Blah! Sorry this took forever… it gave me so many difficulties… . You
better enjoy and R&R!! One last note… No implied slash in this chapter!
Even if it seems like it! There is none! I know some of you
*coughelvelloncough* who gave me problems about parts of this… Just read it
and think no slashy thoughts!
Chapter Eight
"And all I ever
Learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone
Who outdrew you
It's not a cry
You can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and
It's a broken Hallelujah."
-RUFUS WAINWRIGHT, "Hallelujah"
"Remind me again why Des was on this planet…"
"I honestly don't know… he probably just got lost…"
Silence then fell on the chilled room. Oppressive, angst-ridden silence that was literally deafening to Irken senses. Sometime during the final leg of his tale, Jendai had found the blaster again and was now toying with it. His hands shook. "Now you know," he murmured finally. His voice quavered as well. "why I have to do this. Zim, you know now why I have to end it here, now, before I lose it again."
"You can't," Zim snapped, his tone so urgent Jendai turned to stare at him. "Go back over your story yourself, you'll see it! The Djemy said it herself! You have survived far too much to just give in to this… this darkness!"
A weak, dying smile emerged onto Jendai's exhausted face. He swallowed, looking like he was about to say something, then stopped. "You go back over my story, Zim," he sighed. "Merana was the only thing keeping me alive here. When you lose everything you have," he began, the faraway glaze entering his eyes. "you think nothing can touch you. Then, something so precious and dear to you is ripped away and you realize you're truly all alone… " He sighed again, this time so heavily it looked like he had just exhaled every last breath of air his body had left.
"Jendai Kaalae!" The Invader climbed down from his sitting position, facing the other Irken with a stern gaze and hands on his hips. "I refuse to listen to your self-pity! You know as well as I that you are able to overcome this. You have beaten everything the Mother of Irk saw fit to throw to you! You can beat this as well!"
The blue eyes bored into him. Slowly, Jendai slid off the bed to sit on his knees, resting on the floor before Zim. One gloved hand came to rest on the Invader's shoulder. "Zim…" his voice was quiet, hesitant. "You don't want me to die? You want me to continue on, with a shadow's existence?" Zim nodded. The tall Irken was quiet, unsure of what he wanted to say. He began a sentence, then stopped it several times. "You're not a Soldier," he said finally. Normally, Zim would have taken extreme offense to that and lashed out, but given the circumstances, he simply listened. "You're… you're a mix. You act like both a Soldier and Student at the same time. You fight and are aggressive like a Soldier, yet you care what happens to other Irkens…" Jendai looked at him. "Only Students do that."
Zim stared. Coming from Jendai, those words were the highest compliment he knew he could receive. "Thank you," he stammered, trying to keep a calm exterior. "Thank you very much for that, Jendai." He shrugged slightly. "You are the finest example of your Class I have ever met."
"Flattery can't stop me, Zim. Not now. I'm in too deep." The hand slumped to Jendai's side. In his lap was the blaster. "If you really want to repay me, you'll help me get out of this…" He looked away, obviously not wanting Zim to see the tears in his exhausted eyes. Blue orbs that had seen too much, been hurt too badly too many times. There were lines and circles around and under them that shouldn't have been there. He swore there were even a few gray dots that would eventually turn to black-a sure sign an Irken was getting older. Again, Zim recalled how different Jendai was now. Merana's death had irreversibly changed him. It had aged him terribly and truly broken the seemingly indomitable Student spirit he possessed. Jendai had said his sudden paralysis had broken him, yet Zim could see that it hadn't. The Djemy's death had been the final blow. He rarely smiled anymore, whereas, months ago, almost anything brought a bit of joy to him. "I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking…" Jendai murmured, quoting a song from Creed. "Please Zim? You're the only one I have left."
The Invader rose, standing tall and proud. It went against his instincts, but Jendai Kaalae was an ally and a friend who desperately needed what he asked for. He took a deep breath. After all this, everything he'd tried had been for naught. "What do you need me to do?" Zim asked.
A most fragile of smiles found its way onto Jendai's face. "Turn the CD player on to track ten," he murmured, pushing himself up. The robotic legs only came out to support him. Long fingers ran down the sides of the blaster almost regretfully. Zim obediently flipped on the correct song, positioning himself near Jendai in case he was needed.
1 "You can be right and I'll be real
But I'll still be a thing that you
Will have to feel
Cause I don't need your approval
To find my worth…"
This time, Jendai allowed his tears to show. His shoulders shook with sobs, whether they were torn from him in relief or sorrow, Zim didn't know. He could tell that Jendai believed Zim was right, that his death was not the only answer. Although, right now it was the only option he thought he had. What the Invader knew was whom the song was directed at. Him. Him and everyone else in the universe that had a hand in the fate this Irken would now suffer. So many… both Irken and non, had driven Jendai to this day, this hour, this moment. He could almost picture Jendai yelling out the lyrics at everyone in his tale, defying them, missing them… loving them to the very end. To this moment…
2 "Trapped inside of my own mind
Afraid to open my eyes
Because of what I'd find and I
Don't want to live like this
Anymore…"
A ragged, heartsick sigh melted into words. "When I'm gone," Jendai said, almost to himself. "contact my friends and tell them for me…" He was shaking. Not from fear, fear was no use now. It was most likely excitement that caused his trembling. Soon, all this would end. His antennae pricked with determination. "Will you?"
"Of course," Zim said, bowing slightly. "My Tallest, Jendai Kaalae."
3 "There goes my pain, there goes my chains
4 Did you see them falling?
5 There goes this feeling, that has no meaning
6 There goes the world, off of my shoulders
7 There goes the world, off of my back…"
Abruptly, Jendai went rigid, halting the movement of the blaster towards his chest. For a minute, he looked as if he were about to burst into sobs again, then restrained himself. He swallowed heavily. "I left Irk so no one would call me that again," he murmured, hastily wiping his eyes. "Do you have to cause me more pain by reminding me now?" His eyes narrowed as a shaky breath escaped him. "I'm standing here Zim," Jendai said quietly. "open, and vulnerable to you. Please, don't make this any harder than it already is. Don't give me one last scar to cover with Kas's gifts. Please… don't do that…" He hung his head, briefly, then it snapped up to glare at the ceiling, defiant once more.
"Does it scare you that I can
Be something different than you?
Would it make you feel more
Comfortable if I wasn't?"
"WELL!?" Jendai shouted suddenly, his previous emotions vanishing. "Does it scare you all!? Is that WHY you did this to me!? Because you were AFRAID of ME!?" The tears were released, streaming down his contorted face. "Leeri, Kas, Regert, everyone! This is your fault!" He jammed the blaster into his chest, even with the spot where the back pod was connected to his spine. A shot there would both shatter the pod, rendering it useless to reactivate him, and pierce a vital organ. Zim cringed back at the rage as Jendai choked on his next words. "YOU SEE THIS!? DO YOU!? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! You never got what you wanted, did you!? I'm still the same! AND THIS IS YOUR FAULT! NOT MINE!"
"Well, you can't control me
And you can't take away from me
Who I am!"
The blaster fired.
"There goes my pain
There goes my chains,
Did you see them falling?
There goes this feeling, that has no meaning."
Jendai's body recoiled from the shot, his back pod instantly shattered by the explosive blast. Blood almost erupted from the wound, splattering against the floor with a sickening sound, almost causing Zim to vomit. In what seemed to be slow motion, Jendai sank to his knees, falling backwards onto the floor. He gasped out a soft cry of painful surprise, then allowed his head to fall onto the ground with the rest of him. The gaping wound bled profusely, staining his shirt, and the ground, rose.
"There goes the world, off of my
Shoulders,
There goes the world, off of my
Back…"
Zim cautiously approached the still body. He swallowed, kneeling beside the crumpled, dying Irken. Jendai's eyes were still open, dark with the intense pain he felt. One hand moved to feebly clutch at his wound, as if he subconsciously wished it to heal on its own. His glove was soon coated in blood. Zim backed away, nervous. The shot should have killed Jendai! Yet, he still lived, however barely. Now, Jendai coughed, a thick, wet sound that brought forth more rose-colored blood from his veins. As if seeing him back up, Jendai's free hand grasped his. To Zim's surprise, the grip was fairly strong. "Stay…" Jendai managed to rasp. His eyes were glazed, barely even focused on him. It hurt for Zim to look at them. "stay until… I'm gone…" The words were barely even recognizable as words, so fragmented and soft were they. "You're the only… one… no one else has…plea… please Zim…" The glaze filled those blue eyes now, trying to choke out the sight before Jendai could finish his last wish. "And tell…" Jendai gasped. "Tell Kas..."
"Cause I don't want this!
I don't need this
I don't want this…"
The Invader stayed. Stayed watching the light fade from the mechanic's pained blue eyes, watching the literal rivers of rose-colored blood flow from the gaping wound to the cold, tiled floor. He watched the Irken who had suffered the most torment, the most heartache and mental agony slowly refuse to live. He watched the tragically scarred, proud, Student body go limp. He felt the grip on his hand begin to weaken. He watched the act of breathing become more and more of a struggle until the effort was far too much for Jendai to bear. Valiantly, he resisted he urge to call the medical programming to life, to save this Irken who he knew should not have had to commit this horrific deed. It was unfair! Why did Jendai have to suffer so when others far less worthy of pleasure and joy were lavishly blessed with it? A lump in his green throat, he watched Jendai die.
"And you can't change me,
You can't break me!
You can't break me!"
A soft moan escaped his lips as Jendai Kaalae, head mechanic of West Jihi, died.
The song had ended hours ago, slowly fading into the background of absolute silence punctuated only by the sad breaths of a little Invader, huddled up against the wall, alone. He was pale, unnerved from the happenings of only a few hours ago, and trembling. Death lay about him. A bloody blaster, a drying pool of rose-colored blood on the floor, the crumpled, beaten body of the greatest Irken he'd ever known, equally drenched in the life-giving fluid. The dead blue eyes stared out at the world, blank and unseeing. No more would the powerful chest rise and fall to breaths labored by pain or depression. No more would his shattered back pod produce the robotic legs to lift the mechanic above the ground, paralyzed legs dangling feebly below him. No more would his eyes brighten with whatever merriment he desired, the faraway gaze was gone forever. No more… He held his grief in, fighting to uphold the Soldier rules. Yet…
Yet, no one else was here to see his tears. Zim, the Invader, the Solider, lay his head in his hands and wept. Eventually, the soft tears gave way to huge, gulping sobs that didn't end. Despite his lifetime of training, he could not, no matter how hard he tried, keep his sorrow under control. He couldn't believe it had all come down to this. After everything he'd been through with Jendai… after all they had suffered and triumphed over… after everything they had defeated, Jendai Kaalae had died. Zim felt strangely alone. The house felt almost as dead as the Irken before him was. It was the oddest feeling, this loneliness. Soldiers needed no one, he kept telling himself. No one at all. Not Jendai, not GIR, not anyone… Now though, he wasn't so sure if that was true. So much had been proven wrong in so short a time that he didn't know what do believe anymore.
Rational. He had to be rational about this. If there was one thing left for him to believe in, to cling to, it was rationality in a situation. There was much to do… his mission the last on his list for once. His trembling would not cease as he almost crawled to Jendai's side a final time. He remembered the snow. Remembered this same scenario, the same pain engraved in both faces, the same blood. Wiping his eyes, Zim took Jendai's still-warm hand in his. He'd only felt grief like this once, on the same night of the snow, and didn't like the feeling. Zim swallowed before reaching up to close the lids of the blue eyes, a sign of respect in either Class. Ah yes, that was really all it came down to. Your Class. Whether you were lucky enough to be born into the proper one or unfortunate enough not to belong. Either way, you were hated by one, loved by the other. He sighed, then gave the long-fingered hand a gentle squeeze.
"Computer," he said quietly. "Place… place the body of Jendai Kaalae… into stasis, repair the damage to the body…" He would bury it beside Merana's after a proper Irken ceremony. It seemed most fitting. Sitting back on his heels, Zim watched, biting back tears, the robotic arms of his house carry Jendai's body away into the stasis chambers. For a long time, he sat there, staring up. Finally, he rose and departed the room. He sealed it off with a touch of a button. These rooms should be perfectly preserved. With a deep breath, Invader Zim departed the room to make the report to Tallest Purple.
No… he thought with a sad smile. My report to Kasden Aman.
Their weapons clashed, the stronger fighter pushing the weaker back against the wall. Purple eyes flashed as their owner gave a terrific heave, struggling to push the other off of him, to allow him to try and fight back. His opponent gave a wry smile. Almost instantly after the facial expression vanished, the other fighter backed up, letting him move again. He moved back to the center of the arena, narrowing his eyes. Both of them were striped of their armor, leaving them only in the traditional skirts and thin undershirts both wore during fights. Their movements no longer restricted, battles still proved to be only a slight interest to anyone other than the two fighting, as anyone could easily predict the outcome of them.
The stronger one advanced, his eyes also flashing with excitement. He knew his strength, and the other's weaknesses. Now, he swung his bati staff with the ease of one who knew exactly what he was doing with his weapon. His opponent froze, obviously forgetting his training, purple eyes huge in his face. Trying not to roll his eyes, he swung the staff in a fluid, graceful motion, spinning the serrated, V-shaped end of it towards the other. At the last minute, his opponent snapped up the bladed end of his, barely blocking the blow in time.
Now the weaker one danced out of the way, attempting to run everything he'd been taught through his mind in order to prepare. He had to keep enough distance between himself and his opponent if he wanted to even remotely do well in this round. At the rate he was going, not even the greatest fighter could have helped him now. How could he hope to compete? It was impossible. Half-heartedly, he aimed a slow blow at his opponent's legs, attempting to knock him down. Almost instantly, it was blocked with a neat flip of the bladed end. The same movement brought the serrated side around to freeze an antenna's width from the purple-eyed face.
"Pur, what good is all the training I give you if you can never use it in matches?" Tallest Red sighed loftily. "I thought Students were supposed to be good at remembering stuff."
Tallest Purple could only swallow nervously, staring down at the weapon that was suspended so close to his throat. "You… you uh, mind moving that?" he asked, flinching.
The Soldier looked down at the weapon as if he'd forgotten its position. "Sorry," Red mumbled, moving it away from the Student throat. He peered at Purple through half-lidded, crimson eyes. "You should still be able to remember something from last week! I can't keep re-teaching you everything, you know."
In an attempt not to seem completely idiotic in the Soldier's eyes, Purple readjusted his fingers on the shaft, after examining it for a moment. He held it up with a slight grin. "See?" he said. "I remembered that!"
"Big improvement," Red retorted with a sigh. "Let's go through this again, bit by bit. That way, your gargantuan Student brain can absorb all this." He gave a cocky grin as he spun the weapon in confident hands. The plastic placed to simulate metal flashed brilliantly in the light from the overhead orbs that gleamed high overhead. He stopped playing abruptly, moving forward to begin the sparring match again.
Purple sighed. He hated this. It hadn't been so bad when Red had first begun the sessions, but years ago, something had happened. His legs no longer felt as strong as he knew they should. Even though he had never been very athletic to begin with, Purple could feel that there was an odd weakness there that shouldn't be. When the bizarre feeling had first set in, he'd known vaguely what had happened. There had been that sudden blaze of pain through his spine, and other parts of his body, then his legs had constantly either ached or felt as if they weren't even there at all. Since no medical programs had been able to diagnose his condition, he'd been forced to the only, logical, conclusion. Something had happened to his friend. Something he could never be able to find out about.
He was saved from any further reflection by Red, who aimed a slow, simple strike at him. The stronger Tallest kept his movement easy and deliberate, obviously trying to show Purple how he was supposed to work. Despite this, Red deftly blocked any and every blow that came his way. He didn't even seem to try to do so. One moment, the staff was behind him, out of the way, and the next, it was directly in front of him, protecting his front. Purple felt like a complete idiot. He attempted everything Red had showed him, all of which were, somewhat boredly, hit away.
"Stop it Purple!" Red called, his antennae flicking inwards angrily. "You're thinking too much!" He flipped his staff to lean on it. "Irkens fight naturally! Your body knows what it's supposed to do. If you think, you confuse it!" As if to prove his point, he hefted the staff again, and, in an impressive show of his training, twirled it easily in one hand. He quickly passed it behind him, then back to the front, well aware that if the staff were one of the ones in his collection, he could be headless in moments. Now, it went over his head, flashing once more. It suddenly sped up, becoming nothing more than a blur. Purple watched, entranced by Red's sudden grace. Almost before he could blink, the staff ceased to spin, was swung over Red's head and come down to strike Purple in the chest with the blunt bladed edge.
Stunned, the Student fell backwards. The force of the strike sent him crashing to the mats in a sprawled, undignified position, staring up at Red's grinning face. He was panting slightly, looking smug and leaning on the barbed end. "What was that?" Purple grunted.
"Something they don't teach in Academies anymore," Red said.
"I can see that," Purple growled. "Help me up and maybe I'll be ready for you next time you try that."
The crimson eyes danced cockily. "I doubt that," the eyes' owner replied simply. "You're too busy thinking about those curly fries to keep your mind on this stuff."
"Stop dreaming of ladies and lazers," Purple snapped, knowing his comeback was bad. "Help me up!"
Red kept his cocky smile as he reached down to pull the other Tallest up. "I have to dream," he said. The strong shoulders shrugged. "That's the problem with being a Tallest during this Impending Doom thing. Nobody's around to date you. And if they are, they cower and bow and stammer and don't give you a chance to even say hello." He leaned once more on the staff, placing his other hand behind his neck, looking almost embarrassed.
His position was so comical that Purple had to laugh. "As if they'd even want a Soldier to date any-" He stopped. His chest hurt. It swelled up to a blinding pain that forced him to his knees. The staff crashed to the floor as he grabbed the origin of the agony. He felt himself start panicking. Dimly, he felt Red grasp his other arm, trying valiantly to haul him to his feet. The Student was soon blinded, blackness swarming his vision in swimming spots. He went completely limp. Red's voice was far away; he could barely hear the other Tallest yelling for someone to help between the curses directed at his own stupidity. For a moment, it was impossible to breathe. He knew what was happening, vaguely. Just before he slipped into unconsciousness, an image of blue eyes, slowly graying, flashed before his eyes.
"Purple! Mother of-PUR!" Nothing he did was working. The Student Tallest stayed where he was on the floor, unconscious and hardly breathing. Red shook the thin shoulder wildly. "Wake up! I didn't even hit you that hard!" If his partner's collapse were his fault, he'd never forgive himself. He'd known how much weaker the Student was, known and still given that swing almost his full power. He kept shaking Purple, in case that would help. "HELLO!?" Red yelled. "SOMEBODY GET THEIR GREEN ARSE IN HERE!"
Finally, the Elite Guards swarmed in, took in the sight and sent for a med team. After their duty was completed, they stood by, in case the red-eyed Tallest had need of their service again. He was busy shaking Purple between glaring at them. Heads would roll once this emergency was taken care of. The tension in the room built as time ticked by. But when the med team arrived, it seemed too late. In a crackle of blue energy, Purple's back pod zapped him back to life, three times, before settling back down. Red panicked. "What's wrong!?" he barked at the nervous Irkens. "What happened to him!?"
One, a taller one with light red eyes, paused in her scans and simple tests. "We can't determine the source of the problem here," she answered the raging Tallest in a calm, smooth voice. "We'll be bringing him to sickbay for further testing."
"Why was he reactivated!?" Red snapped, rising from a crouch. "You imbeciles better be able to at least tell me that!"
The leader of them let the insult slide. "Yes, sir," was her easy reply. Her team took courage from her calm attitude towards Red, as she was obviously unafraid of even this dangerous Irken. They loaded Purple onto a hovering platform and began pushing it towards the elevator that would bring them down to sickbay. A few Guards followed them at a distance. "His pulse stopped. Almost as if he had died."
For n the first time, he was completely alone in the darkness. That realization scared him more than anything. There was no one with him. Just him, the darkness and… the fear. His fears were not without reason; he could see that now. Something had happened to his friend, something that prevented their meeting in the place they had nearly always been able to see one another. Terrified, he covered his face with his hands and sobbed…
The sterilized walls and ceiling of the medical bay were what he opened his eyes to. He blinked away the haze, focusing his eyes. His chest no longer hurt, but a feeling of dread had replaced the pain. What had happened? He was about to reach for a communication device, to contact and find out what was wrong. Then he remembered. He couldn't. Fighting the tears again, he covered his face with one hand.
"You're awake," Red said from somewhere in the room. The Soldier moved into view, peering down at him with a slightly worried expression. "About time. You scared a lot of short things."
Purple groaned, loudly. "How long was I out for?" he asked, putting one hand to his forehead.
"A few hours, tops," Red answered, moving to lean boredly against the wall. "After that, you were just asleep." He frowned. "Do you know what happened?"
Should he tell? No, best not. Letting that secret out was something he never wanted to do. Just one more agony to bear in silence, one more heartache he could never let out. It didn't matter. "I don't know," he said. It was really only half a lie anyway. He honestly didn't know what had happened to Jendai. "What did I do?"
The Soldier looked uncomfortable for a few moments. His antennae flicked back and then pricked forwards. "I hit you in the chest with the bati staff," he began slowly. "After a little bit, you grabbed your chest like it hurt and passed out. You stopped breathing and the pod reactivated you…" Red was blushing badly, completely embarrassed. It was obvious he felt that he was responsible for the incident. "The med programming couldn't find anything wrong with you though…" One booted foot kicked at the ground. "They thought you died, Purple…" Red mumbled.
He kept his mouth shut. Died…? No, it couldn't be. There was no way… after so long he should have expected this. But why now? Why today? He mentally smacked himself. It had to be a fluke. Something had happened, yes, but not seeing him in the darkness had to have just been an affect of their age on the bond they shared… yes, that was it. He blindly refused to accept any other solution. This was the one reason. There could be, and was, no other way.
Fortunately for both, the intercom beeped, telling both of them someone waited for their attention. Purple pushed himself into a sitting position, attempting to look at least a little like the Tallest he was. Red kept leaning against the wall. He blatantly ignored his Tallest training, always remaining the somewhat delinquent Soldier he'd been once. After a moment, an Elite Guard stepped in, bowing low. His blue-green eyes, the most bizarre of mutations, remained focused on the floor. "My Tallest," the Guard said meekly. "The Invader Zim is waiting a transmission audience with you. He says it is of utmost importance to Tallest Purple and cannot be told to anyone but you sirs."
Red groaned loudly, not caring that the Guard heard him. "Stupid midget… just when we didn't need him…" he sighed. "Tell him to wait a few minutes. We'll be there when we can."
"Yes sir."
"I never liked him," Purple muttered, watching the Guard with the mutated eyes leave, his own eyes narrowed to slits. "He was always too uppity for his rank."
The flat statement of the truth produced a barking laugh from Red. "Which one," he laughed, jokingly. "Zim or Sen?"
"Both."
Red laughed again at his partner's growl. "Some short thing brought your armor in while you were sleeping," he said. "I'll wait for you in here." Purple glared at him. "Oh, so it's privacy you want?" Red laughed, glad of the other Tallest's sudden good mood. He ducked out of sickbay, still chuckling to himself. A few minutes went by, the sound of buckling armor from the room, before Purple emerged, a decorated Tallest once more.
The Massive's bridge was its usual chaotically organized mess of Irkens, screens and ships gliding by the viewing ports. They were currently en route to a planet that had been designated "planet of total wetness," on which the Invader had begun to lose their sanity and sent an SOS transmission requesting the immediate arrival and intervention of the Armada. On the main screen, the two Tallest could see the words, "Call Waiting" scrawled above the Irken Symbol. Red groaned louder. It was Purple's turn to chuckle as they seated themselves in the two chairs on the raised platform that surveyed the entire bridge. "We can always disconnect him if he gets too annoying," the Student said cheerfully. The decision of a fluke had greatly improved his spirits.
"So that means you'll push the disconnect button after counting to three?" Red asked, squinting one eye. Both of them snickered at that. "Put Zim on," the Soldier ordered, pointing to one of the operators.
Zim's face appeared, seated before a large console as usual. There was nothing amiss about his lab, his salute or his opening statement. What was frightening was his face. There was a fear, an almost haunted look in his Soldier-red eyes. Eyes that were swollen from long dried tears of sorrow. Rather than flicked forward in attention, his antennae had flattened themselves against his head. His hands, resting on the console before him, worried a scrap of paper as an excuse merely to do something. "My Tallest…" Zim murmured, his voice strangely soft and hoarse. "Greetings… I, I thank you for taking my call…" The Invader's eyes avoided theirs, focusing on a small square of the console.
His seemingly depressed mannerism scared the Student Tallest. Zim had never shown anything other than the usual Soldier spirit to them. What on Irk had caused this drastic change? "Zim?" Purple asked, genuinely concerned about the midget for the first time since he'd laid eyes on him. He ignored Red hissing at him to be silent. "What happened to you?"
The little Invader glanced around at the Guards and operators on the bridge, chewing his lip worriedly. Chewing his…? Something about the nervous gesture struck Purple as odd. "If it is possible, my Tallests," Zim began slowly. "I would prefer to give you this news… if you were alone. It is not meant for outside listening…"
Apparently, this statement piqued Red's interest, for he ordered all the other Irkens out of the bridge, telling the pilots to set the ship to computer piloting.
Zim watched them go, his antennae flicking up, then falling back against his head once more. He took a deep breath. "I'm…" he began, swallowing heavily to force back more tears. The Tallest stared in shock. They had never seen Zim like this. For several minutes, the Invader sat still, breathing deeply to both calm himself and regain his composure in front of them. They let him. It was the least they would do. "I'm terribly sorry, my Tallest," Zim paused again, unsure of how exactly to proceed. "but Jendai Kaalae has… died. He committed suicide this night."
"No…" he could barely recognize the soft, hissing voice as his own. Zim continued, not hearing him, telling Red which Irkens Jendai wished to notify of his passing and explaining how it was he'd come to know Jendai. "No!" Kasden Aman nearly shouted. "Mother of Irk… NO!" All strength faded, letting his head fall backwards into the headrest, his body go limp with horror. Too stunned for tears now, Kasden Aman stared in disbelief up at the ceiling. Faintly, he could hear Zim's trembling voice sign off and the screen go blank. His body, weakened from the shock, sank to the floor as he cried out once more with the hundreds of indescribable emotions racing unhindered through his mind.
"JENDAI! OH MOTHER OF IRK… NO!"
Dead…
Why was he dead? How could he die? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. Why was he dead? How could he die? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. Why was he dead? How could he die? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead…
An empty bottle of Amrinae stood on the small table. Holographs of the past littered what surface was not marred by spilt liquor or the once- elegant crystal glass. The only light flitting into the room came from the planet spinning obliviously outside the half-curtained viewport. Otherwise, all else was dark. The single shaft of light reflected painfully off of the bottle that had been completely full when it was brought into the room by a nervous Guard, bouncing into a hunched figure's swollen, half lidded, violet eyes. In his hands, a holograph was clenched, it's edges smudged with years of fingers lovingly running over its surface. The young holographic Irkens grinned, the shorter one attempting to give his taller friend an extra set of antennae with his fingers. It seemed impossible…
Why was he dead? How could he die? Why did he leave his best friend alone? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. Why was he dead? How could he die? Why would he leave his best friend alone? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. Why was he dead? How could he die? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead…
In a single movement, the last of the Amrinae was swallowed, its crystal vessel sliding through trembling fingers to shatter on the floor. Violet orbs watched it fall, drawn to the largest shimmering fragments. So sharp… so perfect. It was so strange… feeling nothing but yourself after so long. It almost felt lonely. Too lonely. When all your life you were part of both yourself and another, how did you learn to live alone? There was one answer.
You didn't. You didn't live.
Slowly, he picked up one of the large fragments, wincing as it's sharp edge bit into his finger. It drank in his blood, pulling it out from the tip. He shrugged. This small pain meant nothing, it would soon pass in light of a bigger hurt to come. Cautiously, he raised the shard towards his throat. Yes. Yes, this was it. End it here, end it now. No more fear, no more uncertainty… No more missing your best friend. The shard pressed against his skin.
"Purple?" the soft voice came from the other side of the door. He froze. Who dared violate his moment of privacy? "Purple!" it wasn't a question this time. It was the demanding voice of the other Tallest. He still didn't reply or move. "Purple!" Now the voice was scared. That was a surprise. Fear had never been in that voice before. The door groaned as if someone were fighting to open it. "Purple!?" There was so much fear in the voice that he cringed. It wasn't right for that deep voice to sound so fearful. Without any warning, the door burst open, Red striding in, looking around wildly for him. More fear flashed in those lidded crimson eyes when they opened long enough to actually see the activities in the room. Before the other Tallest could act, Red was inches away, fighting him for the shard held tightly in his grasp. It broke into harmless bits under the strain and fell to the floor with gentle, crystalline rings.
Horrified, he watched them fall. The last way to ever make it up to his best friend, his last way to finally make amends for those appalling things that had leaked out of him mouth that black day, shattered to the floor, breaking into a thousand pieces. Such a symbol of his mind… He snarled suddenly, pushing the Soldier away. "How could you!?" Purple demanded, rising shakily to his feet. "How dare you come in here and do something like that! Do you know what that meant!?"
"It meant you were about to be stupider than I am," Red replied evenly, his antennae flicking in. He placed a hand on both of Purple's shoulders, in case the other were to fall, hit his head and die anyway. His eyes stared right through Purple, forcing the answers out of him. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Purple could only stare right back. He was unable to reply without stammering, and in Red's presence, you did not stammer. Such a thing was one of the unwritten rules of the Tallest position. He shook. Don't stammer, don't stammer, he thought. Mother of Irk… don't stammer whatever you do… Finally, he couldn't help it. His mind was too warped from the events to hold onto protocol. He sank back down into the chair, sobbing. "Mother of Irk," he choked out. "Mother of Irk…"
Confused, Red crouched down, sitting on his heels. The display of bottled emotion was new to him. Soldiers rarely saw much of it. He stayed silent, completely bewildered. "What's the matter?" he asked, trying to be tact.
The Student was sobbing so hard he was hyperventilating. His hands were pressed to his face, the tears dripping off of them as rain did. Each time a sob tore free of him, his too-slight body would shake, making him look like a vulnerable infant. Pain was in the whole of his body language, the huddled position, the flat antennae, and most of all, the tears. Of course, none of that was picked up by the Soldier. Red had been trained to fight, not interpret his partner's moods. All he knew was that Purple was upset enough to cry hysterically, and threaten to take his own life because of some other Student doing the same thing on Earth. The latter was something not even a Soldier would stand for. Glancing around, Red grabbed a pillow from its sad position under the desk where the other Tallest sat. He pried Purple's hands from his face, being none too gentle, before he shoved the pillow over the Student's mouth, forcing him to take long, slow breaths. "Calm down," Red ordered, keeping his tone evenly calm. One of them had to be sane. "Breathe." His eyes narrowed, making sure his orders were followed without any questioning. "Slowly. You need to calm down. Now."
Gradually, painfully, the sobs eased, chased away by the deep breaths formed from sucking air in through the fabric of a pillow. Purple began to visibly relax, much to the Soldier's relief. Tears still flowed freely, but that was nothing compared to how they had been coming. Still sitting comfortably on his heels, Red kept an eye on the other's unsteady progress. After a moment, he spoke. "Can you talk now?" he asked. For a moment, he wondered at how harsh he sounded. Mother of Irk, he was bad at this.
If he was as blunt as he sounded, Purple didn't seem to notice. Rather than speak, the Student Tallest nodded slightly, opening himself up to any questions Red threw at him.
"What happened?"
He told Red. Told him all he dared. How he knew Jendai, why he was so upset, who his friend was… almost everything spilled out of him. He couldn't keep it in. Couldn't bear the pain and the knowledge alone. He'd never had to before. Never been alone with things like this. Amazingly, Red listened, silently, nodding in all the right places. When he'd finished, the other Tallest sighed, rising to pace in front of him, agitated. Looking at the floor, he gave Purple all the information Zim had given him when the Student was too far-gone to hear. How Zim had come to find the mechanic, what had happened, whom Jendai wished to have told of his… decision.
Purple was silent after he'd heard. His eyes focused over on the opposite wall, not even really looking at anything. He couldn't even feel the tears start up again. Red took this as his cue to take action, do something, to get Purple out of his mood. Slowly, he reached down and pulled the light Student to his feet. "You should sleep," Red said quietly. "You'll feel better."
"I don't need it," was the slurred reply. Obviously, the affects of the alcohol were catching up with him. "No sleep…"
Red ignored him, steering him over to the bed. "Yes, you do. You will sleep, even if I have to tie you down," he joked. His old humor was something he hoped would help. It was only then that he noticed the cuts on Purple's hands. He frowned. Maybe things were worse than he'd thought they were… That thought was dismissed. He didn't have a spare moment now to dwell on such dismal things. The only thing that mattered right now was assuring both himself and the other Tallest that things were not as bleak as they appeared currently. Gently as he could, which, in fact, wasn't very mild at all, he pushed Purple down onto the violet sheets, watching with narrowed eyes to ensure that the Student was actually going to sleep.
Under the withering crimson-eyed stare, Purple had no choice. His mind was too clouded by the Amrinae and the aftershocks of a suicide. Someone was taking charge of him and he was grateful. Someone was making him get a grip on what reality he had left. He was barely conscious of his slightly bloodied hands pulling the blankets around his exhausted self. The thousands of questions he knew would never be answered haunted him, trying to keep him from the rest he knew he needed.
"I'll never know…" he murmured, feeling his eyelids shut, despite the questions.
Red blinked. "Never know what?"
He fought of the weight of his eyes for a moment. "Never know… why it happened… what on Irk made him give me all this… to… why he decided to…" The last part came so flat and so soft no one heard it. "…decided to leave me alone with this burden…"
Purple gave a soft, painful sigh before dropping off into a troubled sleep. Red watched him for a few moments, making sure everything was all right. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. This whole sympathy thing was completely new to him. Soldiers just didn't do that sort of thing. He'd never had someone he cared about as much as Purple cared about this Jendai Kaalae. Another thing Soldiers didn't do. Chewing his lip, he left, massaging his forehead with new concern.
There was a lot he had to do. So many little tasks piling up… yet, keeping Purple alive always bumped itself up to the top priority. Red frowned. There was so much he needed to get used to. Skirt swishing, he disappeared into the gloom of the corridor, making plans on how to keep himself from becoming the only Tallest Irk had to deal with.
*Sniff* One more chapter left…
Chapter Eight
"And all I ever
Learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone
Who outdrew you
It's not a cry
You can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and
It's a broken Hallelujah."
-RUFUS WAINWRIGHT, "Hallelujah"
"Remind me again why Des was on this planet…"
"I honestly don't know… he probably just got lost…"
Silence then fell on the chilled room. Oppressive, angst-ridden silence that was literally deafening to Irken senses. Sometime during the final leg of his tale, Jendai had found the blaster again and was now toying with it. His hands shook. "Now you know," he murmured finally. His voice quavered as well. "why I have to do this. Zim, you know now why I have to end it here, now, before I lose it again."
"You can't," Zim snapped, his tone so urgent Jendai turned to stare at him. "Go back over your story yourself, you'll see it! The Djemy said it herself! You have survived far too much to just give in to this… this darkness!"
A weak, dying smile emerged onto Jendai's exhausted face. He swallowed, looking like he was about to say something, then stopped. "You go back over my story, Zim," he sighed. "Merana was the only thing keeping me alive here. When you lose everything you have," he began, the faraway glaze entering his eyes. "you think nothing can touch you. Then, something so precious and dear to you is ripped away and you realize you're truly all alone… " He sighed again, this time so heavily it looked like he had just exhaled every last breath of air his body had left.
"Jendai Kaalae!" The Invader climbed down from his sitting position, facing the other Irken with a stern gaze and hands on his hips. "I refuse to listen to your self-pity! You know as well as I that you are able to overcome this. You have beaten everything the Mother of Irk saw fit to throw to you! You can beat this as well!"
The blue eyes bored into him. Slowly, Jendai slid off the bed to sit on his knees, resting on the floor before Zim. One gloved hand came to rest on the Invader's shoulder. "Zim…" his voice was quiet, hesitant. "You don't want me to die? You want me to continue on, with a shadow's existence?" Zim nodded. The tall Irken was quiet, unsure of what he wanted to say. He began a sentence, then stopped it several times. "You're not a Soldier," he said finally. Normally, Zim would have taken extreme offense to that and lashed out, but given the circumstances, he simply listened. "You're… you're a mix. You act like both a Soldier and Student at the same time. You fight and are aggressive like a Soldier, yet you care what happens to other Irkens…" Jendai looked at him. "Only Students do that."
Zim stared. Coming from Jendai, those words were the highest compliment he knew he could receive. "Thank you," he stammered, trying to keep a calm exterior. "Thank you very much for that, Jendai." He shrugged slightly. "You are the finest example of your Class I have ever met."
"Flattery can't stop me, Zim. Not now. I'm in too deep." The hand slumped to Jendai's side. In his lap was the blaster. "If you really want to repay me, you'll help me get out of this…" He looked away, obviously not wanting Zim to see the tears in his exhausted eyes. Blue orbs that had seen too much, been hurt too badly too many times. There were lines and circles around and under them that shouldn't have been there. He swore there were even a few gray dots that would eventually turn to black-a sure sign an Irken was getting older. Again, Zim recalled how different Jendai was now. Merana's death had irreversibly changed him. It had aged him terribly and truly broken the seemingly indomitable Student spirit he possessed. Jendai had said his sudden paralysis had broken him, yet Zim could see that it hadn't. The Djemy's death had been the final blow. He rarely smiled anymore, whereas, months ago, almost anything brought a bit of joy to him. "I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking…" Jendai murmured, quoting a song from Creed. "Please Zim? You're the only one I have left."
The Invader rose, standing tall and proud. It went against his instincts, but Jendai Kaalae was an ally and a friend who desperately needed what he asked for. He took a deep breath. After all this, everything he'd tried had been for naught. "What do you need me to do?" Zim asked.
A most fragile of smiles found its way onto Jendai's face. "Turn the CD player on to track ten," he murmured, pushing himself up. The robotic legs only came out to support him. Long fingers ran down the sides of the blaster almost regretfully. Zim obediently flipped on the correct song, positioning himself near Jendai in case he was needed.
1 "You can be right and I'll be real
But I'll still be a thing that you
Will have to feel
Cause I don't need your approval
To find my worth…"
This time, Jendai allowed his tears to show. His shoulders shook with sobs, whether they were torn from him in relief or sorrow, Zim didn't know. He could tell that Jendai believed Zim was right, that his death was not the only answer. Although, right now it was the only option he thought he had. What the Invader knew was whom the song was directed at. Him. Him and everyone else in the universe that had a hand in the fate this Irken would now suffer. So many… both Irken and non, had driven Jendai to this day, this hour, this moment. He could almost picture Jendai yelling out the lyrics at everyone in his tale, defying them, missing them… loving them to the very end. To this moment…
2 "Trapped inside of my own mind
Afraid to open my eyes
Because of what I'd find and I
Don't want to live like this
Anymore…"
A ragged, heartsick sigh melted into words. "When I'm gone," Jendai said, almost to himself. "contact my friends and tell them for me…" He was shaking. Not from fear, fear was no use now. It was most likely excitement that caused his trembling. Soon, all this would end. His antennae pricked with determination. "Will you?"
"Of course," Zim said, bowing slightly. "My Tallest, Jendai Kaalae."
3 "There goes my pain, there goes my chains
4 Did you see them falling?
5 There goes this feeling, that has no meaning
6 There goes the world, off of my shoulders
7 There goes the world, off of my back…"
Abruptly, Jendai went rigid, halting the movement of the blaster towards his chest. For a minute, he looked as if he were about to burst into sobs again, then restrained himself. He swallowed heavily. "I left Irk so no one would call me that again," he murmured, hastily wiping his eyes. "Do you have to cause me more pain by reminding me now?" His eyes narrowed as a shaky breath escaped him. "I'm standing here Zim," Jendai said quietly. "open, and vulnerable to you. Please, don't make this any harder than it already is. Don't give me one last scar to cover with Kas's gifts. Please… don't do that…" He hung his head, briefly, then it snapped up to glare at the ceiling, defiant once more.
"Does it scare you that I can
Be something different than you?
Would it make you feel more
Comfortable if I wasn't?"
"WELL!?" Jendai shouted suddenly, his previous emotions vanishing. "Does it scare you all!? Is that WHY you did this to me!? Because you were AFRAID of ME!?" The tears were released, streaming down his contorted face. "Leeri, Kas, Regert, everyone! This is your fault!" He jammed the blaster into his chest, even with the spot where the back pod was connected to his spine. A shot there would both shatter the pod, rendering it useless to reactivate him, and pierce a vital organ. Zim cringed back at the rage as Jendai choked on his next words. "YOU SEE THIS!? DO YOU!? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! You never got what you wanted, did you!? I'm still the same! AND THIS IS YOUR FAULT! NOT MINE!"
"Well, you can't control me
And you can't take away from me
Who I am!"
The blaster fired.
"There goes my pain
There goes my chains,
Did you see them falling?
There goes this feeling, that has no meaning."
Jendai's body recoiled from the shot, his back pod instantly shattered by the explosive blast. Blood almost erupted from the wound, splattering against the floor with a sickening sound, almost causing Zim to vomit. In what seemed to be slow motion, Jendai sank to his knees, falling backwards onto the floor. He gasped out a soft cry of painful surprise, then allowed his head to fall onto the ground with the rest of him. The gaping wound bled profusely, staining his shirt, and the ground, rose.
"There goes the world, off of my
Shoulders,
There goes the world, off of my
Back…"
Zim cautiously approached the still body. He swallowed, kneeling beside the crumpled, dying Irken. Jendai's eyes were still open, dark with the intense pain he felt. One hand moved to feebly clutch at his wound, as if he subconsciously wished it to heal on its own. His glove was soon coated in blood. Zim backed away, nervous. The shot should have killed Jendai! Yet, he still lived, however barely. Now, Jendai coughed, a thick, wet sound that brought forth more rose-colored blood from his veins. As if seeing him back up, Jendai's free hand grasped his. To Zim's surprise, the grip was fairly strong. "Stay…" Jendai managed to rasp. His eyes were glazed, barely even focused on him. It hurt for Zim to look at them. "stay until… I'm gone…" The words were barely even recognizable as words, so fragmented and soft were they. "You're the only… one… no one else has…plea… please Zim…" The glaze filled those blue eyes now, trying to choke out the sight before Jendai could finish his last wish. "And tell…" Jendai gasped. "Tell Kas..."
"Cause I don't want this!
I don't need this
I don't want this…"
The Invader stayed. Stayed watching the light fade from the mechanic's pained blue eyes, watching the literal rivers of rose-colored blood flow from the gaping wound to the cold, tiled floor. He watched the Irken who had suffered the most torment, the most heartache and mental agony slowly refuse to live. He watched the tragically scarred, proud, Student body go limp. He felt the grip on his hand begin to weaken. He watched the act of breathing become more and more of a struggle until the effort was far too much for Jendai to bear. Valiantly, he resisted he urge to call the medical programming to life, to save this Irken who he knew should not have had to commit this horrific deed. It was unfair! Why did Jendai have to suffer so when others far less worthy of pleasure and joy were lavishly blessed with it? A lump in his green throat, he watched Jendai die.
"And you can't change me,
You can't break me!
You can't break me!"
A soft moan escaped his lips as Jendai Kaalae, head mechanic of West Jihi, died.
The song had ended hours ago, slowly fading into the background of absolute silence punctuated only by the sad breaths of a little Invader, huddled up against the wall, alone. He was pale, unnerved from the happenings of only a few hours ago, and trembling. Death lay about him. A bloody blaster, a drying pool of rose-colored blood on the floor, the crumpled, beaten body of the greatest Irken he'd ever known, equally drenched in the life-giving fluid. The dead blue eyes stared out at the world, blank and unseeing. No more would the powerful chest rise and fall to breaths labored by pain or depression. No more would his shattered back pod produce the robotic legs to lift the mechanic above the ground, paralyzed legs dangling feebly below him. No more would his eyes brighten with whatever merriment he desired, the faraway gaze was gone forever. No more… He held his grief in, fighting to uphold the Soldier rules. Yet…
Yet, no one else was here to see his tears. Zim, the Invader, the Solider, lay his head in his hands and wept. Eventually, the soft tears gave way to huge, gulping sobs that didn't end. Despite his lifetime of training, he could not, no matter how hard he tried, keep his sorrow under control. He couldn't believe it had all come down to this. After everything he'd been through with Jendai… after all they had suffered and triumphed over… after everything they had defeated, Jendai Kaalae had died. Zim felt strangely alone. The house felt almost as dead as the Irken before him was. It was the oddest feeling, this loneliness. Soldiers needed no one, he kept telling himself. No one at all. Not Jendai, not GIR, not anyone… Now though, he wasn't so sure if that was true. So much had been proven wrong in so short a time that he didn't know what do believe anymore.
Rational. He had to be rational about this. If there was one thing left for him to believe in, to cling to, it was rationality in a situation. There was much to do… his mission the last on his list for once. His trembling would not cease as he almost crawled to Jendai's side a final time. He remembered the snow. Remembered this same scenario, the same pain engraved in both faces, the same blood. Wiping his eyes, Zim took Jendai's still-warm hand in his. He'd only felt grief like this once, on the same night of the snow, and didn't like the feeling. Zim swallowed before reaching up to close the lids of the blue eyes, a sign of respect in either Class. Ah yes, that was really all it came down to. Your Class. Whether you were lucky enough to be born into the proper one or unfortunate enough not to belong. Either way, you were hated by one, loved by the other. He sighed, then gave the long-fingered hand a gentle squeeze.
"Computer," he said quietly. "Place… place the body of Jendai Kaalae… into stasis, repair the damage to the body…" He would bury it beside Merana's after a proper Irken ceremony. It seemed most fitting. Sitting back on his heels, Zim watched, biting back tears, the robotic arms of his house carry Jendai's body away into the stasis chambers. For a long time, he sat there, staring up. Finally, he rose and departed the room. He sealed it off with a touch of a button. These rooms should be perfectly preserved. With a deep breath, Invader Zim departed the room to make the report to Tallest Purple.
No… he thought with a sad smile. My report to Kasden Aman.
Their weapons clashed, the stronger fighter pushing the weaker back against the wall. Purple eyes flashed as their owner gave a terrific heave, struggling to push the other off of him, to allow him to try and fight back. His opponent gave a wry smile. Almost instantly after the facial expression vanished, the other fighter backed up, letting him move again. He moved back to the center of the arena, narrowing his eyes. Both of them were striped of their armor, leaving them only in the traditional skirts and thin undershirts both wore during fights. Their movements no longer restricted, battles still proved to be only a slight interest to anyone other than the two fighting, as anyone could easily predict the outcome of them.
The stronger one advanced, his eyes also flashing with excitement. He knew his strength, and the other's weaknesses. Now, he swung his bati staff with the ease of one who knew exactly what he was doing with his weapon. His opponent froze, obviously forgetting his training, purple eyes huge in his face. Trying not to roll his eyes, he swung the staff in a fluid, graceful motion, spinning the serrated, V-shaped end of it towards the other. At the last minute, his opponent snapped up the bladed end of his, barely blocking the blow in time.
Now the weaker one danced out of the way, attempting to run everything he'd been taught through his mind in order to prepare. He had to keep enough distance between himself and his opponent if he wanted to even remotely do well in this round. At the rate he was going, not even the greatest fighter could have helped him now. How could he hope to compete? It was impossible. Half-heartedly, he aimed a slow blow at his opponent's legs, attempting to knock him down. Almost instantly, it was blocked with a neat flip of the bladed end. The same movement brought the serrated side around to freeze an antenna's width from the purple-eyed face.
"Pur, what good is all the training I give you if you can never use it in matches?" Tallest Red sighed loftily. "I thought Students were supposed to be good at remembering stuff."
Tallest Purple could only swallow nervously, staring down at the weapon that was suspended so close to his throat. "You… you uh, mind moving that?" he asked, flinching.
The Soldier looked down at the weapon as if he'd forgotten its position. "Sorry," Red mumbled, moving it away from the Student throat. He peered at Purple through half-lidded, crimson eyes. "You should still be able to remember something from last week! I can't keep re-teaching you everything, you know."
In an attempt not to seem completely idiotic in the Soldier's eyes, Purple readjusted his fingers on the shaft, after examining it for a moment. He held it up with a slight grin. "See?" he said. "I remembered that!"
"Big improvement," Red retorted with a sigh. "Let's go through this again, bit by bit. That way, your gargantuan Student brain can absorb all this." He gave a cocky grin as he spun the weapon in confident hands. The plastic placed to simulate metal flashed brilliantly in the light from the overhead orbs that gleamed high overhead. He stopped playing abruptly, moving forward to begin the sparring match again.
Purple sighed. He hated this. It hadn't been so bad when Red had first begun the sessions, but years ago, something had happened. His legs no longer felt as strong as he knew they should. Even though he had never been very athletic to begin with, Purple could feel that there was an odd weakness there that shouldn't be. When the bizarre feeling had first set in, he'd known vaguely what had happened. There had been that sudden blaze of pain through his spine, and other parts of his body, then his legs had constantly either ached or felt as if they weren't even there at all. Since no medical programs had been able to diagnose his condition, he'd been forced to the only, logical, conclusion. Something had happened to his friend. Something he could never be able to find out about.
He was saved from any further reflection by Red, who aimed a slow, simple strike at him. The stronger Tallest kept his movement easy and deliberate, obviously trying to show Purple how he was supposed to work. Despite this, Red deftly blocked any and every blow that came his way. He didn't even seem to try to do so. One moment, the staff was behind him, out of the way, and the next, it was directly in front of him, protecting his front. Purple felt like a complete idiot. He attempted everything Red had showed him, all of which were, somewhat boredly, hit away.
"Stop it Purple!" Red called, his antennae flicking inwards angrily. "You're thinking too much!" He flipped his staff to lean on it. "Irkens fight naturally! Your body knows what it's supposed to do. If you think, you confuse it!" As if to prove his point, he hefted the staff again, and, in an impressive show of his training, twirled it easily in one hand. He quickly passed it behind him, then back to the front, well aware that if the staff were one of the ones in his collection, he could be headless in moments. Now, it went over his head, flashing once more. It suddenly sped up, becoming nothing more than a blur. Purple watched, entranced by Red's sudden grace. Almost before he could blink, the staff ceased to spin, was swung over Red's head and come down to strike Purple in the chest with the blunt bladed edge.
Stunned, the Student fell backwards. The force of the strike sent him crashing to the mats in a sprawled, undignified position, staring up at Red's grinning face. He was panting slightly, looking smug and leaning on the barbed end. "What was that?" Purple grunted.
"Something they don't teach in Academies anymore," Red said.
"I can see that," Purple growled. "Help me up and maybe I'll be ready for you next time you try that."
The crimson eyes danced cockily. "I doubt that," the eyes' owner replied simply. "You're too busy thinking about those curly fries to keep your mind on this stuff."
"Stop dreaming of ladies and lazers," Purple snapped, knowing his comeback was bad. "Help me up!"
Red kept his cocky smile as he reached down to pull the other Tallest up. "I have to dream," he said. The strong shoulders shrugged. "That's the problem with being a Tallest during this Impending Doom thing. Nobody's around to date you. And if they are, they cower and bow and stammer and don't give you a chance to even say hello." He leaned once more on the staff, placing his other hand behind his neck, looking almost embarrassed.
His position was so comical that Purple had to laugh. "As if they'd even want a Soldier to date any-" He stopped. His chest hurt. It swelled up to a blinding pain that forced him to his knees. The staff crashed to the floor as he grabbed the origin of the agony. He felt himself start panicking. Dimly, he felt Red grasp his other arm, trying valiantly to haul him to his feet. The Student was soon blinded, blackness swarming his vision in swimming spots. He went completely limp. Red's voice was far away; he could barely hear the other Tallest yelling for someone to help between the curses directed at his own stupidity. For a moment, it was impossible to breathe. He knew what was happening, vaguely. Just before he slipped into unconsciousness, an image of blue eyes, slowly graying, flashed before his eyes.
"Purple! Mother of-PUR!" Nothing he did was working. The Student Tallest stayed where he was on the floor, unconscious and hardly breathing. Red shook the thin shoulder wildly. "Wake up! I didn't even hit you that hard!" If his partner's collapse were his fault, he'd never forgive himself. He'd known how much weaker the Student was, known and still given that swing almost his full power. He kept shaking Purple, in case that would help. "HELLO!?" Red yelled. "SOMEBODY GET THEIR GREEN ARSE IN HERE!"
Finally, the Elite Guards swarmed in, took in the sight and sent for a med team. After their duty was completed, they stood by, in case the red-eyed Tallest had need of their service again. He was busy shaking Purple between glaring at them. Heads would roll once this emergency was taken care of. The tension in the room built as time ticked by. But when the med team arrived, it seemed too late. In a crackle of blue energy, Purple's back pod zapped him back to life, three times, before settling back down. Red panicked. "What's wrong!?" he barked at the nervous Irkens. "What happened to him!?"
One, a taller one with light red eyes, paused in her scans and simple tests. "We can't determine the source of the problem here," she answered the raging Tallest in a calm, smooth voice. "We'll be bringing him to sickbay for further testing."
"Why was he reactivated!?" Red snapped, rising from a crouch. "You imbeciles better be able to at least tell me that!"
The leader of them let the insult slide. "Yes, sir," was her easy reply. Her team took courage from her calm attitude towards Red, as she was obviously unafraid of even this dangerous Irken. They loaded Purple onto a hovering platform and began pushing it towards the elevator that would bring them down to sickbay. A few Guards followed them at a distance. "His pulse stopped. Almost as if he had died."
For n the first time, he was completely alone in the darkness. That realization scared him more than anything. There was no one with him. Just him, the darkness and… the fear. His fears were not without reason; he could see that now. Something had happened to his friend, something that prevented their meeting in the place they had nearly always been able to see one another. Terrified, he covered his face with his hands and sobbed…
The sterilized walls and ceiling of the medical bay were what he opened his eyes to. He blinked away the haze, focusing his eyes. His chest no longer hurt, but a feeling of dread had replaced the pain. What had happened? He was about to reach for a communication device, to contact and find out what was wrong. Then he remembered. He couldn't. Fighting the tears again, he covered his face with one hand.
"You're awake," Red said from somewhere in the room. The Soldier moved into view, peering down at him with a slightly worried expression. "About time. You scared a lot of short things."
Purple groaned, loudly. "How long was I out for?" he asked, putting one hand to his forehead.
"A few hours, tops," Red answered, moving to lean boredly against the wall. "After that, you were just asleep." He frowned. "Do you know what happened?"
Should he tell? No, best not. Letting that secret out was something he never wanted to do. Just one more agony to bear in silence, one more heartache he could never let out. It didn't matter. "I don't know," he said. It was really only half a lie anyway. He honestly didn't know what had happened to Jendai. "What did I do?"
The Soldier looked uncomfortable for a few moments. His antennae flicked back and then pricked forwards. "I hit you in the chest with the bati staff," he began slowly. "After a little bit, you grabbed your chest like it hurt and passed out. You stopped breathing and the pod reactivated you…" Red was blushing badly, completely embarrassed. It was obvious he felt that he was responsible for the incident. "The med programming couldn't find anything wrong with you though…" One booted foot kicked at the ground. "They thought you died, Purple…" Red mumbled.
He kept his mouth shut. Died…? No, it couldn't be. There was no way… after so long he should have expected this. But why now? Why today? He mentally smacked himself. It had to be a fluke. Something had happened, yes, but not seeing him in the darkness had to have just been an affect of their age on the bond they shared… yes, that was it. He blindly refused to accept any other solution. This was the one reason. There could be, and was, no other way.
Fortunately for both, the intercom beeped, telling both of them someone waited for their attention. Purple pushed himself into a sitting position, attempting to look at least a little like the Tallest he was. Red kept leaning against the wall. He blatantly ignored his Tallest training, always remaining the somewhat delinquent Soldier he'd been once. After a moment, an Elite Guard stepped in, bowing low. His blue-green eyes, the most bizarre of mutations, remained focused on the floor. "My Tallest," the Guard said meekly. "The Invader Zim is waiting a transmission audience with you. He says it is of utmost importance to Tallest Purple and cannot be told to anyone but you sirs."
Red groaned loudly, not caring that the Guard heard him. "Stupid midget… just when we didn't need him…" he sighed. "Tell him to wait a few minutes. We'll be there when we can."
"Yes sir."
"I never liked him," Purple muttered, watching the Guard with the mutated eyes leave, his own eyes narrowed to slits. "He was always too uppity for his rank."
The flat statement of the truth produced a barking laugh from Red. "Which one," he laughed, jokingly. "Zim or Sen?"
"Both."
Red laughed again at his partner's growl. "Some short thing brought your armor in while you were sleeping," he said. "I'll wait for you in here." Purple glared at him. "Oh, so it's privacy you want?" Red laughed, glad of the other Tallest's sudden good mood. He ducked out of sickbay, still chuckling to himself. A few minutes went by, the sound of buckling armor from the room, before Purple emerged, a decorated Tallest once more.
The Massive's bridge was its usual chaotically organized mess of Irkens, screens and ships gliding by the viewing ports. They were currently en route to a planet that had been designated "planet of total wetness," on which the Invader had begun to lose their sanity and sent an SOS transmission requesting the immediate arrival and intervention of the Armada. On the main screen, the two Tallest could see the words, "Call Waiting" scrawled above the Irken Symbol. Red groaned louder. It was Purple's turn to chuckle as they seated themselves in the two chairs on the raised platform that surveyed the entire bridge. "We can always disconnect him if he gets too annoying," the Student said cheerfully. The decision of a fluke had greatly improved his spirits.
"So that means you'll push the disconnect button after counting to three?" Red asked, squinting one eye. Both of them snickered at that. "Put Zim on," the Soldier ordered, pointing to one of the operators.
Zim's face appeared, seated before a large console as usual. There was nothing amiss about his lab, his salute or his opening statement. What was frightening was his face. There was a fear, an almost haunted look in his Soldier-red eyes. Eyes that were swollen from long dried tears of sorrow. Rather than flicked forward in attention, his antennae had flattened themselves against his head. His hands, resting on the console before him, worried a scrap of paper as an excuse merely to do something. "My Tallest…" Zim murmured, his voice strangely soft and hoarse. "Greetings… I, I thank you for taking my call…" The Invader's eyes avoided theirs, focusing on a small square of the console.
His seemingly depressed mannerism scared the Student Tallest. Zim had never shown anything other than the usual Soldier spirit to them. What on Irk had caused this drastic change? "Zim?" Purple asked, genuinely concerned about the midget for the first time since he'd laid eyes on him. He ignored Red hissing at him to be silent. "What happened to you?"
The little Invader glanced around at the Guards and operators on the bridge, chewing his lip worriedly. Chewing his…? Something about the nervous gesture struck Purple as odd. "If it is possible, my Tallests," Zim began slowly. "I would prefer to give you this news… if you were alone. It is not meant for outside listening…"
Apparently, this statement piqued Red's interest, for he ordered all the other Irkens out of the bridge, telling the pilots to set the ship to computer piloting.
Zim watched them go, his antennae flicking up, then falling back against his head once more. He took a deep breath. "I'm…" he began, swallowing heavily to force back more tears. The Tallest stared in shock. They had never seen Zim like this. For several minutes, the Invader sat still, breathing deeply to both calm himself and regain his composure in front of them. They let him. It was the least they would do. "I'm terribly sorry, my Tallest," Zim paused again, unsure of how exactly to proceed. "but Jendai Kaalae has… died. He committed suicide this night."
"No…" he could barely recognize the soft, hissing voice as his own. Zim continued, not hearing him, telling Red which Irkens Jendai wished to notify of his passing and explaining how it was he'd come to know Jendai. "No!" Kasden Aman nearly shouted. "Mother of Irk… NO!" All strength faded, letting his head fall backwards into the headrest, his body go limp with horror. Too stunned for tears now, Kasden Aman stared in disbelief up at the ceiling. Faintly, he could hear Zim's trembling voice sign off and the screen go blank. His body, weakened from the shock, sank to the floor as he cried out once more with the hundreds of indescribable emotions racing unhindered through his mind.
"JENDAI! OH MOTHER OF IRK… NO!"
Dead…
Why was he dead? How could he die? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. Why was he dead? How could he die? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. Why was he dead? How could he die? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead…
An empty bottle of Amrinae stood on the small table. Holographs of the past littered what surface was not marred by spilt liquor or the once- elegant crystal glass. The only light flitting into the room came from the planet spinning obliviously outside the half-curtained viewport. Otherwise, all else was dark. The single shaft of light reflected painfully off of the bottle that had been completely full when it was brought into the room by a nervous Guard, bouncing into a hunched figure's swollen, half lidded, violet eyes. In his hands, a holograph was clenched, it's edges smudged with years of fingers lovingly running over its surface. The young holographic Irkens grinned, the shorter one attempting to give his taller friend an extra set of antennae with his fingers. It seemed impossible…
Why was he dead? How could he die? Why did he leave his best friend alone? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. Why was he dead? How could he die? Why would he leave his best friend alone? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. Why was he dead? How could he die? He wasn't dead, couldn't be dead…
In a single movement, the last of the Amrinae was swallowed, its crystal vessel sliding through trembling fingers to shatter on the floor. Violet orbs watched it fall, drawn to the largest shimmering fragments. So sharp… so perfect. It was so strange… feeling nothing but yourself after so long. It almost felt lonely. Too lonely. When all your life you were part of both yourself and another, how did you learn to live alone? There was one answer.
You didn't. You didn't live.
Slowly, he picked up one of the large fragments, wincing as it's sharp edge bit into his finger. It drank in his blood, pulling it out from the tip. He shrugged. This small pain meant nothing, it would soon pass in light of a bigger hurt to come. Cautiously, he raised the shard towards his throat. Yes. Yes, this was it. End it here, end it now. No more fear, no more uncertainty… No more missing your best friend. The shard pressed against his skin.
"Purple?" the soft voice came from the other side of the door. He froze. Who dared violate his moment of privacy? "Purple!" it wasn't a question this time. It was the demanding voice of the other Tallest. He still didn't reply or move. "Purple!" Now the voice was scared. That was a surprise. Fear had never been in that voice before. The door groaned as if someone were fighting to open it. "Purple!?" There was so much fear in the voice that he cringed. It wasn't right for that deep voice to sound so fearful. Without any warning, the door burst open, Red striding in, looking around wildly for him. More fear flashed in those lidded crimson eyes when they opened long enough to actually see the activities in the room. Before the other Tallest could act, Red was inches away, fighting him for the shard held tightly in his grasp. It broke into harmless bits under the strain and fell to the floor with gentle, crystalline rings.
Horrified, he watched them fall. The last way to ever make it up to his best friend, his last way to finally make amends for those appalling things that had leaked out of him mouth that black day, shattered to the floor, breaking into a thousand pieces. Such a symbol of his mind… He snarled suddenly, pushing the Soldier away. "How could you!?" Purple demanded, rising shakily to his feet. "How dare you come in here and do something like that! Do you know what that meant!?"
"It meant you were about to be stupider than I am," Red replied evenly, his antennae flicking in. He placed a hand on both of Purple's shoulders, in case the other were to fall, hit his head and die anyway. His eyes stared right through Purple, forcing the answers out of him. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Purple could only stare right back. He was unable to reply without stammering, and in Red's presence, you did not stammer. Such a thing was one of the unwritten rules of the Tallest position. He shook. Don't stammer, don't stammer, he thought. Mother of Irk… don't stammer whatever you do… Finally, he couldn't help it. His mind was too warped from the events to hold onto protocol. He sank back down into the chair, sobbing. "Mother of Irk," he choked out. "Mother of Irk…"
Confused, Red crouched down, sitting on his heels. The display of bottled emotion was new to him. Soldiers rarely saw much of it. He stayed silent, completely bewildered. "What's the matter?" he asked, trying to be tact.
The Student was sobbing so hard he was hyperventilating. His hands were pressed to his face, the tears dripping off of them as rain did. Each time a sob tore free of him, his too-slight body would shake, making him look like a vulnerable infant. Pain was in the whole of his body language, the huddled position, the flat antennae, and most of all, the tears. Of course, none of that was picked up by the Soldier. Red had been trained to fight, not interpret his partner's moods. All he knew was that Purple was upset enough to cry hysterically, and threaten to take his own life because of some other Student doing the same thing on Earth. The latter was something not even a Soldier would stand for. Glancing around, Red grabbed a pillow from its sad position under the desk where the other Tallest sat. He pried Purple's hands from his face, being none too gentle, before he shoved the pillow over the Student's mouth, forcing him to take long, slow breaths. "Calm down," Red ordered, keeping his tone evenly calm. One of them had to be sane. "Breathe." His eyes narrowed, making sure his orders were followed without any questioning. "Slowly. You need to calm down. Now."
Gradually, painfully, the sobs eased, chased away by the deep breaths formed from sucking air in through the fabric of a pillow. Purple began to visibly relax, much to the Soldier's relief. Tears still flowed freely, but that was nothing compared to how they had been coming. Still sitting comfortably on his heels, Red kept an eye on the other's unsteady progress. After a moment, he spoke. "Can you talk now?" he asked. For a moment, he wondered at how harsh he sounded. Mother of Irk, he was bad at this.
If he was as blunt as he sounded, Purple didn't seem to notice. Rather than speak, the Student Tallest nodded slightly, opening himself up to any questions Red threw at him.
"What happened?"
He told Red. Told him all he dared. How he knew Jendai, why he was so upset, who his friend was… almost everything spilled out of him. He couldn't keep it in. Couldn't bear the pain and the knowledge alone. He'd never had to before. Never been alone with things like this. Amazingly, Red listened, silently, nodding in all the right places. When he'd finished, the other Tallest sighed, rising to pace in front of him, agitated. Looking at the floor, he gave Purple all the information Zim had given him when the Student was too far-gone to hear. How Zim had come to find the mechanic, what had happened, whom Jendai wished to have told of his… decision.
Purple was silent after he'd heard. His eyes focused over on the opposite wall, not even really looking at anything. He couldn't even feel the tears start up again. Red took this as his cue to take action, do something, to get Purple out of his mood. Slowly, he reached down and pulled the light Student to his feet. "You should sleep," Red said quietly. "You'll feel better."
"I don't need it," was the slurred reply. Obviously, the affects of the alcohol were catching up with him. "No sleep…"
Red ignored him, steering him over to the bed. "Yes, you do. You will sleep, even if I have to tie you down," he joked. His old humor was something he hoped would help. It was only then that he noticed the cuts on Purple's hands. He frowned. Maybe things were worse than he'd thought they were… That thought was dismissed. He didn't have a spare moment now to dwell on such dismal things. The only thing that mattered right now was assuring both himself and the other Tallest that things were not as bleak as they appeared currently. Gently as he could, which, in fact, wasn't very mild at all, he pushed Purple down onto the violet sheets, watching with narrowed eyes to ensure that the Student was actually going to sleep.
Under the withering crimson-eyed stare, Purple had no choice. His mind was too clouded by the Amrinae and the aftershocks of a suicide. Someone was taking charge of him and he was grateful. Someone was making him get a grip on what reality he had left. He was barely conscious of his slightly bloodied hands pulling the blankets around his exhausted self. The thousands of questions he knew would never be answered haunted him, trying to keep him from the rest he knew he needed.
"I'll never know…" he murmured, feeling his eyelids shut, despite the questions.
Red blinked. "Never know what?"
He fought of the weight of his eyes for a moment. "Never know… why it happened… what on Irk made him give me all this… to… why he decided to…" The last part came so flat and so soft no one heard it. "…decided to leave me alone with this burden…"
Purple gave a soft, painful sigh before dropping off into a troubled sleep. Red watched him for a few moments, making sure everything was all right. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. This whole sympathy thing was completely new to him. Soldiers just didn't do that sort of thing. He'd never had someone he cared about as much as Purple cared about this Jendai Kaalae. Another thing Soldiers didn't do. Chewing his lip, he left, massaging his forehead with new concern.
There was a lot he had to do. So many little tasks piling up… yet, keeping Purple alive always bumped itself up to the top priority. Red frowned. There was so much he needed to get used to. Skirt swishing, he disappeared into the gloom of the corridor, making plans on how to keep himself from becoming the only Tallest Irk had to deal with.
*Sniff* One more chapter left…