A/N: Thank you Dbzchick, JennH, and BlackDelo for your awesome and groovy reviews. And thanks to my Mom, who will forever be my muse. Disclaimer: If you recognize any of the characters in the story there's a 100% chance that I don't own them. Blah, blah, blah, yakity-schmakity.

Solid Snake Goes to the Proctologist Chapter 2


*~* After Breakfast*~*

After breakfast was over, everyone got prepared for the day. Otacon and Meryl had to leave for work. As they were leaving Snake informed them of his decision.

"Okay man, see you later," Otacon said as he patted him on the back.

"Bye sweetheart," Meryl said and then gave him another kiss.

Then his best friend and girlfriend left out the door and made their way to the elevator.


*~*The Phone Call*~*

"Well I guess I better call now," Snake thought, "and get this over with."

So Snake called the 'Super Top Secret Medical Facility For Super Top Secret Spies' otherwise known as STSMFSTSS.

"Good morning, you have reached the 'STSMFSTSS'. How may I help you?" A familiar voice asked pleasantly.

"Mei Ling!?" Snake exclaimed in his gravely voice.

"Snake? I can't believe it! How are you? You're okay...right?" Mei Ling asked rapidly.

"Damn it! Could this situation get any worse?" Snake thought. It was embarrassing enough to have to make the damn appointment in the first place, but then have to talk to someone you know.

"Well, what is it Snake?"

"Uh...I want to make an appointment with the *cough*proctolo*cough*gist."

"I'm sorry Snake, I couldn't catch that last part," Mei Ling said worriedly.

Snake lowered his head and sighed. "I said I want to make an appointment with a...a proctologist."

There was silence on the other line.

"Mei Ling? Are you still there?"

"...Yes let me see when we could schedule you in." Snake then heard rapid keystrokes and no laughter. Professionalism at its best.

"Well you're in luck Snake, you can come in today at 2:00 for an appointment with Dr. Hunter."

"Dr. Hunter...you mean that bitch Naomi!" Snake said, enraged.

"No, no, Snake," Mei Ling said in placatory manner, "She was fired shortly after the Shadow Moses event This is a different doctor."

"Oh. Good," Snake said nodding his head and calming down. "They aren't related are they?" He didn't recall Naomi telling him about a sibling during her 'confession'.

"No, she has no other known relatives."

"Okay, I guess I'll be seeing you later Mei Ling."

"Bye Snake."

"Wait a second. You don't have anything else to say to me?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? Ohhh!" Mei Ling laughed as she realized what Snake was waiting for. "A wise man once said that 'the cautious seldom err.' You've made a wise decision by making this appointment."

With this said they both hang up.


*~*On the Road*~*

Well at 1:00 Snake left the apartment. He had written a note letting Meryl and Otacon know he was at the appointment. The facility was a 40 minute drive away and Snake liked to be a little early for appointments, just in case he had to fill out forms and such. He was not looking forward to this appointment at all, yet he was relieved he could get it over with today. That was unexpected. He left out the apartment, walked to the buildings carport and got into his midnight blue Saturn LS.

"Ah the joys of motoring," Snake muttered as someone cut him off on the road. "I swear these people just don't know... they're rushing into eternity.

All of a sudden Snake started to chuckle heartily. What the heck was he laughing about, he was about to go to the proctologist. Being on the road made Snake think about a comment Otacon had said during breakfast; a comment that Snake did not appreciate at the time. Not at all. The hilarity of it was just now sinking in. It be's that way sometimes.

"Hey Meryl, you've heard this one?"

Meryl sighed. "You have to tell me first."

"This guy wants to be a proctologist," Otacon started with a serious tone and Snake glared at him over his cup of coffee, "and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!"

"What!? What type of music?" Meryl interrupted.

"Let me finish," Otacon said while making a reverse shooing gesture. "On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..." he sang with a faux southern drawl. "The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the M.A. and drags the poor guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again '...On the road again...' The M.A. is totally unimpressed... "So what?" he says. "Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen? "the wannabe proctologist asks, "Are you kidding?" says the M.A. "Any asshole can sing country music!"

"Hahahahaha!" Meryl started to crack up. "Wasn't that funny Snake?"

"Yeah, hilarious. Otacon got jokes," Snake said flatly.


*~*At the Facility*~*

Snake arrived at the 'STSMFSTSS' at 1:45. He got caught in a little traffic. When he walked in he saw Mei Ling at the receptionist desk. She was just as cute as ever. "She smiled widely when she saw him approach the desk.

"Well Snake, it's a pleasure to meet you in person but unfortunately in these circumstances." She rose from her seat and walked around the desk.

"Yeah," Snake agreed. Mei Ling held out her hand for him to shake and he did just that. He then gave her a big hug which she returned. He remembered during the Shadow Moses event how much support she gave him, especially her repertoire of proverbs...and she was a sweet person. He thought very fondly of her. She then returned to her chair and handed him a brief form.

"I just need you to fill this out and the doctor will be with you shortly."

Snake then sat down in one of the nearby chairs in the waiting area. They were well cushioned. He filled out the general information form without any problem and returned it to Mei Ling. Now the only thing he could do was wait.



A/N: Okay he's not in the examination room yet, that'll be next chapter...the last chapter. So prepare for some serious angst! Poor Snake! I actually tried to do some kind of research into proctology for this story and found some general information. The most concrete thing I found on the Internet though was the joke that Otacon told. Hopefully the last chapter will be up later on today.