A Letter To Alex…Love Tess
AUTHOR: Sunnycouger
E-MAIL ME AT: sunnycouger@yahoo.co.uk
RATING: As low as it gets without being horizontal...we'll say PG for arguments sake but probably lower.
AUTHORS NOTE: This is REALLY important people so please read!! This is based on rumours about future episodes but none of it is set in stone. If you don't want to know what these rumours are then I suggest you DON'T read this story. I don't want any of you to be spoiled.
DISCLAIMER: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...
DISTRIBUTION: If you want to put this story on to another site (please do!) will you please, please, PLEASE let me know first. Thanx!
SPOILERS: Based on rumours about the episodes Cry Your Name and It's Too Late And It's Too Bad. Last chance to not read it if you don't want to know!
Hey Alex,
Bet I'm the last person you expected to hear from aren't I? Why am I even bothering you I bet you're asking yourself…truth be told you can blame Maria…or a bit more accurately, Maria's mom. See she came round to see us, I mean to see Jim, and she mentioned that she had got Maria to write to you. She said that she thought it would help her say stuff…that maybe she wishes she would have said earlier. Like stuff she should have said before it was too late. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't suppose I'm making much sense to you…hell I'm not making much sense to myself let alone to you. I guess why I'm writing this Alex is because…I still have things to say; things I should have said before.
Wow, this is hard. I know what you're probably thinking: "this isn't the same Tess Harding that screwed up everyone's life is it?" Is that still what you think of me? You know:
"Oh Oh here comes Tess "destiny, destiny" Harding…quick hide before she messes up our lives again!"
I hope that you eventually saw past that. I think you did, I think you saw that I was just a girl with a..a genetic quirk I guess you could say. I didn't know the harm I was doing when I first came, I didn't really care then. I do now though, I know that I hurt all my friends when I showed up here. Were we friends Alex? Are we friends? I think you were my friend..i could trust you with my life I know that but..what did you think of me? Will I always be the girl that always walked in on you and Isabel (believe me when I say that MOST of that was accidental) or will I be the girl that broke Liz's heart? Will you always see me as the manipulator that came here on a mission and to hell with the consequences of you, Liz, Maria, and Kyle? For some reason, I don't..feel..like that's how you see me. I think you see me as a scared girl, with hopes and dreams like all of you, but also with memories of a life that isn't mine with a man that I don't want to love. Do you understand that I hate the stupid destiny word as much as you all? Maybe not, I don't know if any of you really understand me yet...maybe if we had a little more time you would have really liked me. Maybe as much as I liked you.
You know I wasn't prepared for feeling this way, I knew that one day it would happen...to us all, I mean when we get right down to basics, we are all still human. Well, mostly human. But the thing is I wasn't ready for it to be so soon, or for it to feel like this. When I lost Nasedo, it hurt. For all intents and purposes he was my dad, albeit he wouldn't have won Father of the Year, but he was the one that looked after me. Anyway, it hurt but, in a way I knew that it would eventually happen because we were always hunted..what I mean is that I knew I would lose him and I was a little prepared. I don't know if that sounds right but I knew that one day he wouldn't be able to come back to look after me. I was kinda ready for it.
I wasn't prepared for this though, no one was. I don't even know how to explain this..feeling I have. I feel...empty. Not hollow but like there's something missing, like there's something not right. I realised what it was..it was you. I guess I miss you and I hurt because you're not here. We never really knew each other that well and I regret that. I regret a lot of things that I should have done sooner..and things that I shouldn't have done at all.
I cannot believe I'm even doing this, bearing my soul in a letter to you. This whole thing was a stupid idea. I should go. Actually no, no I can't go yet. I need to ask you something Alex and..and I want you to be truthful...please, even if you think it'll be hard to hear. Is it my fault that this happened Alex? Did it happen because of me? Did I somehow do this to you? No, I'm not being paranoid Alex, it's just...if I hadn't come to Roswell, they wouldn't have found out how to work the stupid orbs, which wouldn't have alerted the skins and the clones about us and..and you know, you would..still be here. Right? Did I..did I ruin your life, all of your lives, just by showing up? Would the 6 of you still be alive and well, playing out your relationships if I wasn't here? You would all be able to be high school kids again without me here. Would Kyle be dating some blonde bimbo cheerleader totally oblivious to who we are and still quietly pining for Liz. He wouldn't know anything and he wouldn't be in danger anymore...I was so scared that something had happened to him when you two disappeared. I..I don't know how I'd cope if something happened to him especially if he didn't know that I'm in lov...no. No! I don't love him, I care for him, he's my best friend and I love him as a friend..that's all. I'm not in love with him...I'm supposed to love Max...not a human.
And you're supposed to be here.
You know that everyone's doing ok don't you? I'm not going to bore you with a rundown but it was hard at first, for us all, but especially for Isabel, Maria and Liz. Liz, still hasn't really accepted it I don't think. She thinks you were trying to tell her something with that code thing. Were you? It doesn't really matter I don't think. Not now. I can't really resent her and Max being together now after everything she's been through. I wish I was closer to her, maybe I would have been able to help. Can I tell you something that I really want? I wish..I wish that they would all talk to me about the important stuff. I don't just mean "oh no an alien!" or "show me how to do this with my powers." I mean the important stuff..like, what they dream or what they feel. Or stuff they done when they were 10 and the silly stuff they used to do with their parents. Max talks to me a lot but not about any of that stuff..that stuff he keeps to himself or he tells Liz. He never tells me. Kyle is the only one that tells me everything, more or less, he knows more about me than even my apparent "destiny" does. I guess we all connect with some people easier than we do with others, Kyle and me, Max and Liz, Maria and Michael, Isabel and you. What a group of people. What a group of...friends. Together: unbeatable. That's how it felt...even if it was only for a little while.
Oh oh, I hear the Valenti men, back from where ever they were. I better finish this before Kyle comes in so he won't see what I've been up to. He'd hate to know I was crying here by myself so he doesn't have to know. He has to know somethings but this has to be private; he can't stop this pain and I don't think I want him to...it means I'm normal right? I know things will be great for us all Alex...eventually. We all just need time. Even me.
I've got to Alex but I hope that you maybe know me a little better now. I just wish that I knew what you thought of me. Someday, we'll meet up again and you'll tell me what you really think of me ok? That's a date then! (But don't tell Isabel, I think she would start to hate me again.) Be safe Alex, and keep an eye out for us all. We all need a friend..especially me.
Bye Alex.
Love,
Your friend.
Tess.
AUTHOR: Sunnycouger
E-MAIL ME AT: sunnycouger@yahoo.co.uk
RATING: As low as it gets without being horizontal...we'll say PG for arguments sake but probably lower.
AUTHORS NOTE: This is REALLY important people so please read!! This is based on rumours about future episodes but none of it is set in stone. If you don't want to know what these rumours are then I suggest you DON'T read this story. I don't want any of you to be spoiled.
DISCLAIMER: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...
DISTRIBUTION: If you want to put this story on to another site (please do!) will you please, please, PLEASE let me know first. Thanx!
SPOILERS: Based on rumours about the episodes Cry Your Name and It's Too Late And It's Too Bad. Last chance to not read it if you don't want to know!
Hey Alex,
Bet I'm the last person you expected to hear from aren't I? Why am I even bothering you I bet you're asking yourself…truth be told you can blame Maria…or a bit more accurately, Maria's mom. See she came round to see us, I mean to see Jim, and she mentioned that she had got Maria to write to you. She said that she thought it would help her say stuff…that maybe she wishes she would have said earlier. Like stuff she should have said before it was too late. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't suppose I'm making much sense to you…hell I'm not making much sense to myself let alone to you. I guess why I'm writing this Alex is because…I still have things to say; things I should have said before.
Wow, this is hard. I know what you're probably thinking: "this isn't the same Tess Harding that screwed up everyone's life is it?" Is that still what you think of me? You know:
"Oh Oh here comes Tess "destiny, destiny" Harding…quick hide before she messes up our lives again!"
I hope that you eventually saw past that. I think you did, I think you saw that I was just a girl with a..a genetic quirk I guess you could say. I didn't know the harm I was doing when I first came, I didn't really care then. I do now though, I know that I hurt all my friends when I showed up here. Were we friends Alex? Are we friends? I think you were my friend..i could trust you with my life I know that but..what did you think of me? Will I always be the girl that always walked in on you and Isabel (believe me when I say that MOST of that was accidental) or will I be the girl that broke Liz's heart? Will you always see me as the manipulator that came here on a mission and to hell with the consequences of you, Liz, Maria, and Kyle? For some reason, I don't..feel..like that's how you see me. I think you see me as a scared girl, with hopes and dreams like all of you, but also with memories of a life that isn't mine with a man that I don't want to love. Do you understand that I hate the stupid destiny word as much as you all? Maybe not, I don't know if any of you really understand me yet...maybe if we had a little more time you would have really liked me. Maybe as much as I liked you.
You know I wasn't prepared for feeling this way, I knew that one day it would happen...to us all, I mean when we get right down to basics, we are all still human. Well, mostly human. But the thing is I wasn't ready for it to be so soon, or for it to feel like this. When I lost Nasedo, it hurt. For all intents and purposes he was my dad, albeit he wouldn't have won Father of the Year, but he was the one that looked after me. Anyway, it hurt but, in a way I knew that it would eventually happen because we were always hunted..what I mean is that I knew I would lose him and I was a little prepared. I don't know if that sounds right but I knew that one day he wouldn't be able to come back to look after me. I was kinda ready for it.
I wasn't prepared for this though, no one was. I don't even know how to explain this..feeling I have. I feel...empty. Not hollow but like there's something missing, like there's something not right. I realised what it was..it was you. I guess I miss you and I hurt because you're not here. We never really knew each other that well and I regret that. I regret a lot of things that I should have done sooner..and things that I shouldn't have done at all.
I cannot believe I'm even doing this, bearing my soul in a letter to you. This whole thing was a stupid idea. I should go. Actually no, no I can't go yet. I need to ask you something Alex and..and I want you to be truthful...please, even if you think it'll be hard to hear. Is it my fault that this happened Alex? Did it happen because of me? Did I somehow do this to you? No, I'm not being paranoid Alex, it's just...if I hadn't come to Roswell, they wouldn't have found out how to work the stupid orbs, which wouldn't have alerted the skins and the clones about us and..and you know, you would..still be here. Right? Did I..did I ruin your life, all of your lives, just by showing up? Would the 6 of you still be alive and well, playing out your relationships if I wasn't here? You would all be able to be high school kids again without me here. Would Kyle be dating some blonde bimbo cheerleader totally oblivious to who we are and still quietly pining for Liz. He wouldn't know anything and he wouldn't be in danger anymore...I was so scared that something had happened to him when you two disappeared. I..I don't know how I'd cope if something happened to him especially if he didn't know that I'm in lov...no. No! I don't love him, I care for him, he's my best friend and I love him as a friend..that's all. I'm not in love with him...I'm supposed to love Max...not a human.
And you're supposed to be here.
You know that everyone's doing ok don't you? I'm not going to bore you with a rundown but it was hard at first, for us all, but especially for Isabel, Maria and Liz. Liz, still hasn't really accepted it I don't think. She thinks you were trying to tell her something with that code thing. Were you? It doesn't really matter I don't think. Not now. I can't really resent her and Max being together now after everything she's been through. I wish I was closer to her, maybe I would have been able to help. Can I tell you something that I really want? I wish..I wish that they would all talk to me about the important stuff. I don't just mean "oh no an alien!" or "show me how to do this with my powers." I mean the important stuff..like, what they dream or what they feel. Or stuff they done when they were 10 and the silly stuff they used to do with their parents. Max talks to me a lot but not about any of that stuff..that stuff he keeps to himself or he tells Liz. He never tells me. Kyle is the only one that tells me everything, more or less, he knows more about me than even my apparent "destiny" does. I guess we all connect with some people easier than we do with others, Kyle and me, Max and Liz, Maria and Michael, Isabel and you. What a group of people. What a group of...friends. Together: unbeatable. That's how it felt...even if it was only for a little while.
Oh oh, I hear the Valenti men, back from where ever they were. I better finish this before Kyle comes in so he won't see what I've been up to. He'd hate to know I was crying here by myself so he doesn't have to know. He has to know somethings but this has to be private; he can't stop this pain and I don't think I want him to...it means I'm normal right? I know things will be great for us all Alex...eventually. We all just need time. Even me.
I've got to Alex but I hope that you maybe know me a little better now. I just wish that I knew what you thought of me. Someday, we'll meet up again and you'll tell me what you really think of me ok? That's a date then! (But don't tell Isabel, I think she would start to hate me again.) Be safe Alex, and keep an eye out for us all. We all need a friend..especially me.
Bye Alex.
Love,
Your friend.
Tess.