Note: Only Rutan is my character! The rest are all J.R.R. Tolkien's creation! I changed my mind! This is the last chapter in this particular fic, but there will be a sequel! Elvish speech is in ''. Any ideas for the sequel?
Revenge Is Sweet…
Part 19
Everyone stared at the naked male elf before them, except for Legolas and Aragorn.
"Ew…." The Orcs muttered.
The Uruk-Hai said, "Sick."
"I'm traumatized," Frodo whispered.
Sam stuttered, "I am as well, Mr. Frodo."
"I didn't sign up for this," Pippin muttered.
Merry elbowed Pippin. "No, you volunteered."
Haldir cried, 'You!' He stood at once.
'You!' the figure retorted.
Legolas happened to glance over, hiccupping. 'You?' he asked drunkenly.
'You…' Boromir said slowly and seriously, '…have a serious wardrobe problem.'
Rutan made a nasty face at the human, before looking around for Legolas.
'Aragorn,' Legolas whispered. 'There's some strange elf running around with no clothes.'
The heir of Isildur hiccupped and looked over. 'I can see that.'
Rutan froze when he saw the two laying together in the mud. 'How can this be? I gave him enough memory potion to wipe out every memory!'
Haldir smirked, 'You underestimated Aragorn's charms, Rutan. He is a good kisser, after all.' He thought for a few moments. 'So is Legolas.'
Legolas and Aragorn turned as one, hiccupping, as they stared at Haldir.
Haldir coughed and looked away.
Rutan scowled. 'You kissed him?'
'As a joke,' Haldir said, grinning at the dark-haired elf. 'But it had the effect that I desired. Aragorn and Legolas are together again, even without the Prince of Mirkwood having his full memories.'
Rutan drew a knife and lunged at Haldir.
The agile blond elf snickered as he stepped aside.
Rutan went flying directly into a tree. He lay there, stunned for a few moments, before trying to attack Haldir again.
'Aragorn, why don't you take care of him?' Haldir questioned, as he dodged a second time. 'He is the one who took away Legolas's memories. Just don't kill him.'
Legolas and Aragorn unwound themselves and sat up slowly.
The Orcs looked disappointed, as the Man and Elf stood.
"We don't get to watch them anymore," one complained. "And that other elf is strange." He stared at the raven-haired elf.
The Uruk-hai scowled at the dark-haired elf.
"He's ruining everything," one said, sounding angry,
Aragorn drew Anduril and began to fight with Rutan. His movements were unsteady, because he was drunk, but he managed to block the blows pretty good, anyway.
Haldir walked over to the Orcs. "Postpone the bet for now," he muttered. "At least until Rutan is gone."
The Orcs nodded in agreement.
"We should get that elf for ruining it," another Orc muttered.
It was an intriguing thought to the Orcs, as they watched the fight between Elf and Man.
"I agree," a second Uruk-Hai hissed.
Legolas made his way over to Haldir, stumbling slightly. 'What is wrong with me?' he slurred.
'You're drunk, Legolas,' Haldir said kindly, hiding a grin. He caught the younger blond elf and winced when the mud got onto him. 'Come, Legolas. Let's get you cleaned off.'
Legolas scowled. 'You'll kiss me again,' he said suspiciously. 'Or worse.'
Haldir smiled gently at Legolas. 'I might tease you by kissing you, but I wouldn't do anything else. I wanted Aragorn to get jealous and go after you. I won't try anything this time, I promise.'
Legolas nodded slowly, and Haldir assisted him to his pack, where the younger elf grabbed some clean clothes. The taller blond elf did the same, and grabbed soap and cloths to dry with. Then the two went down to the nearby lake to clean off. Haldir was as muddy as Legolas by now.
Aragorn dodged, ducked, and slashed across his opponent's face. Blood flowed in Anduril's wake. Rutan bellowed in rage, and began his blows anew.
'Could you not put on some clothes?' Aragorn slurred drunkenly. 'You're scaring the children.' He gestured to where the Hobbits sat.
Rutan looked over and flushed when he saw the looks of fear and horror on their faces. 'Sorry,' he said. He stopped fighting for a few moments.
Boromir dug through his pack and tossed an old pair of leggings at the elf. It landed on Rutan's head. The elf dressed quickly, but had to knot the drawstring to make them stay up. Then the fight continued.
Haldir smiled when Legolas managed to clean up his body fairly quickly and put his fresh leggings on. The younger elf hadn't touched his hair, however.
'Legolas, you should wash your hair,' Haldir told him. The older elf was wearing his clean leggings as well.
Legolas hiccupped. 'I'll fall in if I try.'
Haldir sighed. 'I'll clean it for you, oh drunken one.' He grabbed the shampoo, and gestured for Legolas to kneel on the remaining dry cloths in front of the lake.
The Elven prince did so, and Haldir held the shampoo in one hand, while undoing the braids with the other. He then gestured for Legolas to wet his hair, which the younger elf did, hiccupping again.
Haldir massaged the shampoo into the blond hair of the drunk Elven prince, taking care not to be too hard or too soft. He didn't want to hurt Legolas's hair, after all.
Aragorn and Rutan were still fighting, when the human noticed that neither Haldir or Legolas were there. He decided to end the fight, and countered the stab at his shoulder.
The sound of metal clanging echoed around the spectators, who watched eagerly. Each were hoping that Aragorn would win.
Aragorn found an opening when Rutan leaped at him. The human twisted back, and brought his sword hilt up over the elf's head. Aragorn brought it down hard, and everyone winced as the dark-haired elf dropped to the ground, unconscious.
"That's going to leave a mark," Frodo muttered.
Boromir nodded. "I agree, little one."
Sam flinched. "Painful…"
Aragorn stumbled a bit, and tripped over his own feet.
Gimli grinned as the human hiccupped on the ground.
"Where did Legolas go?" Aragorn muttered, as he climbed to his feet again.
Frodo replied, "With Haldir."
Aragorn scowled and headed off in the direction of the lake.
Haldir gently rinsed Legolas's blond hair. 'Much better,' he murmured. 'Aragorn needs to clean up as well, I believe.'
Legolas hiccupped. 'When will this wear off?'
'In a while, Legolas. You and Aragorn drank a lot of wine,' Haldir told the Elven prince.
'You tricked us,' Legolas muttered, as he wrung out his hair.
Haldir grinned and nodded. 'Mmm-hmm,' he said. He took out a brush and began to work on the blond hair of the younger elf.
Aragorn scowled when he got a good look at the two blond elves. 'Legolas?' he called, not certain whom was who.
Haldir smirked a little, as he finished brushing Legolas's hair and began re-braiding it. 'There you go, Legolas. Do me a favor and return to camp long enough to fetch Aragorn's spare clothes.'
Legolas shrugged and nodded. He pulled on his shoes and clean shirt, before he returned to the camp.
Haldir turned towards Aragorn. 'May I suggest bathing before you do *anything* with Legolas? You have mud all over you.'
'Why does it matter to you? You're trying to take Legolas away from me,' Aragorn muttered.
'I could, if I wanted to… But I enjoy tormenting you.' Haldir slyly grinned.
Legolas returned with Aragorn's spare clothes. 'Here, Haldir,' the other elf murmured.
Haldir smiled. 'Place them in the tree, Legolas,' he requested.
Legolas hiccupped and did so. 'Now what?' he questioned.
Haldir smiled wickedly, before advancing on Aragorn. The human instantly grew wary of the look on the elf's face, and backed away. Haldir backed Aragorn directly into the water, and stopped. 'Take off your clothes, Aragorn.'
'WHAT?' Aragorn burst out. 'No!'
Haldir frowned. 'What's wrong with you?'
'Elves may not have moral standards, but I do. And I am not undressing in front of you,' Aragorn said, sobering up at what Haldir was saying.
Haldir rolled his eyes. 'Aragorn…' he said warningly. 'Do it or I will undress you.'
Legolas frowned and said, 'Only I can undress Aragorn.'
'Fine. You undress him, Legolas. And wash his hair,' Haldir said, rubbing his temples. Why was the human being so difficult, he wondered. Haldir was trying to do him a favor.
Legolas removed his shirt and shoes. He then rolled up his leggings to his knees, before he went into the water.
Haldir took advantage of their distraction to sprint up a nearby tree, to check on the others at the camp.
The Orcs and Uruk-Hai were getting restless.
Saruman's voice suddenly echoed around them. "Bring me the halflings!" the evil wizard shouted.
Haldir froze, and leapt through the trees quickly, praying he wouldn't be too late. He shouted to Aragorn and Legolas that the others were under attack, before he got of speaking range.
The other elf and human raced back towards the camp as fast as they could. Legolas was not wearing his shoes, so his feet hurt.
Haldir arrived and leapt out of the tree, drawing his sword. He deflected a blow aimed at Frodo, and metal clanged.
Frodo was fighting with Sting, and the other Hobbits were aiding him.
Gimli was hacking at the Uruk-Hai, with Boromir beside him.
Haldir cursed because he didn't remember what he'd done with his bow. He'd removed the quiver and bow and placed them somewhere while watching Aragorn and Legolas.
"An elf," an Orc snarled angrily. Most of the Orcs charged at Haldir.
Haldir leapt over most of them, and landed, slicing and dodging blows in a furious dance. He hoped that Aragorn and Legolas would arrive in time to aid in this battle. But the elf's heart sank when he saw another group of Orcs and Uruk-hai join the first.
"Gimli! Boromir!" Haldir shouted over the sounds of the battle, as he danced out of the way of an Orc.
"What?" Boromir called.
Gimli grumbled, "A little busy, elf!"
"Get the others out of here and to Legolas and Aragorn." Haldir's voice was grim and resigned, as he purposefully whistled sharply, to get the attention of the Orcs.
The Orcs bellowed in rage at the sight of an elf that was not dead, and ran towards him.
Boromir and Gimli reluctantly did as Haldir said, and ran away with the Hobbits. Haldir covered their retreat. The mischievous elf turned to face the incredible odds against him. To Haldir's credit, he never showed fear or uncertainty, as he began battling. He knew there was no way he could win this fight, yet he fought bravely, and never faltered. But more and more pressed around him, replacing those that were slain. Their sheer numbers overpowered the elf, and forced him to the ground.
"Where did the halflings go?" the leader of the Uruk-Hai demanded.
Haldir smiled grimly. "I wouldn't tell you if you were Illúvator himself." He was backhanded for such a remark.
"Bring him," the Uruk-Hai leader ordered.
Haldir's hands and feet were bound, but the elf was not worried. His Elvish horse was nearby, having come at the whistle. The blond elf could have left at any time, but had wanted to have some fun first.
Haldir was slung over the shoulder of an Orc, and was carried away from the battleground.
Aragorn and the others returned to where the battle had been fought, and found no trace of Haldir or their enemies.
Legolas was pale, even as he hiccupped. His Elvish senses picked up the trail of the Uruk-Hai and Orcs. 'We have to go after him,' the Elven prince said firmly. 'Haldir risked himself to save us, so we should do the same.'
Aragorn sighed. 'Do we have to?' he muttered, thinking of the trouble that Haldir had caused for him.
Legolas scowled. 'I will go after him alone if none will accompany me.'
Aragorn frowned and became resigned. 'Very well,' he said glumly. He didn't want Legolas running off on his own.
A high-pitched giggling caught them by surprise.
Rutan had awoken. 'And the Orcs carried Haldir away,' the elf sang gleefully, stopping to giggle constantly. 'Yes, the Orcs carried him away…'
Legolas frowned. 'What ails you?'
Rutan stood up, and giggled again. 'Mommy, I want to climb a tree,' he said, looking at Legolas.
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Will they rescue Haldir? Will Rutan remain mentally unstable and continue to believe that Legolas is his mother? Find out in the sequel! Any suggestions for funny and unusual torture treatments? Tell me in reviews!
To be continued in the sequel!