By N. E. Shaw
The grandfather clock struck midnight. Lucy Oliver put down her book and yawned, glancing briefly at her sleeping husband in the bed next to her. Jim subscribed to the philosophy that "early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."
Lucy, on the other hand, believed that "Early to rise, early to bed, makes one healthy, wealthy and dead." Life was too short to end your days before Letterman came on.
Pushing back the covers, the 48 year old family therapist slipped out of bed, climbed into her robe and slippers, and took her book with her out of the room. She would fix herself a quick snack and then turn in for the night. The next chapter of The Convict Lover could wait until tomorrow.
There were purple grapes and cottage cheese in the fridge. Laying her book down on the counter, Lucy took a small bowl and a spoon off the drain rack and was about to raid the fridge as planned, when she heard voices in the next room. Cautiously, she crossed the front hall and peeked into the darkened living room, only to find Tommy sitting on the couch, watching TV. He had a simple white undershirt on, but still wore his jeans as well.
"Tommy, you're not at the party with your friends?" she asked, leaning against the doorframe.
He shook his head, flipping channels. "I didn't feel like going."
"You've been home all day. You're going to start growing mushrooms in your armpits if you're not careful."
She headed back into the kitchen and he followed her, sitting down at the table and picking up a stray paperclip to play with.
"Do you have any classes to teach tomorrow?" his mother asked, getting the grapes from the crisper and the cottage cheese from the door. Tommy shook his head again. "Most of the kids are going away with their families this weekend so I get a vacation." He popped a few grapes in his mouth. "Besides, you were up. Why should I go to bed at sunset like Dad does and miss out on all the infomercials?"
Lucy smiled. Sarcasm wasn't her son's most redeeming quality, but mothers were easy to entertain. Their snack assembled, she set her short frame down across from Tommy and they began to dig in.
"So," she began, conversationally. "What's the real reason you're up this late?"
Tommy looked at his hands. "I was waiting for a phonecall."
Arching her brows, Lucy replied, "Must be an important one."
"Kind of. Kat said she'd call sometime this afternoon. We haven't talked in almost two days."
"You having a disagreement?"
Tommy gave a short laugh. "No, but we might as well be. She hardly said a word to me at school yesterday, and she didn't show up to help decorate the Youth Center today. No one knew where she was until I finally got a hold of her at the park, and she was all sullen and quiet like I get when I'm depressed. She might as well be having a disagreement with the whole world."
In her mind, Lucy began to slip back into therapist mode, her instincts compelling her to learn more about Tommy's girlfriend's situation.
"Any idea what might be making her depressed?" she asked. "Is there some illness in the family or something?"
Tommy shook his head. "I doubt it. They don't have a lot of family, it's just Kat's Aunt and her son up in Tarzana."
"Some kind of unwelcome changes going on her life?"
He shrugged. "Nothing big, I don't think. Her Dad went away this morning to visit some friends in Australia, but Kat's been alone in the house before. That wouldn't get her down like this."
Sitting back in her chair, Dr. Oliver regarded her son calmly. "Well, without knowing what the root of a problem is, we have no means of solving it. Maybe you just need to step back and give Katherine some time to work things out."
"But I should be there for her." Tommy argued. "She's always there for me and so are the other guys. It's my responsibility as a friend to try and help her out."
Lucy countered this firmly. "Tommy, no one is responsible for anyone's feelings but their own. You know that. I understand you want to help Kat with her feelings, but she may not be ready for your help yet. Don't make her feel like she has to solve her problems at your request."
Tommy frowned, averting his gaze. "I wouldn't do that."
Lucy just smiled. "I know you wouldn't. I just want you to understand that people need to feel their pain. Katherine is a healthy, happy person, but everyone has their troubles, just like you still do sometimes." He could not argue with her there.
"Pain is here to make us grow, Tommy. We have our times of joy, and then we have times when we're forced to discover something about ourselves; something that we will need in life later on. A lesson will keep coming until you learn it, and then you get another one. It never ends, Tommy. You and Katherine are lucky to have the friends you do, to help you get through it."
The boy looked up for a moment, as though searching for a reason to believe her words, then he lowered his eyes again.
"How can I help her to be happy then?"
"By doing what you planned to do." Lucy replied. "By waiting for her to make the next move. You know in your heart what she needs, because you were there once. You just need to be gentle with her feelings, like Kimberly was with yours."
This made him look straight at her, surprised by the connection she was making. He hadn't ever thought about him being in Kim's shoes-- being on the other side of the table as the stronger one in the pair. He had always taken care of his friends, but it had been a while since he thought about how it had been to be taken care of.
Before he could think of what to ask next, both he and his mother were startled by the soft chime of the doorbell. Lucy Oliver looked at the clock on the microwave and then got to her feet, wrapping her robe a little tighter around herself. "Who would be out at this hour?" she wondered to herself as she left Tommy in the kitchen and went to the door.
Flipping on the porch light, she peered out the narrow window and saw a blonde head standing at the stoop. Undoing the latch, she opened the door and there was Katherine, wearing a wrinkled sundress and holding a thin sweater in her hands. On her feet were worn tennis shoes that looked a few sizes too small, and her normally silken hair looked unkempt and straggly. It was hard to tell in the contrasty light of the porch bulb, but she might have been crying sometime in the past hour.
Speak of the devil, Lucy thought.
"Katherine, this is certainly a surprise." she said. "What are you doing out at this hour?"
The girl seemed nervous. "I-- I saw your light on. I hope I didn't wake you."
"No, no, I was just up for a bit of a snack. It's chilly out there, why don't you come in?" She stepped aside for Kat, but the girl shook her head. "I, um...I was just coming to see Tommy. I told him I'd talk with him sometime today, and I didn't get around to it 'till now."
Good girl, Lucy thought to herself.
"Well Tommy's up as well. Wait here and I'll get him for you, alright?"
Leaving the door open, she left Katherine on the porch and headed back to the kitchen. On the way, she silently thanked the gods of psychology that she'd been able to talk to Tommy that night. Hopefully now he was just a little more prepared to deal with what he was up against.
Coming back into the kitchen, she found Tommy standing there waiting for her.
"Kat?" he asked, obviously having heard the conversation at the door. Lucy walked past him to the counter where the flour canisters were.
"We're foregoing curfew tonight." she said, reaching into the strawberry shaped cookie-jar and withdrawing an old ten-dollar bill. She put the lid back on and walked to the other wall where she took a set of keys off the rack. Then she turned back to her son.
"I want you to take your father's car, take her out for coffee somewhere, and let her talk. That's all, just talk-- let her work it all out-- and I want you to listen. Be sympathetic, be understanding, and be prepared not to solve any crises tonight. She's here because she's ready to reach out to someone, and all you have to do is be there. Alright?"
Tommy shoved the money in his pocket and gave his mother a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks mom." he said in a boyish way. So as not to embarrass him, she turned him around and pushed him towards the door.
"You're welcome. Don't say I never gave you nothing."
Stepping into some old sneakers and throwing on his brown jacket, Tommy left the house with Katherine and shut the door behind him. Lucy stood looking after him a moment, and then she heard a footstep behind her. Jim stood in the hallway in his shorts, rubbing his bleary eyes.
"Who was that?" he asked hoarsely.
"Katherine came by to see Tommy. They're going out for coffee, I told Tommy he could ignore curfew for once."
Jim looked confused. "What did she need to talk to him about at this hour?"
Lucy just shrugged, and slipped an arm around her husband's waist, leading him back into the bedroom.
"I wouldn't worry about it." she said. "Bob Hilliard raised a good kid. So did we."
His father's prize '76 Camaro parked on the street, Tommy settled down against the big Oak Tree in the park. Kat sat cross legged on the grass before him. The gazebo squatted in the dark nearby, and from the beach below they could hear the omnipresent sound of the ocean. Tommy's jacket was draped over Kat's shoulders, and a cup of hot chocolate from the Seven-Eleven steamed in her hands.
For a long time they were silent, listening to the ocean and the few nightbirds that were up and about. The sky was blanketed with clouds, which glowed a pale shade of pink from the city lights reflecting off them. Tommy sipped his drink silently, and waited for Kat to speak.
After a while, she lifted her head and stared out at the water. "I hope you're not missing the party just because of me."
Tommy shook his head. "I wouldn't have gone without you anyway."
That answer she seemed to accept. "I guess I've been kind of solitary lately. I hope you guys didn't think I was mad at you, I just needed to be away from people."
Nodding, he told her, "I know what that's like."
Another silence fell over them. Then Kat began, "It's my Dad being away this weekend. He told me on Thursday that he was going, and on Friday I was too upset to talk to anyone about it-- not even you guys. It's just that he and I have always spent the Fourth of July together..."
Tommy was confused. "But you've only been Americans for a year."
Kat shook her head. "I don't mean Independence Day, I mean the Fourth of July. The anniversary of when my mother died."
Of course... Tommy thought for the second time that day.
Kat looked away again. "Every year he and I used to go put flowers on Mum's grave. When we came to the states we started having a friend do it for us, and instead we would spend the evening together, just the two of us, as a family." Tears began to spill as she spoke. "We lit Mum's candle-- the Angel we bought just after she died. Burning her candle helps us remember that she's still a part of our family, and spending quiet time let's us listen for her. Aunt Cheryl always told me that whenever I felt confused or afraid, all I had to do was listen for Mum and she would tell me what to do."
Kat's eyes darted to her hands again. "But I don't hear her now. I go in the house and all I hear is silence. I can't talk to Daddy, and I can't hear Mum talking to me; everyone's left me and I don't know how to get through this..."
Her throat closed up with a lump of sadness, and she couldn't go on for a moment. Tommy took it as his turn to cut in.
"Not everyone's left you, Kat." he said, feeling his own tears rising. "I'm here for you. Adam and Rocky and Tanya are here for you. If you need her badly, your Aunt could probably be here too, and I know your mother hasn't gone away."
Kat shook her head. "All I have of her are the stories Dad tells me. I know them all by heart now, but it's when I listen to them again that I hear my Mum the strongest. Now Dad's not here to tell me. Why did he chose to go away when I need him the most?"
Tommy cycled a deep breath. He had been warned not to try and solve problems, but he couldn't help himself. There was something he had to try.
"I don't know why your Dad had to go Kat, but there's no reason why we can't have stories without him." he squeezed her hand. "Tell them to me."
She searched her thoughts, hesitating. "Th-- they're just scattered little anecdotes, Tommy. They barely make sense to me, they would mean absolutely nothing to you."
He brushed it off. "It means something to me that you're hurting, Kat. I want to help you get through this if I can, and the only way I know how is to listen. So please, tell me a story."
She looked at her hand, trapped in his, and in a trembling whisper, told him "I don't know if I can."
She ducked her head and her shoulders began to shake with sobs. Taking her drink aside, Tommy pulled her into his arms to hold her for a while. He had never known the pain of losing a parent, but Kat's pain was enough for both of them that night. She cried for a long time, and so did he in sympathy.
But it was a healthy cry. The longer she wept, the more Tommy felt Kat's body relaxing. Soon her tears stopped and there was a long period of silence while she seemed to be listening. Around them, soft breezes rustled the trees, the nightbirds chortled and sang, and the ocean sighed contentedly against the shore.
Finally, Kat wiped her cheeks and began to tell stories of her mother; stories of the woman's childhood and growing up; more vivid stories of her first few years of married life; funny stories and thrilling stories, and more than a few of her exploits in motherhood. Emily Hilliard had been a mother seven years when a brain tumor took her life. She had never lead a wealthy household, so she had few objects to leave behind for her daughter to remember her by. Instead there were only pictures and stories-- stories which Kat had been told dozens of times, but didn't know till now that she could tell herself.
As she spoke, Kat twisted a ring on her hand and let herself be swept away with memories. The fond ones made her smile, and after a while, Tommy thought he could sense a presence in the air around them; a presence that gave Kat strength as time went on. She only paused once, when the air was split by the sound of fireworks, and great streaks of colored light began to race skyward from somewhere in the city.
As they were bathed in in the brilliant, flickering colors, Tommy looked down to see Kat's reaction. He saw on her face a smile that simply brimmed with joy; the smile of a woman being told the world was indeed a magical place again.
And at that moment, under the rejoicing sky with Katherine snuggled smiling in his arms, Tommy could believe wholeheartedly that it was.