I smiled in slow motion.Every moment then was in slow
motion.Each crack in my heart appeared slowly etching
across into slivers of pain.I hid my shame, that deepness
inside that was there all along keeping tracking of
everything I'd ever said and done.Pinpointing each
moment gone wrong, who'd done it but never why. It
was always a question of why.Why had I gotten myself
into this? How do I get out now that the walls are falling
around me?
How had it been that I was happy and then this hand of
fate came and sent its jolts through me changing everything
in the name of fate. How could it be that this person had
seemingly changed right before my eyes and I was so
blind not to see. All along I saw the people before him
with their signs and gestures trying to take him away to
be whatever they wanted him to be. What had he wanted
to be? Certainly not this, a pawn in a great circus of
change and self worth.
I had been so overcome with madness that I could only
grit my teeth and wish it away.I wasn't sure then or even
now, just who I was mad at. The blame was flung in pieces
stuck in the lives of all who were there in that time. In
the mirror I saw myself, survived by the end. He threw
away his face to save us all. Had it been only for him?
I still find myself caught in those moments, as I grow
old and float towards the end of my life. I sit in my room
looking around at the stains on the walls, going day by
day through the same routine.Sometimes sitting for hours
sifting through my past, reliving it to go the way I want
it to go. Where would I be if it hadn't happened? If he
hadn't....
Old and tired. Sad and lonely. Is this the way it goes for
everyone or do they find someone or something to keep
them until the end. I'm sure there are others that sit by
themselves wrapped in thought. But I keep to myself.
Sometimes they let me go to the music room and they
put a guitar into my withered hands and I strum the
tunes of the yester years.I cherish those moments
because it's the only thing I have as the memories
I fight to keep start drifting away.Sunk into time where
once they danced color into the cheeks.Sang life
into these old bones.
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow. Or who I'll be
tomorrow.Will I still have a name? Or will I just be
that old man who sits in his room all day wasting away
until his flame burns out. Oh what a flame I was back
when I was young. I had such a fire underneath me
and longed for someone to tame me. Tangled in the
cold sheets with that boy whose light burns above
me forever.Dangled above my head so when my
youth fires back into me I can jump to reach it.To
take it into my hands again cascading back to you.
I can feel the end, it comes closer and closer each
day I wake, sunlight streaming through the windows
on this old man who just wants leave knowing it
all happened for a reason.I don't know if it is love
that sends me back there so often when I just can't
help it anymore.
motion.Each crack in my heart appeared slowly etching
across into slivers of pain.I hid my shame, that deepness
inside that was there all along keeping tracking of
everything I'd ever said and done.Pinpointing each
moment gone wrong, who'd done it but never why. It
was always a question of why.Why had I gotten myself
into this? How do I get out now that the walls are falling
around me?
How had it been that I was happy and then this hand of
fate came and sent its jolts through me changing everything
in the name of fate. How could it be that this person had
seemingly changed right before my eyes and I was so
blind not to see. All along I saw the people before him
with their signs and gestures trying to take him away to
be whatever they wanted him to be. What had he wanted
to be? Certainly not this, a pawn in a great circus of
change and self worth.
I had been so overcome with madness that I could only
grit my teeth and wish it away.I wasn't sure then or even
now, just who I was mad at. The blame was flung in pieces
stuck in the lives of all who were there in that time. In
the mirror I saw myself, survived by the end. He threw
away his face to save us all. Had it been only for him?
I still find myself caught in those moments, as I grow
old and float towards the end of my life. I sit in my room
looking around at the stains on the walls, going day by
day through the same routine.Sometimes sitting for hours
sifting through my past, reliving it to go the way I want
it to go. Where would I be if it hadn't happened? If he
hadn't....
Old and tired. Sad and lonely. Is this the way it goes for
everyone or do they find someone or something to keep
them until the end. I'm sure there are others that sit by
themselves wrapped in thought. But I keep to myself.
Sometimes they let me go to the music room and they
put a guitar into my withered hands and I strum the
tunes of the yester years.I cherish those moments
because it's the only thing I have as the memories
I fight to keep start drifting away.Sunk into time where
once they danced color into the cheeks.Sang life
into these old bones.
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow. Or who I'll be
tomorrow.Will I still have a name? Or will I just be
that old man who sits in his room all day wasting away
until his flame burns out. Oh what a flame I was back
when I was young. I had such a fire underneath me
and longed for someone to tame me. Tangled in the
cold sheets with that boy whose light burns above
me forever.Dangled above my head so when my
youth fires back into me I can jump to reach it.To
take it into my hands again cascading back to you.
I can feel the end, it comes closer and closer each
day I wake, sunlight streaming through the windows
on this old man who just wants leave knowing it
all happened for a reason.I don't know if it is love
that sends me back there so often when I just can't
help it anymore.