A/N: Yay! This is my first ever TP fic! Yay! Feeling happy! Really wacky! I'm imaginative! Hip hip hip hip hooray! Warning: this fic is insane. It also contains a lot of appearing out of nowhere. Happy reading to all and to all a good knight!
Disclaimer! I own Minters the Very Stereotypical Pirate, Collin Medulla, Therrian of Heximentalio, and the plot, if you could call it that. My friend Tracie owns the word 'wessen'. J.K. Rowling owns Professor Trelawney. The Almighty Goddess of Writing, Tamora Pierce, owns Nealan of Queenscove, Keladry of Mindelan, Cleon of (icky) Kennan, Faleron of King's Reach, Prince Jasson of Conté, Adalia of Nond, Oranie of Wherevershesfrom, Duke Roger of Conté, Owen of Jesslaw, Veralidaine Sarrasri, Numair Salmalín, the Palace Training Courts, the Divine Realms, the Olorun River, all of Tortall, and all the fiefs I mentioned above. Oh, and Chipmunk's After-School Care owns the song that I sang in the Author's Note. Chipmunk is evil.
It was a rather attractive, snow white day near the Olorun River. A melodic voice that floated on angel wings though the Divine Realms sounded through out the Palace Training Courts.
"IT'S NOT COLD!!!" Shrieked Sir Nealan of Queenscove, at his best friend forever, Sir Keladry of Mindelan.
"YES IT IS!!!" Screamed/replied Kel.
"Shut up, both of you!" Said Veralidaine Sarrasri, the King's Wild Mage, who had suddenly appeared in Neal's elbow. "Are you afraid of a little snow, Nealy? Is Ickle-Nealykins to cold to handle the jandal?" she cackled insanely, and left his elbow.
"Ar, me maties" said a pirate, who had one real arm, a hook, one real leg, a wooden leg, one real eye, an eye patch, a large hat with a colour photograph of Owen of Jesslaw on it, and a miniature hippo on his shoulder, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "Where are me buccaneers? In me buccan 'at, o' course! Harharharharhar! Har, me maties. Har." He disappeared in a puff of highlighter pink smoke.
"I like hith thtyle," said Prince Jasson, Crown Prince Roald's brother, who had come to look for him. "Do you know where Roaldy ith? It'th time for piggyback rathing."
"Riiiiiiiiiight..." said Faleron of King's Reach, who had the most confused expression of utter bewilderment on his face. At that moment, He turned in to Adalia of Nond's fairy godmother, who only wore pink leotards and tutus. "And I'll be off on my way, pretty butterflies, wheeeeheeeheeeheee!"
"That was...interesting," said Kel, who had sprouted a living cow on her head, only she called it a 'wessen'. "I have to shave my monkey..." she said, as she proceeded to wander away.
"Look at the sky! It's a curd, it's a train, no, it's Oranie!" Yelled Cleon of Kennan, Kel's boyfriend. "Noooooooo! Not Oranie! Please no! I'm sorry, Kel," he called after her retreating back, "but you know that for the love of all the gods above, she cannot sing. No, wait, it's not Oranie, it's Duke Roger. Thank the Gods."
"It's not Duke Roger, Cleon, it's Viopinkers! No! No! Attack of the Hyper-Mental Orange and Highlighter Green Striped Wessen-Amphibians! Muaha! Muaha! Muahahahaha!" twitched Kel, who had shaved her monkey and returned to the Practice Courts.
"The Wessen-Amphibians are not a threat," said Owen (in a spiritual whisper), who seemed to have turned into Professor Trelawney and was hanging out with Fal. "If you know the way to Flow."
"Oh, well, of *course* we know the way to Flow, O Numinous Owen. How could we *not* know the way to Flow?" Neal's voice just oozed with sarcasm.
"The way to flow is quite simple, Lady Nealan," elucidated Owen, who had now turned into Numair Salmalín. "The cells in your body, with out any elaboration, ease into the terrain, so that you are parallel to the earth, and you sliiiiiiiide. Why, I remember Therrian of Heximentalio, who could Flow like the wind. At the National Tortallan Flow Competition, he made a crucial mistake concerning psittacosis¹ and nearly gave away the Gold Broadsword² to a Mr. Collin Medulla. Luckily, Mr. Medulla also made a mistake, and his Gallan Grandfather's mahogany desk only made things worse, and he lost even more points than Therrian..." He continued with a lengthy discourse on how Mr. Medulla's Grandfather was related to Daine.
"I think we should go now," whispered Neal to Kel, her 'wessen', Cleon, Daine (who had appeared again, this time in his ankle), Minters the Pirate (who had appeared along with Daine, and was residing in Cleon's oesophagus), Adalia (who had come with Daine and Minters, and was in the wessen's horn), and Viopinkers (they had discovered, while NumyNumes was talking, that the Hyper-Mental Orange and Highlighter Green Striped Wessen-Amphibians were really quite friendly). Prince Jasson magicked them into the Hall of Crowns, where they all lived mentally ever after.
"The End, me maties, The End. Ar."
¹ A disease of parrots that can be transmitted to humans
² The grand prize of the Flow Competition