Tears On My Heart
tinuviel
NOTE: Like I said in the prologue this is an AU fic. Also, I am experimenting with doing each chapter in a different character's point of view. This chapter is in Arwen's POV. All the characters are OOC so don't think, Oh My God, I never knew she felt that way, cause I made them this way. I'm so happy! I just got The Book of Lost Tales 2. I bought some manga and an Enya CD too, but that doesn't really matter. How cool, Beren's an ELF! YAY! I don't own any song lyrics I use in this fic. Ithil is the nickname I made Aragorn/Estel give to Arwen. It means, literally, the Moon. I made up Arwen's song to Elbereth.
Elvish is in italics
Chapter 1:"The Star of Earendil"
Almost three thousand years later...
"Wherefore, O maiden of mine, does thou not pull this folly away from thee, and seek to do my bidding?"--Tinwelint/Elu Thingol/Elwe Singollo/Tinwe Linto The Book of Lost Tales 2
One Ring to rule them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to bring them all
and in the darkness,
Bind them
So speaks the Prophecy of Sauron. It is an old prophecy, created ages ago. It is a true prophecy also. In the beginning, there was Melkor, Lord of Darkness, Morgoth Bauglir, the Great Enemy of the World. Now there is Sauron the Deceiver, Lord of the Rings, King of Barad-dur, Lord of Mordor. Once there was Luthien Tinuviel, fairest of all Elven-maidens, and Beren Ermabwed, great hunter of the Noldoli. And there were the Three Great Jewels, the Silmarils. And the Iron Crown of Morgoth Bauglir.
Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
-only time
I, I am merely Arwen Undomiel, the Lady of Imladris and of Lorien, who walks in the likeness of Luthien Tinuviel, daughter of Thingol and Melian. I walk in her likeness, but I am not her. Nor do I wish to share her Doom. Her Doom that none of the Eldalie know.
There are some things better left untouched and there are some things better off unmade. It is not the fate of the Eldalie to decide what to do. It is left to mortal Men doomed to die and names better left unspoken. No more shall that be done. The last great battle of the Eldalie of the West is approaching. Where is our hope?
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
-only time
It is the Doom of the Quendi to live forever, and the Doom of the Atani to die. Yet there are many other creatures not of the Two Kindreds for whom so much pain and suffering has happened. My father knows of them and so, perhaps, do my brothers. I know not. I care not overmuch.
Estel knows, and cares, but not truly. He enjoys meddling in their wars, fighting for unknown and pitiful causes. The Atani have no peace with themselves, so they fight amongst each other. Estel delights in those wars, for then he finds fighting to be done. Estel, according to the measure of my father, the hope of many. I see not yet what hope he shall maybe bring. I know not if I shall ever see.
Who can say
why your heart sighs
as your love flies
-only time
I kick at some dust with my sandaled feet. I am Evenstar, I care not for the Dooms of others. I care not, and I pity no one. Estel has always wondered why I care not for anything. I can't really explain it to him, or to anyone. Estel, who cares not much more than I, who never listens--to anyone. I walk in the gardens of Imladris. Estel says I am too sheltered from the outside world and pleads with my father for my freedom. I appreciate that, but it does no good.
I shall always be a prisoner here. My heart flies ever south, but I am kept here. I cannot go anywhere alone. I am the magical Lady of Rivendell, who commands all, who no one knows. To many, I am merely a rumour of great beauty and great power. I wish I were more than a flitting shadow. But if my father gets his way, I never shall be.
And who can say
why your heart cries
when your love lies
-only time
The beautiful valley of Imladris surrounds me and encloses me. It is both my home and my prison. Dusk falls upon my shoulders. The ashes of last night's fire in the Hall of Whispers blow in the breeze. I stand alone in the darkness, silent as a shadow. A half-smile appears on my lips. "Oh Elbereth Elentari, Queen of the stars! Queen with a power far greater than mine! Oh Elbereth, to you I pray! When I cry in darkest night, rescue me from my gilded cage! I am imprisoned in this fair land against my will! Why will my plight not reach one who might care and who might dare, to change my fate..."
I smile. The star of Earendil shines brightly tonight, and for once, I am not alone. The stars are by my side. "Ithil, what fun is it to watch the stars alone?" I turn around slowly and come face to face with the clear sapphire eyes of Estel. "Estel, I came out here not to watch the stars, but to--" "But to think, Ithil. I know you better than that."
Who can say
when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart
"I am growing weary of Imladris, Estel. I seek a way out of this prison. 'Tis worse than the fires of Mount Orodruin for I cannot do anything here, but fade away like sunlight in the evening." "I know, Ithil. I will get you far away from here. Ithil, I promise." The serious tone of his voice as he clasped my hand within his catches my attention. "One day, we will go away together."
"Thank you. It's nice to know someone cares." I say coldly. Estel is the fire that warms my cold heart. But sometimes even the hottest fire cannot melt my heart. Cast me into the fires of Mount Orodruin, it will merely avail to bring the wrath of Estel and my father's land, my mother's also. The wrath of Mirkwood would be awakened also. Prince Legolas is the best friend of Estel. "Ithil, someday you should go to mortal lands, then you may learn the gift of judgement-making, a gift many Elves, including yourself, lack." He speaks sarcastically, yet there is a grain of truth in what he says. I can see the truth in his statement. Yet I see no reason to heed it.
And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart
He rolls his eyes. The moment is over, I see that. "I thought to attempt to reason with you, Ithil. But there is no reasoning with the Heart of Ice. Surely I should know that by now, right? I don't. Your father does though; he acts like you don't exist, or when he remembers you, it's to lock you up or introduce you to a suitor... I think it's the departure of Lady Celebrian five hundred years ago, that made him grumpy."
I stand there; frozen in time for a moment. Celebrian, my mother. The reason I used to act my age, young and immature. I still am, so is Estel, but he acts like it. I can't. The white flowers that bloom near her grave, niphredil, began to bloom at the birth of Luthien Tinuviel. They're pretty flowers, but the white always makes me think of sadness and tears. The flowers are fallen tears.
Night keeps
all your heart
Is there a reason to trust in hope? "So, Ithil, you heard about the War upon Gondorian borders? You heard about the Ulairi returning to all their old haunts? And," he lowers his voice, even though we are the only ones here, "a Balrog is come to Moria." I gasp. Balrogs are the ancient enemies of many; and have killed many. Who is not to fear a Balrog? Servants of evil, originally employed by Morgoth Bauglir, they hold whips of flame.
Balrogs have not been seen for hundreds of years. Maybe that's why, we seem so afraid of them. Maybe they really are to be feared that much. But, I really don't think they are to be. They can be destroyed with weapons. They can be taken down by force. They can be felled by any with greatness in their heart. They are no longer invincible. And I know not if the Lord of the Ring knows that. Well, do you know? For I certainly don't.
Who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
-only time
Estel smiles. "But, they're not invincible. And we are, Ithil. We are." I turn away from him for a moment. "Immortal, yes. But invincible, no one is." "You are such a pessimist, Ithil. Do you ever look at anything on the bright side?" I giggle, kicking a stone with my shoe. "When it seems necessary. Do you ever look at anything on the dark side?" "When it seems necessary." He says imitating me. For the moment we immerse ourselves in giggles.
We're finished talking about serious matters, and we're on to the normal things, trivial matters. "Have you heard Thranduil is seeking a fiance for Legolas?" "No, that's new. Who's he thinking of?" "He's thinking of you," I gasp. Legolas would never agree to that. We're just friends. "and Niphredil, and Silmarien, and Laurelinte. Maybe others. I haven't heard their names. Personally, I think it's gonna be Silmarien. No offense, Ithil, but Legolas just doesn't have a romantic interest in you." I smile. "That's good. I have no romantic interest in him, either."
And who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
-only time
"After all, there's no one prettier than Arwen Undomiel, whatever Legolas may think. But I'm beginning to think Legolas may have a romantic interest in Silmarien." I blush. Only Estel could flatter someone so much without noticing. "Anyone else married off? Probably not, seeing as most parents are waiting nowadays to see if the match will pan out." "Yeah, I almost forgot." "Meaning you did forget, Estel." "No difference. Anyway, Laurelinte married Elwe of Lorien."
"I'm happy for her. Those two make a perfect match." "Yeah, I agree. Elwe's a much better match for Laurelinte than Legolos is." "So, last I heard, Nimloth was in love with Legolas. Is she still?" "Yeah, Legolas has absolutely no interest in her. I almost feel bad for her. Almost is the key word." "I figured you'd feel that way. Nimloth is such an idiot."
Who knows
-only time
Who knows
-only time
"I agree. If Nimloth ever had a brain, it's sure not there now." We begin to walk in towards my room as the stars begin to fade. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Estel," I smile as I walk in to my small house. "Yeah, I guess so, Ithil. Hey, we get to alarm Legolas and your brothers tomorrow!" "Estel, you are so childish sometimes. Oh well, it's fun anyway, freaking them out."
He nods. "So, good night. May the Valar protect you, Ithil." He disappears beyond my street swiftly, to, no doubt, sleep. I smile. Maybe tomorrow will be kind and allow to have fun scaring my brothers and Legolas. He's like a brother to me, Legolas. Just like he's a brother to Estel.
Who really does know,
What the day brings
In the morning
I certainly don't
Maybe I shouldn't think about it
And who knows
Why time leaves
In the night
Maybe Eru does
Maybe the Valar know
Maybe the long-past dead
I know not
Maybe that's why
I search for answers
To find why the day dies at night
And why the stars fade, in the dawn
Does anyone I'll ever know
Know why, Melkor turned away
From the light, the radiant Light
Where the Night still comes evermore
Who knows
Where the stars go
After night
And who knows why
The sun leaves
After day
Will I ever know
These answers
Or will
Answers always be
A mystery
To me...
*~end~*
So, what did you think of TOMH 1? I think it was pretty good. The song throughout most of the fic, Only Time, is by Enya. And the song at the very end is by me. It's called A Mystery To Me. Every chapter is going to have a song by an artist throughout and at the very end, a song by me.
Arwen is really different in this, isn't she? Did you ever think Arwen would get depressed? And Legolas would get married? Oops, I forgot to put him in. Oh well, he'll be in next chapter when we take a look at the mind of Estel. The next chapter's in Estel's POV.
See you next time,
tinuviel
PS: Some of the italic words aren't Elvish. Sorry about that!
PPS: Translations
Eldalie: Elves that went to Valinor
Quendi: Elves
Valar: Powers of the world
Atani: Men
You should recognize things like Imladris from the books. Estel means hope and Ithil means moon.