pre-warnings/notes: Okay well, I came up with this idea somewhere unknown (because I come up with a lot of ideas) and after writing it, I found that it was interesting if I let my two friends Jackie... AKA Sayermyst and Adrienne (who is also my partner in unrestrained evil who is helping me write our other fic, Mission : "Cinderella"). First let me add the warnings, SHOUNEN-AI! You no like'm boys together, you no read. Insanity! MUCH! Inspired by many anime parodies we have indulged in recently, with a little bit of sugar and other things that kill off hoards of brain cells. Author insertion! Yes! As much as placing ourselves as main characters can scare off readers, we found that our own personalities fit quite nicely. Please don't get your undies in a bunch about our "Mary Sue"ism, because we're describing ourselves in exact detail... if we all had anime super villain powers, of course. Some of the G-boys might be OOC, but that's okay. Oh yeah, there is also slight character bashing, but hey! Who doesn't do it once and a while? It's all in good fun.
Take this fic without our permission and be hurt, however if you'd like to take it you can email Ivy and we'll talk.
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately the Gundam Pilots and other GW cast members belong to those big companies and not us.
written by Ivy, Sayermyst, and Adrienne.
One sunny day found Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei in a park. Trowa and Wufei were tossing a frisbee back and forth while Quatre watched under a shady tree close by. Duo was dragging Heero to the ice-cream stand. "Hee-koi, c'mon! I want some double chocolate fudge ice-cream with chocolate chips!" Heero just grunted, trying to pull his hand out of his boyfriend's grip; it was cutting off his circulation.
After Duo got his ice-cream, he and Heero took a seat next to Quatre, enjoying the warm summer breeze of the Earth. Everything was calm and relaxing. Well... until Duo got this sudden weird glimmer in his eyes and started flinging ice-cream at Heero and Quatre. At first they took it lightly, but when Duo started getting globs of cold stickiness in their eyes, while laughing insanely, Heero had to take away the cone. "HEEEERO! Give me back my cone!" yelled Duo, launching himself at the other boy. Of course, Heero easily dodged.
"Not if you keep acting childish!"
"Childish!? I'm not childish you big... poopie head!"
At the last two words all of the pilots stopped in their tracks and stared at Duo. Everything became silent except for the slight rustle of wind in the trees and the frisbee, forgotten after being thrown, clunking Wufei upside the head. No gundam pilot, not even Duo or little Quatre, says "poopie head". There's like a law against it or something.
The shocked silence was interrupted by evil female laughter. Out of nowhere, a 16 year old looking girl with loose curly brown hair wearing a black cape and barely-there black dress with impossibly high black heels, appeared floating in mid-air.
"Who the hell are you?" Wufei asked.
"Me? Why I am Ivy, but you may call me Ivy-hime... or even better, Ivy-hime-sama." The girl said.
"Um, how do you do that?" This came from a curious Quatre.
"Huh?" Ivy blinked. "Oh you mean float?" She snapped her fingers and a brown book appeared in her hand "Anime super villains hand book. See?," She thrust the book out so everyone could see it. Wufei got a nosebleed. Noticing this, Ivy examined the page. "Oh, whoops. See I keep like a million bookmarks in this thing so I can keep track of rules. Can you believe this outfit was maximum? I mean JEEZ I almost wore that strappy leather thing that was in the diagram on the page you just saw, but how can you even WALK in that thing? Okay, here...," Ivy turned the page. "See! Anime super villains are allowed to break the laws of physics and gravity, with a few exceptions like when your fighting an enemy and it'd come in handy for escape. That's the time when you're not allowed."
"And what the hell do you want?" Heero asked.
"Excuse me? Isn't this fic rated PG-13? Try to tone down the 'hell' stuff, gee!," Ivy rolled her eyes. "See that?," Ivy pointed to Duo, who had removed his shoes and socks and was chewing on his toes. "I have reverted his mind to that of a 5 year old!," Ivy laughed a little. Wufei raised his eyebrows. "And that's different how?," Ivy huffed. "Quiet you! Anyway, if you want his normal mind back, you will have to travel through my world called... um... Olmega! Then, come to my magical castle, which floats three feet in the air! And then... hmmm... retrieve my magical... CLANGOR STICK! Then you can all come back and live happily ever after!" Quatre didn't know whether to fall on the ground laughing or fall and ROLL on the ground laughing. "And so...," he stifled laughter, "What is the point?"
Ivy crossed her arms. "Is there ever a point to these things?!"
Heero had already processed this information. "A few questions. How do we get there? What do we need? What language is used in this other 'world'?"
"And what happens to this world when we're gone?" Trowa added.
The girl took a moment to think. "Wellllll, Don't worry about transportation; I got this free teleporting power with my membership to the Anime Super Villains Society. You will need nothing, because you can manage to find the things you need from the nice villagers. And language?! HELLO?! This is ANIME! Of course EVERYONE speaks the SAME language you do!"
"Don't you think that that's a bit cliché though?" Wufei interrupted.
"Excuse me, but I wouldn't be original if I wasn't cliché!" Ivy said.
Wufei snorted. "That makes no sense."
"Of course not! My logic is beyond you!" Ivy was ranting.
"Her 'logic' is beyond everyone!," came a voice from the sky.
"SHUT UP SAYERMYST!," Ivy yelled to the sky. "You're not in this scene!"
The G-boys were about ready to leave, well… except for Duo, who was seeing how much of his foot he could get in his mouth. This woman was getting annoying, and they really didn't believe a word she said. Ivy paused in her... interesting... speech to the sky and noticed the boys were starting to gather their things to leave. "Hey! Stop being rude! I haven't even answered your questions yet!"
"There isn't even a point to all this nonsense, so why don't you just go away?" Heero asked. "Answer that question first."
"OY! This is an adventure to another land, filled with skill-testing challenges and events that will bring you closer together so you'll be all brother-like and stuff. Not to mention that-" she gestured towards Duo "-Duo here will be a handicap whom you'll have to put up with 24/7. It's exciting, says I."
"Exciting? Yeah right." This came from Quatre.
"Oh? You really want to say that blondie?," she asked. "I can make it so everyone is a handicap except for our two adventurers, Heero and Trowa."
"Hm?," asked Wufei.
"You" She thrust her finger in Wufei's direction. "I'll turn you into a GERBIL!"
Wufei blanched.
"And you!," Now her finger was almost in Quatre's face. "I'll turn you into A LUMP OF STEEL WOOL! WAHAHAHA!!!"
Trowa, who didn't take the girl at all seriously, decided to add in his two cents. "That is just stupid." Quatre clutched onto Trowa's arm, giving him big starry lovey-dovey eyes a la shoujo anime. "Trowa-kuuuuun!"
Ivy was stuck between making her drooly fangirl face and gagging. She settled for wrinkling her nose and clearing her throat.
"To answer Trowa's question... well I haven't really thought about that, so how about we leave this world how it is. Less work for me, right?"
"We are kind of in the middle of a war.," Wufei said. "I'm not going to lose so some stupid under-dressed onna can have a little taste of 'anime super villain'ism!"
"Well I could turn all the living creatures into lumps of steel wool..." Ivy was grinning. Obviously she had a THING for steel wool.
"Why would you waste your time turning everyone into lumps of steel wool? Stupid onna.," He crossed his arms. "If you're so ALL POWERFUL, why don't you just stop time? How completely clueless are you?"
Ivy glared back at him. "Well, it costs twenty five dollars to apply for a membership that lets me stop time. To save money, it's easier just to turn everyone into lumps of STEEL WOOL!"
"Yes, but...it just isn't logical. Of course, neither is the rest of your thinking.," Quatre glanced pointedly at Duo.
"Hey! I can be logical! When I feel like it, that is."
"And you actually feel like taking the time to turn everyone into lumps of steel wool?," Trowa raised an eyebrow.
"This argument is pointless," Heero grumbled.
"Geez, fine!," Ivy placed her hand on her hip. "Don't get your undies in a bunch! If you're going to be that frikin' cranky about it, I'll buy the stupid membership. Are you happy now?"
"Yes. Wait-NO.," Wufei didn't see why Duo couldn't simply stay in his toddler state of mind.
"Good," Ivy said. " I knew you would be. Now, how do I want to transport you? Mmmm...." She flipped through her handbook. "Tornado? Pillar of light? Magic book? Drowning? Black portal? Oooo, I've always wanted to try this one! Oh, and don't drink the water." Ivy waved, and a big black thing of nothingness came and engulfed the G-boys.
"Oh great. A big, black thing of nothingness.," Trowa said. The G-boys hit something hard, but everything was still black.
"I thought this was a portal of nothingness," Quatre said rubbing his arm. When the black nothingness was gone, all around them they saw lush grass and trees, ponds, birds, flowers; the ideal world.
"This doesn't look too bad. As a matter a fact it's perfect.," Quatre said. The G-boys looked around at the sound of dishes being thrown and breaking. The G-boys looked up.
"Come on... work... stupid thing, WORK!," Ivy's voice came. There was some more clanging and stomping. "Got it."
"What do you want?," Heero grumbled.
"Well, I made a little mistake... everything's going to be okay... I just needed to fix the thing."
"What thing?," Wufei asked.
"The thing, I needed to fix the thing!"
"What thing? What is a thing?," Wufei demanded.
"Don't worry about it." A black hole sucked up the G-boys and dropped them in another world with trees, birds, and grass. With a few exceptions.… The grass was really astro turf, the birds were cranes hanging from string, the trees were cardboard, and there were people walking around in banana peels.
Wufei glanced at his and the others' outfits: skimpy banana peel suits. "INJUSTICE!"
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TBC
This fic comes from three factors:
1) Ivy always wanted to be an anime super villain.
2) Ivy had, several times, come up with ideas to totally rip-off such stories like Rayearth, Escaflowne, and Fushigi Yuugi... using the G-boys to create a tasteless and wannabe parody. Oh! That rhymes!
3) We like using the dictionary to find random words, such as "clangor". Making our own world, this "talent" comes in handy!
6_9 Ivy, Sayermyst, and Adrienne.