Note: Only Rutan is my character! The rest are all J.R.R. Tolkien's characters! Elvish speech is in ''! Enjoy! This fic will end in two chapters. I need ideas, people, for what you would like to see in the sequel to make it funny!

Drunk And Drunker

Part 18

Haldir, Gimli, Frodo, Merry, Boromir, Sam, and Pippin watched Aragorn and Legolas, laughing uncontrollably.

Aragorn was singing and dancing- rather, trying to dance. It was a cross between ballroom dancing and YMCA. His singing was as good as it had ever been, but the words were slurred.

Legolas attempted to walk, but knocked directly into Aragorn, which resulted in them both falling down into the mud. After about the fifth time of doing so, he and Aragorn began singing a duet together, laying in the mud.

Gimli snickered.

Boromir knew that no one would believe him if he told them what Legolas and Aragorn were currently doing.

A gasp escaped from Frodo's lips, as Aragorn and Legolas started having a mud fight.

"My eyes!" Aragorn shouted, when the mud hit him directly in the face.

Legolas moaned, "My hair…"

"Hey, Haldir," Gimli said, a funny expression on his face.

"Hmm?" Haldir asked.

Gimli smirked. "I dare you to kiss Aragorn and Legolas both."

Haldir narrowed his eyes at the dwarf. "What will you give me if I do?"

"Respect," the dwarf said calmly.

 Haldir stood and casually sauntered over to the drunk figures. He took out his water bag and a cloth. After removing the mud off of Aragorn's face, he took it in his hands and kissed him hard. He then let go and smirked at the rest of the Fellowship.

Most were gaping in awe, including Gimli.

Boromir grinned. "Let me try that," he cried, before racing over.

Sam gaped as Boromir did the same to the drunk Ranger.

Legolas stood and swayed as he began sauntering around, muttering under his breath. Haldir caught the other elf as he fell and kissed him as well.

Legolas moaned, not understanding what was going on. He struggled to get out of Haldir's arms feebly.

Haldir was satisfied, as he lay the Prince of Mirkwood next to his lover. "Ok, Gimli. I believe you owe me respect now," the taller elf said triumphantly.

"I want to kiss Legolas," Pippin muttered.

Frodo happened to glance down at his sword and saw that it was glowing blue. "Orcs!" he shouted.

Everyone instantly drew their weapons, fun and games forgotten.

That is, except for Legolas and Aragorn, who somehow managed to entwine themselves.

'I love you,' Legolas whispered, his words distorted.

Aragorn hiccupped and nodded. 'Love you, too.'

The two reached for each other and began to make out drunkenly.

Haldir groaned when he saw Aragorn and Legolas were making out. Why in all of Middle-Earth were they doing that now, he wondered.

Gimli grumbled, "This is no time for that, Aragorn! Legolas, come on!"

"Orcs are upon us," Haldir cried to the drunken lovers.

The two ignored the other elf, who gave up.

The Orcs jumped out and began attacking the Fellowship.

They, along with Haldir, began fighting.

Legolas and Aragorn were oblivious to the fight, and continued what they were doing.

Everyone froze when they heard moans of pleasure. They whirled around to search for the source of the soft cries.

Man, Elf, Orcs, Uruk-Hai, Hobbits, and Dwarf turned as one to stare at the lovers.

Legolas moaned something softly in Elvish that made Haldir, the Orcs, Frodo, and the Uruk-Hai turn red.

'Please, Aragorn… I want you…'

The group stood there and watched the Man and Elf. Silence was in the fields around them, and the only sound being made was coming from the two who lay on the ground.

"What's with them?" one Orc questioned.

Gimli snickered again. "They're drunk."

"Oh," a Uruk-Hai said.

"This is much more interesting than fighting," Haldir mused.

An Orc saddled up to him. "I'll say. I bet they're still going at it after an hour goes by."

The mischievous elf looked at the Orc. "Bet what?"

"Hmm… I bet fifty pieces of silver."

Haldir grinned. "I bet Aragorn and Legolas will still be right here, but will stop in approximately three hours. I bet fifty pieces of silver as well."

So the group, composed of the Fellowship, Haldir, the Orcs, and the Uruk-Hai all sat down to watch.

Sam made more food for everyone, so they were all eating as they watched the man and elf, who had not gone beyond making out yet.

Legolas hiccupped. 'For some reason, I have the oddest feeling that we're being watched,' he whispered to Aragorn in Elvish.

Aragorn held the elf tighter. 'Just your imagination,' he muttered. The human had been trying for the last hour to unfasten Legolas's leggings, but could not do so. A hiccup escaped from Aragorn.

Legolas laughed at him. He was having the same problem with Aragorn's breeches. He was drunk and happy, and totally clueless as to the large group watching them.

The two hiccupped together simultaneously.

An hour crept by, as everyone stared at the drunk Elf and Man. But their attention was suddenly drawn elsewhere.

A raven-haired figure jumped out of nowhere, naked.

To be continued