Sabretooth rolls his eyes.]
Sabretooth: I've heard it all before, Logan.
She told me that I'm her forever lover, you know, don't you remember?
Logan: Well, after lovin' me, she said she couldn't love another.
[Sabretooth does a double take at Logan.]
Sabretooth: Is that what she said?!
Logan: Yea she said it, you keep dreaming.
[Sabretooth starts singing again, cupping his hands over his ears as Logan sings tauntingly.]
Sabretooth:
I don't believe it!
Logan:
The girl is mine
Apocalypse & Mesmero:
Mine, mine, mine
Sabretooth:
No mine!
Logan:
No mine!
Sabretooth:
The girl is---
[Suddenly Sabretooth and Logan are struck by lightning. They stand for a second then flop face forward onto the ground. Cut to: Main center stage where Ororo is glaring angrily off-screen.]
Ororo: I have never been so embarrassed in all my life!
Mystique: At least you GOT men after you.
[Ororo stomps over to a sleeping Kelly and shakes him awake.]
Ororo: Wake up b**** you're my new boyfriend.
[Kelly looks around groggily then smiles.]
Kelly: Ahright...
[Mystique sighs looking miserable.]
Mystique: Aw...I was gonna make the lil' b**** my boyfriend...
OS-Magneto: Is it time for my skit yet!?
Professor: We're getting to you keep your spandex on!
Mystique: Yea, you ain't goin' anywhere!
[The professor clears his throat.]
Professor: And now for the last act of the evening....
[Cut to: Author's computer terminal.]
WE INTERUPT THIS FIC TO GIVE YOU A SPECIAL MESSAGE
Nagi-Oki: Hey-o, all. Nagi-Oki here, I'm really glad to see everyone turn out for the clincher of this waste of space. I'm gonna return with more stuff but that's not why I interrupted this fic. I'm just gonna tell you the next skit is actually based on something my zoology teacher Mr. Szuchy (he had the coolest name) did at the faculty talent show in my old high school. So if it's really stupid, don't blame me.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO OUR STORY ALREADY IN PROGRESS
[Cut to: Main stage with Mystique and the professor.]
Mystique: Let's hear a round o' sound for Magneto and principal Kelly with Mambo No. 5!
[Cut to: A different stage low lights. Kelly is off to the side with a microphone.]
Kelly: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo No. 5.
[The music starts, Magneto stands still.]
Kelly:
1,
[Magnmeto holds up one finger.]
Kelly:
2,
[Magneto holds up a second finger.]
Kelly:
3, 4, 5
[Magneto holds up coresponding fingers, bopping a little to the beat.]
Kelly:
Everybody in the car so come on let's ride
To the liquor store around the corner
The boys say they want some gin and juice
But I really don't wanna
[The lights come up, He's got a rigging attached to himself, of four girl manequins set to follow his movements. He still bops to the beat.]
Beer buzz like I had last week
I must stay deep cause talk is cheap
I like Angela,
[Magneto points to the first dummy on his left.]
Kelly:
Pamela,
[Magneto points to the second dummy on his left.]
Kelly:
Sandra,
[Magneto points to the first dummy on his right.]
Kelly:
And Rita
[Magneto points to the second dummy on his right.]
Kelly:
And as they continue
You know they getting sweeter
[Magneto starts tramping around on the stage as Kelly sings.]
Kelly:
So what can I do
I really beg you my Lord
To me flirting is just like a sport
Anything fly, it's all good
let me jump in and send in the trumpet
Kelly:
A little bit of Monica, in my life
A little bit of Erica, by my side
A little bit of Rita's, all I need
A little bit of Tina, is what I seek
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary, all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
Kelly: Mambo No. 5!
Kelly:
Jump up and down
[Magneto jumps up.]
Kelly:
And move it all around
[Magneto moves his hips in a wide circle.]
Kelly:
Shake your hand to the sound
Put your hands on the ground
[Magneto puts his hands on the ground.]
Kelly:
Take one step left
[Magneto steps left.]
Kelly:
And one step right
[Magneto steps right.]
Kelly:
One to the front
[Magneto steps to the front.]
Kelly:
And one to the side
[Magneto steps back.]
Kelly:
Clap your hands once
[Magneto claps once.]
Kelly:
And clap your hands twice
[Magneto claps twice.]
Kelly:
And if it looks like this
Then you're doing in right
[Magneto starts dancing around. He dances so he turns in a circle so his back is to the audiance. Across the back of the rig is 'A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E' spelled out. The audiance obliges.]
Kelly:
A little bit of Monica, in my life
A little bit of Erica, by my side
A little bit of Rita's, all I need
A little bit of Tina, is what I seek
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary, all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
[When the song hits that loud blast sound, Magneto bends over.]
Kelly: Trumpet!
[Magneto bends over again.]
Kelly: The trumpet! Mambo No. 5! Ha, ha, ha!
[Magneto starts to turn around still dancing with the dummies.]
Kelly:
A little bit of Monica, in my life
A little bit of Erica, by my side
A little bit of Rita's, all I need
A little bit of Tina, is what I seek
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary, all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
Kelly:
I'd do all to
Fall in love with a girl like you
Cuz you can't run
And you can't hide
You and me gonna touch the sky
Kelly: Mambo No. 5!
[Cut to: Main stage, everyone's gathered up to the front. Mystique has a towel draped over her shoulders.]
Mystique: Well, as much I hate to say, that's all folks.
Professor: And I think we all learned something tonight...
Scott: That Duncan's a geek for knowing all the words to an *NSYNC song?
Duncan: Hey!
Rogue: That Jean can count higher than 10?
Jean: Rogue!
Sabretooth: Not to use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters?
[Everyone gives him a funny look.]
Sabretooth: What!?
Jamie: That people are willing to pay a lot of money to watch others humiliate themselves on TV?
[Kurt puts a hand around Jamie's shoulder.]
Kurt: Dhat's vhat dhe entertainment industry's all about Jamie.
Mystique: We all look forward to seeing you guys next time we need money. But until then...
Professor: As you walk down that highway of life...
Pietro: Hitch hike, it's faster!
Everyone: Pietro!
[Everyone waves goodbye as the curtain closes and the credits roll.]
DAS END!